A/N: Eeeeaaaapppp! already 38 subscribers??!! you people are awesome haha I'm not sure how often I'll update maybe like once a week or if i'm really busy in once every two weeks I'm just warning you all. I'll be making each chapter through someone's POV this one is Jaehwan and the next is Hakyeon's but I'll see how the rest go XD other than that please enjoy! And once again thank you to all the viewers and subscribers!! (^_^)

Jaehwan P.O.V:

I sighed at I watched my two hyungs walk along the pathway to the university door. Hakyeon was huddled close to Taekwoon’s side as they trudged through the snow, probably taking cover from the cold, he was smaller and thinner after all. Taekwoon’s long coat billowed out behind him and you could just catch that he had his hands in his pockets as he walked.

From the outside it might have looked like two close friends walking together or even a couple that were huddled close to escape the cold as they made their way to the university, but when you looked closely, or maybe knew them like I did, you could see that all wasn’t as it seemed.

You could see Taekwoon’s faint scowl present on his forehead as Hakyeon tried to take his arm into his. You could see how Taekwoon tried to shrug him off. Hakyeon pouted from the loss of contact but it didn’t look like Taekwoon worried much and walked on, leaving Hakyeon behind. While Taekwoon’s gaze was off his, Hakyeon let his playful mask fall and even from the distance I was standing away you could clearly see the hurt in his face. His eyes trailed down and a little hitch made its way to his forehead, his lips tugging down unhappily. Yet it was only there for a moment before Hakyeon raised his head and ran after Taekwoon catching up the distance he had left. “Wait Taek!”, you could hear Hakyeon call out before he made it to the other’s side. I watched on sadly as Hakyeon attempted to reach out, take the other’s arm again or snuggle to his side before he stopped and let his hand drop behind Taekwoon and rather decided to just silently fall in next to the other as they walked the last few steps before the small cement steps. With another sigh I shrugged myself off the tree I had been standing against and followed their footsteps walking to the door until I was inside.

It wasn’t always like this. Taekwoon getting so easily annoyed at Hakyeon, Hakyeon hesitating to reach out to Taekwoon in the first place. It was the opposite really. Hakyeon would cling to Taekwoon like his life depended on it, Taekwoon wouldn’t exactly respond being the shy introverted guy he was, not easily showing his emotions even if it were for his best friend of more than ten years, yet he would never push Hakyeon away. While Hakyeon was loud and sometimes overbearing, always moving, talking with so much energy, Taekwoon was the opposite. The strong, silent type you could say. He would only show how much Hakyeon really meant to him when it needed be, in times when they were alone and when Hakyeon really needed him. He was always there for Hakyeon, through all the years, through all the important milestones in life and through hardships as well. Both were turning twenty this year, but Hakyeon had gone through things that most twenty year olds had not. Never had I seen Taewkoon show more emotion than at Hakyeon’s parent’s funeral. Hakyeon had been in tears, Taekwoon holding him tightly, Hakyeon sobbing over and over again that Taekwoon should just stay by his side, he couldn’t leave Hakyeon as well. It was so heartwarming watching from the side as Taekwoon said and did all the things he never usually did. “I love you.”, “I won’t leave you.”, “I’ll always be here for you, Hakyeon.”. Taekwoon stayed wilfully by his side from that day on, taking care of Hakyeon, always worrying about Hakyeon. That had been four years ago, yet now…that beautiful memory seemed far away. Now Hakyeon felt like he was simply a burden to Taekwoon and it looked like Taekwoon only stayed because he had to, he felt responsible to, because he had promised. It was sad watching your friends drift apart. Or at least Taekwoon drift apart, while Hakyeon tried to desperately clutch onto something that was slipping away.

