A/N: This won’t be everyone’s cup of tea and is quite long so be prepared. It is story orientated, I guess…? It will be two parts but part two will be M rated for more than one reason. It is entirely okay to finish this as a one shot after the first part because I will not leave a giant cliff-hanger.

First part has a bit of swearing, gross stuff and violence, but not enough for any major warning (unless you are incredibly about it, just saying >.< ) Oh and um, one of the members might not be alive. :/

I apologise for the lack of editing but it was just too much.

In The Flesh

Part I

Wonshik was hiding under the windowsill of a small coffee shop, the glass long since smashed and all the supplies raided. It wasn’t his first choice of places to be stuck in but the hoard came upon them so suddenly that he jumped into the first building he saw, pulling Jiwon down with him. Hence, now why he was crouching in God knows what substances with a scrape on his lower arm where he landed on some of the broken glass. The cut didn’t seem too bad - if he kept still it would scab over and he wouldn’t have to waste any of their supplies - and at least the smell of the dank little shop would help hide them.

The window was high enough that when Wonshik knelt his eyes could just peek over the sill and he could see out to the main road. Past the litter and scrap cars lining the road Wonshik could see the dead ambling down the street. He didn’t expect them to be in the quaint little town so he wasn’t paying enough attention to notice the eerie quiet as all the living creatures stilled. The dusk should have been flush with the sounds of nocturnal creatures arising but the only sounds were the husky wheezing and scuffling shuffle of the zombies. A sound Wonshik should’ve heard much earlier to find a much safer hideout.

As much as he was complaining, the coffee shop did its job and the dead walked on, never even tweaking to the fact that living breathing flesh was only meters away. The sun had nearly completed its descent below the horizon when the last stragglers were passing by.

Wonshik was trying his hardest to keep still as the boredom set in, his muscles straining with the need to move. Jiwon kept glaring his way every time he shifted causing a glass shard to scrape in the rubble. To take his mind away from the boredom he took a supply check. With the lack of conflict they had met the past few weeks they actually had ammo. His lucky bullet was nestled safely in the pouch around his neck, sitting snug under his t-shirt.

His shirt could use a clean, but when didn’t it? His jeans were starting to wear thin at the knees with all his crawling and sliding across gritty floors. He sent another silent prayer to the being who allowed him to find his jacket; a sturdy zip up with more pockets than he had possessions. Wonshik sort of pitied the poor bastard who lost it.

Carefully undoing the zip, one centimetre at a time he opened his backpack, the handle of his metal bat poking out the top. The sleeping bag was curled nicely at the side next to the med-kit and spare clothes, a full bottle of drinking water seemed promising but the dwindling food supply was looking him cruelly in the face. The cans would last him a day or two and the long past stale biscuits would give him another but he knew none of it really counted as a meal.

Before the whole apocalypse thing Wonshik was a healthy weight, maybe for someone of his height he was a little thin but that was his genetics. He was quite proud of his muscle mass, all his strengthening really helping when hit the fan and the ability to crush a skull with a well-aimed blow came into play. The abs was just an aesthetically pleasing benefit. Now he knew he was veering well into the skinny side of slim. His ribs had become more prominent and his sharp hips bones were the only thing keeping his belt on.

Wonshik knew he needed a decent meal but food was getting more scarce to find and he instead found he spent most his time aimlessly scavenging and looking for a safe place to sleep. They were mid-scavenge when the hoard came and still needed to find a place for the night. Having a height advantage, and the view, was always good and he hoped one of these little shops had an apartment above. With all their supplies in order Wonshik peeked over the windowsill again.

A couple of the undead were still limping down the street; the real slow walkers with the hanging limbs and broken ankles. Wonshik debated his options. He could take on a couple at once if they were slow and separated like they were now. He was quick and his specialised bat was efficient but he couldn’t be sure the main hoard wouldn’t hear the commotion and return, he had to think of Jiwon too.

What was really testing his self-control was one corpse in particular, by the looks of it a young male. He seemed intact, must have been freshly turned which was a good sign for what his full backpack might contain. The bulging bag was resting stable on two firm shoulders. Wonshik wanted that bag, with the freshness of the zombie he could nearly guarantee something worthwhile inside. The problem was the fresher the zombie the tougher the zombie.

This particular undead looked strong, surprisingly alive considering how slow he was ambling, his feet walking in the most depressing stumble Wonshik had ever seen. He looked to have all limbs and no visible broken bones, from the distance it was hard to tell but the rotting seemed minimal too. There was a dark smudge across his cheek, a swipe of rusty brown blood, more thick lashings of the substance oozed down his coat and pants. Wonshik’s brows furrowed. He couldn’t understand while it was shuffling so sickly, it should be in front leading the pack. From where he sat he could see it was easily taller than most the other corpses around it.

It turned its head a fraction and the last of the sunlight cast a glow over his features. His face looked strained, in pain. It also had this emptiness, like it knew what a waste it had become because if he was living Wonshik could easily say he would be dazzling. His features were round and elegant, his cheek bones impossibly high and he had full lips, not yet stained with the flesh of another. Wonshik could see past the dirt soiled skin, puffy eyes and oiled hair to what it must have been like alive and full of joy. Wonshik could picture the crescent eyes when it smiled so wide, his pearly teeth blinding and it would have crowds following him.

Wonshik had to shake sense into his head. He had been sitting still for so long and he was debating the beauty of a zombie. He pulled back, settling against the shop's wall deciding to not take the risk and instead wait out the mobs departure from town. Jiwon had her eyes closed, head resting on knees drawn up to her chest. She looked peaceful, out of place in this situation, this time. Wonshik wished she could go and live a normal, a safe life.

He was concentrating on anything beside the pressure in his muscles, focusing instead on the rhythmic stomp of undead footsteps. His picked the slow, solid shuffle; the stride he knew belonged to his walking treasure. Maybe if he followed he could get it alone, take it out quick and sweet and the bag would be all his. Once alone he could easily take out any fresh meat.

The idea was appealing more and more when his music, his crunching along the pavement, stopped. There was the sound of something falling to the ground, the tell-tale thump when something hits it hard. The sound was followed by a sniffle that broke Wonshik’s train of thought.

The sniffle was followed by another until it deteriorated into a wail, a heartbreaking cry of someone who had given up. Wonshik shot up from his hideout, fully exposing himself but nothing noticed. All attention was focused on the man in the street; Wonshik’s beautiful zombie was on his knees, tears streaming down his face while he sobbed to the heavens.

“Wonshik! Get down!” Jiwon whispered, terror, shock and a little bit of anger in her voice. Wonshik didn’t hear though. All his attention was focused elsewhere because his zombie was not undead.

Jiwon crawled over and pulled at his leg, trying to get him down, but Wonshik didn’t budge, “He’s alive.”

“What?” Jiwon peeked over the windowsill.

She saw the young man kneeling in sorrow, crying his heart out. She could also see the last stragglers stopping to turn towards the man; finally realising they have live flesh in their midst. They were veering from the path of the hoard to instead go after the helpless meal on the street.

“He’s probably been bitten.” Jiwon stated. Why else would he be in the middle of a zombie pack screaming his heart out? “Let them have him, then they’ll get bored and move on.”

Wonshik turned to face his little sister, “Let them have him?”

