I forgot to eat dinner again. I'm sure what happened last night was real. Suho and DO made me eat up plenty of pancakes this morning since I missed dinner last night.

 

I don't still know if Luhan likes me or just toying with me. Should I feel molested with what happened last night? I can't process if I should be mad at him or be happy. I don't know if I'm on the winning side or losing side.

Should I text him? Would I turn out to be clingy if I do?

Will I sit next to him on the bus? 

 

At the bus he didn't sit next to me. Apparently, some girl sat next to me. Whoever this girl is she's totally ruining my day. She's trying to get some info on luhan since she thinks we're close or at least friends. I don't even know what to tell her, I'm not his lover nor his friend. I'm an acquaintance which get to hang out a lot with him and the one he ually harassed last night. I just told her we are classmates on some subjects. She keeps asking me questions which I really don't know the answer. For example his favorite color, shampoo, tshirt brands, music taste (to be honest, his genre is a mystery), his perfume(he smells of strawberries and champagne but I wouldn't tell her coz it's my own secret), his family and other stuff.

 

At PE I said good morning to him which he only responded morning and excused for soccer practice for today. Lunch, he's still in the field practicing. Calculus is boring without some motivation but luckily Xiumin's there to make me laugh. He's really getting at calculus to and earned a praise from Ms. Shin. 

 

Chemistry, Channie attended our subject because he missed an activity and it was a makeup lab. We get to be partners, amazingly he's good in this subject. He jokes if anything fails he will become a drug maker with his knowledge in chemistry. I look outside the window and saw luhan talking to some girl. I just shrug it off.

 

Music class, me and Chen were exempted so we hit the mall. I saw Jessica and Kris on a coffee shop. Me and Chen just walk by and talked about how they look together. The tigress and the wolf. We don't want to bother them so we just move to the next store where a bunch of private school girls passed by. Chen admired a dark haired girl from those musical academy for girls. You wouldn't missed them coz they wear really short cream miniskirt and a sky blue blazer. Chen said they will be our best rival in the competition.

 

A few more days passed Luhan is still busy with his soccer practice and our competition will be on Friday. He's just sending me links of his soundcloud practice. I guess were not close enough to hangout yet. Rumors in the school are like wildfire. They say they saw luhan dating a girl. I wouldn't believe it. They're are just rumors.

 

Thursday, he doesn't have soccer practice today so I don't see how he can avoid me. We were locked up in the auditorium with Chen and our teacher. She was upset of our song choice coz it reeks of especially when Luhan danced it, she turned red and almost had a heart attack due to excitement. I couldn't blame her to be honest. I need to talk to Luhan after this practice. I need a peace of mind.

I think our second choice of song was good. It was Luhan's previous pick so it is no problem especially when our teacher heard it. She said it is a crowd pleaser and fits our voices, add a little dance and make it sound like we're really in love would make it a blast. Luhan had a one on one coaching with our teacher since he missed a lot of rehearsals. I went to the canteen to grab him a soda. I was passing by the girls bathroom when I heard a voice of a girl. 

 

"How dare him used me! He was just a tease. He didn't even slept with me. He just kissed me and me. He said he was just practicing kissing me so he can be really good at it on someone he likes." A girls said in a crying yet furious tone.  I heard her friend consoling her. It could be anybody, it doesn't concern me. "My sources said that the one he likes lives in that fancy rich people area since she said he saw him there going in some big mansion. It is clear enough he's just using her for the money." She added with disgust.

 

"Shut up! No way." The other girl spurt with disbelief. " I guess you really can't tell nowadays if people are gold diggers. So, that is why he's hanging out with that rich kid Baekhyun. You don't need to cry over luhan. At least you've kissed him. I'll kill for those lips." Her friend adds. The girl stopped crying and put a little laugh.

 

"yes, his lips are to die for. Those lips had a lot of gold after all." she said dreamily. So now I'm sure it's luhan they're talking about. She mentioned his name and I so agree that his lips are to die for. I'm so lucky that I'm still alive. Wait. So is he just using me too like that girl? Is he only friends with me coz I'm rich? I need to clear things out. I heard them about to go out the bathroom so I walked ahead faster and even drop my can of soda for luhan. 

