A/N:  53 subscribers!!!!!! Thank you all!!!! Luckily i finshed this chapter within this week so there you have an update and the next one will be Hakyeon's POV again and I promise to have that one up within a week as well :) I hope you all like this chapter too oh and from now on I'll be writing in third person not in first idk i just find it easier and it sounds nicer to me although Hakyeon's individual thoughts are in italics.

A special Thanks to: -  specialone -    for the upvote! I really appreciate it!

I wanted to say that some of the titles of my chapters come from Taekwoon's song request on one of the VIXX TV episodes the one where they did the spring shoot and they played the song at the end and omw it's so pretty and the lyrics work for my titles somewhat haha but anyway go listen to it if you haven't it's really pretty

Clazziquai - Hold your tears    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQoHv3Nq2Bc

Enjoy (^_^)

Hakyeon’s POV:

Hakyeon dropped his bag on the shining wood floors, the familiar light and airiness of the room, relaxing him. He felt like he could breathe here, like he could just slump his shoulders and let go of any pretences, of any fake smiles. It was relieving this feeling and Hakyeon welcomed the buzz that flowed through his body the instant he turned the music on and closed his eyes. He could almost immediately feel the stress roll off his shoulders and the empowering feeling of not caring what others thought of him or anything else in his life grow in his veins, it felt good.

Taekwoon…the inevitable thought crept into his mind even when he was in this state of complete release of all his other thoughts. A sad sigh left his lips as he swayed his body from side to side, the music filling his ears. What was he supposed to do about all this? Taekwoon kept pushing him away, they hardly talked and Hakyeon had stopped trying to fill the silences whenever they walked to classes together or sat in the field of trees overlooking the campus, a place they had shared so many memories and intimate talks together…now it was only small talk and silence and he found them sitting there less often than not. But maybe that was Hakyeon’s own fault? He had been avoiding Taekwoon anyway. He was getting tired of the silences between them, of Taekwoon not even bothering to ask if there was something wrong. No, he didn’t even notice. Why would he?

Hakyeon’s feet were gliding over the floor, taking him into twists and turns, his own body simply following where his feet took him. His arms were curling around himself, the lonely words of the song echoing through his dance.

Things had been so different before. Taekwoon had taken interest in him, had almost been mesmerized by Hakyeon’s exuberant personality and bright smiles, even when things had taken a bad turn in his life he was somehow positive in a way, trying to always see the best in every situation. Taekwoon had always stuck by his side, his protector, his anchor to which he knew he could always return to. Things had always been so comfortable, so effortless and in Hakyeon’s mind he had built this future in which Taekwoon would be there forever.

He never even thought Taekwoon would change, would grow different. They had grown up together, both matured, the different stages in their lives only bringing them closer, but now…now Hakyeon didn’t know what had become of them.

He wanted to keep things as they were, wanted to be in this perfect bliss of happiness with Taekwoon even if all the other things in his life was going bad. He kept trying and trying to keep things the same, to hold on to the boy, man, he had known for so long, but you could only keep trying for so long. Eventually if the other person wouldn’t respond, wouldn’t show any effort on their side, Hakyeon would give up, would accept that he Taekwoon really didn’t care anymore.

Hakyeon had at first feared that Taekwoon had found out about his feelings for the other, had somehow seen the longing glances or that Hakyeon didn’t hide his shy smiles or blushes so well as he thought he had, but Taekwoon made no indication that he knew, nothing seemed wrong or awkward between them for him, he only looked…bored.

