A/N: Heyyy!!!!!! Didn't wait too long for the update? hehe so this one comes along with some tough love from Jaehwan and things are tying together. this is the second last chapter, the following one I think will be in Taek's POV. please do tell me though if you thought this chapter was a bit anticlimatic cause there's nothing major behind taekwoon's reasoning and no *gasp* moment but i never planned there to be but still I'm afraid it might be a little boring but yeah

Thank you to all the new subscribers!!! I really appreaciate you all reading my story! :)

A special thanks to:   -   TaeLovely -    - Delonihanis  -    and   -  hungzitowel -   for the upvotes!! Thank you so much!! XD

Enjoy guys! and please let me know what you think! the next chapter fill be filled with fluff! (hopefully lol) (^_^)

Hakyeon awoke with a loud groan, his head filled with pain and…utter stupidity.

“, , .”, he groaned, rolling over in his covers and burying his face in his pillow, dimly realizing (and thankfully) that he was at least in his bed and not still lying on the floor of the club.

“Ah, hyung I see you’re awake.”

“Jaehwan.”, Hakyeon said with relief, turning his head towards the younger, face still squished in the pillow.

“Morning hyung.”, another voice came.

“Hongbin!”, Hakyeon exclaimed only to be cut short with another sharp pain to his head, eyes squeezing shut and hand clutching at his hair. “Why are you here?”, Hakyeon groaned before a gasp escaped his lips. “Did you sleep here?”, he asked, eyes wide as his eyes flickered between the two.

Hongbin laughed, walking closer and pushing Hakyeon by his shoulder back down on the bed. “No hyung, unlike you we weren’t completely drunk.”

Hakyeon pouted, but brightened up when Jaehwan passed him some coffee. “Hyung.”, he spoke, voice reproving and Hakyeon sighed dipping his head down.

 “I know.”, he said, “Did you see what happened?”

“We weren’t inside when it happened, no, but Sanghyuk told me when he brought me an unconscious you, hair a mess and face full of tears.”

Hakyeon winced and Jaehwan came to sit down at the side of his bed. “What happened?”, the younger asked, voice this time soft and tender.

Hakyeon let his fingers wrap around the warm cup, shivering at the warmth before he began. “After I left you two at the bar and went to go dance I got tired after a while and thirsty and went to the bar. You two were gone by then and I was there for a bit when Taekwoon appeared.” Hakyeon gulped here and Jaehwan shifted uncomfortably. “He wanted to talk to me, to know what he did wrong.”, Hakyeon scoffed, a sad laugh coming from his mouth, “I refused to talk to him, I just wanted to get away from him and I ran back to the dancefloor, but I got really claustrophobic and I was freaking out but Sanghyuk found me and took me outside. I calmed down but realised I couldn’t exactly go somewhere else since you’d be looking for me so I went back, I made sure I sat hidden in a far corner of the club…but yeah I just…starting drinking… and then I kept thinking about Taek and I missed him so much Jaehwan and they were doing karaoke and that had always been me and Taek’s thing and ….and I’m sure Sanghyuk told you the rest.”

“I’m so ing stupid Jaehwan.”, Hakyeon sobbed tears spilling over, the crying only worsening his headache and Jaehwan took the cup from him with a sigh.

“You are.”, he said curtly and Hakyeon laughed through his tears.

“You’d think I was the younger one here.”

Jaehwan smiled and took Hakyeon’s hands in his own. “Hyung, he ran away right?”

Hakyeon turned his head to look blankly at the wall. “I know”, he said, voice thick and shaky. “But.”, he stuttered, taking in another shaky breath, “I’m glad actually, not that he ran away, I mean that I confessed.”

Jaehwan gave him a strange look so he continued. “Maybe not in those circumstances but I feel better. I feel like I’ve finally just let my emotions loose by telling him. It’s this huge weight that’s off my shoulders now that he knows. I think that maybe I’ve wanted to do this, subconsciously. Now that he knows how I feel, where I’m standing…he…he can do what he wants with it I guess. At least I know he knows.”

“So you really feel better?”

“Not right now.”, Hakyeon laughed slightly. “I was drunk and crying and he just left me there. And I feel like now. But ultimately…emotionally…my head’s clearer….I have nothing to worry or do now I guess….it all lies with him.” Jaehwan made to open his mouth, ready to say something but Hakyeon cut him short.

“And yeah I know he ran off, so it’s not like it’s a good sign and well from the beginning anyway I knew he didn’t love me that way, but maybe he’ll tell me he doesn’t feel that way about me and I’ll be like it’s okay and we’ll go back to being friends.”