 

It saddens me that it is not only I who experienced his lips. Call me selfish but it is what i used to believe in. What would I expect from him? He's gorgeous, he gets to be kissed a lot or have with anyone he likes. There's a deep stabbing in my heart right now. What if I'm just one of his toys? Am I just there to entertain him? Am I an option? Does he really like me? Moreover, is it just my money he's after all this time. I hate it when reality comes crashing in.

 

If the rumors are true that he's seeing someone, I've go to let him go. I will just need distance after my confession. At least I got to tell him what I feel. I am in no position to ask who's he's dating but I can ask if he is just playing with my emotions and if it's true if he's a gold digger. I have to give him credit coz he's not messing someone who's broke. I have no right to be mad at him if that's the case, we are just friends. Nothing more. I bargained for my feelings. Tears drop continuously without me knowing about it. So I find a corner and let it all in and process it. I can't help but to sing Crush by David Archuleta to myself. That song really hits the spot. Am I going crazy or falling in love? Is this real or just another crush?

 

When I'm okay again. I walked back the auditorium and found Luhan and Chen practicing. I could feel my body aged like a hundred years and my body gained a ton of weight. I forced my legs to walk over back to the auditorium.

 

After the practice I asked Luhan to stay for a while. Our teacher and Chen left already. So I am alone with Luhan.

 

"Luhan, we need to talk." I started looking at my feet. 

"What's wrong?" He asked putting down his bag. His tone is calm his face still looks guarded.

 

"I.... I... Need some space after this. Okay?" I said. It was hard but I made up my mind. I need time to think. Doesn't mean you want it, doesn't mean you can have it. I hate my way of thinking. Ending what I feel now would save me a lot heartache in the end. 

 

"What are you talking about?" Luhan asked confused.

 

"I need to distance myself from you for awhile. I just need some straightening out to do. After all that I'm feeling about you." I said while trying my best to make my voice not crack. I saw Luhan's face turned from confused to serious. 

 

"Why do you need to do that? Tell me what's wrong?" Luhan eyes are like daggers. It seems like there's fire in it. His voice is now louder.

 

"I just need to be alone for awhile. Your presence will be harder for me to think things out. Do you understand that? You're a mystery. Sometimes I don't know if you feel anything. I just need some space, okay?" I spat out of frustration. 

 

"Sure, baekhyun. Take a whole galaxy if you need to." He looked annoyed. "Want to add more?" He said back to his composed self.

 

"I am not really sure. If I'm just a toy to you or you really like me. I know you're just using me like you did with some girl. Don't dare to deny it. Plus is it true, that all this time you're only friends with me coz I'm rich?" I said tears are now forming in my eyes. I can feel I might choke due to my words. My throat is now dry. "I love you Luhan ever since I saw you in the bus for the first time and I know taking time and space from you would hurt a lot. I can't even imagine right now what to do besides obsessing over you. Sometimes, I miss time for myself, my family and friends for my stupid delusion over the what ifs which I know would never happen." I couldn't help but my tears starts to fall. "I want you to understand." I wipe my tears on my shirt like a kid. He didn't deny it, so it is must be true that he's actually seeing someone.

 

"Wait, hold up. I am not a gold digger and we're not friends yet. What do you think you are to me? I guess you really don't know me at all." His words are so cold it pierce through the warmth of my soul.he kicked a chair which move a meter from its previous position. "I guess it's for the better, huh?" Luhan said sarcastically. "If that's the way you think, I'll let you be. I will just give you the benefit of the doubt. If you're sure that's what you want. I will be more than happy to give it to you." He said every word like he means it. 

 

I can't help but to have a breakdown. My knees were tired I just knelt and cried. I balled myself up crying every bit of hurt I am feeling inside. All my insecurities, my foolishness, my blindness, my wasted time, my lack of courage before, and now for not being strong enough to handle this. I don't know how long I am crying or been in that fetal position crying like there's no tomorrow left.

 

He leaned closer and tapped my back to comfort me. His touch still send shivers down my spine but my heart aches at the same time coz I know he wouldn't touch me anymore like that. 

 

"Yes, Luhan, that's what I want. For me to be better. Even though it might take a while. I guess this is what I really need. To discover things out." I said as I finally have the strength to talk again.