“I know it’s harsh but we can’t risk going out there or shooting a weapon.” She said softly, finally pulling him back under the cover.

Wonshik knelt back down settling his bag on his back and gripping his wooden bat tightly. He saw a total of six undead in the close vicinity, advancing on the man. If Wonshik was quick he could pull the male out and take off back down the street they’d came. He knew that half of town and could use it to split the undead apart and weave through the alleyways until they found a place to hide.

 “Stay here,” He warned Jiwon, “I’ll lead them away and come back to you as soon as it’s safe.” He then proceeded to vault through the windowsill and tear off across the street.

“Damn it, Wonshik.” She cursed slumping against the wall, hand enclosing over her hockey stick. “ it!” She took off after him.

Hopping over the windowsill she could already see Wonshik in the thick of fighting, only a few metres from the young man. The man barely older than a boy was still on his knees, blubbering quietly with his eyes closed in an accepting peace, waiting for the end. This was stupid and she knew it. This man was definitely not worth the trouble as she was sure he was already bit.

Jiwon sprinted to reach where Wonshik was battling. He always had a grace about his fighting, smooth, swift moves that left devastation on the undead. She watched as he had his bat poised over his shoulder ready for a swing. The zombie approaching took one step into his range and he swung. If she was close enough she would have heard the whoosh as the bat flew through the air. Even from this distance though she heard the sickening crunch as the bat collided with its skull, the iron nails they had imbedded in the wood spearing into the head as well. The monster was dead, the false living cells of its brain destroyed. Wonshik gave the corpse a kick to get it off the end of his bat, the darkened blood arching out when he swung the weapon free and the body fell to the ground with a thud.

Jiwon was close now and swung out her stick, knocking the legs of one of the creatures out from under it. It fell onto the ground still trying to crawl forward and Wonshik finished it off, slamming straight down onto its head.

“I told you to stay put.” Wonshik looks at her,

“I told you to stay put,” She bit back,

He smirked, “Touché.”

The brother and sister pair knocked back the enclosing zombies but they knew they had to leave. They had made a lot of noise and the hoard could head back any moment.

Panting, Wonshik walked over and grabbed the upper arm of the guy on the ground. He was quiet, all his sobbing stopped. His eyes were open seeing everything but not focusing, not understanding. “C’mon get up.” Wonshik tugged the guy and he fell forward, his legs refusing to work.

“I told you it was pointless,” Jiwon groaned,

“Just help, okay? I think he’s in shock.”

Jiwon walked over and grabbed the man’s other arm, the two successfully pulling him onto his feet. “He’s rather light for his height.” She noted.

Once on his feet the man wobbled but didn’t fall. His eyes were flitting about trying to find their bearings. He focused on the two people in front of him and took a step back, sliding in a sticky pool of blood from one of the fallen monsters. Wonshik stepped forward and grabbed him before he fell. The distant growling and shuffling was once again getting closer.

 “It’s time to go boys,” Jiwon started jogging down the street.

“Let’s go.” Wonshik’s mouth curved into a caring smile and he pulled the young man with him. It was a bit clumsy at first but they fell into a steady rhythm and caught up with Jiwon. The trio retraced their steps looking for a place to hide for the night.

Wonshik couldn’t believe what he just did. It was stupid and reckless and unpredictable. He had no idea who this guy was or if he had been bitten. But he wasn’t going to lie. The rush of doing something against the zombies, taking the fight to them instead of running and hiding was invigorating. He just had to keep saying to himself it was all for the backpack the guy was carrying, not the guy, and he might feel a little bit better. If only he believed it.

***

The apartment was on the third floor, an exit at either end of the corridor and plenty of rooms to hide in. The trio were settled in a two bedroom apartment. The room was in surprisingly good condition and Jiwon immediately made it home, fixing up defences while leaving Wonshik to hurry up and deal with the comatose lump he had brought with them. The dim lighting from their camp light giving just enough illumination to see the outlines of the room.

The second they reached the apartment the unknown male walked over and slowly sat down onto the couch. Wonshik was perched opposite on the coffee table eyeing the boy carefully. He hadn’t spoken a word and his eyes had gone back to unseeing. Wonshik tried to reach out to him but he flinched so violently that Wonshik quickly withdrew his hand.

Up close Wonshik was again able to appreciate the features of his face. He noticed the male’s skin was a smooth caramel brown, not the dirt coat he first suspected. He was as tall as Wonshik first thought, just a bit shorter than himself and more petite than brawny. His eyes were puffy from crying and his round lips were chapped. His charcoal hair was mussed but Wonshik could see how the bangs would frame his face and compliment the cheekbones he loved so much. Wonshik found a towel from the kitchen, wet it and carefully reached forward again, able to rub the dry blood from the boy’s cheek.

 “My name is Wonshik,” He starts off slow, “I don’t want to hurt you but . . .”

The blank eyes stare on. The chocolate irises hold no life and Wonshik feels a chill at the pain he sees in those eyes. He has to turn away, he can’t finish that sentence.

Wonshik tries again, “That’s my little sister, Jiwon. I plan on keeping her safe. I know it’s hard but I need to know if you were bitten.”

“...”

“You were walking in a pack of the undead, it’s a little suspicious. Were you bit?”

The boy refuses to speak but he shakes his head.

Wonshik is pleased he is finally getting a reaction but he needs more, “Okay, but do you mind if I check?”

This is answered with another, more hesitant, shake of the head.

Wonshik steps forward and sees the boy stiffen, “I’m not going to hurt you. I’m just checking.” The male stays frozen as Wonshik carefully kneels at his feet. Deciding to start low and work his way up. He first checks the sweat pants for obvious teeth marks but the material is solid. He checks both ankles and calves. Zombies have a tendency to grab hard and bite low. “Do you have a name?”

It takes a few seconds but he is answered with one syllable, one squeaked out letter, N. Wonshik knows it is not his actual name but he doesn’t mind. He wouldn’t trust people who just dragged him off the street. “Well, N, I need to take your shirt off.” A tremble ripples through the body in front of him and Wonshik’s heart twists at the fear he sees there. “It’s the easiest way to check for bites, I’ll be quick.” Wonshik gives him a reassuring smile and undoes the buttons on the large coat.

The heavy material was pulled all the way up to N’s chin, a security blanket covering most of the boy’s skin. Wonshik helped him shrug out of the large overcoat and his eyes immediately fell on the bruising on the boy’s neck and the purple on his wrists. It wasn’t bite marks perse but there was an even spread of the purple flush disappearing below his shirt line. Wonshik tugged at the fabric and after a second of resistance N lifted his arms and the material glided over his head. N kept his face blank, his head straight and forward. Wonshik wasn’t sure what to expect but it wasn’t what he was now looking at. There was a faint gasp over at the far wall and Wonshik knew Jiwon had been watching.

N looked down, embarrassment and self-loathing spreading through his body. What should have been a smooth expanse of unblemished, sun-kissed skin was marred with a variety of colours through the stages of bruising. The marks on his neck curled down around his collar bone and a few streaked onto his chest. His midsection was pleasantly clear besides a fresh scar across his lower abdomen, though the scratches and bruises on his hips were a bit more violent. The jagged patterns over the curve of his pelvis, disappearing below his pants hemline, showed how someone had gripped him tight; the perpetrators fingernails digging into the soft flesh and clawing down his hips. Wonshik knew what those injuries could signify and it wasn’t from anything good, the different stages of bruising apparent it had happened more than once.

