My hearts racing and my cheeks are very hot. I was caught. I just admitted I was staring at him. How stupid can I get? "What do you want?" "Huh?" he takes a deep sigh and lays back down. “If you don’t need anything then please leave.” Did I want anything from him? The true was I did. I was tired of always suffering because of Jay and Amber. I was tired of the world I was living in. I’m tired of how I look.  I’m tired of bullying my own self.

I stand my ground and let out the breath I’ve been holding in. “I want you to coach me!” his brows go inwards. He then sits up. “And what exactly do you want me to coach you on?” was he going to coach me? Is he really going to it? “Will you help me?” “It all depends.” What does he mean by that? “I won’t do something that is worthless and a waste of my time.”

“This won’t be a waste of your time. Just please hear me out.” I felt that I couldn’t look at him. I was embarrassed. I didn’t know him and I’m sure he wouldn’t care who I am but…. I can’t let that stop me from doing what I want to do. I look straight at him. I have to stand on my ground and give it a shot. “I want to change for the better, but i don’t know how. I say I will start changing this day but never go through with it. I’m done with having to get treated this way by them. I won’t to become stronger and I want to be different. I want them to see that they can’t treat me the way they want to because I am a human being. I want you to make me to someone that no can ever hurt with words or make fun of for being big size.”

His hand stretches out and hands me a handkerchief. I didn’t even notice I was crying. I take it and wipe the tears away. “Meet me here tomorrow at lunch time.” With that he gets up and leaves. Did he- will he help me? I filled with excitement. I was so happy that I started jumping. I couldn’t believe it. I sit on the bench and smile to myself. It’s finally happening. I’m going to make this time count and succeed all the way.

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During my last class I wrote things that I knew I could do at home. I would eat normally but small portions, walk around for a while, maybe go to the park when I’m bored. I usually get the munchies when I’m craving something so I can find an alternative that will stop my cravings. The bell rings and school was over. I grab my things and head out to my locker. I grab my backpack and head out the door. As I’m about to take my third step out the door, I feel someone’s arm around my shoulder. I froze. Please don’t let it be Jay. I close my eyes waiting for the taunting voice to speak. “Why are you closing your eyes? Oh I get it, you want me to cover your eyes and you guess who it is. I see, I see.”

What the heck? That’s not Jay’s voice. That’s- “Earth to Vivi. Hey are you listening to me?” I turn around to see none other than Dylan. “What are you doing here?” “I told you I would be picking you up today. Did you already forget? Come on Violet why you have to go on and hurt me like that.” I sigh. “I swear you’re the biggest idiot I know.” I walk away from him. To my right I see Amber and Jay staring at me as well as their people. To say I wasn’t scared would be a lie. “Hey Violet are you okay? Did I say something I shouldn’t have?” I shook my head and continued walking. “I’m just tired.

We arrived home and I went to my room. I had a ton of homework and wanted to get them over with. I can’t get distracted. I began with math. The worst subject of all. I kept looking at my notes and back at my worksheet. Sometimes the stuff just confused me and I just see the purpose of having to solve for X. like what is the point. I’m sure when I grow older I won’t need to find X unless… yea I won’t need to.  I had finished the majority of my work around dinner time.

Samantha and my mother had made ribs, rice and other stuff. I didn’t feel hungry so I just grabbed a bowel of grabs and went back to my room. I took the books I had got and placed them on my desk.  I would read them another day. I cleaned my backpack out and finished the last homework I had. I then went on my laptop and went on webtoons. I always like the work the webtoon artist’s did. At one point I wanted to do my own work but I wasn’t good enough. I still lacked basic skills and my drawings were never good so I gave up on that.

“ Nam-Seon you need some wisdom in your life.” I look for Bluechair by shen. His work always makes my day.  I had reread all of the episodes and the recent update one as well.  Do you ever get the feeling of hope? It comes up out of nowhere and it just rises as your wondering depends? My mind and soul was filled with hope.  I’m pretty sure I look stupid right now. I’m blushing and smiling like a maniac. I lay my head down on my desk. “Well this is something huh?”

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I got up early today and got ready as fast as I could.  Today was my first meeting with Nathan as my coach. Not going to lie, I was nervous. I didn’t know what to expect. What if gives me intense training that makes me die on my first day and he starts spitting fire when he yells at me for doing something wrong? What if he makes me do sit ups but gets someone who ways a ton and I have to pick them up every time????

I need to calm down. It’s not going to be that dramatic…. Right? I shake my head. I grab a piece of toast. “I will be walking to school mom. No need to take me.” I put the toast in my mouth while I tie my shoe. “Are you sure? I don’t mind taking you.” I shake my head and grab the toast. “It’s fine. I want to walk today.” I walk out and begin walking. I can’t always rely on mom to take me.  Even though walking feels like it’s killing me it’s my best friend to lose weight.

“wuahhh finally I made it.” For some reason I was out of breath. ALL I DID WAS WALK WHY!!!!!!!! I let out a sigh. I’m still early so I might as well walk around. I let my feet take me to where ever. I was tired. Who would have known I was really out of shape. I walk into a room and sit on the chair by the door. I need to rest.  My ears capture music around the room. Wait I know this song. I look up to find that I’m in the piano room again. I could feel the shivers coming out. Oh my gawd that going to be Jay. I know it.

I stand up and slowly open the door knob. I’m sure life was testing me right now because the door made a screeching noise and the music stopped. I gulped and close my eyes knowing I was going to get it. “Oh it’s just you.” The voice sounded irritated.  I’m dead. Farewell my beloved mother. I’m sorry for always hiding your weird workout outfits. It was for your own good. “Close the door now.” His voice was stern. It would be stupid of me not to listen. “Sit down.”

Would he let me do a last request before he kills me? I’m sure he will. I sit back down at the chair I was in earlier. “If you see anyone who might come in the room tell me. If you fail to report to me, you will get it.” I nod my head and he begins to play again.  I’m sure I’ve heard this song before. Was it in the radio? No I don’t think so, I can’t think of anyone whose voice would sing it. Then the worlds came to me.

How could I forget this? This …. This … I looked at the person in front of me. A single tear falls and floods what I once new.

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Hello everyone.Yes it is I and I’m sorry I haven’t updated in like forever. I’m so sorry. Tbh with you guys I have been busy with my first year in college and Ive been lazy with updating. I had started on this chapter but I had like two sentences. I am sorry.  I hope you guys still read my story. I might take forever again but don’t hate me okay. I will use my ……………. Any who Nam-Seon is Violet’s middle name. Just to let you guys know :) Anyways I hope you guys liked this chapter.

P.S Bluechair is real. you guys should check it out.