Hakyeon was hurt, terribly so. What had he done that his friend of so long didn’t care for him anymore? Had he been too overbearing and clingy? Taekwoon had always tolerated it before and Hakyeon remembers clearly when Taekwoon had even said that it was cute and that he knew Hakyeon did it to show he cared. It was true, it was his way of showing the other he was always there for him just like Taekwoon had been for him, so that Taekwoon knew he could come to the other for whatever reason and he would welcome him with open arms. Still tit bothered Hakyeon so much that the other suddenly started to push him away when he had never done so before. And now Hakyeon wasn’t even trying to touch the other, take the other’s arm as they walked or hug Taekwoon randomly when he felt a sudden burst of love or care towards the other. He had done surprisingly well for the past two or three years to keep his feelings at bay. Somehow it wasn’t that difficult for him. Taekwoon had always been essentially his minus all the physical extras you got along with a relationship but Hakyeon could save the loneliness or pent up frustration out whenever he was alone and when it was the next day he could look at Taekwoon with a bright smile once again, no lingering worries or emotions on his mind, he could simply enjoy the other’s company.

The only time it had ever become so hard, that he had to pull his hands away from Taekwoon, force himself to not indulge in the touches, was when Taekwoon had had a little but too much wine one night. They were sitting in the field as always and were simply talking, about anything and everything. They had brought two bottles of wine with them, celebrating the end of their exams and now they were looking up at the stars, enjoying the buzz that sang through their veins. Taekwoon was staring at him and Hakyeon had to gulp, trying to force his eyes to break the piercing gaze and look away. Taekwoon had such pretty eyes, they appeared dark but when the light caught them just so you could see the golden touch they had to them. The pretty eyes wouldn’t look away and a lazy smile was adorning Taekwoon’s plush lips. It was y and he looked so, so good with his hair sticking up here and there and the first two buttons of his shirt open, a result of the heat and the flush of wine. Hakyeon’s eyes trailed down the pale neck and to the little bit of collarbone sticking out from beneath the collar of his shirt. Hakyeon wanted to kiss the smile of his face, wanted to bite into the skin of his neck and wanted to a hickey onto his collarbones. Hakyeon felt himself drift in, lips so close to Taekwoon’s, the other’s warm breath on his face. Taekwoon’s eyes were widened, half amused, half surprised. He was waiting, not pulling away from Hakyoen, yet not closing the distance either and the instance Hakyeon blinked, breaking their heated stare, Taekwoon ducked his head shyly, a chuckle escaping his lips. He sounded breathless though and Hakyeon was left confused, brow furrowed as he moved back. He had no idea what to think of what had just happened, but Taekwoon was turning to him once again and was back to staring at him. Taekwoon sighed, reaching out a hand to through Hakyeon’s hair.

“You look beautiful under the moonlight.”, he said and Hakyeon was shocked, another chuckle escaping Taekwoon’s lips, probably at Hakyeon’s wide eyes and he leant in wrapping his arms around Hakyeon and leaning them back against the grass, resting his head on Hakyeon’s chest, legs tangling together. Hakyeon was taken aback, hands hesitating before they wrapped around Taekwoon’s body and pulled him tighter against him. The pounding in his ears threatened to drown out the steady breaths above him and he had to swallow down the nerves sparking through his body.

It wasn’t the first time they lied like this, they’d often fallen asleep together in each other’s arms and especially when they had had something to drink the touches would come more freely from Taekwoon and Hakyeon both, yet this was the first time they had almost kissed.

And also the last time something similar to that had happened. Hakyeon was brought back to reality when the song changed and the upbeat lyrics made him frown, not really fitting in with his reminisce. Taekwoon had never mentioned something about that night, but then Hakyeon hadn’t expected him too. It wasn’t necessary really, since they both knew things like that was bound to happen if they drank. Hakyeon didn’t want to forget it though, he clung to the memory and felt warmth settle in his stomach when he thought about how warm and adoring Taekwoon’s eyes looked that night. Still it was only a memory. Not reality, not anymore anyway. Taekwoon had clearly changed, moved on maybe. Didn’t need Hakyeon as much anymore and although Hakyeon wanted to cling to all that they were, wanted to fix things and make it like it was before, maybe it was time to move on, like Taekwoon had done.

Hakyeon was interrupted with the door to the studio opening and he had prepared a warning that he was busy but the words died on his lips when he saw who it was. Taekwoon was standing in the doorway, looking quite out of place and lost. When will I stop thinking of how adorable he is? Hakyeon immediately pushed back his previous thoughts and any surprise that may have been written on his face, hands clasping behind his back as he took two steps forward toward Taekwoon.

