Click The Poster To Read The Story ^^

Author: armyofseouls 

Reviewer: anthroalex12

Date: April 30, 2014

FIRST IMPRESSION

How effective was the title?

The title is definitely captivating. A fracture tells the audience that there is someone or something broken. It draws attention, makes the audience wonder what happened. It's like one of those one word titles for books and movies such as Divergent; a word that draws attention beacuse of its meaning.

Poster and BG layout? 

The poster is amazing, very creepy, but intrigued me. Creepy is good because the story is a horror. I was hoping it would be good because of the poster. Definitely a poster that is for a horror story.

Although, I do suggest getting a background, a dark one that can scare your readers a bit more. Have you ever read creepypastas? The background to that website for their stories makes me feel the horror a bit more, along with the story itself. It also makes the story pop out rather than keeping it all white.

Foreword and description:

I'll tell you one thing. It is defintely better than any forewords I have written. It is not too long, nor not too short. Some might assume that the description give it all away, but it doesn't. I just had a generalized idea of the fic. It is suspicious and dark, just like the genre. The "Then he meets Kai" part definitely keeps it short and goes on to give a small description of Kai's significance in the fic. The quote in the "Description" part is nice. Short and sweet.



STORY

How was the plot laid out?

The beginning chapters, (as you requested I check out. I read them all.), definitely are a rushed beginning. This is not always bad. Straight to the horror is definitely something you want to do when you want to freak out your readers early on. I have to admit though, the beginning did seem as if the story was a sequel. I know that wasn't your intention, but it did seem like it. No worries, though. The flashback helped to support it.

(I am a fan of extended flashbacks, but the short flashback gave enough description for it. So, don't mind my opinion in that.)



How was the pacing of the story? Was it draggy or was it rushed through?

There were moments when I thought some of it was rushed and certain information that pertained to Kyungsoo's nightmares seemed to be inserted in. But overall, the story is perfectly paced. If you get a new idea in the middle of a chapter, conceal it and act like it was part of your first idea.The pacing of the story is, for the most part, quite fine. Honestly, I am judging as harsh as I can, but the pacing is quite fine.

WARNING!

This is just advice for future chapters. Please just read and if you want, take it: 

Just be mindful of plots that happen too fast. In a horror fic, it is also good to have readers in suspense for a while. I am not saying drag the story on, but just add a bit more information or add a few twists before, let's say, a final confrontation with Concisus. 



Was the characterization consistent?

I really like how the characters had consistent character traits. Kyungsoo has a development as a character, or rather a decline, from when he first had the nightmares until Concisus finally appeared. His personality is not all over the place, so I don't confuse him with another character. Kai and Concisus remain the same as well. I notice that Kyungsoo's behavior shifts depending on who he's with, which is fine due to the situation.



Was the story flow fluent? Was it choppy or was it smooth?

The story flow is definitely fluent, time changing with the flashbacks, but still flowing well with the story.Very smooth even as you wrote about all the events happening.



How did you organize your events? Was it in order or was it all over the place?

The events are not all over the place in the event of what it is based on. The main idea of the story is there and the flashbacks or present events all surround it in a good way.

How effective was the ending of each chapter? Did it leave me wanting to read more?

I defintely wanted to keep reading after each chapter.

(I just couldn't get my computer to stop being stupid.^^)

Each chapter had its own part in the horror that is Concisus.

Well done!

MECHANICS

Grammar and Spelling?

For the most part, your grammar and spelling is excellent, but I did catch silly mistakes. You called Kyungsoo a her and mispelled a few words.

1. "But they’re just nightmares, he told herself. But they were more then that."

"Then" is supposed to be "than."

2. "The porcelain nicked him thumb."

"His" would be correct rather than "him."

It is like I said, small mistakes.



I understand that "Like" is not a word to begin a sentence, but it is understandable in a story.

(But I have to point out that it is typically not supposed to be in the beginning of sentence.)



Use of Transition Words? 

The transition to each paragraph is perfect. No complaints here. I could slide to each paragraph perfectly.



How did I like it overall? Further Comments?

I am not a fan of , but the storyline is very interesting! I defintely liked it. It's just the kind of horror story I like. Very well done. Keep writing and don't give up.

Hope my review was good enought for you. *Bows*

Thanks for requesting me and for being my first requester! I do redos!