Of course it wasn’t only their friendship. Naturally along the years Hakyeon’s feelings had developed into something more. He loved Taekwoon dearly, but it wasn’t only as his friend, as his only kind of family left after his parent’s had died, he was in love with Taekwoon and although Taekwoon was blind to seeing this, it was as clear as daylight to me. Hakyeon knew I knew. Second to Taekwoon I was Hakyeon’s other good friend that he had made through high school and coincidently we went to the same university. In times when he was lonely and needed someone to talk to that wasn’t Taekwoon, or needed to talk about Taekwoon, Hakyeon confided in me, his dorm roommate. We had become close and although I talked more to Hakyeon, I had gotten to know Taekwoon fairly good as well. He didn’t mean bad, he was just strikingly oblivious to all things around him and it became obvious to me how he had not seen through Hakyeon right from the start, had figured out his feelings for him. I had thought at first I could just cut all the crap and tell Taekwoon already how Hakyeon felt, but seeing how things between them were now changed my mindset. Knowing of their past also changed things drastically. How could I know Taekwoon really felt for Hakyeon like Hakyeon did for him? It wasn’t my place to meddle anyway.

But I didn’t want to see my friend go thought the pain of being pushed away from the person he thought he could trust most in the world, seeing him pretend that everything was always alright, that he never cried or needed to tell Taekwoon if he felt sad or lonely, because then Taekwoon would just have to take care of him again. Hakyeon hated feeling like a burden.

It didn’t always look bad though, sometimes you could still see the deep bond of friendship that ran between the two when Hakyeon made a silly joke or was just naturally being his exuberant self and Taekwoon would smile or laugh, a rare sight, something that only Hakyeon knew how to initiate that well. They were still always together despite how things looked shaky to me. The point of it was even if Taekwoon felt burdened he would never leave and Hakyeon would always be the closest person Taekwoon had ever known, the only person he could show his emotions a little easier to, the only person that knew him so well.

 I didn’t see Hakyeon at the dorm so often. If he wasn’t with Taekwoon he would be on his own most likely in the dance studio, endlessly dancing, creating his own choreography. He preferred dancing at night when it was dark and he had the place to himself completely. No one would be using the place that time of night and Hakyeon indulged in the privacy of dancing at his time and working on his own things. Yet I worried the most about him at times that he stayed away for hours at a time only returning to sleep in the early morning two or three hours before we had to wake up for class again. Besides the fact that it was unhealthy and Hakyeon definitely needed more sleep I was worried becomes he was entirely on his own through those hours and even Taekwoon wasn’t allowed to be there. It was Hakyeon’s personal space where he let go of his emotions. But he’d never say anything when he returned and often he would look haggard and emotionally drained like he had been crying for hours instead of dancing. So if there was the odd chance that he was home early I grabbed at it to talk to him. We didn’t take the same course so it wasn’t like we could see each other in classes so the next day when Hakyeon was happily sitting on our couch, snacking on popcorn while watching something on the TV I smiled instinctively and joined him there.

It seemed to be a good day for Hakyeon I hadn’t seen him anywhere the entire day but apparently he was off early and hadn’t felt the need to lock himself in the dance studio for hours. I wanted to talk to him though…if he wasn’t telling Taekwoon anything anymore, always pretending that it was alright he wasn’t telling anyone and that meant he was bottling it all up and dealing with it all alone.

“How are you hyung?”, I asked, grinning as I caught sight of what he was watching. A cheesy drama that had recently started airing.

I turned my body to face him hoping to get some other reply than the usual “I’m fine.” or “great”.

“You sound so serious Jaehwannie.”, Hakyeon responded, clearly dodging the actual question and reaching out to ruffle my hair playfully. I whined shifting away from him and he simply giggled at my reaction before returning to watch the drama. I sighed. This was typical Hakyeon. He would always pretend that everything was okay. Or he would just avoid everyone. But now he was here and he was my friend and for once I just wanted him to talk to me, to not worry by himself as he always did. When would he realise that he had people to lean on? That he was allowed to lean on them in the first place.

“Hyung really, how are you? I hardly see you anymore, I want to talk. I miss you.” I knew encouraging Hakyeon helped at least, letting him know that the other person needed him and needed him to talk too. Something Taekwoon never did, I thought with a sigh. For someone that knew Hakyeon so well you’d think that he’d know these things.