 

"I see. I respect your decision. Friends? That's the only thing I can offer right now, to make you feel better even the slightest bit." I looked up and saw him smiling. He held out his hand and I shake it. His smile that used to send out joy to my being hurts more since I know I'll miss it.

 

"Friends. I'm sorry for calling you a gold digger." I stood up and hugged him. This is what I wanted for now, to be friends. At least he defined what we are to each other. I felt happy a little and seeing his smiling face is enough to make me happy. I will just enjoy this day. I will just move on to the next chapter of my life tomorrow. I need a parting gift though. So, I kissed him one last time on his sweet pink lips. I felt it formed a smile after that. It was nice but it also hurts my heart since I will never get to that tomorrow.  There's nothing wrong for having a taste of hat you paid for. I immediately broke the kiss feeling the tension between us.

 

"Friends don't kiss each other right?" He asked while trying to control his laughter.

 

"It's a goodbye kiss. Plus you know I'm boy crazy over you, so sue me for wanting a last kiss. Plus, friends don't force or trick his friend to e in front of him." I countered. I can hear him laughing. He sure is a mystery. Does he suffer from mood swings or is he bipolar? I guess I, myself is also bipolar now. 

 

"True but yesterday were not yet friends." He said like stating a fact. "Let's go home, we got a lot of practicing to do tomorrow and we need to rest our voice and body." He lead himself out to the door. A figure was hidden beside a locker. 

then I saw that girl in the mall with Chen. The girl looked shocked. Luhan already went ahead and said goodbye. He didn't even noticed the girl. Why do popular people don't notice small details in the background, they only notice theirselves.

 

"What are you doing here? You don't go to this school." I asked.

 

"You're right, I don't. I am here to check the competition." She smiles. "Looks like we have a good old drama going on. Didn't know you're doing broadway version of lovers." She smirks.

 

"What's your point?" I asked this girl is getting on my nerves, how can she pry on other people's business.

 

"Let's just say... What if people heard this incident?" She smiles again.

 

"They won't believe you. We're only friends. And what if I also say that this is trespassing you're doing?" I countered, I want to wipe that smirk off of her face.

 

"Trespassing can only be applicable if it is a private property. May I remind you this is a public school, so, anyone is free to go here plus I secured a pass from your principal." She said in an attorney like tone. "I also have recorded your drama on my phone." She said and let me see the clip. She's not lying. 

"Surely, it drain some of my battery's energy and took up space in my memory. What damage could it do to the Prince and what would it do to you a commoner? Surely, girls will lash out on you for kissing Luhan plus the boys, your friends, with will unfriend you for sure. Don't get me started on how people will look and treat you differently." She tries to play with her words. It is kinda boring where this is going. She traces her finger on my chest to point something.

 

"What do you want?" I asked annoyed. "Don't let anyone know about this. Especially Luhan." I told her pleading. If Luhan would find out about this and it would leak out, he will hate me forever. 

 

"I don't need money nor do I need material things. I just want you to be my husband. Better yet a boyfriend for now until I found someone better." She smirks. "I don't like that Luhan that much, he sure looks like an angel but he's not as amazing as you. You do know how to sing well." She purrs in my ear.

 

"I think you're barking at the wrong tree here sweetie. do you have an amnesia or you're just plain stupid. Didn't you just hear I love Luhan?" I gritted my teeth out of frustration and remove her pink nail polished finger on my chest.

 

"You're a guy physically and you're perfect to use as a boyfriend. My dad would be happy if I'm dating one of the sons of the Byun Inc." she comes closer. I saw she's still holding her phone. I hold her wrist, stole her phone and throw it. It broke in two pieces as it hit the edge of a door. She was shocked at first but it quickly formed into a smile.

 

"Try and try all you want. It's already been uploaded on the cloud. Now, you owe me a new phone. She laughs. "See you tomorrow at the competition boyfie." She waves goodbye as she tries to walk away. 

 

An anger inside of me is unleashed. I pinned her on the lockers. "Wait! I'm not done with you. Listen, to me missy. I'm tired of playing nice here. You're going to delete that video or else I'll come for you in your sleep and strangle you to death. Don't worry about me getting jailed after I kill you, our family have the best lawyers." I said with my best threatening voice I can muster. I looked at her she was quiet but the way she looks bothers me.