Jaehwan was keeping his eyes down, concentrating for a while before he looked back up to Hakyeon again, eyes boring into the others.

“And what if he doesn’t want to be friends anymore?”

You could clearly hear the way Hakyeon’s breath hitched in the silent room and Jaehwan scrutinized his face, watching carefully the deep furrow in his brow and the pained look in his eyes.

“I’d respect that.”, Hakyeon said finally, speaking slowly as if weighing each word. “It was after all my own decision to have told him and I’d have brought it upon him and us, our friendship, because of confessing, so I’d have to understand his decision.”

Jaehwan sighed deeply. “Hyung, you need to stop shouldering everything on your own. Everything bad that happens isn’t your fault.”

Hakyeon turned his face away, lips pulled into an unhappy tug and legs pulling up to his chest. Jaehwan sighed again, standing from the bed and walking to the kitchen, Hongbin following silently behind.

“I’ll get you some water and meds, hyung.”

“Have you still not seen him?”

“You need to stop asking that.”

“Jaehwan! He’s been gone almost a week. How can I not be worried?”

Jaehwan sighed, halting their walk down the hallway and giving his hyung a pointed look. “He chose to run away, maybe he’s just avoiding you.”

Hakyeon gave him a dirty look, lips pulling back. “He hasn’t shown up for any of his classes! What if there’s something else wrong? What if something happened to him?”

“Why do you care Hakyeon?”

Hakyeon’s face fell, eyes widening in disbelief. “You can’t just expect me to suddenly not care. I’ve known him, loved him for so long, Jaehwan, all that doesn’t just go away.”

“How many times is he going to have to hurt you more for you to understand that he doesn’t care?”

Hakyeon’s eyes flashed in hurt and he jerked back as if Jaehwan’s words shocked him physically.

“Yes”, and Hakyeon’s eyes lowered, his grip on his books tightening in his hands, “he doesn’t care.” And Hakyeon walked away with quick brisk steps, faintly hearing Jaehwan call his name between the usual noise of the bustling hallway.

Hakyeon continued walking until he came to the little grass hill where he and Taekwoon had spent most of their free time. He plopped down with a heavy sigh, feeling the grass through his fingers.

Hakyeon was scared. He didn’t want to admit that of course, but he was. Had he really scared Taekwoon away? He hadn’t shown up once for his classes this whole week and Hakyeon had even checked his dorm and he wasn’t there. He was gone and hadn’t even attempted to contact Hakyeon. What if he had ruined everything? What if Taekwoon despised him now? Hakyeon felt guilty…because he couldn’t keep himself in check he might have ruined everything. Even if things had been bad, had been shaky, at least Taekwoon was still there, would still walk with Hakyeon to their classes it didn’t matter if it was in silence, he was still there. Hakyeon missed his presence dearly. And more than anything Hakyeon was afraid that something might have happened to the other boy. What if he had gotten in an accident? What if he was hurt somewhere?

Hakyeon took his phone out, scrolling through his contacts until he came to Taekwoon’s. “Taek-ah” It said. Hakyeon wanted to call the other, but he was afraid of that too. Another weakness, he scoffed. I’m always afraid of everything. What would I say if he was actually alright and was just avoiding me? I care for him more than what I care about not knowing what to say to him. I need to know if he’s okay.

“Hyung!” Hakyeon whipped his head around, catching the source of the voice.

“Ah, Sanghyuk-ah, what are you doing here?”

“We have class hyung, we’re going to be late!”

“What class?”, Hakyoen asked, confused. Time seemed to be moving so strangely for Hakyeon recently, he had no sense of when the classes were, when he had to go back to the dorms or when he had to wake up.

“Dance! Come, on we need to get to the studio.”

Hakyeon sighed. He didn’t feel like dancing. He hadn’t felt like dancing for a while now. The last time he had went to dance on his own had been the day Taekwoon joined him surprisingly in the studio and that was more than two weeks ago. He had no inspiration, no feeling or emotion to express in his dance when Taekwoon wasn’t here. After that day he was the one avoiding Taekwoon…maybe he was only just getting a spoonful of his own medicine. He had avoided Taekwoon for a week too after all. And now Taekwoon wasn’t here either. One way or another Taekwoon had always been his inspiration, his muse for dancing. A sigh escaped his lips. He couldn’t go on without the other.

“Ah, I’m not going. I feel sick Sanghyuk-ah, you go on without me.”