“What are you doing here?”, he inquired, face meticulously blank, indifferent.

“I was looking for you.” , came Taekwoon’s soft-voiced answer and Hakyeon felt himself sigh. Now he was looking for him, when he particularly didn’t want Taekwoon to find him. The dance studio was his sanctuary, the place he had no reason to hide anything from, but now that Taekwoon had found it, it almost felt like that was ruined, like the other had found his emotions and secrets by just being here.

“Why?”, Hakyeon asked, voice still light and indifferent.

Taekwoon frowned as if the question confused him, made no sense. Hakyeon fought down the urge to tell the other how cute he looked, but the thought and words turned bitter his mouth. , who am I kidding when will I stop denying my feelings for him?

Hakyeon was wringing his hands together as he waited for Taekwoon to word his thoughts. Years of knowing him had given Hakyeon the knowledge and patience to wait for the other to voice his words, he always analyzed carefully over every single thought he had before he could say them. Hakyeon was the opposite, always speaking his mind. There was no thought when he spoke freely. Well, that’s not entirely true anymore, I don’t seem to speak my mind around Taekwoon for the past two years.

“I…Hakyeon, is there something wrong?”, Taekwoon was looking straight at him now, eyes no longer trained on the hardwood floor. It was unnerving, those eyes. Hakyeon felt , like Taekwoon could see straight through him and notice the burn of tears behind his eyes. Hakyeon turned abruptly, a shaky breath escaping his lips and he walked towards the glass window and looked over the campus. It was raining again. Hakyeon placed his hand on the window, palm flat against the cold glass as he watched the droplets slide down the smooth surface.  

“No, why would there be?”, he answered refusing to turn back and look into those eyes.

He could hear and sense Taekwoon step closer and he flinched when he heard the caring voice considerably closer this time. Kind, caring, why did he sound like that now?

“It…”, Taekwoon cleared his throat and took a breath, “it feels as though you’re avoiding me.”

Hakyeon almost wanted to scoff and he had to catch himself not to, his fingers dragged down the glass until he lowered his hand back to his side. “Why would I be avoiding you?”, he countered, voice a bit cold. He knew talking in circles frustrated Taekwoon and he half expected the other to grab him by the shoulders and turn him around to finally face him, yet he only stepped up next to Hakyeon and sighed, leaning his forehead against the glass and closing his eyes.

Hakyeon took the time to study his features now that the piercing eyes weren’t on him. He looked a little tired, a worried frown still on his forehead and Hakyeon wondered what was going through his head right now. His ears and nose were still red-bitten from the cold outside and Hakyoen wanted to reach out and rub them warm. He sighed, he’d had enough of always restraining himself, of always keeping himself in check and thinking about things rather than doing them carelessly and freely with Taekwoon like he used too. Things had always been easier back then, he had only made things complicated for himself. Now he couldn’t have Taekwoon like he had had him over all the years, he missed the closeness whether it was with touch or mind. Of course he had to watch what left his mouth as well since then.

Taekwoon opened his eyes and raised his head to watch Hakyeon curiously and Hakyeon could hold the stare now, his emotions swallowed down a bit. He stared back, feeling as if Taekwoon was searching for something in his eyes. They stayed in silence for a while until Taekwoon broke the gaze and looked around him, taking in the empty studio. Hakyeon followed his gaze and waited patiently for him to say something.

“I want to watch you dance.”

Hakyeon’s eyes widened in shock at the request.

“I haven’t seen you dance in years.”

Hakyeon opened his mouth only to close it again. He watched Taekwoon sit down on the floor, legs crossed and blinking at him patiently.

It took Hakyeon a while to start moving. He took slow steps to the various set up media equipment and flicked through the songs. He couldn’t show Taekwoon the one he’d been working on for the past two months because it basically conveyed how Hakyeon felt, felt about Taekwoon specifically and even if he wasn’t sure if the other would even realize the sad, torn movements of the dance the music would certainly give it away so there was no way.  Instead he chose a random contempary dance he had come up with strangely enough on a rainy day like this. The dance was sombre, not too sad at least.

