That's how the world defines it but if you really experienced it, it's not all about the pain and loss, it's about dealing with your everyday life after the event. 

 

My last year in highschool. I am going to the Hathaway Preparatory, the most famous public school in the city. Only few students were being accepted, you can get in by academics, sports, or arts. I got accepted through arts, I like singing and I guess they were happy to have me. I am also a straight A student so even if I fail arts I still have academics as a fall back.

I decided after my parents died in a car accident last year, I need to face the real world. Instead of going to the most exclusive private school in the country I went to the best public school. I need to save up money for college. It's not that I can't afford it but I need to be 18 for me to have my parents property and money which will be in a few months.

So for now, I still have money in my account but it is only good till I turn 18. For legal guardian I have my brother Suho for that. He is over 21 and he is the appointed CEO of my Dad's company so there's no problem with that except he's extremely busy. I barely see him at home.

 

It's my first day, I am thinking of driving a car going to the school but I might be assumed as a stuck up rich spoiled brat or I will just take the school bus like normal kids do. I'm sure Suho won't let me drive alone after my parents died. He will call our driver and the driver will drive me to school which is a lot more bragging. 

 

I also make sure that I will walk a block for the bus to pick me up since our house stands out in our neighborhood, a newly renovated Victorian Manor with a huge porch and front yard, automated closing tall gates and there are guards roving. It's my neighborhood but I don't go out much so I don't know the places that much. I just walk a block and saw a decent looking house. It's white and seems just the right size for a normal kid to live in.

 

The bus arrived and picked me up, the bus driver is fat old guy with a happy grinning face.

 

"Good morning new lad, you must be baekhyun." The driver said while checking his lists.

 

"Yes sir. Call me baek. Pleasure to meet you." I replied.

 

"I don't have many kids in this area since these houses are pretty much exclusive and for those who has money, now, go take a seat." The bus driver said.

 

"I'm not rich sir. I'll take a seat then." I replied.

 

I look for a vacant seat, all the back rows are taken by big buff students, the front row are filled with a mixture of nerds, cheerleaders and half asleep students. The middle section is mostly for students who dressed up well, maybe the populars only gets to sit there. There's only a few vacant seats left so in a matter of a second I decided to choose sitting on the middle. 

 

People were still minding their own business, I need to rest my eyes for a few minutes since I know it would take at least 15 minutes for the bus ride to school.

 

I woke up still clutching my red jansport bag, and from a seat beside me I saw a blonde guy. The way that sunlight hits him is making him look like an angel. He has beautiful fair skin and has a lean body. I would never thought someone would share a seat with me, I am new. He smells of strawberries and champagne. 

 

I noticed that all the seats were taken. I didn't think that's possible coz I saw in movies there should be at least 5 seats not occupied. 

 

The bus finally arrived at school. I looked at my schedule and check for the rooms. I familiarized every room I passed by going to my first class which is economics. Highschool and they're already teaching economics, great. -_- 

 

The first and second period was a breeze. Economics isn't alien to me since my dad already taught me the basic in terms of business and the economy. The second period which is advanced chemistry isn't that hard like that of my previous school.  I met a new friend, his name is Chanyeol. He's tall and has this brown curly hair. His humor is really impressive. I found out he's a basketball player and girls are swooning over him. 

 

Third and fourth period passed by I am thinking public school are not much different from private schools. Except here they use notebooks and books unlike in privates schools they use tv and laptops for education.

 

It seems lunch would be a problem. It was really difficult finding a seat. People tend to group by cliques. On the center were the cheerleaders and jocks. I saw that blonde guy again in that table. He's sitting with another blonde girl. I am thinking that the blonde girl is really pretty, she's y and has a great smile she's nudging the blonde guy I sat with earlier. They look cute. Weirdly they were the only two occupying the table but then two more people joined in. A guy in bleach blonde hair with a fit tall body joined then and another blonde kid as well. So they must be the blonde godlike cliques. I have dark hair and so I don't think they'll let me sit there. I scan my eyes and saw a vacant table near the trash.

 

Then a long arm wrapped around my neck and a y voice whisper to my ear. 

