It’s not until the week before midterms that Nari decides to stop being upset with Youngjae. I convinced dear Youngjae not to overreact to however Nari has been acting lately. No presents, no begging, no weird attempts to gain back her favor. He accused me of not fully understanding the gravity of the situation, but I was in the same boat as he was. Nari didn’t talk to me at all the past two weeks, and I couldn’t even figure out what for.

But, the Thursday before midterms, Kwon Nari shows up in our classroom, lunchbox in hand, and as if nothing were amiss, drops into the chair across us and shares her spring rolls. It’s the usual lunch routine from then on, but something at the back of my mind is nagging that I should acknowledge the fact that there was no acknowledgment made at all of our little fight.

This is what I’ve been trying to get Youngjae to understand. This is how the three of us operate. My sister, when I told her about Nari’s little drama fit, told me that a sunbae of hers told her that it’s an unhealthy way to live. Said her sunbae, one must always say what you feel and what you think to fully experience life. That way, there are no misunderstandings, and even if you end up hurting someone’s feelings, the truth will always set you free. Or something like it. I don’t know. There’s something shady about a guy who likes to hang out around plants inside a greenhouse.

Jimin passes by our table. “What, did you guys kiss and make up? Was wondering when you’d realize no one else in this school is going to put up with you.”

Nari rolls her eyes. “I always did wonder how anyone puts up with you face.”

Jimin sneers at her and moves on to his next target. “What else is in your nose, picker?”

Youngjae’s allergies are especially bad this time of the year. I would know. I have the same kind of allergies at a different season. It’s terrible.

It’s like a repeat of first year, and before I can even process self-preservation, I say “Leave him alone, Jimin.” Instead of a comeback, Jimin does the uncharacteristic and walks away muttering profanities into the air. Usually it would take physical threats from Nari to get him to leave.

“Must be the RapMon effect,” Nari mutters. Bitterly, I might add.

“What are you talking about?”

“Has he been bothering you at all? Kim Namjoon?”

I turn to Youngjae for some kind of explanation because I have no idea what’s going on, but he just shrugs at me. “What are you talking about?” But to answer that, no, since that day on the staircase, there has been a notable lack of Kim Namjoon in my life. Same goes for Jackson. He’s been so busy with training the only time he gets to leave me messages is when he’s about to go to sleep. I haven’t seen Mark around either.

“Even Ugly listens to you now. The rest of Bangtan probably treats you like their queen, too.”

I don’t know how it happened, but ever since Bulletproof Boy Scouts became a thing, everyone’s been calling them Bangtan like they’re some boy band or something. “You need to screen your sources better.”

I realize I shouldn’t have said that, but it came out before I could screen my own response. But I don’t add “I’m sorry” even though I know it’s the right thing to do.

Youngjae forces a laugh to lighten the situation. “If you don’t start eating again, I’m going to eat all the spring rolls. Seriously. Oh, right, I have a studio session this weekend so do you guys want to go to Unplugged? I swear this time my passcode’s gonna work. Jaebeom-hyung and Jinyoung-hyung are gonna be there, too. They’re gonna record this song—“

“I’m busy this weekend,” Nari says. “But I’m sure she’s not.”

“Are you mad at me, or something?”

“I’m not mad at you.”

“Are you mad at me?” Youngjae cuts in, panicked.

“She’s not mad at you, Youngjae. What aren’t you saying, Nari?”

“Nothing.” She gathers her lunch boxes and stands up. “I’m trying to make things better, but I guess you’re still really testy. I’ll see you whenever.” Then she’s out the room.

I don’t have time to think of Kwon Nari when there’s midterms to worry about. Youngjae and I study together for the tests, even though I told him he can go talk to Nari and study with her if he wants to. At one point, I had to push him out of our room just so he’d say hi to her when she passed by. Youngjae had nothing to do with it, and whatever Nari had against me shouldn’t have to affect Youngjae. But it did. It affected him the most.

“Did she say anything?”

It’s almost the end of the semester and Nari still hasn’t been talking to me. But she has been talking to Youngjae, which is good.

“It’s not like I can just ask her,” Youngjae answers, passing me a wet rag. We’re on cleaning duty before the summer break rolls along. “That’s weird. And she gets upset whenever there’s anything remotely associated with you. Which is a lot of stuff, apparently.”

To be fair, I haven’t exactly made a move to talk to her first either. She’s the one upset with me and she wouldn’t even tell me why. How am I supposed to apologize for something I’m not even aware of?

