WAKE UP PIG UNNIE!!!

At 7.30am, you wake up to the familiar screech of your alarm tone. Thanks to Yeoreum*, you’re able to wake up on time everyday. Today is special though, because today’s your birthday. Your 23rd (Korean age) birthday. Though they say that once you pass 20 years old, you start to detest seeing the number of candles on your cake, your enthusiasm has never changed. You look at your Twitter and Instagram account flooded with congratulatory messages from friends and yes, fans. Perks of having burgundy-coloured hair; you’re eye-catching. You check your Line, and you see messages from your parents, sister, the dancers, and some of the YG-artistes you’re close with, including Seunghoon.

훈이*: Happy Birthday! You’re finally 23 years old! Since today’s your birthday, lunch is on you, I’ll eat it well *bows*

You: Who said anything about buying you lunch? You punk!

훈이: I want to eat ramyeon (He typed this in a cute childlike way, I can’t show it in English)

You: Ah fine. Find me at the practice room at 1pm.

훈이: Yay I’m getting ramyeon! Free ramyeon!

You: Shut up!

Lunch with Hoon? You think today would be a really good day. You started thanking God that WINNER’s currently not promoting nor having a comeback. Thing is, you’re a freethinker. You started replying to everyone’s messages when you received another message from Yeonah*.

Yeonah: Unnie happy birthday! You’re awake right? Go to the practice room after breakfast! I made breakfast for you, can you taste my love?~
You: Thank you ^.^ Okay I’ll go there right after breakfast!

Wait what. You look around and realise everyone’s gone. They must be planning a surprise party, you think. You quickly brushed your teeth, washed up and inhaled your breakfast of seaweed soup with clams and salmon, rice and kimchi. Just then, your parents called you. Your parents exclaimed:” Happy birthday, our daughter!” “ How’s life? You’re taking good care of yourself right?” Your mother asked. It feels good to hear the familiar satoori again. You too, switched back from your Seoul accent to speak in Satoori. “Of course, don’t worry! Look look the dancers made me seaweed soup*!” You let out a burp as proof. “That’s good!” Your father beamed. “Hey, dye your hair purple next! It looks good!” You laughed at your father’s enthusiasm. “Dad I’ll dye it in all colours of the rainbow!” “That’s good too,” your mother chuckled. “You’ve got to go practice right? We’ll hang up now. Don’t worry about us, we’re doing great. Yeoreum’s at school now. She’s fine but she only scored 60% on her recent Maths test, aigo.” You can picture your father shook his head disapprovingly. “I’m sure she’ll do well at the end of the year, don’t worry! I need to go, I’ll hang up now! Bye~” You wait for your parents to hang up first before you do. You then grabbed your bag and left (without doing the dishes).

WHAT IS THIS!? The members took the car. Argh seriously, on my birthday I have to squeeze with others on the bus… You decide to forgive them anyways, since they’re planning a surprise party for you. With a sigh, you pull your raccoon hoodie above your head and walk to the bus stop.

...You really have no words for what you just saw in the practice room. The empty practice room, with no one to be seen. A neon pink note on the door knob says “Sorry unnie, we got called to practice by the WINNER oppas >.< they said you don’t need to come since you finished learning the choreography from Seunghoon oppa yesterday. Find us at the lounge area at 12pm instead, kekeke… -From Yeonah who loves you” Great, now what do I do? You look at the clock. It’s 9.33am! Looks like you’ll have to wait for 3 hours. What do you do? Obviously, you decide to practice your dance. You took off your hoodie, revealing a grey coloured tank. You did some stretching and started dancing while playing the music with your phone. You monitored your dance moves in the mirror, making sure the moves are fluid. After 2 hours, you went to bathe. You brought a peach-coloured skirt to change into, but honestly you’re not sure if you should wear it. Other than stage outfits, you don’t actually wear skirts often. You also feel awkward at the thought of wearing a skirt in front on Seunghoon. In the end, you decide against it, changing into a pair of cuffed boyfriend jeans and a white muscle tank. You put on some eyeliner and lip balm and it’s 11.58am. You pack up and made your way to the lounge area.

You gingerly open the lounge area door, afraid of confetti poppers. Why are the lights off, have they not arrived? Maybe they’re surprising me? You gleefully turn on the lights, only to be greeted by a horrendous sight, straight out of your childhood nightmare.