 

"Hey, baekie want to sit on me?" He said.

 

"Sit on you? What?" I said offended. Looking at the voice behind me. It was Chanyeol with a stupid smirk plastered on his face.

 

"I was messing with you, now let's eat. Let's see what you have in your paper bag." He took my paper bag and opened it.

 

"It is just something my brother prepared for me." I lied, it was actually prepared by our chef, DO. He's the same age as me but he's the son of a famous chef so he cooks like professional since he was 8. He goes to my old school but he stays with us. His parents are in France teaching culinary and his siblings are on London studying college. We were friends since we're 4 so his parents agreed when he wanted to stay with us. 

 

"Looks yummy. What is it?" Chanyeol asked.

 

"Poison in a bag." I said.

 

"Looks edible to me." We then sit on the table where Chanyeol and his friend sits. 

 

"Hey Kris, this my new mate. His name is baekhyun." He said to a tall blonde guy standing beside the table deciding where to sit.

 

"Hi baek, I'm kris." He put his tray down and shook my hand.

 

"Hi. It is a pleasure to meet you." I said while sitting down next to Chanyeol.

 

Then a chestnut haired guy sat beside kris. He looks happy or is he just always like that. 

 

"Hi I'm Chen. You must be baekhyun." Chen said.

 

"Yes, I am." I replied. 

 

"He has a burwich and a choco lava cake " Chanyeol squeal with joy.

 

"Forgive our friend. He doesn't have much food at home." Kris said while glaring at Chanyeol.

 

"It's okay. I am glad to share my food with you guys. Plus I also bought chips from the cafeteria." I said motioning the big bag of chips in my hand to kris then Chen.

 

"I am happy to be your friend baekie." Said Chen while munching on the chips and clawing Chanyeol for the rest of the burwich.

 

"You guys are asses." Kris just said with disdain. "But since you're acting like animals for food, I also want that choco lava cake." Kris grab the choco lava cake and slice it in half and give the other half to me. 

 

"Hey, I want also a piece of that cake." Chanyeol said.

 

"Shut up! You already ate almost all of the burwich." Kris said which shut up Chanyeol.

 

"So we knew you just moved in this school. not plenty of students transfer here since the admission is pretty hard. I heard you're a singer, yes?" Chen asked.

 

"Yeah, I sing. But I'm just average." I said humbly. 

 

"Wait, I want to hear." Chanyeol said cheerfully.

 

"Yeah, show us what you got rich kid." Kris said.

 

"Sing. Sing. Sing." Chen chanted.

 

"Oh okay. And kris I'm not rich. I go here remember?" I said. 

 

"My dad is a doctor who is actually the one who did an autopsy to your parents after you know." Kris said.

 

"Wait. How do you know?" I asked.

 

"I saw you a year ago. It was after my basketball game and I went to see my dad. He said he can't go to my game celebration since he's doing an autopsy for a rich couple. I saw you there crying like a wimp." Kris said without sympathy. "I'm sorry for bringing that topic up and for whatever happened to your peers." Kris said this time with sincerity.

 

"Yeah. I'm sorry your dad missed your celebration." I joked. "Wait, if your dad is a doctor then that means your rich." I stated.

 

"Well no... I'm not."  Kris stuttered.

 

"So that's why you never invite us to your house." Chanyeol said.

 

"Now, I have 2 rich friends." Chen said happily. 

 

"Thanks a lot baekhyun byun." Kris said with sarcasm dripping on his lips.

 

"By the way kris, there are a lot of blondes here. Especially those 4 over there." I quite intrigued over the blonde guy and his god like posey and I figured out kris is the most true and straight up among us 4 and he doesn't sugar coat.

 

"Ahh. Those 4. They're like the most influential people in school." Kris just stated.

 

"That blonde girl used to be kris' girlfriend." Chanyeol said which he earned smack in the head by kris.

 

"Well, she is pretty. But looks like she found a new boyfriend now." I said with remorse since I saw the blonde guy being pinched on the cheeks by that girl while the two other tall blonde dudes were laughing.

 

"Oh that blonde she's pinching, he's her cousin. His name is luhan, the soccer team's captain and just moved here a semester ago after the school scouted him from his previous school." Chanyeol said finishing the last of my chips.