Hakyeon turned to face me properly then, shifting  he sat cross legged in front of me, his expression void of all the earlier playfulness and now the natural, caring nature seeping through and clear in the way he tilted his head and his brow creased in worry.

“Are you doing fine Jaehwan?”, Hakyeon enquired, his hand reaching out to pat my leg, always worrying, taking care of others; he’d always push his own problems away and put others first. He always thought it was his job to carry the responsibilities for others.

“Hyung, I’m good, really, don’t worry about you, I want to know how you’re doing”

His brow only creased further and his shoulders hunched. “I don’t want to bother you, it’s anyway not anything new, you’ve heard it before Jaehwan.”

“It doesn’t mean because it isn’t something new that’s bothering you that you shouldn’t talk about it.”, I countered, raising my brow at him, trying to look stern.  “It’s still important whether you’ve said it before or not.”

Hakyeon looked put off by my words more than anything else, but maybe because he realised they were true and that he had to talk, to admit his feelings. He sat back, almost defensively, and his face scrunched up. Disgruntled he let out a huff of air, his defences visibly deflating and he wrung his hands nervously together before he spoke.

“I don’t…”, he paused, taking another breath, choosing to voice his words correctly. “I don’t know what to do about Taek.”, he admitted, the corners of his mouth turning down in displeasure.

I tried to supress the smile that threaten to break through after he finally, finally opened up to me again after what had been months of avoiding anyone when he felt like this. Maybe somehow this could work out if I talked to them both.

“What about him? Are things strange between you two?”

“Not exactly strange. It’s just you know I’ve told you how I feel about him and I don’t know how to handle it. I want to tell him but I know, I know he doesn’t feel the same, Jaehwan. It’ll just ruin everything.”

“Why do you say that? How do you know he doesn’t?”

Hakyeon gave a sour look, probably at the memory that popped into his head. “He’s been…he’s been pushing me away lately. And if he does that now…now only as friends then how could he possibly want more than that? If he’s rejecting me as a friend Jaehwan he certainly won’t suddenly want more than that. And I can read him like a book, he always thinks he hides his emotions so easily but it’s clear as day how much I’ve been irritating him all this time. So I should just leave it alone…I should just leave him alone really. He clearly doesn’t want me there.”

Hakyeon’s voice was breaking horribly by now and the sight of him fighting back how much this actually hurt him made my heart break for him…Taekwoon was such an idiot, did he even know what he was doing to Hakyeon? No, he didn’t.

“Hakyeon, Taekwoon isn’t going to reject you. Think about it you’ve known each other for so long, he’s always been there he won’t just suddenly decided he doesn’t want to anymore.”

“But that doesn’t make it any better, does it? Him feeling like he’s forced to stay, cause it’s his responsibility  to take care of me and be my friend, because I made him promise back then, because he promised my parents. I’d rather spare him the trouble if it’s unwanted. That’s why it’s better that I leave and just subtly drift away otherwise he’ll just get fed up one day and tell me he’s had enough. I’d rather leave than having him leave me…I wouldn’t be able to bear it Jaewan.” Tears were spilling down his cheeks by now and he was clutching at his own legs, his knuckles white from the tension.

 “Hakyeon, Hakyeon.”, I chanted over and over in an attempt to soothe him, holding him close to me. I could feel every sob tearing through his chest, every shake of hysterical tears that overflowed. Why did he need to hurt so much? Why did he need to beat himself up over it?

“Why do you always think everyone is going to leave you? You’re not alone.”

“But they do!”, Hakyeon screamed suddenly, trying to push at my shoulders to get away. I held him tighter though and let him talk. This was good, he was talking, he was crying, he was sharing his pain, he needed that.

“My parents left me! Taekwoon only stays because he needs too, you know that’s true! And I feel pathetic that I so desperately need him when he clearly doesn’t need me. I need him to be happy, to smile…I need him so much Jaehwan I can’t function without knowing he’s there, but he doesn’t care.” He broke down in another wave of sobs, clutching at my shirt, while I held him, rubbed over his back.

