Chapter 7
It Isn’t Fair 

Jackson didn’t answer my question. He stands there mouth ready to answer when Bambam comes over.
“Mark what are you doing here?” Bambam asks. He looks at us and backs up a little. “Oh no you’re ruining another one of my dates, aren’t you?” he says. I can’t talk I’m still suffering from the shock of knowing Jackson still loves me. I have to force the words out because Jackson’s staring at me.
“Oh no, no. Apparently Jr. and Jackson work under the same company so we just ended up here without knowing,” I tell him.
“He does?” Jackson asks.
“Yeah found out today. He’s some back up dancer,” I tell him.
“Ah. Cool.”
“Okay then why are you talking to Jackson?” Bambam asks. Jackson and I look at each other.
“Oh um I was just making sure you were safe.”
“You’re checking up on me?” Bambam asks. He sounds slightly angry.
“I-I just want to make sure you’re okay. The last time you went out with Jackson you got ice cream wasted.”
“Ice cream hangover more like it,” Jr. says as he walks over.
“Whatever!! I’m 18 now guys you have to respect that. And if I want to date someone who’s uh. How old are you?” Bambam asks Jackson.
“You don’t know his age?!” I ask loudly.
“I can’t believe you don’t know his age,” Jr. says disappointed.
“Sometimes I don’t know my age. I’m too wild and y,” Jackson says with a wink.
“I’d know his age and a lot more stuff if you guys would just stop interrupting our dates.”
“So it’s our fault?” I accuse.
“We’re always the bad guys!” Jr. shouts.
“Uh yeah,” Bambam replies as if it’s obvious.
“Wild and y Jackson Wang,” Jackson says.
“Do you know anything about him?” I ask.
“I know he’s wild and y,” Bambam says.
“Very,” Jackson agrees.
“That’s it?”
“That’s all you need to know,” Jackson replies.
“Then when you guys talk on the phone what do you talk about?!” I ask him.
“Where and when to meet up,” Bam says.
“For hours!?” I shout.
“Wow even I find that ridiculous and find very few things ridiculous.”
“What about being Wild and y?” Jackson asks. We ignore him.
“Why does it matter? If he likes me and I like him that’s the important part, right?”
“Actually being Wild and y is the important part here.”
“Bam, no,” I tell him. “Don’t you get it? You don’t like him for him. You just like him for his body.”
“Like everyone else,” Jackson says.
“Jackson please,” Jr says.
“You guys can hear me?”   
“Uh yeah.”
“Oh.”
“We were just ignoring you,” Jr. explains.
“And liking someone for their body means you just lust after each other,” I continue.
“But Mark you’re the one who said he likes me,” Bambam replies.
“Plot twist,” Jackson cackles. Jr. hi fives him and laughs too.  
“I don’t know Bam.” I look over at Jackson. “I don’t know what he likes anymore.” And with that I leave.

Later that night
“Okay scale from one to ten how bad was it?” I ask Jin. He pulls off his sweater before answering.
“Mark if I gave this anything lower than 11 I would be lying to you,” he replies.
“Jackson, what did he say? What did he do?”
“Took Bam to dinner.”
“They’re still going out?!”
“You seem shocked.”
“Because I am.”
“Why?” he asks. I look down at my feet. I tell Jin everything. But should I continue to tell him everything? 
“He still loves me,” I whisper.
“Uh what? I’m sorry I don’t think I heard you right.” I look up at him water in my eyes.
“He still loves me Jin. A-and he’s with Bam now and I still love him. And I just don’t know what to do.” I let the tears rolls down.
“Oh crap,” Jin says. He comes over and hugs me.

POV CHANGE 
Bambam

We sit around awkwardly at the table. Neither of us engaging one another in conversation. I have no idea what to say. I play with my food in no mood to eat. I should say something. Ask something.
“You and Mark seem close,” I tell him. He puts his fork down and looks at me.
“Do we?” he asks.
“You do. When I came back from the bathroom it felt like I was interrupting something. Something. . .  special.”
“It wasn’t special,” he replies.
“Okay then what about the fact before Mark left he said he doesn’t know what you like ‘anymore’. Doesn’t that mean he used to? Doesn’t that mean you have to know the person in the first place?”
He exhales loudly and turns his head to look off in the distance.
“Bambam I don’t know what to tell you right now.”
“Tell me the truth,” I urge. He looks like he’s about to say something then goes against it.
“Ask Mark.”