 

"Kris, you're also popular but why don't you sit there?" I asked. "You're like the basketball's team captain."

 

"He used to sit there but the break up still hasn't cool down." Chen said which also earned him a smack on the head from kris.

 

"I got to go, I need to get to chemistry since I might get stuck with either you two." Kris looked at Chanyeol and Chen.

 

"I don't have chemistry with you Kris. I have it with baekie." Chanyeol said while putting again his arm over my neck.

 

"So I'm stuck with Chen. I need a new partner if I want to get my grades up." Kris said. 

 

"I  heard the laboratory still has a burnt corner from Chen's last experiment with me." Chanyeol said.

 

"It is because I'm amazing. I still got an A on my finals." Chen said happily. 

 

"Only because you ace the exams and not the actual experiments." Kris said. Then he left and shortly Chen did ran after him going to the laboratory. 

 

So after lunch. I have to go on my advanced calculus class. I was late by 2 minutes since I got lost in the hallway. I looked for a vacant seat and there's two seats left.

 

I sat next to a dark haired boy like me. He is has this puffy cheeks. He is looks really clean. 

 

"Hey dude, do you have an extra pen?" The puffy cheek guy asked.

 

"Yeah. Here." I handed one of my extra pens.

 

"Thanks. I'm xiumin by the way. You must be new huh?" He asked.

 

"Yup. I'm baekhyun. Nice to meet you." I said. 

 

Then the teacher came in and said quiet. She has really long beautiful legs. To my horror. It was mentor when I was younger. She also used to babysit and one of my brothers ex.b 

 

"Hello class, my name is Bora Shin. I'll be your teacher for advanced calculus. All I want in this class is your undivided attention." She said. 

I scan the room and saw every guy in class is almost drooling. I think I noticed some saliva dripping out at the corner of Xiumin's lips.

 

Then a knock on the door knock the reverie of the guys when a blonde guy entered. 

 

"I'm sorry I'm late." The blonde guy said.

 

"What's your name?" Our teacher asked.

 

"My name's luhan. Nice to meet you." He said.

 

"Okay, next time I don't want late comers. I already knew who arrived late." The guy over there with black hair, you're 2 minutes late." She said while pointing a ruler at me. " the blonde guy looked over me in his blank expression but strangely enough my heart beats faster. He then sat beside me. It was twice a day he sat next to me. I am that lucky. The teacher already started with the lesson's introduction. 

 

The day ended and my brother picked me up at school. Kids now probably know I'm rich since my brother drove a black BMW to school to pick me up. He could have used a moderate looking car at the garage like the Toyota Fortuner or the Hummer.

 

The past few days were still the same. I go to school with a bus ride but this time the blonde kid doesn't sit beside me since most of the kids riding our bus had been transferred to a different bus because they lived in a different direction which left more room in the bus. I noticed him sitting on his seat putting his head phones on and sleep. So I just watch him sleep. He looks so peaceful when he sleeps. It's not only in advance calculus we are classmates but also in PE, organic chemistry and theatrical music. I also learned a lot about him due to Chen he told me all about it in music class.

 

10 things I learned about luhan:

1. He never had a girlfriend.

2. He's bestfriends with Sehun the other tall blonde guy not the fit one.

3. He can sing.

4. He can dance.

5. He likes sleeping a lot.

6. He's the school number 1 in terms of academics and soccer.

7. He is allergic to smoking and alcohol.

8. He rarely smiles even when he's hanging out with his bestfriend.

9. He is always stalked by girls.

10. He is a great fighter according to rumors.

 

So it's not much but it's enough to feed my addiction. I never thought that he will be the very first person I would have a crush on. If having a crush on him means I'm gay then so be it. I don't care. Now, how to be close to him. We have 4 subjects I guess we can be close, right?

 

In gym, he made track and field looked like walking in the park. In advanced calculus, he solved every math problem that even I couldn't solve. In chemistry he just sleeps since our teacher always just talks and talks and faces the board most of the time. In music, he sang a very wonderful rendition of So sick by Neyo. Then I downloaded so sick by Neyo and used it as my ringtone. I'm becoming obsessed over him. I need to him to notice me. I need to strive some effort.

