He watched him leave the cafeteria alone. He would follow him if he was braver, he could never do it though. He wasn't strong enough, he needed to be accepted and to at least pretend he had friends even when he was close to hating this people.

He remembered when it happened. It was pretty bad, they made his life so miserable that they honestly thought he would stop coming to school. But he didn't, he coped through it all and he even started going to school even more just to provoke them, to make a point, to show that he wasn't afraid. You couldn't help but admire him.

He also remembered the first time he heard him sing. 

He was using one of the empty classrooms to listen to some music and dance. It had been a crappy day and dancing was the only thing that could make him feel better. Dancing and drums, which nobody knew he played. It had something to do with the beats and rhythm, or so he thought. Maybe it was just about him doing whatever he wanted. He never choreographed, he just felt the music and moved according to his feelings. And the drums…well, let's just say that randomly hitting drums and plates and pedals have never heard so nice. He would know it if he ever let anyone hear or see what he does. This things came as naturally to him as breathing and the thought of sharing it was out of the question. What if people say it was horrible? He couldn't handle it and so he hid it. That's how he lives.

But let's go back, the first time he heard him sing. He remembered listening to a guitar in the hallway, thinking how odd it was he followed the sound to find him sitting in the hallway without a care in the world and looking happier than he had ever seen him. He stood there listening and thinking how much he wanted to dance to that sound, which was odd cause he never listened to that type of music, he wasn't even sure if you were supposed to dance to it but he wanted to nonetheless. He stayed there listening to  those foreign songs and wondering why in the world had he never heard them before. He was certain he would remember them as it has been long since songs moved him to this extent but he needed to know more. He was half the way there to ask him when he remembered who that person was and why he was not supposed to talk to him. He saw him get startled and hastily start putting away his guitar. He then decided to just pass by acknowledging his existence with a nod. It wasn't returned.

He hated it, he hated the person he was becoming because he knew he wasn't like that. He is smart and he is fully conscious of what he's doing, but he can't help it. He's just not strong enough. Right now he thinks that recognition and acceptance from others is everything he needs and his own feelings and desires where second to those of others.

So he watched him leave the cafeteria alone and didn't do what he wanted but led his sight off of him and got engaged in the nonsensical and soulless conversation of this people once again. That was what was expected of him and he will continue doing it.

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This turned out way more angsty than I intended... I really need to learn how to edit...