 

"I am just petrified. So aggressive Baekhyun. You never changed since we're younger." She said with sarcasm dripping over her every word. She laughs again this time tapping my head. She seemed so amused.

 

"Remember, new phone tomorrow and be ready to introduce me as your girlfriend. What would be the look on Luhan's face tomorrow?" She said amused.

 

" who are you? You seem to know me." I asked, my eyebrows are meeting up in confusion. "Why are you doing this?" I look at her to get a better look at her face. She's pretty alright.

 

"You don't remember me, do you? Just call me taeyeon then." Her smile seems familiar and her name. I just don't remember where I knew her from. She walks out of the school with her skirt and blazer swaying.

 

Could my life be more mediocre?

 

At the competition we sang "that girl" by Justin Timberlake. We got a lot of cheers from girls. Well, I admit seeing luhan in the spotlight is a blessing especially I am the closest to him right now at this stage. If I am only that girl he's in love with. He dances so ily, I just want to him then and there. After this competition I will distance myself. Especially now, some girl is threatening me to be her boyfriend. Another gold digger. -_- wait, Luhan told me he's not a gold digger. I believe every word he says.

 

I must admit that after this competition I'll go through to hell to be better. I wouldn't look at his angelic face, I will not give in to his scent, I will not appreciate his inhuman perfection of his body, I will not notice how his skin glows through the room, I wouldn't notice how his hair looks perfect all the time and I will not be seduced by his voice anymore. But the thing that pains me the most is I'll miss his touch and kisses. 

 

After the competition, apparently we came 3rd out of 23 finalist. Not too bad. FTI private music school for boys won it, I must admit hongki and jaejin's voice are amazing they can hit high notes and ace falsettos like its the most natural thing in the world. 2nd place goes to Shinee Public school, jonghyun's and onew's vocals are just unique. I'm happy that we are ahead from taeyeon by two ranks. They came 5th. Chen ranked 2nd in the solo division after losing to Yoseob from Beast Public School for Academics and Arts.

 

I was rushing to exit the city gymnasium, I just said good bye quickly to Chen and Luhan then I went on congratulating the winners.

 

I was shocked when I saw Luhan near the doorway.

 

"Leaving so soon? Chen asked me to invite you to  our victory party." He smirked as he detach himself from the wall.

 

"I was just... Just... Going home." I said stuttering. I hate the fact he still has this effect on me. Especially now he's wearing a tuxedo like me. I wear white while he wears a black one. Who gives him permission to be this perfect?

 

"Save your excuses. Come on. I am true to my word to give you distance. So how's a meter of distance for now?" He measures a gap with his hand between us. He then smiled. Bastard, didn't he know that those can blind. "Go back now. We're having pizza." He waves his hands forcing me to go back. I still can't believe how ridiculously handsome he looks in that suit.

 

I was returning to the stage when an arm cling to me. It was a girl. I immediately knew her even without glancing at her because I can feel the irritation building within me.

 

"I've been looking for you boyfie." She purrs to my ear. "Congratulations." She said and bit a little of my ear. This girl is disgusting. Only luhan is allowed to do that to me.

 

"What do you want? Hurry up, I've got somewhere else to go." I said annoyingly as I finally found where Chen is. Luhan already went ahead of me before this leech clung to me.

 

"Where's my phone? I need you also to introduce me to your friends there. Especially Luhan." She smirks devilishly as she says this in her cutesy voice. I know her true voice after hearing her belt out in her song.

 

"Here's your phone." I handed her a blackberry Z10 my previous phone. I want her to have a hard time figuring how to do this plus so that she can't use cloud services anymore.

 

"Thanks." She moves forward.

 

"Hey, baekie, I really had a fun time yesterday." She said it out loud so that a lot of people could hear it.

 

"What do you mean?" I asked her. "We only met yesterday." I added

 

"Ohh, baekie you're so funny. Aren't you just the cutest thing." She said loudly as she pinch my cheeks really hard.

 

We're already in the group, Chen, our teacher and Luhan looked at us like we're the most bizarre sight they saw this morning.