“Are you sure hyung?”

“Mmm.”, Hakyeon hummed in reply. “I think I’m just going to sleep it off.” He stood, gathering his things and Sanghyuk nodded, running off towards the direction of the dance studios while Hakyeon made his way down the other side of the hill, slowly walking to the dorm.

“Hyung…Hakyeon hyung, I’m sorry.”

“I know, Jaehwan-ah, I know you didn’t mean it in an unkind way. I understand that I…that I can’t let go of him…I don’t think I ever really can, it’s unhealthy I know, but until he tells me straight up that he wants nothing to do with me I won’t be able to let him freely go.”

Jaehwan visibly relaxed, reclining against the wall Behind Hakyeon’s bed and resting the elder’s legs over his lap, while Hakyeon lied down, staring at the ceiling.

“Why don’t you go dance hyung?”

“I don’t feel like it. I don’t feel like doing anything without Taek around”

Jaehwan sighed, curling his hands around Hakyeon’s calves. “I know”, Hakyoen said in reply to the sigh, “It’s pathetic.”

Jaehwan laughed then, suddenly, Hakyeon’s legs shaking with the movement from Jaehwan and the older curiously looked up at the other.

“No, hyung, you’re just in love.”

Hakyeon groaned at the tugging on his shoulder. He could sense the room was still dark and he hardly felt rested out so it still had to be night, or early morning and thus he should still be sleeping.

“nrgh”, he groaned again, rolling back against the wall, away from the tugging. “What’s it now Jaehwan?”, he slurred, still keeping his eyes closed.

“Hakyeon.”

He jolted at the sound of that voice. He could never forget it, never ignore the sound, he would always come crawling back to the sound of the other and now was no exception.

“Taekwoon!” Hakyeon’s eyes still hadn’t adjusted to the dark, but he could just make out the pale outline of a straight nose, high cheekbones and the dark hair that almost fell into his eyes.

“Where have you been?!” Hakyeon hands reached out almost at instinct wanting to reach out and touch him, to grab Taekwoon’s face between his own, to feel that he was tangible, that he was here. But he resisted, remembering, and pulled his hands away to let them fall into his lap.

Taekwoon was watching him, his eyes even in the dark able to look into Hakyeon’s with such intensity that Hakyeon squirmed, eyes dropping to his lap where his hands fidgeted. Even now, just in this moment, he could feel his body react to Taekwoon. His heart was racing, thumping unsteadily as if it couldn’t decide if it should be happy at Taekwoon’s presence or scared.

“I was so worried about you.”, Hakyeon let slip from his lips and he looked up unsurely to see Taekwoon dip his head, shaking it slightly before he sunk lower until his head thumped onto the bed covers next to Hakyeon. 

Hakyeon only realised now the other was kneeling at his bedside.

“Even when I’ve hurt you like this you still worry about me?”, Taekwoon spoke, voice muffled by the covers, yet he raised his head slowly, looking back at Hakyeon again in the darkness.

“Huh?”, Hakyeon said dumbly. Taekwoon’s suddenly appearance had thrown him off guard completely.

“I don’t deserve your worry Hakyeon.”

“Taekwoon, what’s going on? Where have you been the whole week? And how did you get in here? Where’s Jaehwan?” Hakyeon flicked his gaze around the room only to see Jaehwan’s bed empty, the covers pulled back.

“I…I ran into Jaehwan and asked if I could talk to him. He refused at first…he was mad, of course, he didn’t want for me to see you.”, Taekwoon spoke, voice ever so soft and careful as his eyes shyly held Hakyeon’s.

“We talked and I explained to him...everything and he let me in.”

“Taekwoon I don’t understand.”, Hakyeon was searching the other’s eyes  desperately for an explanation.

“I- I’m so sorry Hakyeon.” Hakyeon heard the other’s voice break and Hakyeon gasped softly at the sight of Taekwoon breaking down in tears, one hand gripping the bedding while the other was clutched at his hair, holding his head as hot tears flowed down his cheeks.

Hakyeon’s heart clenched at the sight and his hands fluttered to Taekwoon, cradling his head in his hands, wiping the tears away from his cheeks with his thumb. “I’m so sorry.”, Taekwoon repeated, crying louder and Hakyeon was struck with what to do. Taekwoon had always come to him when he was hurt, when he was crying, or rather Hakyeon had always found Taekwoon in those times, comforting the younger, but still he had never seen Taekwoon hurt or cry this much, show this much emotion.

