Now I remember what I was so worried about over the weekend.

Just as Youngjae predicted, Kim Namjoon is the first thing I see as soon as I walk into the school gates. He’s surrounded by the other seniors in his group, Min Yoongi, Jung Hoseok, and Kim Seokjin which leaves me with nowhere to run. I could scream, but what’s the point? The teacher in charge of school gate duty won’t be here until the last ten minutes before the bell rings, and the other students would only make a fuss out of nothing at all.

Kim Namjoon is pissed, as expected. Unfair, because I’m the victim here! It’s me who has to face the consequences, not him! He can just go on with his life, having kissed a random girl, accident or not, it affects him and his reputation in no significant way at all. Why haven’t we talked more about this over the weekend? Why didn’t I ask what time Youngjae would be in school today? What am I going to do?

Namjoon spits out my name and I jerk backwards, genuinely afraid of being physically harmed by these guys.

“This is unbelievable,” Seokjin sighs. “Be nice to her, otherwise she’ll never properly understand what you’re trying to convey.”

Namjoon’s expression sours, but he doesn’t say anything. He just crosses his arms over his chest and huffs at me.

Seokjin sighs again and steps towards me. He offers his hand, but I just stare at it, unsure of what it’s supposed to mean. “This isn’t the place for this, we should go somewhere less public so we can all talk properly.”

I never knew why Kim Seokjin is part of the Boy Scouts. He’s too pretty to be associated with the likes of Namjoon, Yoongi, and Hoseok. Where the other three have their varying levels of grit, Seokjin is gentle, dignified, even. His uniform is always properly worn, and I heard his grades are actually competitive. Nari suspects he’s from a really good affluent family, but is with the Boy Scouts as an act of rebellion. In my entire stay in this school, it’s always been Namjoon, Jimin, and Taehyung who got into trouble while the other three, not counting Jeon Jungkook, were there to get them out.

“I assure you, you’ll be fine,” he says to me. “Scouts honor,” he adds, hand to his heart.

As if that really even means anything to them. I glance nervously at the other two behind him. Min Yoongi and Jung Hoseok were part of Namjoon’s rap crew or whatever it’s called. We never hear much about them other than their cases of truancy and that they frequent underground clubs.

“Maybe you two should go ahead,” Seokjin says to them. “We’ll be fine here.”

“What about Jackson?” Yoongi asks.

What about Jackson? Were they here for backup? In case Jackson shows up? Is this supposed to be a prelude to another fight? I’m suddenly sick in my stomach and I don’t think I can keep upright for any longer.

“We don’t have to worry about him,” Seokjin replies. He gestures towards me. “She’s a little uncomfortable with you two around.”

Hoseok doesn’t really appear to understand how or why this is relevant, but he drags Yoongi away with him anyway. I don’t hear the rest of their conversation, but Jackson and Mark aren’t part of it.

“Where are we going?” I ask, finally finding my voice.

“Just over there.” Seokjin point to the back of the main building. “There’s a nice spot over there, next to the hydrangeas where we can talk without being bothered by anyone.”

Every bit of me wants to run away and hide forever, but there is also that one tiny, idiotic part of me that is curious about what Kim Namjoon might have to say. Why would he need Seokjin present in the first place? Why didn’t he just get Jimin and Taehyung to drag me off to the club room like before? What’s so important about this that Kim Namjoon actually looks like he’s going to be sick?

And then, the weirdest thing happens. Seokjin smiles at me. He actually smiles at me and it’s completely taken me off guard I let him take my hand and lead me to the hydrangeas. Once we’re there, he lets me go and drops down and makes himself comfortable on a plant box. Namjoon stands behind me, and I inch away from him and closer to Seokjin.

“You know what this is about,” Seokjin begins, “I think it’s inevitable to have this conversation.”

Is he saying Namjoon is about to kill me? Oh my god, I’m not ready to die! I haven’t even had my first proper first kiss! Mark isn’t even aware I’ve made him candy all this time! I want to at least go out on an actual date before I go!