 

2 weeks passed since the first day of school. I already decided to impress him for him to notice. We have 4 subjects so in at least one of those he needs to know I exist.

 

In gym it was dodgeball, he picked all the members and he didn't picked me. Luckily his best friend sehun picked me on his side of the team or elseI'll be left team less again.

 

So at the heat of the dodge ball game a lot of girls were cheering for luhan and sehun even they're on opposing teams. I was about to throw my ball after aiming it to luhan when a ball hit me in the face. I didn't notice that while I was arching my arm and ready to release, luhan already saw me aiming at him so with a quick basketball pass the ball connected with my face immediately. I burned a lot. Sehun helped me stand up. I felt dizzy and something warm is trickling down my nose. 

 

"Hey, Baekhyun right? Ba... Ba... Blood is coming down your nose." Sehun said looking worried.

 

"Yeah, sehun. It's nothing. I guess I just need a towel to wipe it...." Then the epic me fainted.

 

When I wake up I saw luhan sitting beside my bed.

 

"Hey dude, you're awake?" He asked. The worried look on his face me want to scream that everything is fine but I don't want to creep him out.

 

"Yeah. Just a bit dizzy." I said giving him a little relief.

 

"Good. I missed lunch and I don't want to be late at Ms. Bora's class. Can you stand so that we can grab something to eat and head to class." He said kind of annoyed.

 

I stand up and went to the cafeteria. When we arrived people are staring at us. What's wrong I asked in my mind. I can hear about me and luhan being talked around the cafeteria. Girls were giggling just at the sight of luhan. 

 

"He just fake to faint so that luhan could carry him to the nurse's office." I heard some random goth girl said.

 

"I am so jealous of him. He is actually the first person luhan showed some emotion besides Sehun, Kai and Jessica. Or at least the first genuine worry sighting." Some cheerleader said.

 

"He should change his arts major to acting coz he sure knows how to act. How dare him made my Sehun worry." Another girl murmur while we were walking. 

 

"He's gay, I'm sure of it. I guess he has a thing for luhan. Look at his fabulous fingers. No guy has those." Another cheerleader whispered.

 

These people never stop. I guess they knew I am crushing over luhan. Well, I feel really happy when I heard that he showed some emotion rather than that blank expression on his face.

 

"Wait here, I'll get you food." Luhan said sternly. 

 

"Wait, Luhan. I have a packed lunch on my back pack. So there's no need for that." I said.

 

"That's not food. Since when garden salad could be considered food." He glared. "Just stay still I'll buy you something to eat you skinny anorexic." Then he left.

 

I look around and I still feel the atmosphere changing. I felt the heavy stares of people. I am not used to it. 

 

"So here's mystery meat which mught have poison, and chips that I always see you eat." He hand me a tray of food. 

 

"I think this isn't meat. But how did you know I always buy this chips." I asked.

 

"Yeah, I'm not sure if it is really meat but at least it will bulk you up. And I always see you buy that chips everyday." He said coolly. 

 

So he noticed me even before. Could this day get any better? I feel like I won the jackpot.

  

"Hey Luhan! Who's this cute puppy?" A blonde girl who looks really pretty said while he took a sit next to luhan who is also trying to ingest his mystery meat.

 

"Hi, I am baekhyun. You're Jessica right?" I asked. I know her because she's Kris's ex and Luhan's cousin and because she's the most popular girl in school.

 

"Yup that's me. Nice to meet you. You're Kris's friend right?" She asked while annoying Luhan.

 

"Yeah, he's over there with the other 2 friends of mine." I said while I eat my bag of chips.

 

"I love these." Jessica grabs my bag of chips and ate it. "First time seeing Luge buy someone food. So I'll snatch this from you so I can frame it." Jessica said while looking at Luhan suspiciously.

 

"I always buy you and Sehun food." Luhan said annoyingly.

 

"But that's after we force you or threaten you." She smiled.

 

"You only like those chips coz they were the one you always share with Kris before." He said while trying to snatch the bag from Jessica.