 

"Hi! I'm taeyeon. I'm baekie's lovely girlfriend." Taeyeon introduced herself. Since she knew I don't have any plans at all of introducing her like our deal.

 

"I'm Chen. Nice to meet you pretty lady." Chen extended his hand shook it.

 

"I'm Boa, I'm baekie's teacher. Nice performance earlier. Your voice is really powerful and unique." Our teacher introduced herself and praised her.

 

"Well, thank you." She said. "You really coached Baekhyun  well." She smiled. She's quite a charmer alright.

 

"So that means you're the famous Luhan. As if nobody knows you." She giggles. "I heard a lot from baekhyun about you. He never did lie about saying how you look like an angel in person plus your voice is just divine." She says as she extend her hand to Luhan. Luhan just stare at her. Our eyes focused on luhan that I sense he was forced to reply.

 

"I'm sorry, I never heard about you. Baekhyun seemed to never mention your existence before. How long were you together?" Luhan's voice is just neutral.

 

"We just became official yesterday." She giggles. "Right, Baekie? He even gave me his old phone coz I broke mine yesterday." She turned to me for support. When I'm not responding I received an elbow to the side and a you know what will happen if you don't do this look.

 

"Yeah..." I said halfheartedly. "You should go to your friends now. Me and my friends will have to celebrate our victory. We'll grab a slice of pizza." I said to dismiss her.

 

"What a coincidence! I love pizza." She squeals.

 

"You can't come with us your friends would be waiting for you." I said immediately so that she can't counter. I received another elbow to the side. I'm going to accidentally break her neck next time she does that. It freaking hurts!

 

"I guess you can come if Chen and Luhan wouldn't mind." Teacher said.

 

"I wouldn't mind. Seeing a pretty lady doesn't happen everyday." Chen said smiling. I think he has a crush on this girl. Can I just give her to him just like a pet?

 

"Hey! I'm also pretty." Our teacher reacted. "You should be happy you get to see my godlike beauty every music class." She added.

 

It earned a laugh from me, Taeyeon, Chen and Luhan.

 

"I want to come..." Taeyeon said but I cut her off while I elbow her on her side. Sweet revenge!

"She's just kidding. right, taeyeon?" I tried to give her my best don't-try-to-push-it look. 

 

"Oh yeah. So see you at dinner baekie. I'm looking forward to our very first date. Thanks for the phone by the way." She said while bidding goodbye. She then kissed me on the lips in front of them. It wasn't a smack either. I want to barf on . She walks away like she is really happy. So I'm now entitled to eat dinner with her.

 

"So our baekie, now is a full grown up. Have you done it already?" Chen asked which earned a smack in the head from our teacher.

 

"You may look innocent Chen but you're a ert." Teacher said. "Let's get a pizza with the prize money! Too bad you couldn't drink beer." She cheered. I am deeply in need of alcohol I told myself. I will just find vintage wine at the cellar, take Suho's expensive scotch, or ask My friends to sneak me some booze, I'll do that later when I get home.

 

At the car, Chen sat in the front with our teacher while I sat at the back with Luhan. His smell of strawberries and champagne is still intoxicating. Fight the urge baekie.

 

"So you're with that girl now?" I was caught of guard with Luhan's question while trying my best to resist him.

 

"It seems that way." I answered back.

 

"I see. I'm still true to my word to give you distance. I hope you'll be happy with that girl." He said. It hurts my heart to see him not fight for me. I am expecting too much. I believed that our connection was real before. I imagine him to be my forever. Why do I keep forgetting we're just friends, nothing more.

 

"Thanks." I said sadly. I try to put on my best smile even though I'm crushing into millions of pieces inside. I thought moving on will only take me one day. Stupid.

 

I really don't know what to do with my life. All I know is I need to live without him being the center of my everyday. It should be me.

 

I walked out of the car and saw that we're at a famous pizza place in town. I will just eat away my feelings. Believe it or not I finished 5 slices. Our teacher ordered beer for herself which I immediately stole from her as the waitress put it on the table.

 

"Whoah! Baekie. You're an excellent drinker." Our teacher said. "But that's my beer." She frowned. "You're still underage but I will just let you take one bottle each to be fair." She said and ordered some more.

