Counting down the days seemed like my only salvation. I sat in class studying for our final exams, everyone has their A game on and was completely focused on the papers and books in front of them. Before, getting good grades meant everything to me, now it was a struggling battle of concentration. I sighed in frustration catching the attention of my friends. I sat next to the window next to CL and next to her was Dara while Minzy and Bomi was sat in front of us. They all turned to me looking for an answer. The only possible thing I could do was smile in silence. A silent way of telling them everything was alright. Bomi being the eldest and wisest and the leader of our girl group looked towards the other, telling them that we should get back to studying and for that I was thankful. All the girls did, not because they obeyed Bomi but because they knew she was right. Grades were important to them as well.  

The bell rang and despite the joy of hearing that the boredom of silence was over, the despair never left me. Our group was walking down the school hall towards the car park ready to go home. I turned my head catching the glances of half of snsd with Jessica in the middle giving me a deadly glare. This made my group turn to me in concern while Jessica and I locked sight of each other. Bomi held my shoulders and gave me a slight push to move on. The sight of Jessica, holding her stomach reminded me that she was pregnant with Luhan's child, and that reminded me of Luhan and that he is still missing. He has been gone for 8 weeks. Hearing from my parents, the Xi family have not gone to the police or sent out a search party because Luhan was sending them updates, to reassure them of his safety and well-being. Despite the endless days and nights his family spent searching for him, they came to the conclusion that they should let Luhan come back to them himself. My family and the Xi family haven't been in contact as they usually are, unfortunately this lead to a barrier of any information of Luhan getting to me. And the message I sent him - no reply. As much as I try to focus on my life before the whole arranged marriage deal, the whole thing seemed more important than my future. It both angered and frustrated me. If past Seohyun could travel through time, she would slap me around the head for being careless about my education and future Seohyun would slap me either way for not doing anything. I could search for Luhan or I could focus on my exams - but I'm doing neither.  

What else can I do? I feel vunerable. I feel the walls crumbling while I spend my energy building it up again. As much as I want not to care, I do.  

"Are you ever going to tell us what is going on Seo?" CL turned to me while our group exited the building.

"You guys have been the most supportive friends I have ever had, you guys have been patient" I began while my friends gave me a small smile while their eyes twinkled as I recalled the strength of our friendship. They knew that something was going on with me. The way I have been acting and the recent scene of snsd and Jessica in the canteen. But they were being considerate. They were aware that this was bigger than a casual problem and were less than content to wait for an answer. 

"Not to mention we took a beating from snsd" Minzy side mentioned to which the others gave a slight chuckle. This was the group I belonged in. Just give a few days and we could laugh about anything - if you didn't know that is rare to girls, we usually hold grudges. 

"I am so sorry I put you guys through this" I frowned seeing my friends, through the worst they stood by me. These are real friends. They too a beating for me and even that they weren't mad at me or held a grudge towards me. 

"It's nothing, honestly those girls wouldn't want to break their nails" Dara made a small joke to which the entire grouped lightened up further. I have to tell them. They have been so patient and have suffered a lot because of me. Ever since I became their friend, they have been a target of snsd. They didn't even do anything wrong. It's only fair that I tell them, they deserve to know. 

 "You guys deserve to know, but promise you wouldn't tell anyone" I said in a hushed tone which made my group come closer. They all nodded slowly as if they were afraid of what to say. Bomi offered for us to go to her house as her parents weren't home - they were never home. We took Bomi's car to her house while I rang shinee to meet us there. The boys, like the girls were begging to know what happened while Minho kept quiet. He knew but he didn't tell and was always there for me - I was thankful and I could see something light up about him but I couldn't tell what it was. 

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"Soo Seo, tell us. What happened?" CL broke the silence in the living room despite 10 people sat around. I was sat on the large soft with Bomi and CL beside me giving me comfort while Dara, Minzy, Taemin and Onew were sat in the other large sofa across from us while Key and Jonhyun sat on on single sofa and Minho was standing next to the fire place. 

"Where should I start?" I ravaged through my brain in search of the right memories. Where to begin? There is so much and any detail must be included so that they are aware of the situation. 