“He does care! He doesn’t show it a lot-“

Hakyeon scoffed bitterly interrupting what I wanted to say. “He doesn’t at all. I know him so well and I’m supposed to be his friend, the person he’s closest to but that doesn’t mean anything to him. Do you know the last time he told me he loved me, hugged me out of his own free will, told me anything important, asked me if I wanted to talk, bothered to really find out if something was wrong?” he didn’t give me time to respond before he went on. “Two years ago! Two years ago that he bothered to share anything with me! He just cuts me off without saying anything, without telling me why. At first I thought there was something wrong and I’d be able to break through his guard, that he’d tell me, of all people, but no. he pushed me away, ignored me. He wouldn’t tell me anything and eventually I just assumed that it was nothing that had happened but just how he was going to be from now on…always I was the one that he was able to talk to freely, to actually show his emotions. I’ve seen him cry, I’ve held him, told him it would all be alright, but now when I need him he’s not here…he’s never here anymore.”

I fell silent after Hakyeon’s sorrowful words. Just how bad had things become between them? Had Taekwoon just given up trying, had he stopped caring? How could he never once in two years be there for Hakyeon as a real friend? Now I understood the meaning behind Hakyeon feeling alone…because he was. The person that should’ve there for him had forsaken him and left Hakyeon to deal with things by himself.

“I guess I shouldn’t complain”, Hakyeon interrupted my thoughts, “he’d been there when I really needed him. He’d never been more…close to me as when my parents died. He was there every day, everytime I cried, he held me, told me over and over again that I wasn’t alone and he would there for me whenever I needed him…maybe Taekwoon had given all that he was able to give at that time and now…he just thinks I don’t need it anymore...”, I great sigh left Hakyeon’s lips as he heaved himself off of me and sat back, wiping at his red swollen eyes. “I want to there for him like I was for him you know, I want him to need me and confide in me like he used to…it wasn’t this hard before…things were less complicated. I’d run to him when I cried, he’d tell me of his hardships and disappointments, there was never any thought behind depending on each other…but now…I guess we grew up and Taek learned how to get by on his own, to be independent…I should’ve learned that too, but once again I always depended on others…its weak.”

“Hakyeon it’s not weak…”, I replied meekly, my plans of consoling Hakyeon and maybe fixing things somehow went out the door. I didn’t know what to do now. “The people in your life are there to depend on, to let you share your emotions…you shouldn’t have to carry it on your own.”

“But that doesn’t mean I should break down every time I feel this way! I shouldn’t feel so affected all the time! Others can move on after a time but I just feel stuck, I feel the same emotions over the same things again and again and even if things are better at a time they still come back and its only really when Taek was so much more in my life that it didn’t bother me, that I could say that I had been sad before but I’m okay now…I hate how I depend on him…how I need him to be happy…I shouldn’t need other people to be happy Jaewan!”

“Everyone needs others…in different ways maybe, but you need people and that’s not weak, other people can’t even admit that Hakyeon, they struggle and they push anyone close to them away, they say that they don’t need others…it’s all just a front…you’re strong because you know what you need and as much as you need others you don’t realize how much the others might need you. ”

“Maybe…I know some are like that, but Taek…Taek’s different.” All the energy spent on crying had drained Hakyeon and he had calmed down considerably, now resting his head on the back of the couch. “Still even if there’s no one else I’d be okay if Taek was always there…he’s…”

“That special person.”, I finished, chuckling at the off look Hakyeon had given me at my choice of words. “And that hurts hyung, you don’t need me to? You’d been fine if I wasn’t here”, I asked, joking as I pouted, pretending to be upset. At least the oppressing mood had somehow become a bit lighter.

Hakyeon chuckled himself and I could see some of the sadness in his eyes clear, the emotions not raging now that he had talked it out and cried…he needed it. “You know what I mean Jaehwannie. And talking about special someone’s how’s it going with Hongbin?”, Hakyeon suddenly grinned, his previous sadness and tears forgotten.