 

"I don't drink but I guess I need a beer to wind off." Luhan said as he drank his.

 

"Don't talk to me like you 3 don't do this at all. I know you sneak alcohol to your houses or have house parties so I know this stuff isn't new to you. I am once young too you know; just don't tell anybody." She said as she drank her 2nd beer.

 

"Hey take it easy. You know you're still driving us back to our respective homes. My parents would love it very much if you return me home in one piece." Chen said looking worried at how our teacher drinks her beer like it is just water.

 

"I'm fine Chen; it would take a lot more of this to get me drunk." She laughs.

 

"Baekhyun, please ask your driver to pick us up. I am not trusting this woman." Chen said looking distressed. It made me and Luhan laugh.

 

"Hey, I thought you how to sing properly and got you second spot. Why don't you trust me?" Our teacher said defensively as if Chen  hit a nerve.

 

"Singing and driving are different. Singing can't cost a life whereas driving does." Chen explains as out teacher pinch him on his cheeks. 

 

"You're so cute. You'll pay for this in music class I will let you sing Doremifasolatido so hard you'll replace your alphabets with it." She said while pinching Chen's cheeks so hard.

 

I received a text message from an anonymous number. 

 

+197536*****

Baekie, you better attend our dinner date later and you better surprise me or else you know what happens. 

 

Love,

Taeyeon.

 

Apparently, I'll be having a toast with the devil later. I don't know where to take her. I guess we'll just eat dinner at home so just in case I'd kill her I can immediately bury the body in our large backyard or front lawn. Nobody suspects anything in the front lawn. Plus the gunshot would not be heard or the screaming since the property is big and the guards would immediately come to the scene and they'll cover for me. I know were their loyalty stays. 

 

Urgh, I don't want to be done having pizza with Luhan. It would be the last time that I will see him as my crush-love. He's so carefree and he's really enjoying his pizza. It makes me happy too but that girl just need to ruin my evening. I think I know a place where I can take her. It would be perfect. I don't want her to be inside my house, maybe she'll make it a habit to go there since she knew the location. 

 

After grabbing a snack I went out a bit for fresh air.

 

"So, you're serious with this girl?" A voice asked. I looked around and saw luhan.

 

"Why would you ask that?" I asked back as curiosity intrigued me. It's the first time he's paying attention to me or my life.

 

"Let's say, what if I am interested on tagging along." Luhan said. I wonder why he wants to come.

 

"Why?" I asked.

 

"I'm just kidding. You should have seen your face." Luhan laughed.

 

"I am liking the not caring you more and more." I said sarcastically.

 

"It seems that your fondness of me never changed. I can still in your eyes how you crave me." Luhan walks circling me.

 

"I... I don't know what you mean." I said trying to be dumbfounded of what he said.

 

"What if I kiss you here?" He then bit his lip and walk to me so that we're face to face. My heart flutters. I can feel my face hearing up.

 

"Wouldn't you like that?" He asked again. Even though we had pizza he breathe still smells fresh.

His face is like an inch away. He moves closer and I close my eyes. Waiting for his sweet luscious pink lips to connect with my red ones.

 

"But... I promised you to give you, your distance. So. Good bye baekhyun. See you around." He smirked and walked away.

 

After a few seconds, teacher and Chen walked out. 

 

"You seem you've seen a ghost baekie." Chen said.

 

"I am just thinking of something." I lied as I try to fix myself.

 

"Come on. I promised to take to back home." Teacher said.

 

"Where's luhan by the way?" Teacher asked again as we walk to the car.

 

"He left already." I said.

 

"If something happened to him, tell the cops and his family that I went looking for him, okay? Now, I need to get you both home before one of you disappear again." Teacher open the doors of the car and she drive us home.

 

Facts I need to deal with for tonight.

 

I still want luhan. So stupid of me to ask for distance. Gahhhhhh!che should have kissed me. Doesn't he know when someone closes his eyes, they want you to kiss them! Stupid, stupid, stupid me.

 

And the devil lured me to have dinner. I guess I need to prepare. I'll need to take a vacation from my mind and Luhan. I also want to see what the devil has prepared for me. 

 

See you later guys, I need to help DO with some cooking for dinner. I  have a plan that will surely surprise the devil herself.