POV CHANGE
Mark

I sit at the table as Jr. runs around the kitchen getting breakfast ready.
“So breakfast is going to be simple today,” he tells me.
“You don’t make it look simple,” I tell him. My eyes follow him around the room. He keeps going back and forth and sometimes he looks confused.
“That’s because the ingredients in this place and I’m trying to improvise.”
“I see. Blame everything on me.” He puts a pan down and stares at me.
“Mark, are you sure you’re okay?” he asks.
“Okay? As in normal person okay? Or okay as in I think my heart’s breaking all over again and I’m trying really hard to keep it together.”
“You two need to talk,” Jr. says.
“About what? He’s with Bambam now.”
“But he’s in love with you,” he reminds me. I rub my head.
“When did things get so complicated?” I ask.
“When you bought that ring.”
“Ah and again it’s my fault.”
“Look I’m not blaming you. Honestly we all thought you guys were going to get married. We all thought Jackson was just as crazy about you as you were with him. We were all just as surprised.”
“So it’s his fault?”
“It’s no one’s fault. The question you need to ask yourself is. If the opportunity comes around when you two can be together again. Will you take it? Will you date until he’s ready for marriage and then marry him?” he asks.
“I-I don’t know,” I answer.
“Then you need to find out.” There’s a clicking sound and Bambam enters. He’s still in his suit from last night.
“Where were you last night?” Jr. asks.
“I slept over at Youngjae’s,” he replies.
“Why?” I ask. He looks at me. His lips don’t move and he stares at me with intense eyes. Before I can say anything his lips move.
“What are you to Jackson?” he asks.
“Uh-.”
“Were you two dating? Did you guys have ? Why can’t I shake off the feeling that you know each other?” he asks. I hear a clatter. Jr. just dropped something. “Don’t lie to me Mark by Jin’s expression I know I’m close to the truth.” I exchange a glance with Junior. His stunned face goes to an apologetic one.
“Bam, you might want to sit down,” I tell him.
“No. Just tell me.”
“Bam, remember that guy we were talking about in the bakery? The one who disappeared?” Jr. asks.
“Yeah. I mean barely. You guys ruined my date I was more focused on that.”
“Well that guy is Mark.” Bambam walks over to the table and sits down. 
“Okay so Mark’s the depressed guy who disappeared. Why is that important? Why did he disappear?” he asks. Jr. and I exchange a look.
“Well you asked.”
“Jackson and I have been friends for five years,” I tell him.
“And that’s it? You two are just friends?” he asks.
“Mark,” Jr. starts. I raise a hand.
“Yes, Bam we were just friends.”
“Then why? Why did you two pretend not to know each other?” 
“Because we got into a serious fight two years back and haven’t talked since. I just thought it would be better to start over.”
“Oh okay. Um I’ll just head into my room,” Bambam says gesturing to the next hallway.
“No breakfast Bam?” Jr. asks.
“Um no thanks.” He walks away and Jr. stares at me.
“I know,” I tell him.
“You lied.”
“Yeah I did.”
“Could have just told him the truth.”
“What? That we were dating and that we both still really, really like each other?”
“Last part wasn’t necessary. First part yeah. He’s going to find out Mark. They always find out.”
“Now that’s too cliche,” I smirk at him.

“Jin I have no idea what I’m supposed to do,” I tell him. “Should I leave them alone or fight for Jackson?”
“Well it’s simple Mark. Do you want him back?” he asks. I feel my heart ache with longing just thinking about getting Jackson back. I frown at him.
“Yes.”
“At all costs?”
“Not at the cost of Bambam’s happiness.” Jr. stops and thinks about it.
“Bam will get over it,” he tells me.
“JIN!”
“Hey if you made Jackson fall in love with you once you can do it again,” Jr. tells me.
“But I don’t want to fight Bambam. I don’t want to see him get hurt.”
“So you’re just going to give Jackson up? Throw everything away so Bambam, a kid. A kid who’s only lusting after Jackson and doesn’t know it yet have him??”
“When you put it that way-.”
“I’m not putting it that way. It’s always been that way. From the moment the two of them met it’s all been lust.. They were a one night stand Mark. If you didn’t help him he wouldn’t have found Jackson.”
“Yeah but if Bam didn’t try so hard I wouldn’t have found Jackson either.”
“Not the point. With you and Jackson it’s been love since the beginning and always will be love. He knows what life’s been like without you. If you win him back he won’t make the same mistake twice.”
“Jin what are you doing?” I ask him.
“I’ve known you for since we were kids, Mark. And we’ve been so close. After the whole Jackson incident the reason why I’m here more often than I’m at my house is because I want to see you happy. And I know things are a mess right now. But I saw you while you were talking to Jackson at that art gallery Mark. You may not have had a smile on your face but you actually looked happy.”
“You’re saying he makes me happy,” I tell him.
“He does. There’s no denying that he does.”
“Then what do I do Jin? What’s the first step?” He opens a beer bottle and smiles at me.
“You seduce him.”

