an AU story with Taeyeon's yesterday's post as the fuel.
And Shawn Mendes' Mercy~

Enjoy~

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Since when wine tasted so sour? Was it because I had too much malted beer?

Sighing, I glanced to the dark blue sky, tinted a bit with purple, hovering above me. The sky was alone tonight, no stars, no moon, even the clouds were hiding and rain or lightning paid no visit. So empty.

So lonely.

I took another sip of wine and rested my arms on the balcony’s railing. My tongue buds hadn’t used to the taste yet. Funny that I drank wine often back then. Back when I was solitarily living for myself and my occupation. When everything was less important than me and myself. The wine smelled the same, but the supposed to be familiar taste felt new.

The cool night air finally seeped into my bones. I used to think that it was refreshing, however, now the night air felt like tiny icicles that entered my pores and froze inside.

I hugged myself and left the balcony, back into my room, dimly lit with my phone played music in the background and a burning scented candle. The setting was warm and calm, but I felt much colder and lonelier. And I hated it.

The memories inside was too heavy and my brain was acting like a movie player, depicted every scenes recorded through my eyes and I couldn’t hit the stop button. Sighing, I let myself sat and unwillingly watched, becoming a sole audience for my own story.

I was tired but I refused to close my eyes. Afraid that if I did, the recollections of my happiest memory in my life would become too vivid and I couldn’t differentiate which was the reality.

Or maybe that was exactly the thing I wanted, being mixed within the present and the past, captured in the loop with no future. My eyes were open but all I could see was nothing and darkness. But, behind the lids, I found a light, small, dim, and faraway. Like starlight, it twinkled, a bright memory.

Was she still here? Laying on the bed with bare face and messy hair. With an oversized sweater that she liked so much, always hiding half of her hands behind the sleeves and covered half of her face with the loose neck line. I couldn’t see her lips but I knew it was between her teeth, and her eyes smiled to me, telling me to get on the bed and spent the night on her arms, claiming me with her scent.

 In peace, with love.

Hearing her regular breathing as I succumbed onto her chest and her heartbeat as my lullaby. Her fingers would gently surfed on my hairs, lightly scraped the skin. Her lips would press onto my forehead, slightly, before they parted and her tongue rolled off a good night and whispered my name.

“Taeyeon-“

I opened my eyes which b with tears. Light was gone and the darkness engulfed me once more. In the black present, I crashed and tripped onto the reality that I wanted to believe as a dream.

A dream that she was still by my side with cruel reality that she wasn’t here anymore.

“- tomorrow. Please call me back as soon as you received my message” , was the only thing  I heard and then the voicemail went dead.

I sniffed the tears and silently wiped my eyes. Acted that I was fine even though no one was watching.

But, I was watching. At The pathetic and sorrowful part of myself.

I reached for my phone when the playlist resumed and turned it off. I couldn’t stay here if I wanted to stay sane. Glass of wine that half-empty was abandoned as I grabbed my purse and jacket and stormed out of the door.

I was driving aimlessly. I didn’t set anything on my GPS and just drove. Driving, running away from myself. Away from the ghost within the darkness. My foot hit the accelerator and street lights passed me, one by one, but my vision remained black. My eyes were on the road but my mind floated to the dark, chilling air. Thinking things that I shouldn’t yet couldn’t forget.

And when I hit the brake, I found myself parked in a very familiar neighborhood that I spent many years driving around it, under a yellow lamp post, beside a rusted empty garbage bin. And I didn’t get off. My hands stilled on the wheels and I didn’t unclasp the seatbelt, I silently sat on the car with the dead engine.

My eyes slowly crawled away from the dashboard, to look at our- your house. The lights were turned off except one on the second floor which I knew it was the bedroom. I dared not know what was happening behind the wall and window but I couldn’t help to wonder and reminiscing.

Had you have dinner? or were you having it now on the bed? We both always forgot to eat and ended up having it before sleep and always complaining how we could get bloated next morning but none of us actually minded it.

Or, were you watching your late tv show? I remembered it was your favorite kind of nights when we spent times under the blanket, laying back against the fluffy pillows and cuddled up on the bed, making each other all warm and comfy.

Or it could be you and your mystery novel, leisurely relaxing behind the cover and I just got off from the shower, thinking of how I could get rid of your novel and made you read and unsolved me instead.

Or one of those nights when I overworked myself on my workshop and both of us would press onto each other on the sofa in the cellar instead of