Clowns... You hated clowns for as long as you can imagine. You hate the sight of them since a horrid encounter with a clown at a carnival at a tender age. Every single thing about clowns unnerved you. Their faces, their smiles, their actions… You can’t even think straight. You let a gasp escape your mouth before you start screaming, pressing yourself against the door. You don’t know what to do, you don’t know what you’re doing. All you see are the hideous red grins plastered on the faces of the clowns. They are approaching you. Fear and panic is engulfing you, and you feel as if something if clawing at your insides. You just want to run away, but you can’t, you can’t stand up. Your trembling hands grab the door knob, but you seem to have forgotten how to open the door. The clowns aren’t stopping, they’re picking up speed. One is touching you, and you try to push him away. It’s no use, they’re coming for you, you can’t fend them off. You don’t even have the strength to scream anymore, as you huddle against the door, as if waiting for your impending doom. “It’s me, Younghyun. Me.” The clown touching you speaks, you hear panic in his voice. Her voice, actually. Younghyun unnie? With every ounce of whatever meagre amount of courage you have, you bring yourself to look up at the grotesque face, trying to dig beyond the horrendous make-up. It’s Younghyun. You stop flailing around, while she hugs you tightly. The other clowns must be the other dancers, you think, your logical side trying to get a hold of you. You feel a wave of relief rush through you, but still you can’t shake away the fear as you continue sobbing, your whole body trembling.

You can’t hear anything as you buried your head in your knees and sobbed, while the dancers kept asking you to stop crying while apologising. You feel like you’re in a nightmare. Then, you felt someone’s hand on your shoulder, hugging you close. “It’s alright, it’s alright…” That familiar soothing voice is all you needed to hear. Seunghoon’s hand moved to place your head on his shoulder, while you continued shedding tears. You stay in this position for a long time, and finally the tears stopped flowing. “I’ll send her home, noona, you guys should go practice, the members are waiting.” Seunghoon told Younghyun. Some of the dancers were also crying, but they followed her out of the lounge area. “Can you stand up? I’ll bring you home.” He wiped your tear-stained cheeks. You hear the panic in his voice as he slowly supports you up and out of the lounge area.

“How did you know I’m in the lounge area?” You ask in the car. “I saw the note in the practice room and went there.” He looked into your eyes. “Gyeowool-ah, are you okay now?” You nod in response. You caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. Thank goodness you’re wearing waterproof eyeliner. Your eyes are swollen though, from crying. You’re exhausted and just want to rest, but you’re afraid that the terrifying ordeal just now might haunt you.

The dancers’ dorm is not far from YGE building, and soon you’ve reached. Seunghoon grabs your bag in one hand and supports you with his arm. You’re actually happy at the skinship though half an hour ago you were wailing as if the world has collapsed. You unlock the door and he helps you to your room. You sit on your bed while he sits on your chair. “What, aren’t you gonna sleep?” he asked. “I’m not that tired.” You reply. “I’m older than you, Han Gyeowool! Lie down and sleep.” "By like what, 9 months?" But you let out a sigh complied, and he covers you with your blanket.

You're afraid to be alone now. You’re afraid of nightmares. You feel like a child again, afraid of the dark, afraid of the world, afraid of — clowns. You want to ask him not to leave, to stay with you, to offer you some warmth in the cold darkness. But he isn't leaving even though you hadn't told him not to. Because he knows you're afraid. Being the dense block of wood you are, you wonder why. But you know he's here, so you shut your eyes.

"Gyeowool-ah" he spoke softly, wanting to know if you're asleep, but not wanting to disturb you if you were already in Dreamland. "Wae?" You asked, opening your eyes. "Happy birthday." He smiled, which made your insides turn mushy and your soul threaten to leave your body. "Thank you, Hoon." You gave him an equally warm smile as he lightly ruffled your burgundy-coloured hair.

You open your eyes again, wanting to ask him not to leave you alone while you’re asleep, and he says "I won't leave till the dancers are back so just sleep." Damn why does he know you so well? But why doesn’t he know your heart, even though he knows you so well?

Truth is, you can’t sleep, not while he’s here. You think back to the time, during WIN, the day of the final battle. You were backstage, cheering him on, watching his performance. You felt his pain as you cried along with him. Backstage, you welcomed him with open arms as he sobbed, and you remember how you also pushed his head onto your shoulder. You remember how you told him he could always cry on your shoulder. The pain you felt, watching the man you so treasured, wail like a baby, it broke your heart. Did he feel the same way, when he saw you cry today?

You hear the front door opening and Yeonah whispering. They’re home. Why’d you guys come home so early ㅠㅠ, you thought. You pretended to be asleep while Seunghoon left the room. Maybe today isn’t so bad, you thought.

*Yeoreum is the name of Gyeowool’s younger sister

*훈이 reads Hoon-ie
*Yeonah is another back-up dancer, your roommate

^Isn't he cute?