“What are you doing?”

That’s Namjoon. Staring at me. Not the usual I’m going to kill you look. It’s more like a what the hell are you doing look. I drop my arms from my chest and keep them at my sides. “Nothing. What’s this conversation supposed to be about?”

Namjoon swipes at his nose with his fist, and maybe it’s more like a move of badassery than actually wiping something off his nose. “You need to take responsibility.”

“For what?” I turn to Seokjin for some form of explanation, but his chin is turned into his chest and his eyes are closed. Did he just fall asleep?

“For what you did!” Namjoon rarely made any sense, and this is one of those days where he plays by the norm to the letter.

“What did I do?”

“You…you…last Friday!”

“Look, I’m sorry I fell on you, but that…that…that was…”

He jabs his finger towards my face. He’s too far to reach me, but I jerk back anyway. “Yes! That…that…take responsibility for that!” He looks genuinely scandalized that such a thing occurred between us. The nerve. I’m still the victim here.

“I’m sorry I fell on your face!”

“Still happened!”

“Why are you so upset? Did I hurt you that much? Is this a pride thing? What is the matter with you?” I really don’t meant for all of that to come out, but I think this is an example of the mouse getting cornered thing.

“That was his first kiss,” Seokjin mumbles, adjusting his position on the plant box. “So he wants you to take responsibility for it.”

“Wait, what?”

Seokjin yawns. “His first kiss. Big deal. Be responsible. Get married.”

“I…I’m not…what are you…?” I take a moment to let this sink in. I take another deep breath and slowly let it out through my mouth. Don’t panic. “I’m sorry, what?”

Namjoon’s ear are bright pink, standing out too much against his bleached hair. If his face is any indication, then he’s not so happy with this arrangement either. Which is ridiculous because he’s the one with the reputation, not me. He crosses his arms over his chest and grinds his teeth. It’s weird. This is far from the Kim Namjoon I have in my head.

“It was my first too…”

Seokjin actually snorts. He snorts in delight and, fully awake, he gets up to push Namjoon towards me. It’s more weird and awkward than scary now. This is not what I was expecting. “Just tell her what you want to say.”

“Go out with me,” Namjoon mumbles, eyes narrowed at something else behind my head.

“Despite the rumours that V likes to spread about him, Namjoon here is pretty chaste. Doesn’t even like holding hands, so your little accident is a big deal. Since you’ve already started with his birthday, might as well make it official.”

“But I…”

“What!”

This time, I don’t flinch at Namjoon’s outburst. “I don’t just go out with guys.” So far so good. Now, if only I remember my previously prepared speech. Namjoon just stands there, rubbing his nose or scratching the back of his neck every other two minutes. This isn’t how I imagined it at all. I had thought that on the day I reunite with the guy who got my First Kiss, I’d see sparks flying and I’d hear music in the air. I can’t believe this guy is The Guy.

“Do you even like me?”

Namjoon’s hand drops from his ear and he looks me straight in the eye. He takes a step closer towards me, and I don’t take a step back. There’s something in his eyes that I have never seen before. I realize that I’ve never truly looked at him to really see Kim Namjoon separate from Rap Monster, and part of me wonders if this is the moment that I do. Could it be? Was it possible that I’m not a game? That there is more to this than meets the eye?

Namjoon opens his mouth. I stop breathing.

And I’m saved by the bell.

As Seokjin and Namjoon deliver their respective curses at the public announcement system, I make a mad dash towards my classroom. Youngjae is already in his seat, reading for first period, but the hi and hellos have to wait because our teacher walks in just as I fly into my seat.

Why did I ask Namjoon that question? It just came out of the blue that I don’t know how to rationalize this situation. I pull out my book as the teachers instructs us and turn to page 117. Lunch is going to be a repeat of this morning, if not of Friday. Jimin will get his orders from Namjoon and Taehyung will back him up, and up, up, and away I go to the Boy Scout’s lair. And then who knows what happens next?

