The quest towards redemption begins with righting your wrongs.

I start by not making any more mistakes. Inclusive of waiting outside the Woollim recital hall with a large bouquet of yellow tulips from Fourth Ave.

“Congratulations! You were awesome!” I yell as soon as Youngjae appears from the crowd of music program kids emerging from the concert hall. Judgey stares come my way, but I don’t care. I will fangirl my life away for my best friend. “Choi Youngjae! You’re the best!”

Youngjae waves at me from somewhere within his new group of friends. At school, we were losers. Nobodies. We’re largely ignored because we don’t conform to the ridiculous standards of greatness high school imposes upon us, but outside the walls of our classrooms, some of us are pretty awesome. Youngjae is beyond awesome. I knew he could sing, there’s a reason we’re on a first name basis with the clerks at the local karaoke center, but I didn’t know just how good he was on piano.

“I’m so sorry I have been unaware of your greatness for this long!” I bow my head and offer him the flowers.

Youngjae takes the bouquet and lightly bops my head with it. “You’re so dramatic. Nari’s somewhere here. Go make up because Mom knows you two are here and she’s gonna invite you over for dinner. We’re going to that barbecue place we all like.”

Auntie’s invites are non-negotiable. Nari knows this too. So when we eventually run into each other by the main lobby where Youngjae’s parents were waiting, it isn’t so out there to assume that, at least for the night, we were going to get along. Or anyway, pretend that we were otherwise not in the middle of whatever it was between us now.

“I don’t know, the Summer Festival Fiasco seems unforgivable on all levels.” I’ve spent nights thinking about ways to redeem myself. I haven’t seen Namjoon or Jackson or Mark. I’ve been staring at my phone making sure I won’t miss any messages, but it seemed that they were all upset with me. Jein didn’t say anything about the crazy turn of events, but that just means she’s launched her own investigation and my head is still very much on the guillotine.

“Can’t be that bad.”

“You were there. How can you say it wasn’t that bad?”

Youngjae grins. “Because Mark saved you? Or are you conveniently forgetting that part?”

I try not to scream so it comes out of my lips in a strangled squeal. “Shut up! That’s—That’s— That’s exactly the worst part of everything because Jackson and Namjoon will murder me.”

“They’re not going to murder you. That’s illegal.”

We link arms and head down to the lobby. I don’t think whether or not murder is legal is the point here. “Metaphorical murder.”

“Okay. But you can’t tell me you weren’t the littlest bit dying on the inside when Mark went all Knight in Shining Armor on you.”

“That’s totally not the point.”

“Yeah, ‘cause the point is if Namjoon and Jackson do attempt murder on you, Mark will definitely go Knight in Shining Armor on you all the same so really—oomph—“

“Shut up. This is not okay. I’m in a legitimate crisis here!”

“Besides, they’re more likely to kill each other first. Or team up and kill Mark.”

“You’re not helping! And can we talk about you instead? This is your night!”

“Oh, so it’s my night when things are finally getting interesting in your life?”

I shove Youngjae as hard as I can, and he shoves me back until we’re taking turns pushing each other around. I can’t blame him for teasing me, or even begrudge him for being so amused by my situation. I deserved it, I think. But maybe I also deserve a bit of sympathy. It’s not like I’m asking for a miracle.

We reach the end of the hall, right where it opens up to the main lobby. When I do see Nari, I couldn’t hide the rush of emotion I felt for my best friend. I leave Youngjae behind to stand next to her, a bundle of nerves with an apology.

Nari’s shoulders tense when I move to stand next to her. She looks at me from the corner of her eyes, wary almost of what happens next.

“I’m sorry.”

I brace myself for the worst. At the back of my mind, I know I should probably have come with a peace offering—I did prepare one—or maybe a better prepared speech—I prepared one, too—but it felt fake, almost. All I had was a simple, honest and sincere apology.

Nari looks at me from under her bangs. It isn’t just a look that’s supposed transmit the visual image of my grovelling to her brain. It’s a look that means she’s thinking about my low-key grovelling. I’m about to drop to my knees. Maybe. It feels like something I should do.

“Seriously?” Youngjae appears between us. “For real? You’re giving her that look? The other day you were all—“

“Shut up, Youngjae,” Nari says through gritted teeth.

“What? Seriously?”

Nari’s bottom lip quivers just the slightest. “Fine. God, fine. Fine. I’m sorry, too. I was jealous, okay? I was annoyed.”

“No, I was completely overtaking things and I shouldn’t have pushed my drama on all of you and—“

Youngjae gathers us both into a group hug. “Great. This is good. This is perfect. Don’t I feel special?”