“So what did she think of Unplugged?” Youngjae brought her there right after Finals ended. I wasn’t invited for obvious reasons. Which is fine because I’ve been to the studio a couple of times before. I still haven’t met Kim Sunggyu or anyone from OYE! but Jaebeom, Jinyoung, and Yugyeom were becoming my newest favorite performance group.

“Still no OYE!. They’re using the bigger studios at ADR. That’s what Jaebeom-hyung says he heard from Renn.”

Renn is the weird, temperamental producer-boss who decides to lock everyone out at her whim. Her family owns Azure Dragon Records, too. It’s one of the bigger music labels in the area. If you could get into ADR, you’re on your way to stardom. I haven’t met her either, but I have heard her mixing music from the other room.

“Did you record your latest routine?” Recently, Jaebeom has had this idea of forming an actual performance group and setting up a garage band kind of showcase. He says he’ll unveil the teasers over the days leading to summer break, but so far, nothing’s been good enough for him.

“No, it’s terrible. Yugyeom is getting a senior to review the choreography for us.”

I still find it weird that Youngjae would ever associate with the likes of Im Jaebeom, Park Jinyoung, and Kim Yugyeom, but after getting to know these guys, it all makes sense. In school, Jaebeom has this odd, could-be-chic-but-still-blends-in kind of vibe, but outside campus he really brings out the cool kid in him. Jinyoung is the boy-next-door type, but the more you look at him, the more you watch him perform, the more charming he becomes. Yugyeom, because of his height, stands out more as a first year. I’ve heard the other girls call him a bit aloof and cold, but he’s just a big baby when he’s at the studio.

“We have practice tomorrow, wanna watch?”

Tomorrow is a Saturday. “My parents want me to stay home this weekend since according to them, all I ever do is go out these days.”

I feel a chill run up my spine, and it compels me too look behind me. Murmurs burst from around me, and my nosy classmates are at it again.I thought I escaped the rumor mill with the lull in Jackson and Namjoon’s activities, but I guess I’m not completely out of trouble yet.

Seokjin is standing by our door, leaning against the jamb, hands in his pocket, looking bored as usual. But I know better.

“Namjoon wants to see you tomorrow,” he says as soon as I’m next to him.

“Then why doesn’t he ask me himself?”

“I told him I had a feeling you’d say that, but—“

“I’m not going out with him.” I decided that no matter how curious I am, I won’t ever go out with Kim Namjoon. Not only because of who he is and who people think he is, but also because he can’t seem to understand that I really don’t like the way he treats people. I don’t like the way he treated Youngjae and I don’t like the way his friends treat my friends.

“If you ever change your mind, he’ll be waiting by the big fountain at the plaza.” Seokjin leaves as soon as the message is delivered. I’m still rolling my eyes when I get back to the window.

“You’re not going to change your mind, are you?” Youngjae asks.

“Of course not.”

“So what are we going to do over the break?” It’s not a question because I know what Youngjae wants me to say. How are we going through all our plans when the three of us have broken up?

“You can still hang out with Nari, you know.”

“No, that’s the point. I can’t.”

“Youngjae, I told you, she’s just mad at me for some reason. You’ve been hanging out the past few days, right?”

“No, I mean she’s visiting her grandma over the break so she won’t be around. At all.”

Nari’s grandma doesn’t live that far away, but it’s still at least four hours from here. Not nearly worth the effort when we currently live just within thirty minutes away from each other. “Right, I wouldn’t know about that. What’s she going to do about the music fest?” Nari has been looking forward to it since last year. She’s probably crushed.

“You know Nari, she’ll just play it cool and say it’s not big deal.” But deep down inside, she’s heartbroken.

Saturday morning and I’m sitting in the dining table, going through my classmates’ blogs on my laptop, while my mom cooks some brunch. Dad is across me, reading some old book. He’s a history teacher and researcher at the university while Mom’s a nurse. This is the first time in a while that we all had a Saturday morning with all three of us present.

“How’s school?” Mom’s obligated to ask of course. Dad has a more laid back approach and says I’ll tell him stuff if I want him to know about it. And if I don’t want him to know, he says he probably won’t want to know about it either.

“I didn’t fail my finals?” In fact I did better than I thought. Thanks to Youngjae.

“Is that it?” What, did my parents hear about this reputation of mine, too?

“Nari’s not talking to me…” I’ve talked to my sister about it, but she says someone has to make the first move otherwise it’ll never be over.

“Oh, what’s the matter?”

“Something stupid,” I mutter.

Dad looks up from his book. “It’s not about a boy is it?”