"From any part where you are most comfortable" Key spoke with an unusually serious manner. "But the start would be great" Key continued with a cheeky voice to which everyone chuckled. There he was, there was the Key we knew. Even in a life and death situation he couldn't help but crack a joke or lighten up the mood. 

"CL, Minzy. Do you guys remember when I was called by the headteacher?" I asked them directly to which they nodded.  "I said it was a family matter. It was. My parents came to school along with Luhan's parents and they wanted Luhan and I to get married due to a family promise between our grandfathers" My entire group remained silent. I looked around. Minho's head popped up. He didn't know about this although he didn't look at me. He was so focused on the wall while leaning on the fireplace. His hand was clutched around the design so tightly, I could see the whites of his knuckles. I could see his appearence stiffen and eyebrows furrow. I saw Dara whom had wide open, Minzy had furrowed eyebrows and leaned her head forward - she looked very distraught. Onew lookek as if he could not comprehend what I had just said. Key leaned back in shock trying to injest what I had told them. Jonghyun was frozen in place while Bomi and CL clutched tighten. Bomi's face was frozen in shock although her eyes moved to the ground while CL was wide eyed. I saw my friends went pale and the silence in the room was painful to hear. To my sigh they seem to take in the information quickly and adjust to their usual manner. 

"Seo, how could you not tell us?" CL bursted in what seems to be shock. Her expression was mixed in with concern and fright. She hated Luhan and I knew she would have hated the idea of Luhan and I together. Bomi placed her hand up to catch her attention before CL could get up and go on with a speech about how Luhan is a despicable person and how much we are suppose to hate him. 

"Guys, an arranged marriage is something that is hard to speak of, especially one to your ex" Bomi spoke with a calm manner. The others nodded their heads in agreement. "Hell, yeah it is" Minzy spoke in complete agreement.  

"You mean especially one to Xi Luhan." I spoke out to Bomi who quietly agreed. She ment one to Luhan. My friends have around five ex boyfriends/girlfriends each. I only had one and that one turned out to be the worst ex out of them all. 

"Do you think your parents and the Xi family found out about YOUR pregnancy?" Dara blurted out before she could control herself. This - earning glares from the others as we had promised never to speak of it. I quickly placed it aside trying to get the memories back in a hidden part of my memories 

"No, no. The marriage was to merge our companies. An arrangement our grandfathers. But Luhan found out about the pregnancy" This was another moment of silence. The one things my friends and I dreged was anyone finding out about my pregnancy especially Luhan. They were the guardians of my secret sworn to protect it as long as I live - they looked as if they had failed an important test.

"What did he say?" Dara leaned in closer. I bet in my friends' minds that my story  from arrange marriage couldn't have gotten any better - but it did.  

"Not much, because you guys pulled me away but I was thankful. I never meant for him to find out"

"How did he?" Minho asked from the corner of my eye. Finally turning his head to face us. I have never really noticed before I he kept his distance from us and how he seemed more concern in something else. I shrugged my shoulders as my friends looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders as well. Who told him?

"But Jessica's baby? What is going on with her?" Minzy said changing the topic. My friends think I hate Luhan or atleast I am over him. I believe I can move on and at one point I did hate Luhan. But now... was it the truth or did I just believe it to be the truth. 

"Jessica is pregnant with Luhan's child so the marriage was called off" I said forcing my mouth to form a smile. The other's tensed posture loosened which made me happy. Bless them, they care too much. 

"That's a load of crap. I bet she isn't" CL being dramatic girl she was bursted as if she was a judge finding some guilty and believing 100% to it. 

"Come on, did you see her bump?" Dara said back giving a face as 

"I ment Luhan being the father" CL gave a answer that she thought was obvious as a reply. She crossed her arms in a huff. 

"Weren't you the one who speculated them two 'doing it'. The result a baby" Key spoke pointing a finger at her to which CL tried to bite. Key became very close to his chair furthering himself from CL in fright. 

"Besides they did a paternity test. Luhan is the father" Minho spoke in a monotone voice from his place. He seemed to be listening but he seemed troubled and that troubled me. I know it shouldn't be all about me but Minho seemed to have something going on that is frustrating him. 