I looked down shyly, a slight blush making it to my cheeks at his question. “Good…good.”, I repeated, nervously laughing as Hakyeon only grinned on, prodding me for any details on what had developed between our…well hopefully pre-relationship., I thought with another deep blush making its way to my cheeks.

I was thrown off my strategy to get them both happy again. Hakyeon seemed much better after we talked. I don’t know if I had somehow given him a bit of hope but he was back to his smiling self and to me at least it looked genuine. Still I was worried that maybe Taekwoon was really starting to back want out of their friendship…I didn’t want to believe it but with what Hakyeon told me I wasn’t sure anymore. Had he really not said anything to Hakyeon for two years? Couldn’t he see or realize what he was doing? I needed to talk to Taekwoon too and strange enough it was him that sought me out a couple of days later.

“Have you seen Hakyeon?”

Taekwoon looked dishevelled, his hair wind blown as he had run from one class to the next. We were walking in the same direction now down the long hallway.

“Well I see him every night at the dorm…he’s been coming home earlier this week so I’m at least still awake when he’s there.

“Earlier? Had he been coming home later before then?” Taekwoon look worried as he flipped his fringe to the side and out of his eyes.

“Late yeah. Usually around one or two in the morning.”

Taekwoon looked straight at me now, stopping in the middle of the hall. “Why? What’s he doing out so late?” He was definitely worried now.

“He’d gone to dance at the studio. He wanted to be alone there, work on his own stuff you know. Didn’t he tell you anything?” I knew Hakyeon hadn’t told Taekwoon yet I still asked. I wanted to see his reaction. How worried would he really be…if he was it meant he genuinely cared didn’t it?

“No, he didn’t…”, Taekwoon said half distracted, his mind clearly elsewhere, thinking.

“Haven’t you seen him? You two are always together” I wanted to figure out what he was thinking, what he thought about Hakyeon. Figure out what was going on in his brain.

 “I think…I think Hakyeon’s been avoiding me.”

“Why do say that?”

“I don’t know, he just…he keeps saying he’s busy at the times we used to hang out. He’s, yeah avoiding me.”

“Maybe there’s a reason he’s avoiding you?”, I said, my voice lain with suggestion. Taekwoon gave me a look after that, his sharp eyes scrutinizing mine for anything I might know. He was silent for a while as I stared straight back, matching his gaze.

“Maybe you should go look for him and talk.”, I suggested, my gaze softening.

“Jaehwan, do you know if something is wrong? If there’s a reason why Hakyeon avoiding me?”

Taekwoon eyes as well looked subdued now and the sheer worry was evident. He cared it was clear. Instead he should just have been showing this to Hakyeon.

“Go look for him. Just go show your concern to him and he’ll talk, I’m sure.”

I wish I could tell him, I wish I could shake some sense into him, but it wasn’t my place to tell him what Hakyeon had told me, to tell him how he truly felt. I don’t know how Taekwoon couldn’t just show Hakyeon that he needed him as well. Was it so hard? Is he just so oblivious to everything and only realizes things too late? They were opposites but they worked. They balanced each other out. And if they had been so close, so inseparable for so long they could be like that again.

“Thank you.”, Taekwoon replied, his voice back to its original softness that he always spoke in.

He was off to class then and I found myself once again pondering over my friends rather than paying attention to my own class.

This would work then right? Taekwoon would go talk to Hakyeon. Taekwoon would show enough concern now that he knew something was up and Hakyeon would tell him, would realize and know that he indeed does care. They’d go back to how they were and there was no doubt to me that Taekwoon wouldn’t feel the same. He may have just been oblivious to his own feelings all this time but if he should realize it, he’d know he couldn’t be without Hakyeon one way or another. And this was better, wasn’t it? They’d be together, they’d be in love, they’d have so much more of each other. They’d love deeply, like Hakyeon had always done and how Taekwoon is meant to. I wanted to see that. I wanted to see their lovesick smiles. I wanted to see them smile.