Later

I call Jackson’s phone and patiently wait for him to answer.
“Hello?” he says.
“Jackson um hi,” I tell him.
“Hi.”
“Are you home?” I ask.
“Yes.”
“Are you alone?” He pauses. I can see him looking around.
“Yes.”
“Good. Open the door I’m outside.” The door opens in front of me and there he is. He’s as y as I remember him. A plain white t-shirt has never looked this good on any other guy. The ‘normal’ look was always amazing on him. I guess that’s why he’s a model.
“Mark,” he says. He looks me up and down. “Wow.” I on the other hand am not going for the normal look. I wear tight black pants and a V neck shirt so low when I bend over you could see my s. I smirk at him showing him some confidence.
“You and Bam aren’t exclusive yet are you?” I ask.
“We’re not,” he replies. “What’s up?” I bite my lip.
“I was just hoping we could have some fun,” I tell him.
I hop on him my legs wrap around his body and he grabs my hips. Our lips clash and he walks back into a wall.
“I missed you a lot more than I thought,” I say against his ear. He throws me on the couch and lies on top of me.
“Same here.” His voice deep and husky. It makes me want him even more-------

“We’re not,” he replies. “What’s up?” I bite my lip. I can’t believe I just dreamed all of that. I know Jackson he isn’t one to just do such things from a knock on his door.
“I was just hoping we could have some fun?” I suggest.
“Oh? Come in,” he tells me. I walk in and from force of habit I close and lock the door for him. I used to do it all the time when I came over.
“You got a makeover,” I tell him. I look around the room. The place is completely different from how I remember it. It used to be all black and white with games everywhere and a total mess. Now it’s clean with a more comfortable and cozy feel. The walls are orange and the place is actually clean. The games are replaced with paintings. “You’re really into art now.” He looks at the place himself then turns to me.
“Mark, why are you here?” he asks.
“We agreed to be friends, didn’t we? I just want to hang out with you.”
“That’s going to be hard on both of us.”
“I think that’s a risk I’m willing to take. Are you?” I bite my lip yet again. There’s something about being with him that makes me incredibly nervous.
“I don’t know Mark,” he says with a shrug.
“I was thinking we can walk down to Le Tito’s and enjoy a burrito. You used to love going there on Fridays. Do you still like going there?”
“I haven’t gone since you left,” he says.
“Oh good I haven’t either.”
“Mark, are you sure?” he asks. His eyes scream with concern.
“Yeah, yeah it’s fine.” He stares at me with disbelief. “Look Jackson, I know what I’m doing here. And I know it will hurt and I know you know that and you know me like I know myself. But I know what I’m getting myself into and honestly I just miss you so much and I just really want to be with you right now so-.” He slips his phone in his pocket and takes my hand.
“Let’s go,” he says. I smile because this is totally a Jackson Wang move.  
We walk down the sidewalk in silence my hand still holding his. I really hope he doesn’t let go. I really hope he never lets go. Walking while holding his hand makes me feel nervous all over. Butterflies flood my stomach and I can feel my heart pounding against my chest as if it wants to escape. I feel a warm fuzzy feeling surround my body and I wonder if he feels the same.
“So over there,” he says pointing across from me. “They tore down the music place for a frozen yogurt place.” Suddenly mentioning the past filled me up with the past. It’s like we’re dating again and going on a lovely stroll. Like we never broke up. I suddenly feel comfortable and happy.
“Aw Jacks, we loved that place,” I tell him.
“Actually Mork we loved messing with the manager and making him angry.”
“That’s what I meant.” I laugh.
“Oh remember the couple who owned that hideous garden in the park?”
“Ah yes? We used to step on their ‘babies’ every time they grew.”
“They finally moved. I think they fled the country,” he tells me.
“No way!”
“Yeah they stopped by before they left and said ‘it’s spring again and I just can’t stand to see you and your boyfriend kill another one so goodbye.’ And with that they left.”
“Gosh we were such rebels. I’m surprised you stayed here. Everyone from  two years ago must hate you.”
“Well almost everyone from two years ago left. Including you.” He lets go of my hand and I look down at my now empty hand.
“Gaga-.” He stops walking and stands in front of me.
“Maybe it’s for the best. But I think we should um take things slow. No old nicknames, no holding hands, okay?”
“Okay.” I nod even though I don’t agree. “I’m very happy that you agreed to come out,” I tell him.
“I’m glad you stopped by.” 
We get to the burrito place and order the same things we used to. We even sit in our old seats. On the patio under the suspicious lime tree. It was always suspicious because we were told it grew limes even though the ‘limes’ looked like an unknown fruit.
“Piggy doesn’t work here anymore. That’s upsetting,” I tell Jackson.
“Piggy couldn’t work here forever, you know,” Jackson says.
“True. Any idea what he’s up to now?”
“His dad lives right next to me now. Said something about him being in college.”
“Piggy!? In college?”
“Piggy’s in college,” Jackson says nodding his head.
“What about Miss Lu?”
“Gone.”
“Ah her too?”
“Yup. Only person who didn’t move. . .  besides me of course. Is old Miss Dolly.”
“Gosh the people in this neighborhood’s names are so weird.”
“Didn’t pay much attention to it back then,” he says.
“That’s because we were young and too in love back then to care.” He puts his burrito down and sits up straight.
“Mark?”
“Hmm?” I follow suit and place my burrito down.
“Why exactly are you really here? I buy the fact that you miss me. But a casual meeting doesn’t sound like you.”
“People change, remember?” He gives me a serious look.
“I know you Mark.”
“I sort of kinda want to get back together,” I shrug.
“You what?!” He suddenly stands up in shock.
“I know, I know it sounds crazy. But that night you said you still love me and we both know I still love you and-.”
“You told me not to hurt Bambam. How can I not hurt him if I get back together with you?”
“You’re hurting him already.”