 

"No, it's not. It is the other flavor. Bye guys. Baby baek, see you around." She left hurriedly and still munching of the chips Luhan gave me. So Luge is his nick name. I am really enjoying this day. I wish it never ends. 

 

After lunch Luhan and I went to calculus which both of us were late since I have to stopped by at the rest room to pee and check my face if there's still blood over it. So ms. Bora made us answer every question she has for the lesson. Luckily, I have prepared since I want to impress Luhan. So every time she asks I could answer it though it takes time and many trials before I finally could get it unlike who just looks at it and solves it immediately.

 

So in music class I was asked to sing in front of everybody. I am quite nervous. Luhan's voice is like angel. So soft and really nice to the ears. I have a husky voice so I really need to use it on my advantage. So I sang lockout of heaven by Bruno Mars.

 

When I ended I get a lot of claps from people. It felt good being cheered upon. 

 

"So since we already had everyone sing and from what I observed. The best 3 singers are Chen, Baekhyun and Luhan. You 3 will be part of the highschool fund raiser next weekend. You're going to sing a song to raise money. You can pick any song you like. You can rehearse here on the music room if you want to." The teacher Ms. Hyorin said. 

 

Then after class I went out with Chen for some ice cream and he teased me about being in love with Luhan. He says he doesn't mind if I'm gay. He just noticed I always look at Luhan and not only that I somehow stare at him differently. Chen is really reliable. I never confirmed nor denied my affection for luhan to him but I sense he knew. He just wished me all the best. My brother picked me up again and offered to take Chen home since today he's driving a normal SUV, a white Toyota Fortuner. On the way home the 3 of us just jammed to radio music playing. Chen really has a unique voice, he's so versatile and he doesn't even have to force his voice to sing high notes.

 

It turns out Chen lives just beside our neighborhood. He lived in a this average sized yellow duplex. I guess the color of their house suits his personality. I really like their front yard which has a huge maple tree and a swing made out of tire hanging on it. His mom invited us for dinner since she said Chen doesn't have much friends and she would surely like some company. Suho called DO which is actually out with our friends Tao and Lay and needs to finish a project so he'll be home late. I don't want to eat my brother's seemingly edible food. One time he made pasta with a soupy sauce which taste like salt. So Chen's mom's cooking it is.

 

Chen's mom cooking is like full of warmth. It is simple yet very delicious. A simple fried chicken, and mash potatoes covered with homemade gravy is really satisfying. I learned Chen has an older brother in the army with his dad. He doesn't want to join the arm since he's not a war type of person. Chen's mom said Suho is really attractive but should never smiles coz he turns ugly somehow which caused a lot of laugh in the house.

 

We went home after that and then I called DO and greeted my friends. I also organize to hang out with them in the mall this weekend since I feel I don't hangout with them anymore. 

 

Saturday at a mall full of people is so not my thing. I keep checking my phone since I already gave Luhan my number yesterday after music class and said if he wanted to hang out. He just said he'll text me which I doubt but nonetheless I keep hoping he will text me.

 

We catch up and talked about the old days. We then went to the club house where we usually hang out. I took a dive in the pool and the fresh water of it gives me happiness. Lay and Tao played Tennis while DO is reading a book by the gazebo. The day ended and we went home. I talked to DO about my life and I shared that I already have a crush. He's now keep on teasing and wants to find out who he is. He's not even bothered that I might be gay, he just said that I might only be confused. But as long as I don't him he's cool with that. 

 

I went to church on Sunday with Suho hyung and DO. We need to find peace and harmony once in a while.  I need to thank God about Luhan's existence and my lucky streak this past week. As we went out of the church I bumped into a small kid. He's so cute. He has dark hair like mine but he kinda looks like a smaller version of Luhan. 

 

"Sorry, I didn't see you there." I said while patting the head of the kid.

 

"Hey mister, have you seen my brother." He asked while craning his head to look for someone. In my mind do I look like a guard or a lost and found personnel?

 

"what's your brother like?" I asked crouching to meet his eye level.

 

"He is not skinny like you, he is more handsome than you and he is taller." He said while still searching for his brother. I am getting annoyed at this kid remark.