Wonshik walked around N to check for any torn flesh, damage done from the undead. Wonshik could not see any such injury and relief washed through him because it meant the day’s escapade was not a complete waste. He sat back down on the coffee table and handed N his shirt. The shorter hurriedly pulled the material back on. He had completely shrunk in on himself during the inspection and his eyes were still pointed on the floor.

Tightness filled Wonshik’s chest as he reanalysed the marks on N’s wrists, his fear of people and his panic at the slightest touch. What happened to you? N pulled his coat back on, wrapping it high around his neck and drew his arms inside. Wonshik just wanted to pull the boy in, to circle his arms around him and take away the pain, whispering sweet nothings like he used to do when Jiwon was younger. He still had no idea why the boy was wandering the streets in the middle of a hoard.

 “We’ll be staying here for a while; you’re welcome to stay with us. We don’t have much food but if you need it I’m sure we could spare some.” Wonshik spoke lightly and stood up.

N showed no sign of acknowledgement so Wonshik sighed walked over to Jiwon, “So are you going to explain to me why we went to all that effort to pull a hopeless stray of the street?”

Wonshik pointed to the item resting at N’s feet, “. . . It was for his bag.” Sadly Wonshik wasn’t any closer to believing himself,

“His bag?”

“Look at it; it could be full of supplies,”

“Or crap collected by an insane person.”

“I don’t think he’s crazy, he’s just hurt.”

Jiwon made a sound of understanding, “The bruising looked pretty bad, didn’t it?”

Wonshik nodded voice low and angered, “Who could do something like that to a person?”

“The world’s gone to Hell. We lose good, kind people while the worst do anything to survive.” She paused and saw Wonshik pinch the bridge of his nose, “I heard you offer, how much food do you have left?”

“Not much, you?”

“Maybe two days,”

“Same, but I couldn’t not offer him some.”

The two looked over at N on the couch and knew that even though they had barely enough to survive themselves they weren’t heartless people. N looked like an abandoned animal left on the street. Jiwon received the same mentality as her brother and though she acted tough and unforgiving she was as kind as he was.

A smile poked at the corners of Jiwon’s mouth, “I know the real reason you saved him,”

“What?” Wonshik narrowed his eyes, he knew that smile,

“You think he’s hot.”

Wonshik coughed spluttering, “I . . . No . . . What?”

“Don’t deny it. I have eyes. I can see he’s attractive. Tall, dark and very pretty, he’s just your type,” Jiwon laughed as her brother turned red.

He grunted and walked back over to N, trying to control the blood vessels in his cheeks. He was aware she knew he was gay, biual to be exact, on many occasions she had even tried to play matchmaker, all failures but he appreciated the effort.

Jiwon called out again, turning to the bedrooms, “I take it that I get first sleep then? Wake me when it’s my turn to keep watch.”

Wonshik chose to sit beside N on the couch this time and was pleased when the other didn’t recoil at his presence. It didn’t look like he had moved since he had put his dirty coat back on and it didn’t seem like he was going to. Wonshik didn’t know what to do to get the boy to open up; they had most the night so he decided to start things slow.

 “My full name is Kim Wonshik. I’m a ‘93 liner and Jiwon is a ‘95er.”

N’s eyes shifted to glance at the male beside him. He was tall and strong and younger. He had a carefree vibe that radiated off him and an easy smile. Wonshik seemed sweet, but so did the last people he came across.

“You don’t have to tell me your name, I understand.”

N nodded as a reply.

The two sat in a heavy silence until Wonshik’s stomach grumbled, he chuckled at the way N jumped at the sound; the boy was too darn cute. Pulling his backpack over Wonshik fished out one of the endangered cans. He noticed the way N eyed him as he pulled out the food. “I can spare a can of beans if you’re hungry?” He said, holding out a can in offering.

N shook his head.

“You sure? You need to eat something.”

N nodded and Wonshik reluctantly pulled his can open, praising the world for the invention of pull tab lids.

In the process of opening his can Wonshik watched as N lugged his bag onto his lap. The smaller of the two struggling with its size as it clunked down onto his thighs. Using delicate hands N undid the zip and emptied the contents onto the coffee table. Wonshik’s eyes widened at the amount of food and other supplies stuffed into the one bag. N saw the gawking beside him and had to explain.

“The last people I was with did not deserve a share of my supplies, and when I . . . left them I decided they could also do without a few things,” N spoke slowly and carefully, his voice wavering in a mix of emotions.

Wonshik’s eyes flashed back to the bruising on N’s body and a pang of anger spread through him. He would have done more than take some supplies from people who would do such a thing.

“You and Jiwon look like you need some, take it.” N offered, pushing the heap across the table.

“It’s yours, you keep it.” Wonshik shook his head,

“I don’t need it. I don’t want it. I just didn’t want them to have it.”

The items sat untouched on the table while the two glared at eachother daring one of them to take it. In the end Wonshik sighed and collected a few pieces leaving well more than half of the supplies where they were. N rolled his eyes and grabbed Wonshik’s bag pushing a variety of cans, biscuits, jerky, first aid supplies and batteries into his bag. He left only the barest of items for himself.

“We can’t take it all, you need something,” Wonshik protested,

“I told you I don’t need it.”

“Why? You’re going to starve to death.”

N didn’t speak, the look on his face saying it all.

“You want to die?”

“...”

Wonshik stumbled for words, “That’s stupid,” He ended up spitting out, “I won’t let you.”

“It’s not your choice.”

“But, why? I know the world , but you’ve survived this long, so why now? . . . How did you end up in a pack of the undead?”

Wonshik saw every emotion from pain to despair flash across N’s face, “It’s none of your business.”

“Hell it isn’t. You’re my problem now, since I saw you on that street I knew there was something special about you and like I’m going to let you get yourself killed.”

N turned to face Wonshik then, his eyes burned with a cold glare that could freeze fire. Wonshik gulped because with those eyes N didn’t look like the helpless boy he saw him as, he finally saw him as the fierce young man he was. The next words that flew from N’s mouth, bitten off and hissed were like a slap to the face, snapping sense into Wonshik.

“Cha Hakyeon, ‘90 liner.” He picked up his bag and stalked towards the door, “I am not a child. I can decide when I die.”

Wonshik jumped up from the couch, “Hakyeon,” He rolled the name off his tongue, he liked it.

N stopped in his walk, listening but refusing to turn around.

Wonshik couldn’t let him die, he had to show him there was always a reason to live. “Just . . . Stay with us for a while, please? Just two days, then you can go and do whatever you like.”

Hakyeon looked back at Wonshik, ready to argue when he saw the red liquid pooled at the cuff of Wonshik’s jacket sleeve, “You’re injured.”

N ran over, dumping his bag onto the table and pulling out his first aid kit. He shoved Wonshik back down onto the couch, sat beside him and pulled back his sleeve. Running up the fleshy part of Wonshik’s forearm, finishing at the elbow, was a jagged gash. Hakyeon was terrified for a moment that Wonshik had been bitten, a problem that could’ve only happened when the younger ran out onto the street to save him. Luckily the wound was simply a cut, a relatively deep graze which Wonshik should’ve mended earlier instead of waiting for infection the set in.