Departing from Jackson was very awkward. I should have expected that. An awkward silence followed my last sentence and eventually Jackson just left. Hanging out again is going to be very hard next time. I get home and Jr.’s in the kitchen cooking away.
“So how did it go?” he asks me.
“Horribly,” I tell him. I sit at the table and frown.
“I guess I should make soup,” he says.
“I’m not hungry. We went out to eat.”
“Where?”
“A place in our old neighborhood.”
“Oh Mark you didn’t,” he sighs. I look up at him.
“I did,” I tell him. “I mean Jr. it was great it felt just like old times again and everything was fine. But he was on to me and he asked and I said I wanted to get back together then he mentioned Bam and left.”
“Seriously Mark! Do I need to stalk your conversations or something?? Get a little ear piece and tell you what to say?” he asks.
“Uh no?”
“Then don’t tell him the truth.”
“A bit late.”
“I realize that. You didn’t happen to ask for JB’s number did you? I really want to see his face.”
“Why?”
“No reason.”
“I’m going out,” Bambam says as he heads for the door.
“Where are you going?” I ask. He looks at me annoyed. He tugs on his clip on earring to fix it.
“To Jackson’s,” he answers.
“Does he know you’re coming over?” Jr. asks.
“No,” Bam replies with a shrug. Jr. and I look at each other. Bambam hurries over.
“What did you do?” he asks.
“How can you just assume I did something?” I ask.
“You two always look at each other when you do something!” Bambam yells.
“Well we’re telling him the truth now, right?” Jr. asks.
“I just went to see him for lunch,” I tell him.
“And?”
“And we talked. Nothing much or at all.” Bambam looks from me to Jr.
“Whatever. Bye.”
“Are you coming home for dinner?” I ask behind him. He turns and smirks at me.
“Don’t know. I might not come home at all.” He slams the door behind him.
“What are we going to do about him Jin?” I ask.
“Are you worried about him or Jackson?” he asks as he eyes me.
“I’m not sure.”

POV CHANGE

Bambam

I knock on Jackson’s door and he answers it. I smile at him but he looks far from happy.
“What brings you here?” he asks his arms folded across his chest.
“I wanted to see you,” I tell him. I press my lips to the end of his not giving him a complete kiss. “You okay?” I ask. 
“Uh fine.” I make my way into his place and take a seat in his couch.
“Wanna go out? I’m hungry,” I tell him.
“Um actually Bam I’m not in the mood for leaving home today,” he says. I turn and look at him. I sit on my knees.
“You don’t seem okay.” He comes closer.
“I’ll be fine. I’m sorry but I need to think.” I wrap my arms around his neck.
“You can think with me here, can’t you?” I ask. I give him an actual kiss this time.
“Bambam, what are we?” he asks.
“Huh?”
“Relationship wise. Are we dating? Just hanging out? What?”
“As of right now we’re casually dating.” He nods.
“So if I find someone  else to date-?”
“- I’d have to leave.” I narrow my eyes at him. “Did Mark do something today?” He nods. He takes my hands and holds them tight.
“If I went back to Mark. And I’m not saying I will. I’m only asking. Would it hurt you?” I look him right in the eyes and grip his hands even tighter. I can feel my heart panging against my chest. It already hurts just thinking about us ending our relationship.
“Jackson, it would kill me.”