I meet Nari’s gaze and she smiles at me just the slightest. We both know it. Youngjae always wins in the end. If only because we’ll always let him. Because that’s we do. Not because for all the things Youngjae has done for us, but simply because he is Youngjae. And she is Nari. And I am me.

“I missed you guys!” Youngjae cries, too dramatically than he should. He throws his arms around each of our shoulders. “This is gonna be great. Come on, just say it. You miss each other too. It’s okay. I won’t hold it against you. Much. Maybe only when necessary.”

Nari grumbles and elbows Youngjae away. “I’m just doing this for the barbecue.”

“Likewise,” I add. “Let’s get food.”

Dinner was us inhaling food: rice wraps, grilled spicy chicken, kimchi stew, tofu soup, and the endless servings of side dishes including Nari’s favorite sweet potatoes. We haven’t had a meal together like this in what seems forever. There were too many stories to tell, all of which we sent through a million topics per second. Youngjae’s parents actually moved to a different table so they could eat in peace.

“So what was it like on stage?” I ask Youngjae.

“It was awesome. Oi, Kwon Nari! You still haven’t told me who that guy you brought to Blue Rush is. He’s your boyfriend now, isn’t he?”

Nari scoffs. “He’s just some dude. You know. Summer fling.”

Youngjae actually snorts. “Yeah right, you were so into him it’s disgusting.”

“Excuse me, I happen to have some self control. Unlike someone we know.” Her gaze lands on me. “Like Mark Tuan, what’s that about?”

“Let’s not talk about Mark! Whatever happened to sisters before misters? Isn’t that the new rule?”

“We spent the whole of first year and the first half of second year stalking the guy, I’m not letting this go until we see this through. How did that happen?”

“I though we’re not talking about it! Isn’t this why we fought?”

To be honest, I don’t even know why we fought so much about something so trivial. Hindsight really was 20/20 and now that I look back, it was silly and stupid and I wish it never happened. I was selfish, and that’s the worst part of it. I didn’t even realize I was because I kept thinking I was the victim.

“Well, yeah.” Nari scooped a spoonful of soup and tofu into her rice. “But aren’t we supposed to acknowledge this? Like decent human beings?”

Youngjae nods. “Yeah. Besides, we’re not not going to talk about this. So, you know, there’s no repeat of this.”

“Ugh. Fine. Let’s talk about this. I don’t know how that happened okay? It just did. He was just being a decent human being, I think.”

“At the cost of his friendship with Jackson?”

I shake my head at Nari. “We don’t know that.”

But I did. Mark told me as much.

“We’re going to find out on Monday, anyway,” Youngjae says. “You’re lucky if people aren’t talking about it anymore.”

“It’s old news by now.”

“Yeah, but people are definitely going to notice Jackson and Mark not being overly affectionate.”

Nari has a point. A good one. “You think they’ll think it was me?”

Nari shrugs. “Well, if people start throwing eggs and other grocery items at you, then we’ll get an answer. And free stuff. You think they can start throwing ramyun packs at us?”

I groan. “Great. Just great.”

“Or you know, it could just be the Boy Scouts wanting you dead.”

“Kwon Nari!”

Youngjae laughs like he hasn’t laughed so much in forever. “I can’t wait to get back to school.”

I groan into my hands. “Make it stop.”

“Hey.”

I look up at Nari.

“Aside from the major kissing up you need to do to me, you know I got you, right?”

“I know. That’s not really what I’m worried about.”

Because even if the other students weren’t talking about it, even if they were still talking about it, I have Nari and Youngjae. The people who mind don’t matter, and the people who matter don’t mind. That’s not the point. The point is, I’ll have to talk about it. With Jackson. With Namjoon. With Mark.

I’m not looking forward to that. I don’t want to do that because that would all be on me. Because I’d have to face up to the unforeseen consequences of my actions. I would have to tell Jackson the truth. I would have to tell Namjoon the truth.

The friendships that I have made, they would all go up in smoke because I haven’t been totally 100% honest with them.

“You okay?” Youngjae asks.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“We’ll get through this,” Nari says. “We always do. Always will.”

That, I believed. Without a shadow of doubt.

Dear Readers,

Sorry this took forever to update. I wish I could do a double update, but Life has been uncooperative lately. I will continue writing this, even if takes me months in between updates. I greatly appreciate you all sticking with me even when I disappear for months at a time. I am always so greatly humbled by all the subs I get and every comment just makes me so happy. If you've commented, thank you. Thank you. Your comments really encourage me to keep writing and coming back for this fic. Again, thanks for all the support. You guys are the best!

Sincerely,

static.dream