I scoff. “Right. ‘Cause boys are just lining up to go out with me and Nari is secretly in love with one of them—“ I choke this time. That can’t be it. That’s impossible.

Mom serves brunch and Dad starts talking about how mom used to be this pretty popular girl in university. I only pretend to listen because seeing my mom as anything else but mom is weird. There’s some public display of affection, and I really wish my sister was here because I can’t go through this torture alone.

Fortunately, my phone rings. Unfortunately, it’s Jackson. Okay, it’s not that bad, but I’m still under the false hope that he’ll forget about me so I won’t have to be the one to let him down.

“Are you free this afternoon?”

I take a moment to answer that. Even if it is Jackson, I can’t let him think I’m easy. “My mom wants me to stay at home all weekend.”

“Why? Are you grounded?”

“I’m not sure.” Then to mom, I ask, “Am I actually grounded or is there a reason for my house arrest?”

“Is that Youngjae?” Mom asks. I shake my head and she actually grins. “Who is it?”

Jackson laughs. “We’ll be at Fourth Ave if you want to come along. I kinda have something I want to tell you, too. And it has to be in person.”

“Okay. I’ll, uhm, let you know.” We hang up, but just before Jackson says goodbye, I hear Mark’s voice in the background. Mom is still waiting for an answer. “That was Jackson.” I’ve told them about Jackson, of course. I really didn’t need to because they knew of him. His parents were both in the olympics it’s hard not to recognize the family. Especially when Jackson just won the regional finals. He’s off to the nationals next.

“Did he ask you out?” Dad asks.

“Not on a date-date,” I answer. “I heard everyone over the phone.”

It doesn’t even take that much convincing and I’m off. When I get to Khunfections, Jackson and his friends have already claimed almost the whole length of the long table in the middle. Mark sits next to him, as always, and next to Mark is Bae Suzy. The rest of their friends take up the rest of the table, I’m surprised the girl sitting at the very end hasn’t walked out yet.

Jaebeom and Jinyoung are on counter duty, but before I could say hi, Jackson pulls me over to sit next to him. I’m left acknowledging the other two through eye signals and telepathic messages. Meanwhile, Mark spares me one glance before looking away like he’d rather not have me there.

“Where’s your friend?” Suzy asks. She was just talking to Mark about something that happened in class. “That guy your always with?”

“Youngjae?” He’d be ecstatic to hear about this, although he hasn’t talked about Suzy in a while. “He has summer music classes at Woollim.”

“Yeah? It’s just weird he’s not following you around.”

“He doesn’t follow me around…”

“Hey,” Jackson cuts in, “Suzy’s just like that. Don’t worry, she’s not as mean as she looks.”

Suzy rolls her eyes and I can’t tell if it’s out of good nature or what. But Mark is laughing and I don’t always see him laugh like this. They continue their conversation and this time it’s about this new group Suzy just learned about, Open Your Eyes!. Nari would love to hear about this.

“Is this the one with the girl bassist?” asks one of their friends, Krystal Jung. She’s not from our school but from the fancy all girls school in the other district. Her and Choi Jinri. I’ve met them once before, when Jackson invited me to one of his victory parties.

“Yeah, that one,” Suzy answers. “I don’t get why they have a girl in their band, but it’s kinda cool.”

The Bassist’s name is Do Remi. Last we talked about it, Nari has professed her undying love for her. And they have a girl on their band because their former bassists Lee Jungshin got pirated away and after several lineup changes, they finally stuck with her so that means she’s amazing and she is.

“They’re gonna be in the music fest,” Mark says, pulling out a flyer from under Suzy’s phone.

My heart skips a beat.

“You’re not actually going to get us to all go, are you?” Jackson reaches out for the flyer but Krystal, who is sitting next to me, gets to it first.

“Why would you want to go see a bunch of hipster bands, anyway? Everything’s so whiny and emo,” she says, reading the list of bands.

For the music, obviously. And the word she’s looking for, is indie. With some expert maneuvering, I take a peek at the list of headliners: GDxTaeyang, Jun.K, R.Ai, OYE!, C.N.Blue. Nari would have a heart attack. I wonder if she’s heard about this. I wonder if Youngjae already knows and if he’s already told her.

“I just got the flyer,” Mark reasons, “you’re the one who mentioned the band.”

“Where’d you even get that?” Jackson asks. I’m actually curious, too.

Mark points vaguely behind him. I suppose it does make more sense that he would randomly get the flyer than actively search out for it. But for a moment, it was a nice thought. Mark wanting to go to the same music festival as I did.