“Idiot,” N commented offhand while fishing some alcohol and wipes from his kit, “How did this happen?”

Wonshik wasn’t sure what he was more shocked at; the injury on his arm or the motherly care – and scolding – from N. “When we hid from the pack we jumped through a window and I landed on some broken glass,”

“And you didn’t think to fix it then?”

“It wasn’t that bad before so I didn’t want to waste the supplies in case we needed them later. I think I must have opened it more when fighting the undead.”

“Idiot,” N repeated, “There won’t be later times if you let an infection set in now. Infection is the worst thing you can get during these times, well after a bite that is.”

Wonshik made a small grumble at being chastised like a child.

“You did bleed a lot but I think it’s mostly stopped now. It isn’t actually too bad, a good thing you don’t need stitches because Taekwoon was always better at the delicate things.”

Wonshik’s ears tweaked at the mention of another name but he didn’t press further because it didn’t seem N noticed what he said. He was too busy fussing around collecting items he needed to fix the gash.

Hakyeon wasn’t going to say he didn’t enjoy the wince when he rubbed antiseptic into the cut, the movement accompanied by Wonshik gritting his teeth to stop from crying out. The younger watched as the wound was cleaned, four steri-strips put in place to keep the cut closed, padding added for good measure and lastly a bandage wrapped around the outside. It was a bit of overkill but N never did anything lightly. After packing up N bit his lip deciding whether he should speak or not, his mouth opening and closing like a fish while he tried to force words out.

“Thank you,” Wonshik spoke first,

“I want to check the wound tomorrow,” N finally announced,

“Tomorrow? As in . . . Tomorrow?” Wonshik used all his brainpower to deftly question,

N rolled his eyes, “Yes. I need to make sure we stopped the infection.”

“That means you’re staying?”

“Just so I can make sure the cut heals properly.”

Wonshik beamed, his mouth cracking into a large smile that had crinkles forming at the corners of his eyes. N sighed at what he had gotten himself into, laying back on the couch and shoving an arm over his face; a sign that he was tired and also a way to hide the pink in his cheeks because the other was too damn enthusiastic and it was way too endearing. Hakyeon was usually the one vying for another’s attention and company and he was a little flustered at Wonshik’s eagerness at his presence.

 “I should let you sleep,” Wonshik spoke at N’s hidden face, “Jiwon will take over watch for me in a few hours. You don’t need to worry about taking a shift because I doubt she’d trust you with it anyway.” He added after a moment of thought, “I’m not sure I would either. There is a second bedroom. I can room in Jiwon’s if you’d prefer to be alone.”

“The couch is fine.”

“But there’s a real bed in there.”

“You can have it.”

Wonshik sighed and slipped off the couch so Hakyeon could spread out. The furniture wasn’t large enough so his feet hung over the far edge and he didn’t look too comfortable but it didn’t seem to bother him. Wonshik switched off the small camp light and cracked a slither in the thick curtains for a beam of bright moonlight to shine through, enough light to highlight the body on the couch and let Wonshik see his surroundings.

Hakyeon didn’t feel like telling Wonshik that he couldn’t sleep alone, that he needed that presence of another person to drift off. Wonshik seemed safe. He already had trust instilled within the older so N wanted to stay by his side for protection. With the couch taken, N forced Wonshik onto a single-seater, still close enough that he could concentrate on the steady breathing of the younger while he tried to get some sleep for the first time in a long time.

***

Wonshik spent the next few hours simmering over millions of questions running through his head, the key thing in all of them, Cha Hakyeon. His head was spinning with thoughts of the shy, snarky and beautiful male sleeping beside him. Who was he? What was he doing on that street? What happened to cause so many injuries? What was it that caused him to give up hope? An endless circle of questions regarding N.

Said male was curled in on himself on the couch. Steady breathing and the slow rise and fall of his body signalling he was in a peaceful sleep. A leg hung down and was dragging along the floor, his neck twisted at an awkward angle and Wonshik grumbled over his stubbornness to not take the bed. Wonshik watched N for an untold amount of time noticing small breaks in the even breathing, a tensing of the muscles and occasional whine suggesting the sleep wasn’t as peaceful as he first thought.

When he was so bored his eyelids were too heavy to keep open Wonshik walked over and peaked out the curtain, eyeing the position of the moon. He was caught between running and waking Jiwon so he could finally get some sleep and staying where he was so his little sister could get a full night’s rest. He sighed knowing she’d be pissed if he let her sleep on.

He shuffled to the bedroom, cracking the door open to find Jiwon nearly fully submerged under the dusty bedcover. He tiptoed over and sunk down beside the lump on the bed. Jiwon shifted as the weight settled beside her and the gentle shaking of her shoulder as well as the soft call of her name awoke her from slumber.

The siblings shuffled back out to the main room where Wonshik grabbed his bag and bat to take with him. Jiwon sat herself onto the armchair and took one look at Hakyeon cramped on the couch. “Take him with you,” She spoke softly, “He needs a proper sleep . . . And I don’t want to have to watch over him.”

“He refused to take my bed.”

“He’s asleep now, just dump him there and use mine.”

Wonshik nodded, sat his stuff down and went into the bedroom. The room was small, the sheer drapes supplying the room with eerie moonlight that added to the unsettling feeling as he looked at the pictures and possessions of someone most likely dead. The bed sat against a wall in the far corner, he dusted off the covers and pulled back the doona. He made his way back to N and deliberated waking Hakyeon to walk himself to bed but decided against it because the elder was stubborn and would probably refuse again. Wonshik picked the leg off the ground and snuck his arm under the knees of both Hakyeon’s legs, the other supporting his back.

N was far too light for a man of his height and he bones were too prominent, pressing into Wonshik. He walked them to the bedroom and set N down carefully onto the mattress. All the movement had caused Hakyeon to stir and he was becoming aware of his surroundings. Wonshik pulled off N’s shoes and dirty coat, wincing at the thin line of bruising he saw, and dragged the doona over his body before he made to leave the room. Wonshik was stopped by a firm hand grabbing his wrist.

Hakyeon was looking at him with a nervous expression, a dash of fear in his dark irises. “Don’t leave me.” He pleaded, his hand tightening on Wonshik’s wrist.

“But . . .”

“I don’t want to be alone.” N spoke with a tight throat, his voice coming out constricted.

Wonshik wasn’t sure whether to feel relieved Hakyeon trusted him or worried about how afraid he was, “Okay, let me grab my stuff and I’ll be right back.”

The hand squeezed Wonshik’s wrist one last time before it dropped to the bed.

Wonshik quickly grabbed his bag and bat, saying a goodnight to Jiwon before he closed the door behind him and turned to N. The shorter male was in the same spot Wonshik left him, his eyes piercing with fear that he might be left behind, again. Hakyeon shuffled back onto the bed so he was against the wall, an offering for Wonshik to join him. Wonshik dropped his bag onto the floor and rested his bat against the wall beside the bed.