The music started to play and Hakyeon felt exposed again, he carefully avoided Taekwoon’s eyes as he stepped to the centre of the floor and got into the huddled position he began the dance with.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes before the correct beat began and he started to dance. It was easier this way, not having to look at Taekwoon while dancing. It was something with which he bared all his emotions and once again if felt like the other would see through it all, would expose him of all his secrets.

Hakyeon let the music take him over, like he always did when he danced. There was no need to think here, only feel and Hakyeon loved it. All he ever did was think, think about everything over and over again, worry, think of any possible scenario and it was exhausting. Now though he could let his mind stay blank, let the rhythm simply take his body where it wanted and it was bliss. Bliss to simply feel without thinking or worrying.

Hakyeon felt a relieved sigh leave his lips when he had finished, chest heaving as he held the position, back arching and arms stretched out, once beneath himself to hold him up and the other reaching out to the ceiling. Finally relaxing and gracefully turning in on himself and sitting down, mirroring Taekwoon’s cross legged position as he stared back at the other, waiting for a reaction.

Taekwoon had a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips and Hakyeon wondered how long ago he had seen that smile directed at him.

“You look happy when you dance.”, he finally murmured, eyes holding Hakyeon’s.

Hakyeon’s eyebrows rose and he sat back, arms supporting his weight behind him. “It’s not really a happy dance.”

“The music maybe not, but you, you always look happy when you dance even if it’s supposed to be sad.”

Not always. Not when I’m dancing because of you.

“And when I’m not dancing? Do I still look happy then?”, Hakyeon asked, watching the other carefully.

Taekwoon seemed surprised at the question and his eyebrows furrowed in worry. “Why, are you not?”

Hakyeon sighed. And now he seems to worry as if he hadn’t been cold towards me for so long. How could he so oblivious to not even notice I was getting quieter around him, that I was barely even trying to talk to him? How do you get someone so stupid? He’s known me for so long yet he can’t even tell when something is wrong. Another sigh.  And now he shows concern…he’s messing with my heart so much and he doesn’t even know it.

“No, no”, Hakyeon denied, and wondered if Taekwoon would even notice the hesitation in his words and the guardedness in his eyes. “I’m just wondering how it looks from other people’s perspectives.”

Taekwoon’s frown didn’t lessen and it was starting to annoy Hakyeon. “You’re always smiling, Hakyeon. Of course you look happy to others, you never look down.”

Ah, of course. When one smiled and looked happy around others they think you’re always like that, always smiling, always positive, never having worries or crying at night. No one ever thinks that you’re maybe just pretending that everything’s alright, that you’re actually hurting. At least it wouldn’t be that bad if no one else noticed, but you knew your best friend could tell, could realize that something was bothering you. Then it wouldn’t matter what other’s thought.

“Hmm.”, Hakyeon hummed in response and Taekwoon’s eyes watched him quizzically and Hakyeon only shook his head.

He leant forward, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Taekwoon scooted closer, handing the water bottle to Hakyeon and the dancer couldn’t help the smile that formed on his lips. Despite all that, I still love this idiot. And even his simple courtesy makes me smile.

Hakyeon took the water bottle from the pale hand and sipped as he watched the other. He could already feel the leftover bitterness and anger at the other dissipate with the small, cute smile Taekwoon gave him. Instead there only remained the familiar love and comfort of the other’s presence and Hakyeon could feel the emotion fill him. I’ve missed him so much. Just talking, just having him here with me. I’ve missed my friend.

Putting the bottle aside and feeling the familiar wide grin that felt like himself, spread over his lips, he blinked up at the other and resting his head in his hands again, shuffling closer to the other so their knees were touching.

“So, Taekwoonie, how have you been?”, Hakyeon asked, his usual brightness back in his voice and Taekwoon’s familiar shy blush at the nickname making the other’s heart swell with hope.