I excuse myself to order a drink. Jaebeom is on register duty. He covertly hands me a flyer without saying anything. I hold on to it like precious cargo. The design is so simple, it only makes the fact that these people are performing stand out all the more. “I’ll get that drink you were telling me about,” I say, careful that no one else will hear me. I don’t know, okay? I feels so much more special when I’m pretending I have no associations with potential headliners one day.

Jaebeom goes through the protocol but doesn’t print out my receipt when he gives Jinyoung the order slip. I reach out for my wallet but he stops me. “On the house,” he mouths. “Good luck,” he adds, eyeing the group behind me.

Junior makes my drink and he hands it off to me with a secret smile. “Second floor after shift,” he whispers.

I feel like I’ve been fully inducted into a secret organization and this is how the members operate. I take my seat between Jackson and Krystal. As he talks about nationals and the latest sporting news, I daydream off to the music fest with Nari and Youngjae. Jaebeom, Jinyoung, and Yugyeom would be there too, of course.

Jackson and his friends decide to move to another place by the time Jaebeom and Jinyoung’s shifts are over. “It’s just dinner,” Jackson says, waiting for me by the door. “I still haven’t told you what I was gonna say.”

“I told my parents I’d only be out for a while.”

“It’s still just a while.” He puts his palms together. “Please?”

I really want to see this new routine the guys have been working on. Youngjae mentioned having a senior go over it with them, and that could mean anyone from Lee Junho to Jang Wooyoung to Park Namyong.

“Please?”

Surreptitiously, I look over my shoulder. Jaebeom and Jinyoung haven’t left the breakroom yet. Ahead of us, is Mark, hanging behind, no doubt waiting for Jackson to catch up. “I really need to get back soon, so just a while, okay?”

“Yes!” Jackson pulls me into the group when he rejoins them and we walk the remaining distance to the mall at the end of the avenue.

Jackson takes me aside while his friends busy themselves at the arcade. “I’m actually going to be away all summer. Special camp for the nationals.”

We walk out of the crowded, noisy game center and into a milk tea shop. Well, I walk into it, Jackson doesn’t have a choice but follow me there. “Go for gold?”

“So I won’t be seeing you like I said I would.”

“Don’t make a big deal out of it,” I say. It should sound like I’m being understanding instead of rejoicing. It’s not that I don’t like him. He’s a great guy. I just don’t like-like him. “You gotta do what you gotta do.” I order a large wintermelon milke tea. “When’s the nationals scheduled?”

“End of summer.”

“I guess I’ll see you in school.” He looks troubled. And when he looks troubled like this, I can’t help but feel for the guy. It’s his face. It’s so expressive there’s absolutely no way to misunderstand him. “What is it?”

“I really wanted to hang out with you.”

I find a table. “Isn’t that what we’re doing now?”

“Yeah, but.” Embarrassed, he smiles at his feet. “You know. You haven’t made me candy in a while, too.”

There’s a part of me that wants to ask the same question I asked Kim Namjoon before. I wonder, does Jackson actually like me? Or is he being nice to me because he thinks I like him? Because he believes I’ve been making him candy all this time?

Mark comes to check on us after a while only to add to the already awkward silence between us. He takes the seat opposite me and Jackson and plays with the straw’s paper wrapper.

Jackson send him a pointed stare.

Mark just shrugs. “It was getting boring over there.”

It doesn’t take much longer before someone from their group announces a change in location. Jackson tells them to go ahead, and that Mark should join them if he wants to. But Mark doesn’t, so it’s the three of us walking home.

“You guys can drop me off at the main intersection,” I tell them. “I’ll be okay.” I’m still hoping I’ll still catch up with Youngjae and the others.

“No, I’ll walk you all the way.”

When we reach the fork that leads to Mark’s neighbourhood on one way and mine on the other, Jackson makes an audacious, and assumptions statement. “Mark, you gotta promise you’ll watch over my candy girl for me. Who knows what Namjoon’s up to.”

Mark just looks like he’d rather not. That there’s no need to since Namjoon hasn’t been in my space at all. But neither Mark nor I have a choice so we just ambiguously respond to Jackson’s statement. Mark goes ahead, and Jackson walks me to my house.

“I don’t think Mark likes me all that much.” We’re almost at the stoop of my house. Might as well try to salvage this situation. The last thing I want, is to be around Mark Tuan. Especially by force.

“What are you talking about? The other day, we were getting stuff from our lockers and he said, ‘No candy again?’ He’s just like that. A little too cool. Don’t worry. You’ll warm up to him soon enough.”