Wonshik slipped off his shoes and coat and sunk down beside Hakyeon, facing the shorter who was in turn watching him. The bed was queen-sized and closely fit the two males. N pulled the covers over them both and lay close enough so Wonshik could feel the faintest hint of his breath wash over his face. They weren’t touching but neither dared to move to break the peace. After an eternity of watching eachother Wonshik broke the silence.

“Does this mean you’ll stay with us?” He asks hopefully,

“Two days,” N says, killing Wonshik’s wish,

The silence fell again, but didn’t last long because there was one question that was burning up in Wonshik, “Are you really older than me?”

N smiles, “By three years if you spoke the truth earlier.”

Wonshik pouted and N just laughed, a sweet sound that Wonshik could get to like. The sound was quashed as N grew serious again. The light left his eyes and he sighed, pulling the doona tight up to his chin. His eyes closed and he looked pained again.

Wonshik dared to question deeper, “Why are you so sad?”

N didn’t open his eyes but replied none the less, “I lost someone.”

Wonshik is a bit put out because they have all lost people.

N senses the confusion and continues, “They were someone special and they are the only reason I am around now.”

“So why do you want to die? Why aren’t you continuing to live for them?”

N took a moment to gather his thoughts before he said carefully, “Losing them was the same as losing a part of me. But I kept going. I knew they would hate it if I gave up. ” His voice was approaching on inaudible, “Then I came across people that ripped apart any last bits of hope I had. I couldn’t live after that, I didn’t want to . . . I don’t want to.”

By the time Hakyeon finished speaking tears were pooling, the clear liquid getting caught in his eyelashes as he refused to open his eyes. He was trying hard to keep the sobs held in but a couple fits and whines broke free and Wonshik wasted no time in closing the distance between them and pulled N into his arms.

His owns eyes were misty while the elder’s body trembled in his arms, sniffles and gasps for air filled the silence. Wonshik ran a hand through N’s hair, combing the surprisingly soft strands while he whispered deep, soothing words. Hakyeon’s face was nestled against the younger’s collarbone and he found the scent there calming while he reigned in his frenzied emotions. His hands were tangled into Wonshik’s shirt and he was sure to leave a damp patch from his endless tears.

Wonshik kept brushing his fingers through N’s hair until the sobs became hiccups which in turn became snores. He could see over the top of N’s head out the window and into the night sky. The stars were out in masses without the constant pollution from nasty factories and Wonshik was happy to find himself falling into slumber under the reassuring starlight, his nose pressed against the mob of dark hair tickling his chin.

***

Jiwon was not surprised when she walked into one bedroom to find it empty and the other to find Hakyeon curled tight against her brother’s chest, Wonshik’s long arms circling him protectively. She was a little jealous at not being able to curl up in bed with her caring brother but she wasn’t a little girl anymore, and if she heard correctly last night she was not the one needing protection.

Jiwon coughed lightly hoping she wouldn’t have to shake the two apart. Hakyeon opened his eyes first, the light sleeper he was; especially when compared to Wonshik. His eyes were pink and puffed, confirming her ideas of the crying last night, and he had the decency to flush at the position he was in. He meant nothing by it and there was nothing behind their compromising appearance, N just hoped Jiwon realised as much.

Hakyeon pulled himself from the tight embrace and slipped out of the bed trying his best not to disturb Wonshik. Jiwon’s eyes widened when she saw the white bandage wrapping Wonshik’s lower arm. Before she can say anything Hakyeon asks politely if they can let Wonshik sleep for a while longer while he talks with her.

As the morning progresses somehow Hakyeon grows on Jiwon, maybe it has something to do with him helping Wonshik’s injury, maybe to do with all the supplies he gave them, maybe because Hakyeon is a naturally likable person who is ridiculously boisterous and can make her laugh at his antics. So when Wonshik stumbles out of the bedroom fearing the worst for why he wasn’t woken yet he is shocked to see his sister and Hakyeon happily chatting on the couch.

“Hi, Ravi,” Hakyeon laughs and Wonshik’s face noticeably reddens,

“Jiwon,” He warns,

She was busy giggling with N, “I asked him about the name N so he wanted something in return,”

“I’m delighted to meet you,” Hakyeon continues, “A pleasure, so enchanting.”

“Hakyeon,” Wonshik whines,

“So enraptured by you,”

Wonshik turns to leave the room,

“Alright, alright, I’m sorry.” Hakyeon runs up behind him and slings an arm over Wonshik’s shoulder, leaning in close enough so he can whisper in his ear, “I was just playing . . . Ravi.”

The way Hakyeon said his nickname sent chills down Wonshik’s spine. The voice was smooth like silk and the way he enunciated the syllables was so strange and alluring. Ravi was the name he usually used when he met strangers, people he did not yet trust, like Hakyeon’s use of the name N. It was a word he coined when he was a few years younger, back when he had dreams of being famous. He wasn’t embarrassed by it, usually, but Jiwon had spilled the whole meaning behind it and N had a way of getting under his skin. Ravi’s ears turned bright red at the elder’s mocking and he refused to look at the pouting face perched on his shoulder.

When Wonshik won’t speak Hakyeon pulls back, “We had similar dreams you know? I was going to be a dancer. I was pretty good at it too. I didn’t have a name at the time but thinking back I would’ve liked one.” Wonshik turned to see Hakyeon thinking hard. “Ravi,” He said the name slowly again, “I like it. I think the name is cute, maybe a little bit hot.”

Then Hakyeon walked off like the words and actions he just enacted had no effect on the younger. Wonshik scratched at his neck where could still feel the presence of Hakyeon’s arm and tried to not focus on his burning ear where Hakyeon’s hot breath had brushed over.

“I’ll check your arm this evening,” N said and walked back over to Jiwon who was watching Ravi with an amused, knowing smile on her face.

***

Wonshik grew a little edgy as they reached the end of the second day, he was waiting for Hakyeon to pack up and leave at any moment. On the morning of the third day he woke first to see Hakyeon lying across from him. The same spot he had gone to sleep in after he finished his watch and traded with Ravi, Jiwon now absent because she was on the last watch. Wonshik stayed watching him until he woke and prepped like the past morning. Neither mentioned the deal and plans were made for them to move on from the apartment complex seeing as Ravi’s arm was healing nicely, they needed to find some more fresh water and Hakyeon was feeling refreshed and awake.

The next days passed and Hakyeon was still with them. Wonshik kept on eye on him for fear that he might suddenly disappear but Hakyeon seemed to be enjoying their company. Jiwon was certainly happy to have someone else to chat with, someone who could do most the talking because, despite that first night when he said only a few words, they could not get Hakyeon to shut up. His constant banter was comforting and as a week passed it became part of their routine.

Hakyeon became a permanent fixture in their lives, like they were in his. Slowly, Wonshik’s fear that he would walk out on them disappeared and he was able to rely on Hakyeon. There was one problem; the siblings had told Hakyeon how they got to where they were and all the hardship they had faced. N knew a lot about them, not it all because there were secrets everyone wanted to keep hidden; like Wonshik’s growing feelings for the male that he tried his hardest to squash, but the emotions just wouldn’t go away.

They knew all these stupid facts about Hakyeon too; like his love for banana milk which was one of his most missed things about the end of the world and how he had danced in drag more than once, even winning a competition because of it. Wonshik would’ve given anything to see a picture because Hakyeon described in excruciating detail about the piggy tailed wig he had to wear, the black short-shorts, lace stockings and leopard print cardigan.