“Why are you crying Taekwoon? What’s wrong?”, he asked voice caring, and fingers carding soothingly through the other’s hair.

“What’s wrong?”, Taekwoon asked coldly, snapping back from Hakyeon’s touch. “Hakyeon, I’ve hurt you so much, I’ve been pushing you away time and time again and I ran away the other night and you were crying for me and I just hurt you again.”

Taekwoon was furiously wiping at his tears and Hakyeon sat there, staring at the other, not fully comprehending yet what was going on.

“I owe you an explanation, much more than that definitely but for now an explanation.” Taekwoon cleared his throat, hands resting either side of Hakyeon’s hand that was resting on the bedding. He was watching their hands in close proximity, yet careful not to let their hands touch. Hakyeon frowned in confusion.

“When we first started university, I wasn’t worried, I had thought, had this elusion in my head that things would always be the same, we would stay close, stay together, but when things started getting serious here, I began to worry. I knew that after university we would most likely have to do separate paths, have different jobs and I was scared that we’d drift apart and I…I was terrified at the thought of that. I didn’t want to lose you, I always wanted you in my life Hakyoen, you had always been there in the past and I had no idea what I would do if you weren’t in my future as well, but I realised that was childish, or rather I thought it was and so I started to push away. I was scared of knowing how much I needed you in my life and I was…I was unsure of my feelings, if they were normal…feeling so…strong…over someone that was only supposed to be my friend. I didn’t want to face reality, to face my emotions, nevermind telling you all of this and that’s why I started pushing you away Hakyeon. If we were to part anyway, I might as well have started now to make the transition easier right?”,Taekwoon laughed bitterly here, clutching his fingers, and digging his nails into his palm.

“I was so stupid, thinking like that and I went on like that, oblivious to how I was hurting you, for quite a while. It was only when I realised that you weren’t as bright as you always were, you weren’t smiling as much…it’s like you had lost your sun. I saw when you attempted to touch me but would stop yourself and pull back when before you had reached out carelessly to me, to touch me, to show affection. The guilt was eating at me because I saw how me pushing you away was affecting you. As much as I wanted to simply revert back to how we were, to apologize and go back to actually talking to you, I was scared of my own feelings. I still…don’t really know what I’m feeling Hakyeon…you were always, are still, so good at knowing what you feel. You can identify it and analyse it and I don’t know how to do that. I still can’t do it, I can’t name what I’m feeling Hakyeon, but I know that I can’t keep on doing this to you and I don’t want to. I want to want you in my life selfishly, I don’t want to care about anything else, I’m so sorry Hakyeon.”

Hakyeon was speechless. How had he been doubting him when Taekwoon had-?

“Taekwoon, Taek I’m sorry, I didn’t know and then I went and confessed and I’d only made things worse for you-“ Hakyeon didn’t realize he had been crying the whole time Taekwoon talked but now he was sobbing, his emotions spilling out.

Taekwoon interrupted the other by grabbing both the elder’s hands in his cradling the warmth to his face. “Hakyeon, how can you apologize? You didn’t do anything. How can you even accept me after I’ve hurt you so much? You’re too good for me Hakyeon.”

“I don’t care, I don’t care Taek.” The tears were still coming but Hakyeon was smiling through them and Taekwoon was smiling back, a sweet genuine smile that Hakyeon had missed so much, had wanted to see again for so long. “I doesn’t matter, please just for now, for tonight, let’s not worry about all the little things, just-“

“Yes.”, Taekwoon replied instantly, rising to his feet only to pull the covers back on Hakyeon’s bed and crawl in next to the other. Hakyeon accepted the warmth instantly, cuddling next to the other and curling his body against Taekwoon’s as the younger wrapped his arms around him, cradling him close. There was no thinking about what he was doing now, Hakyeon refused to. Tonight, now, he would feel without care, without worry. In the morning they could discuss things further, but right now Taek was here, he was holding him and Hakyeon couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so at home, so in place. He was happy here, wrapped in the other’s arms, tucked in at his side, he felt safe. And Taewkoon was smiling at him, sweetly again, his eyes holding so much warmth and Hakyeon felt like crying all over again.

“I’ve missed you so much Taek-ah”

“Me too, so much.”, Taekwoon replied, dipping his head down enough so he could place a kiss on Hakyeon’s hair. All this was so warm, so familiar. They had fallen asleep together so many times, Taekwoon often singing for the other and kissing his hair when Hakyeon fell asleep. They relished in the feeling of each other, leaving their worries for the morning to come.