Youngjae kicks the back of my seat. I turn back to glare at him, but I hear the teacher call my name.

“Uhm.” I glance down at my notebook. “3x-4?”

Our teacher’s lips press into a hard line. “Thank you for that, but 3x-4 isn’t the emperor I’m looking for.”

Laughter erupts from the class and I sink into my chair. Great. I check my book, Math, and the notes on the white board, History. Fantastic.

I make sure I bring out the appropriate book for the corresponding class for the next period, but the words on my textbook still don’t make sense to me. I shouldn’t have run away. I should have stayed a little while longer to hear what Namjoon was about to say. Didn’t Seokjin say so himself? The Namjoon I think I know is not the Namjoon he knows. Maybe I should drop by the scouting room during lunch today.

Lunch rolls by and I’m still stuck to my seat. I probably should just stay here. There’s nothing I have to say to the Boy Scouts anyway. Besides, do I really want to know the answer to my stupid question?

“I’m going to go see Nari, are you coming?” Youngjae asks. He has his lunchbox with him, ready to make the trip to Nari’s classroom. “I think she’s still mad at me.”

“Did you talk to her yesterday?”

“Yeah, she replied to my messages, but it’s obvious she’s upset about Saturday.”

I spot Jimin from the corner of my eye, and I grab my lunch and power walk to 2-D. Nari is already eating with some girls in her class. They pushed their tables together like we usually did, but didn’t share lunch boxes. They all sticked to their own lunch. One girl sees us and points us out to Nari.

Youngjae waves at her hesitantly. “Hi?”

Nari leaves her lunch on the table and walks towards us. She stops by the threshold to their room and crosses her arms over her chest. “What are you guys doing here?”

“I thought we were lunching together,” Youngjae says. “You didn’t come over so I thought we’d go here.”

“I didn’t want to deal with Park Ugly.”

“Oh, I see.” Youngjae tries too hard sometimes. Nari would have gotten over it eventually. Like in first year, Youngjae accidentally spilled his banana milk on her most precious Jay Park album. He actually bought her a new one even though the only damage Nari’s album sustained was a milky blotch over Jay Park’s abs.

“It’s okay, we can go back to our room.” My suggestion isn’t met with any kind of response. “Guys?”

“Are you mad at me? Because I couldn’t get into the studio?”

“I’m not mad.” She totally was upset.

“That’s not his fault,” I say, “No one could get it, not even JB-sunbae. You could have come with us to Fourth Ave, seen Youngjae’s slick moves.”

Nari’s eyes dart towards me and it’s murderous. What’s her problem? “JB?”

“Im Jaebeom. He said call him JB.”

“What, so you’re like best friends now?”

I would have said that no, that’s not the case, and to spite her, I’d add that it’s actually Park Jinyoung who’s my new BFF, but Jimin and Taehyung are walking our way so I blurt out, “I gotta pee.” and I run to the girls room.

I don’t leave the girls room until it’s time for class. I put my lunch box back into its pouch, regretting now that I didn’t eat. I thought it was weird and gross and pathetic to eat in a stall so I didn’t. Especially after I heard some girls talking about me. Someone saw me walking with Namjoon and Seokjin to the back of the building to do things, and I really worry about the way information is disseminated in this school.

“What happened to you?” Youngjae asks as we’re rearranging our desks to form a circle. Our English teacher is weird like that. He keeps making up these strategies to optimize learning and things. Why can’t he just stand in front and talk nonstop like the other teachers?

“I had a lot to pee?”

Obviously, Youngjae doesn’t believe me. “Seriously.”

“What did Nari say?” Like I’m going to actually tell him I was running for my life.

“Nothing. After you left I went back to our room. Did you talk to Jackson yesterday?”

“He just left a message saying he was busy with some family thing. Why?”