What Wonshik and Jiwon still did not know is what circumstances had led to them meeting N on the street that evening. It was something Hakyeon seemed to have no plans to share himself so when they were stuck inside while a storm raged outside Wonshik dared to ask.

They were in the basement of a small house off the main roads. The main part of the house was a mess, only a few rooms in useable condition, on the other hand a shelter like basement had been made liveable. It was as if someone had plans to stay there, but as they were nowhere to be seen the trio took advantage of the furnished space. They were snuggled under a large duvet while rain pelted down outside, a large lock and wooden board keeping the door closed off from the outside world. Hakyeon was chatting up his own storm when Wonshik cut in, “How did you end up on that street?”

Hakyeon who was settled in the middle of Jiwon and Wonshik stopped midsentence when he heard Wonshik’s question. He shifted under the bedding and Wonshik didn’t think he would say anything. Jiwon was giving him a glare from on the other side of N but he knew she wanted to know the story just as much.

“I already told you,” N waved the question off,

“You gave me an overview and as far I’m aware Jiwon doesn’t know anything.”

N turned to Jiwon and she just shrugged, “I wasn’t going to pry.”

Hakyeon fidgeted a bit more before replying, “Well, if you really need to know.”

Jiwon and Wonshik stayed quiet while Hakyeon gathered his thoughts, hand flying to the necklace that hang low on his neck, readying himself for a painful conversation as he gripped his precious possession.

“Since this started I travelled with a good friend, my best friend, Taekwoon.” Wonshik recognised the name from the first night, “We knew eachother since we were kids. We had opposite personalities but somehow he never left me even though I know I annoyed him.” Hakyeon’s eyes were glazing over as he spoke, “If it weren’t for him I wouldn’t be here. When the outbreak first happened he took me with him, you see I’m not good at surviving on my own. He was constantly pointing out how clumsy and forgetful I could be, how scared and hopeless I was, but he still took me with him.” N chuckled dryly, “The stupid bastard was too chivalrous and pushed me out of the way of a biter. We both knew he had a better chance at survival but it didn’t stop him.”

Hakyeon’s eyes grew misty, “He gave me his bag,” N nodded to his backpack, “With all the supplies; he said for me to be strong, took a bullet for himself and pushed me on my way.” Wonshik found N’s free hand under the doona and linked their fingers. He could see how hard it was for him to continue speaking, “I spent a day ambling on my own before I came across a new group of people. There were five guys and they took me in. They seemed nice but . . . It didn’t last.”

N explained how the group seemed kind and happy to accept another member. They had a good set of supplies and a peaceful air about them. Hakyeon grew quiet as he spoke about the next part. How the calm only lasted so long before one of the guys made a move against him. He called for help but the only help that came held him down, keeping him still while the other could do whatever he liked.

“I bit one of them,” N said proudly, a few stray tears trailed down his cheek, “A nasty mark that drew blood.”

“Serves the asshat right,” Wonshik commented and N gave him a thankful smile, giving his hand an assuring squeeze,

“Didn’t do me too good.” N removed his hand from Ravi’s and placed it against his stomach,

“Your scar,” Ravi thought aloud,

“He decided he would mark me back.” N sighed, “It took me another week, maybe, I sort of lost track of time, before I found a chance to get out. I grabbed all my stuff and half of theirs, as much as I could fit in my bag, and left through a blind spot from the guard.

“You found me two days later. I had plans to keep moving but I came across some undead and in the process of taking them out I got coated in . . . entrails,” N scrunched his nose in disgust, “I was so tired and sore and I just sat down, right on the sidewalk. Zombies came and I couldn’t be bothered fighting so I decided it was the end. They just walked past. A couple gave me a strange look but just shuffled on. I think it was the smell, they thought I was one of their own. So I walked with them, I joined a herd of them, waiting for the moment when they would find me out. Eventually I couldn’t walk anymore, I just couldn’t move.

“Before they got me an idiot ran out and pulled me up,” N gave a pointed look to Wonshik who just gave him a dopey smile in return, “And somehow I ended up stuck travelling with him,” Hakyeon saw Jiwon wipe discreetly at her tears, “And his beautiful sister.”

Jiwon gave him a weak smile at his compliment and pulled him into a tight hug, thanking him for sharing his story. She apologised over and over for what he went through but he just shook it off, for if it didn’t happen he probably wouldn’t be here now, and he wouldn’t be here with them. N rubbed at her back while she sniffled into his neck, he placed a kiss on the top of her head and whispered soothing words.

Wonshik’s heart ached at the sight in front of him and soon he was too pulled into the hug. Hakyeon might not be a fearless person but that didn’t make him weak. He decided to keep on fighting, with a push from the right people, and could always lighten up the mood.  N treated Jiwon like a sister of his own, caring for both Jiwon and Ravi more than he should and Wonshik knew that he was no longer falling for N.

He was already in love with Hakyeon, and with it Ravi vows that he will make sure N never has to go through that pain again.

***

The days passed and Ravi knew Hakyeon was heartbroken over Taekwoon. He wouldn’t encroach on that so he would admire N from a distance, smiling with him like the friends they were. Despite his ever growing longing and want for the shorter male.

Sometimes N just made it too hard.

When they came across a small group of the undead he should’ve been upset, their clean streak had been broken, but Wonshik was able to see Hakyeon in action. Despite claiming he was useless Hakyeon seemed to work effortlessly in a fight. Ravi could see how he had been a dancer, his body moving fluidly as he stepped around the stumbling monsters, jumping and hopping from foot to foot as he dodged their grasping hands, waiting for the right moment when he could press forward, spearing them with his staff. The object might look elegant but the way Hakyeon wielded it was definitely dangerous and when the fight was over, rotting corpses littering the ground, Wonshik could still only stand and stare.

The whole fight he stayed still watching Hakyeon with a burning in his heart and looking at N now, puffed and hot, sweat gluing his bangs to his forehead, Ravi had to gulp harshly and turn away.

Ignoring the things Hakyeon did to him might be harder than he first thought.

***

Wonshik decided he liked the country; fresh air, clean water and not one zombie in sight. He wished that they didn’t have to go back to the suburbs and look for food because it was too peaceful a spot to give up. The pond, nearly big enough to be called a lake, is the site of the best wash they’ll be having in a long time.

Hakyeon is lounging on the bank, smiling peacefully having washed already while Ravi splashes around in the water. The sun beats down brightly and Hakyeon basks in it’s warmth, lying back on his elbows, head tilted up and Wonshik can’t help but watch because Hakyeon is practically glowing. He has chucked on a t-shirt since but Wonshik caught a peek of his now smooth skin, the bruises no longer gracing his delicate features. When Hakyeon sighs so serenely Wonshik must splash more water onto his face because his cheeks are growing pink, his body warming immensely and it has nothing to do with the sun.

“It almost feels like there is nothing wrong,” Hakyeon absentmindedly states,

“Huh?”

“It’s so peaceful, I could stay here forever. It’s just so quiet.”

Wonshik glances back to Hakyeon and the smile on his face is so welcoming, he is about to respond when a white flash darts towards the water. The shape is accompanied by a shrill scream of excitement and Wonshik catches a glimpse of a small, pale buttocks before it disappears below the waterline.