 

"Oh. He could be anyone then." I said hiding the forming irritation inside. He's lucky he's so cute.

 

"Wait, I saw him mister. Bye." The kid then ran to the crowd.

 

Monday is finally here. Usually I am not excited about Mondays but it is another day to have a Luhan sighting. So I went to the house a block away our home and waited for the bus. DO already offered to take me to school even though it is on the other direction but I refused coz he might be late. He is never late.

 

At the bus, I seated on an empty two seater. Then the bus travel and finally stops on  Luhan's street. He just went inside the bus, sat and listen to his iPod. I still look at him sleeping. How would it be like if you wake up every morning with him? 

 

Gym class isn't my forte I admit. I at it. Today I get to see Luhan in his environment which is soccer. He is ruthless. Even Sehun who has long legs couldn't keep up with him. Luckily I'm on his team. He passed me the ball and I kicked it to the goal which shoot but a foot connected in my shin which burst a lot of pain. It was Sehun who tried to steal the ball but was a second too late. The game ended in 3-2. We won but just barely. 

 

"Hey there baek, lucky shot but good job." Luhan smiled for the first time. I felt a jolt of electricity coursing through my body, I lost my vision for a few seconds and the pain in my shin was gone.

 

"Is there something wrong in my face?" Luhan asked.

 

"Nothing. It's just you smiled." I said still stuttering a little bit.

 

"Why don't you like me smiling? Come on, we need to get some shower and attend our classes." He grab my hand. He freaking grab my hand and put an arm over my neck as support since my shin is now turning purple. I don't think I need a doctor, he's my drug and as long as I have him I'll be alright. Even if he is covered in sweat and dirt he still smells like heaven. I can still smell strawberries and champagne over his skin. Not a single scent of pungent body odor. Is he even human?

 

At the showers were the only one's left. Sehun just said goodbye and rushing to get his clothes on. Damn, that guy has a really nice body. Long legs, abs and not so muscular biceps. Before he left he gave me a smirk. He is so devilishly cute I give him that.

 

I went to my locker and grab my stuff. I hate my locker it's on the farthest part of the lockers if someone stabbed me there I wouldn't be found until next week.

 

Luhan then closed my locker. He is still in his shorts but this time with no top. I can see his abs, his smooth fair skin and his underarm hair. I couldn't even utter a word.

 

"So it's true, that you like me huh?" Luhan asked.

 

"I... I..." I am a bit scared at what he's doing but also I feel excitement. I don't know how to react.

 

"Save it baby doll. I can see it in your eyes even at the bus on the first day. And I confirm it when I was in the cafeteria with Jessica, you keep staring at me." He leans closer. I can smell his breath. It's minty. I can't do this pressure. One more inch closer then our lips will touch. Please let it touch. 

 

"Yes. I like you." That's all I said while I gathered all my strength and energy. My knees now are wobbly and might fail anytime.  I am getting an with just hearing his voice plus his scent makes me want to him.

 

"You do, huh. This is interesting." Luhan said while he put his long beautiful finger in my lips. He then looked at my . He put his knee gently on my . It feels good.

 

"Luhan, please stop." I pleaded since I am completely out of my mind. I might him then and there.

 

"You should stop talking baek, you're just ." He said at my ear then bit it. I can feel my knees weakening and shaking. His knee is now circling in my groin. My now hurts. I want release. His lips then connected on my neck. His lips are warm and feels so good.  If this is , I wouldn't complain.

 

"Luhan, please sto..." I tried to say but then he banged me on my locker then pin my arms.

 

"Shh... Baekie. I said your voice just turns me on." He smirked then kissed me on the lips. I feel like melting on the stop. His lips taste like sugar and mint. I want it. He then slid his tongue on my mouth, it's so warm and soft searching every part of my mouth then my body went on autopilot. All the lust I kept imagining over him took control. My tongue now plays with him. I even bit his lip which earned another smile on his face. He kissed me again but I feel something metallic. I guess I bit him too hard. I can not believe I'm tasting his blood. I don't care I want all of him right then and there. My is now throbbing painfully and I'm at bliss. Lust is taking control of me like I'm his personal slave.