Before Youngjae could answer, English proceeds as usual and we all stand up and read from out books, improvise, make up stories to share, then read some more. Math was terrible, so was Science. I considered excusing myself and calling my mom so I can skip the rest of the afternoon, but I didn’t have a valid excuse. By last period, I’ve run out of options.

“Did you get how to do the homework for Math?” Youngjae asks, prodding my shoulder.

“I can’t think of Math right now.”

He pokes the back of my arm. This is one of the disadvantages of having him sit behind me in class. “What happened to you? You’re acting weird.”

We’re supposed to finish our book review while our teacher stepped out. “I have no idea what to say about this character,” I tell him instead. I should probably tell him he was right. Namjoon did show up this morning, but I couldn’t risk my other seatmate hearing about it.

“He’s forced into a corner so he did the things he did despite them being morally ambiguous because he saw no other way out.”

“Thanks, don’t write that down exactly, I don’t want to get caught cheating.”

Youngjae scoffs. “I heard some girls talking about it, okay. Why won’t you just tell me? Even Nari knows about it.”

“Then why are you asking me?” I shoot back, derisively. I slap his hand away before he could poke me again. Thankfully, our teacher walks back in to check on our progress.

Finally, class officially ends, but my day isn’t over yet. Youngjae demands a full blow by blow of what happened this morning, and he has also expressed that he needs to work out this thing with Nari. I’m morally obligated to help him out. It’s non-negotiable.

But of course it’s not that easy, because as soon as we get to the corner stairs, who else shows up but Jackson and Mark on one side, and Namjoon and Seokjin on the other. This is so not ideal.

“Is this guy bothering you again?” Jackson asks. Mark holds him back, probably just as worried as I am that Jackson and Namjoon are going to start fighting again.

I cut a glance at Namjoon. He doesn’t look angry. He looks confused. Like he wants to continue the conversation from this morning. I should have talked to him during lunch today.

“He’s not doing anything,” I say. Mark is looking at me now, too. It’s similar to the way he looked at me Friday night. “This is just a terrible coincidence.”

“Is it?” Seokjin asks, smirk on his face. I probably need to have to talk to him about that, too. I’ve only met the guy today, but I have a feeling he’ll be much more trouble than he looks.

“Yes, it is,” I assert before all hell breaks loose.

Namjoon scoffs to himself and I’m afraid he’ll start throwing punches around. But he doesn’t. He just walks ahead as if he hadn’t meant to talk to me. As he passes by me, he tilts his head to look at my face. Our eyes meet for a moment, and what I see there is not something I can just disregard or even forget. I feel sick again.

Youngjae sighs in relief as soon as the Boy Scouts are out of sight. “I thought we were in trouble.”

“You okay?” Jackson asks. Mark, as usual, is suspicious of me. Did he see the way Namjoon looked at me? Did Jackson?

“I’m okay.”

“I wanted to say I can’t walk you today ‘cause I have practice. The meet starts in two months so I gotta condition everyday. Sorry.”

“That’s okay, I’ll be okay.”

“You sure? I don’t want Kim Namjoon bothering you.”

“I got him.” I point at Youngjae. Kim Namjoon won’t be a problem anymore. At least not in the way Jackson thinks.

Jackson and Youngjae exchange a manly nod of understanding and it’s the weirdest thing ever. “You’re in charge,” Jackson says.

I don’t like it. I don’t like the way Jackson takes control like this. We haven’t even talked about what we’re supposed to talk about in the first place. Jackson bids his leave, and Mark spares me one last warning glance before following Jackson out.

“What is it with guys and their sidekicks?” I ask out loud.

Youngjae shrugs. “It’s so people know who’s boss.”

Nari didn’t wait for us and she wasn’t responding to our messages, so she’ll just have to catch up another day. Youngjae and I don’t go straight home. We stop by Undec for milk tea and I tell him about Namjoon and Seokjin.