A head pops above the water and Jiwon laughs at the appalled look on Wonshik’s face, she stays just below the waterline so only her shoulders can be seen, the absence of bra straps of any kind is highly noticed by her older brother.

“What are you doing?” He exclaims,

“What do you think? I’m washing.”

“But . . .” He gestures up and down towards her body and nervously glances at N to see if he saw anything. He finds Hakyeon chuckling at them, a little surprised at Jiwon’s brash appearance.

“What?”

“Where are your clothes?”

“You expect me to wash in my clothes,” She laughs,

“Well, yes.” Wonshik was still in a pair of boxers and Hakyeon certainly didn’t wash , if so Wonshik doubted they could safely be in the same pond.

“You’re my brother, we used to bathe together. It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.” Wonshik’s eyes shift towards Hakyeon but before he can say anything Jiwon continues, “Anyway, you two are both so gay what does it matter?”

“Uh,” Wonshik chokes on his words and Hakyeon is heard coughing profusely from the bank.

Wonshik sides him a glance and Hakyeon is doubled over with tears in his eyes, he looks back at Ravi meekly, squeaking out, “You’re gay too?”

Ravi nods slowly,

“You guys didn’t know?” Jiwon questions, sincerity in her voice, “Woops.”

Ravi glares her way but it’s too late. He is well aware she had ulterior motives for spilling the secrets. All he can think is she knows, she had to, otherwise why would she bother spoiling such privy information. Wonshik sinks lower into the water because things could only get worse if Jiwon knows of his feelings for Hakyeon. Sure, Hakyeon was gay, but that just helped prove one thing that had been weighing on Ravi’s mind. Taekwoon and Hakyeon must have been together and Wonshik was not ready to mess with that, not matter how much Jiwon was now going to try.

***

It’s another week before Jiwon is able to squeeze the information she wants out of Hakyeon, playing innocent the whole time she interrogates him.

“What do you think of my brother?” She asks as they are lying side-by-side on a large bed, Wonshik was keeping first watch, but neither were really in the mood to sleep.

“What do you mean?” He asks in return and rolls to face her,

“I worry about him. I know the world is but I still plan on finding someone to be with and he should too. But he’s too focused on saving me – and you too now - to care about himself. We’ve met many nice guys on our journey but he’s never showed any interest.”

“And?”

Jiwon looks back at him, an are you kidding look on her face, “You’re the first person he’s ever actually invited to stay with us. The first person besides me to know him.”

N’s eyes widen, “Yeah?”

“I want him to find someone but he can come across as harsh, we all do in times like this, and I don’t think anyone will ever find enough interest to make a move on him.”

Hakyeon rolls onto his back and looks at the ceiling, a smile on his face as he thinks back on Wonshik, “I think he’s sweet, he’s only ever been caring to me.”

Jiwon smiles to herself because that was a look of adoration on N’s face and she nearly has everything she needs for her next step.

“So, you and Taekwoon were pretty close then?”

Hakyeon visibly tenses at the mention of his friends name, hand again finding his necklace, but still responds, “We were inseparable, well I was, he was always much more reserved.”

“That must have been hard, losing someone so close, someone you loved.”

“Mmm, it was.”

“I don’t think I could ever handle losing a partner.” Jiwon says carefully, watching for Hakyeon’s reaction.

“We weren’t together.” Hakyeon laughs, “Sure, I liked him but he wasn’t gay. There was never anything between us, no spark, nothing. We were just friends.”

Jiwon smile meekly, “Sorry, I guess we interpreted it wrong.”

“We?”

“Wonshik and I.”

“Oh,” N’s face dropped, “It’s probably my fault. I didn’t make it clear.”

“Well he’ll be glad to hear,”

“Huh?”

“He didn’t want to come between you guys. Now he has no excuse.”

“Come between us?” Hakyeon squeaks,

“He didn’t want to make a move on you while you were caught up on Taekwoon.”

N fumbles for words, his mind running wild, “What?”

“Wonshik has had a crush on you since we met,”

“But you just said-”

“Well, I may have lied, you’re the first guy he’s showed interest in.” She sees the apprehensive look on his face, “Unless you don’t like him. I know he’s not everyone’s type, some people don’t like that manly look but I want to see him happy-”

Hakyeon cuts her off mid-rant, wanting to stop the hurt look on her face, “No, I like him. He’s . . . He looks good. I really like him.” Hakyeon blushes.

“Really?”

Jiwon looks at Hakyeon with such endearing eyes, playing right into his sweet spot, “Yeah, I guess I do.”

“That’s great!”

“Are you sure he likes me?”

“I’m sure. Let’s go tell him now.”

“No! . . .” Hakyeon startles Jiwon, “I just want to be sure first.”

“Okay,” She smiles at him, a cheeky grin that has him rethinking the stray of their conversation, “I have a plan.”

***

Wonshik is surprised to see Hakyeon walking towards him so soon, even more so when Hakyeon shoos him off to sleep. “I know you’ve been taking longer watches and I’m fully rested so it’s time you get a long sleep.” His protests are cut off by Hakyeon pushing him towards the bedroom.

He arrives to find Jiwon sprawled on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. She pats the bed beside her and urges Wonshik to lie down. The whole situation feels off but Ravi settles down none the less.

“So I found out some important information just now,” Jiwon says,

“Hmmm,” He responds,

“It’s about Hakyeon,” Wonshik stiffens and she continues, “Taekwoon and him were good friends,”

“Yeah, we all knew that.”

“No, they were just good friends, nothing else.”

There’s a noticeable pause before Ravi speaks again, “So?”

“So go get him,”

“Why would I do that?”

Jiwon sings like a grade-schooler, “Because you like him,”

“And how would you know that?” He scoffs,

“I’m your sister and you’re so obvious I don’t get how he hasn’t figured it out,”

Wonshik looks at her aghast, “Wait a second, I never said I liked him.”

“But you didn’t deny it either. You’re smitten by Hakyeon.”

He bites his lip, because is he ever, but it’s Hakyeon and if he were to ever ruin what they had together, splitting them apart because he couldn’t control his feelings it would hurt not just him, but Jiwon too. “And if I was?”

“Go for it,”

Ravi shakes his head, “But I don’t want to ruin what we have and there’s no proof he would actually like me back,”

“God you boys are so dramatic,” She jumps off the bed and Wonshik watches as she pushes open the door to find Hakyeon just outside, he shoots up because Hakyeon would’ve just heard everything. The oldest looks a little flustered and stumbles when she pulls him inside, “I told you Wonshik liked you.”

The two boys look at eachother, debating.

“I’m going to keep watch the rest of the night.” Jiwon states,

The boys are still frozen looking at each other blankly.

“Oh, come on.” Jiwon sighs, exasperated, “You like Hakyeon and Hakyeon likes you.” She gives Hakyeon a hard push to where Ravi is kneeling on the bed, “Now kiss.”

The sound of the door shutting breaks the silence and snaps the boys out of their state, Wonshik looks down at his lap where his hands sit restless.

“I think I just got played by your sister,” Hakyeon says slowly,

“We both did,” Wonshik stops his fidgeting and his eyes look up at Hakyeon, “But I’m not complaining.”