"You knew and you didn't tell. You always tell" Taemin spoke. The boys being silent showed that they weren't uncomfortable but didn't like what they were hearing. But finding out that Minho knew was a surprise. Minho was the big mouth in our group. The filter that is between out mind and mouth - Minho didn't have that. He would say and blurt out anything he thought. Minho keeping a secret was seen as a struggle for him. 

"Luhan is now missing, what is that about?" Bomi turned to me, not caring about the boys or Minho's ability to keepy his mouth shut. I shrugged at their question. I didn't want to go into that. I needed to get further from the thought of Luhan being in an unknown place and the voice with him. My turn of silence which my friends came to empathise for me. Bomi hugged her arms around my while CL softly held my shoulers as they engulfed me in a hug. 

"Oh gosh, Seo. You have been through so much" They said. 

"Don't worry, this stays between us" Jonghyun stated to which everyone nodded. 

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I came home finally feeling lighter. Telling my friends and knowing I have them to take comfort made me feel alot better. Holding all the negative situation insides me was a sickness. The sound of my parents' voice came to a holt at the sound of my footsteps. I came to the livingroom seeing my mother standing while my father sat - seeming to be in the middle of a conversation. 

"Sweetheart, we have something to talk about" My mother called my into the room seeing my presence. They gave a warm smile which gave me a slight relief. 

"What is with that face?" My mother questioned seeing my concerned look as I walked towards them. My mother held my hand as she looked towards my father who have her the 'go on' sign.

"Well the last time it was about my arranged marriage" I answered to her question before she could go on. 

"We are so dreadfully sorry but to make it up to you we have decided that... the family is going to move" My mother clapped her hands together as if it was a celebration. No, what about my friends? My face gave one of rejection. 

"Well not together yet. You have to finish your studies here while Your mother and I will go to America for business purposes and when you finish you can join us." My father spoke. Their business, their empire they had inherited ment so much to them, to the point where they would force their young daughter to marry. My parents saw that my face didn't lighten up. My brow furrowed and them being my parents knew I am about to decline their planes.  

"I'm really sorry, but it is urgent we fly out as soon as possible" My mother saddly stated as she seemingly walked past me to get ready. My parents like a controlled evironment - including me. I knew that they had my life planned at for me and my job was to stay on the path they had set out for me, I knew that the arranged marriage was planned before I had even met Luhan and the whole Jessica pregnancy thing shook them and they needed to get back on track.  

"And you will move to Convent estate, they have the best college there and you could get away from everything" My father stood infront of me. I could sense the warmth in his smile. What he said seemed tempting. If he had said that ages ago, I would have jumped in joy. Thing haven't changed but thing have happened. Now it's seems like an injection. I need it to heal although I know I will be in pain - a very frustrating situation. 

"You mean the Xi family" I spoke looking away. There was no need for me to be vague. It was the truth and it is what I need. I know I can't be here when or if Luhan gets back. Especially when Jessica will have the child and I woul have to watch Luhan and... his wife raise the child. I can't be here for that. It would hurt too much. And so part of me not matter how satisfying the thought is... Luhan may choose me over Jessica. I know how stubborn he can be even if that meant hurting other people. I can't do that. I can't be the reason why the child grows up with a broken family. As much as it may seem horrible, Luhan may fall for Jessica again and they can live being a happy family. I cannot be here for that. It scares me that when Luhan comes back, I would not be able to move on, that I might spend my entire life waiting for him. Living my days alone. Dying alone. 

"When do we move out?" I asked with more enthusiasm. 

"Your mother and I are on our way to America tomorrow. Along with our things. You can start packing tommorrow. We will come back for your graduation and after that you can move out and move in to a apartment in Convent state." My father informed me seeming to have everything in order. Once again I must fall in place. I nodded and headed upstairs noting that my childhood up in this house is shadowed by recent events. I texted my friends to meet me tomorrow for some bad news. It would be painful to move away from my friends. But leaving would better myself so I could be a better friend. If I stay I would be torturing myself and they would know. By the time I come back I would be over Luhan and that would better my relationships with others.