“Mama…. See Kai….” Hana turned over to me as she placed her chubby fingers on my face. I smiled sadly, wondering how the hell she remembered his name. Of course I wouldn’t bring her to see Kai. I didn’t have his number or anything and I couldn’t be waiting around SM Entertainment building could I?

“No baby… We can’t see Kai…” Hana’s eyes started watering when she heard my answer and I knew anytime now she would start wailing. Sighing, I woke up and took my laptop from the bedside table and opened Youtube. “Wait Hana….” I told her when she started typing on the keyboard.

I searched fancams of Kai and hoped it would be enough for her. It had to be enough. I don’t think it was a good idea if we keep bumping into them outside. Found the fancams! Thank you hardworking fans! Hana’s eyes were fixed to the screen when Kai appeared and Hyemi smiled. Kai was amazing on stage and I wondered what it would be like to see him perform live.

It’s been at least a month since that incident and I didn’t want to think about it anymore. Seeing Ravi reminded me of the past and it hurt still. His words cut me deep and I don’t know how I could’ve move on thinking one day I would find someone who didn’t see me as a burden. Or maybe I should just let Hana grow up without a dad. She had her grandfather that should be enough.

“Hyemi” My dad’s voice sounded strange, like he was holding back his anger.

“Ne?” I looked up from the laptop and saw Ravi. In my house. In the living room. On the sofa. Why didn’t we move?! This was the first time he came round after two years. I was not expecting this. “Stay with Hana appa” I closed my bedroom door behind him and walked towards Ravi.

“Hi…” He smiled warmly, suddenly making me feel like we were still lovers.

“Wh... What are you doing here?” I tried hard not to stammer.

“I… Can I see our daughter?”

“No” I replied flatly. He wasn’t there at the beginning why was he so interested now?

“Hyemi…” He sighed, rubbing his temples. If this was another situation I would’ve hugged him right there and then.

“Please leave Ravi. We ended things way back, there isn’t any more loose ends. Please leave us alone”

“I’m warning you Hyemi. You better not get involved with Kai. Or any other guy for that matter”

“You lost the right to control me ever since you walked out that door two years back. You can’t threaten me like this. You’re an idol now. Don’t ruin your image. I stayed away for your sake. I know how much this dream means to you. So do us all a favor and never appear in front of me again”

Ravi’s head hung low as he walked out the door and heaved a huge sigh of relief. There weren’t any more feelings, I think. My only focus now was that Hana grew up happy and healthy. With or without a father.