Hakyeon smiles warmly at Wonshik, his heart soars and he thinks maybe, just maybe he has a chance with N.

“Lay with me,” Ravi commands more than asks and Hakyeon complies.

The bed dips when Hakyeon sits, kicking off his shoes before turning to see Wonshik pulling the doona back, an offering for N to slip under the heavy blanket. Wonshik follows him under and the position is similar to their first night together, their fingers brushing where their hands rest between their bodies, only the distance between their faces is almost non-existent and Ravi wants nothing more than to close that diminutive distance.

“Have you really liked me for that long?” Hakyeon asks and the words brush over Ravi’s cheek,

He bites his lip and replies, “Yeah, I guess.”

“But you didn’t say anything,”

“And risk ruining what we have?”

“Who said you’d be ruining anything?”

“You don’t know how much I want you, how much I need you.” Wonshik’s voice is serious and his eyes beg for understanding, “I couldn’t risk scaring you off, I don’t want to now.”

Hakyeon’s eyes look black in the dim light and his thick lashes frame their round shape beautifully, he looks so tempting and his next words don’t help, “Who says I don’t want you just as much?”

Wonshik’s next words are cut off by Hakyeon grabbing his large hand and pulling it to rest on his slim hip, before his hand tugs at Wonshik’s shirt and he is pulling them closer, eyes closed tightly, until his lips can graze ever so lightly over Ravi’s. The little move is so soft but leaves Wonshik breathless, a nervous sigh escaping his mouth.

Hakyeon opens his eyes to see Wonshik’s response and he wants to laugh because Ravi looks like a child at Christmas, such nervousness and unprecedented joy displayed openly on his face. It’s his turn to be dazed when Wonshik moves closer, kissing him back, harder.

They stay entwined on the bed, mouths moving gracefully together in such a tender way that erases everything wrong in the world, if only for a few minutes. When their lips finally part neither move far, Hakyeon in Wonshik’s arm and Wonshik holding him tighter.

“Don’t leave me, ever.” Hakyeon warns, though it’s more a plead because he knows he can’t handle losing another person. He’d finally realised why he wanted to die, why he couldn’t get close to anyone and why he didn’t move on; if he ever lost Wonshik it would be the end and Hakyeon tried to avoid that at all costs.

“I’d never want to.” Wonshik whispers back, urging Hakyeon onto his other side so he can press into his back, his nose nestled at Hakyeon’s nape, breathing in his familiar scent. Hakyeon’s hands settle over Wonshik’s on his stomach and they both fall into a truly peaceful slumber.

***

Hakyeon and Wonshik are cuddled up again, snuggled under the covers of a single bed in a rich home. Jiwon is on lookout and they are talking about nothing and everything when a want crashes upon Wonshik and their conversation is stopped abruptly while he crashes his lips to Hakyeon’s.

N is shocked but responds naturally, slipping his hands to tangle in Ravi’s hair, body sliding close. Wonshik’s arms press around his waist, hands resting on the small of N’s back and any distance between them disappears.

Hakyeon is content, his being pleasurably sated as their tongues glide and tangle together, but Wonshik wants more. He rolls them so he is hovering over Hakyeon, spreading his legs and resting between them intimately so. Hakyeon’s eyes are large and round as he looks up to Wonshik nervously, and blood is rushing south so quickly that Ravi is acting on instinct when he presses harder into Hakyeon’s lower half.

N gasps quietly and tosses his head back, exposing his neck which Wonshik eagerly latches onto. Everything is going so quickly and Hakyeon’s head is spinning, he is surrounded by the touch and taste and smell of Wonshik and it’s clouding his mind. He finds his shirt being forcibly pulled over his head and then there a gentle caresses all over his torso.

Wonshik’s shirt joins his and he’s not ready, Hakyeon can sense the fear building inside but then everything feels so good and he doesn’t want to stop; and Wonshik is enjoying it so much that N doesn’t want to stop him, but when fingers hook into the waist band of his sweatpants he can’t hold back.

Hakyeon jolts and pushes Ravi back, “I’m sorry,” He says, eyes teary and wide like a deer, pulling the bed covers up to hide his bare torso.

Wonshik is dazed but looks down sheepishly, “No, I’m sorry. I got carried away. I . . . I didn’t mean to scare you.”

N smiles shyly at him, “You did nothing wrong . . . Nothing I didn’t like, it’s just . . . soon.”

Ravi falls back on the bed, his head hitting the pillow and his hand unconsciously moves to hold the pouch around his neck. Hakyeon grabs at the necklace around his own neck, the silver ring hooked onto the metal chain. N sighs and pulls his shirt back on, settling bedside Ravi who has rolled over, displaying his toned back as he broods. “I’m so dumb,” He whines lowly.

“Hey,” Hakyeon calls softly, sliding over and running a hand up Ravi’s back, the younger shivers and the hand runs down his arm, finding his hand and linking their fingers. Hakyeon’s head perches on his shoulder and he hums contentedly. “You know you’re all I want, all I need. Just wait for me.”

Wonshik rolls over, knocking Hakyeon off to instead pull him tight in embrace. “I’d say I’ll wait until the end of the world for you, but we’re already there.” Ravi chuckles, “I’ll be here for you no matter what.”

Fingers are dancing on the flesh of Wonshik’s chest and Hakyeon’s hands bring goose-bumps to the bare skin. His fingers close around the material pouch hanging from Ravi’s neck and he moves to open it before stronger hands catch his wrist. N looks up to see Ravi watching his movements, a bashful smile on his face.

“What’s in there?” Hakyeon asks, leaving his hand in Wonshik’s firm grip until the hand moves and grabs the pouch. Out of the material Ravi’s pulls a 9mm bullet, the bronze case catching the light and looking surprisingly normal. “A bullet?”

“My lucky bullet,” Ravi holds it up, twirling it in his fingers, “I keep it on me at all times so I know there will always be one for me if I do get bitten. I want to die as me.”

Hakyeon hums in response, understanding the want to die human.

Wonshik looks past the bullet and into N’s eyes, “And your necklace?”

Tanned hands find the ring, rolling the cold metal in his grasp. Wonshik puts the bullet away and watches as N unclasps his necklace, pulling the silver ring off the chain.

“It’s the same as your ring,” Ravi gestures to N’s hand where an identical ring sits on his finger. The silver metal depicts two parallel circles, crossed twice.

“As cheesy as it sounds, they were friendship rings,” N laughs, “This one,” He holds up the one he pulled off his necklace, “Was Taekwoon’s.” N grabs Ravi’s hand and pushes the ring into it. “I want you to have it.”

“But-”

“Take it. It’s makes happy to know you have it, that you’re keeping it safe.”

“But it’s yours,”

“Taekwoon gave it to me for my sanity, he never cared much for the silly things. This way we can remember each other and also keep his memory alive.”

“Ok,” Wonshik relents, slipping the ring on his finger.

Neither will deny the warmth that spreads through them as Hakyeon puts their hands together, the matching rings now displayed together perfectly. “Beautiful,” Wonshik comments offhand, not referring to the rings and Hakyeon blushes, swatting him playfully. Ravi places one last sweet kiss to N’s lips before disappearing out of the room to release Jiwon from watch, imploring Hakyeon to get some sleep.

Word count: 11,941