Chapter 1

Even though I can't turn back time,

Let's pretend that I can,

And be children again.

< • ∞ ∞ ∞ • >

"Luhan, what is this?"

 A pale skinned boy held up a piece of torn yellow paper, probably from a line notebook, his pink lips quivering, those chocolate furnished eyes, sharp and tainted with glassy liquid droplets, looking out from the base of his long, slightly curled eyelashes, his hazel hair all disheveled because he didn't even bother to comb it all the way and managed to wake up in the morning just to find out about the said note on his desk.

"Sehun, I- I can't." 

"Why then Luhan, why do you call it quits?" Sehun asked confused. 

"Sehun, this- you-"  Luhan pointed to the both of them, and then back at Sehun, fingers hovering above the maknae's chest. 

"Luhan, those kisses, those hugs, those declaration of love, w-was an i-infatuation..??" 

"Is that what you meant?? Tell me... p-please, why????" Sehun concluded his tears pouring down his pink cheeks, his soundwaves shaking. He held a tight grip on the vocalist's arm. 

"Y-yes..."

"Luhan, I... I don't understand you."

"Yes Sehun, YES! It's all fake! I have my needs and such as that! It was love at first sight, it never lasts Sehun, it doesn't!" He yanked his arm away, causing Sehun to stumble backwards on the nearby wall. His head hitting the corner of the tall concrete, his face didn't contort with the pain he was feeling right now, but his heart did. 

He bit his lip, and muttered lowly.

"W-who is it?" He asked, hushed. 

They were a couple of meters away from the kitchen, where the members were cackling and joking notorieties about the newest comeback.

"Who is it, Luhan?" He asked again, his voice sincere.

Luhan turned his head a little to the right, and there, a light brownish orange haired member came out, his puffy pink cheeks full and stuffed with food, those eyes forming into half-moons as he laughed. 

Xiumin hyung...

"He- he's the one I fell in love with while you were gone for the latest showcase of Growl." 

"Sehun, we're together now, please leave us alone, okay?"

"No Luhan, no.... I-i can't let you go. Please don't do this to me." Sehun pleaded fat tears rolling down. He kneeled upfront, his pride buried six feet under the ground as he tried begging on Luhan. Arms hanging on his leg.

"Stop Sehun, stop this. Please. Let go!!" Luhan shouted, but not enough for the other members to hear. 

He kicked his leg away, and it went straight to Sehun's abdomen, in where he was brought up again to the wall at his back. 

"Don't come near me again. We're done. " He spat. And threw another kick.

Sehun had his bangs down, his eyes emotionless and straight. 

He. He had enough.

"Luhan, get the out of my room." His voice was strict and hoarse it made Luhan wince.

"I'd be glad to." Luhan said and before he sauntered out, Sehun smacked an angry hard kiss at the older's lips, before he slammed the door rock hard, its vibration ringing on Sehun's ears.

Sehun had baby tears forming, and he's running out of liquid to produce, but then he still kept crying all time , head buried deep on his duvet cover, sobbing silent tears and repeating a mantra all over again.

"It's going to be okay, it's gonna be okay, it's just a sad nightmare, it's just a nightmare, everything will turn out fine when you wake up in the morning."

But sadly, it didn't for Sehun. 

He was lucky, two members saw the incident and decided to act fast the next day. Thanks to Sehun, who has a habit of leaving a crack open on the door. 

 • • • • • •

  It was 8 am when he woke up in the morning, glad that they were on their 3 weeks off, with no promotions, no interviews, no showcases and especially, no ty hairstylers. 

He went to the bathroom and looked closely into his mirror image, 'Gosh, I look so ing lifeless.' He thought peculiarly, then proceeded to wash his tear stained face and freshened up his breath. 

Although he may be healthy looking, he can't bare look at his body at the lengthwise mirror, its cracks prohibiting him for a full view, Sehun felt thankful, because all he would be able to see is a skinny, anorexic, flabby . 

But he dared to look anyways, and it was all visibly blurred.

"Pfft. Look at you now Sehun, look at the effect of donating blood to appa did to your weak body. Hah, what's next then, you'll cough up blood and be diagnosed of leukemia?" He stated disgustingly at the old mirror. Adjusting his basketball shorts, that was already short for him, only reaching his upper knee, showing off the pale pinkish knee caps.

'That might be good though, I won't suffer the feeling of my skin being stabbed just because the reality, is that in 9 out of 10 possibilities, the nurse will purposely miss targeting your artery and will result to shoot the fat needle on the wrong place. They can get blood on my cough then, it could lessen my pain, only if that's even considered in the medical society.'

"Oh, what am I thinking?" Sehun muttered, his eyes dropping close. 

A knock on the door interrupted him from his upcoming slumber. 

"Hey! Whoever you are!! Please, pleeeesse let me use the bathroom!!" 

He recognized the person in which the voice belongs to. And suddenly remembered what they planned out months ago. 

'Oh yeah, M's going to spend the whole 3 weeks with K together.' He cursed at himself for not even realizing it.

Sehun suddenly rushed out of the door, pulling the handle swiftly. 

"Aahhh!! ! My beautiful skull! My pretty pretty head!!"

The person screamed annoyingly.

"Sehun, you should've aimed for his fingers though, I bet it would've been a hit to record his face, and shout out blackmail." Chen suddenly came out of who-knows-where and winked at Sehun.

Sehun shook his head and smiled.

"Jongdae hyung and Baekhyun hyung, never fails to make my day complete."

He then scampered off to the kitchen, where his nostrils were greeted by the inviting aroma of fried chocolate pancakes. 

Chen and Baekhyun together, scratched their heads in an ape like manner. 

They were expecting some kind of sarcastic remark from the brat, or some kind of informal greeting out of his naughty mouth. But then they didn't wake up from those actions. All they saw was a fake grinning Sehun, speaking in a formal manner. 

They both turned their heads,

Baekhyun whispered first.

"Hey, I just realized something." He quietly muttered.

"Yeah, me too." Chen said nodding his head.

"Something's wrong with the maknae." They both concluded either ways, and were anxious in finding out what the cause is.

  • • • • •

  "Aaaah.. Hyung!! Hurry up!! Hunnie's hungry!" Sehun walked around the island and towards D.O. Who was cooking some coco pancakes, while the freshly fried ones lied neatly on the round table, accompanied by some creamy vanilla sauce.

"Hey Hyung!!! Watcha Doin'?" A copper skinned member said, surfacing behind the living room, his hair looking y and mad just as that. Hooking his arms around the chef's waist.

"J-jongin, Sehun's here. Stop with the flirting." Kyungsoo tried to pry away Kai's hands, but then gave up because the boy's grip was too strong.

"Mhmm. Too sleepy to do that." He murmured at Kyungsoo's fluffy strands, inhaling the sweet Polar Light fruit shampoo.

 Turning his disheveled hair (and maybe his head too) into Sehun's direction, he nodded and greeted him with an enthusiastic "Good Morning". He surely scrutinized his gaze at the person up front. The unusual scenery made him jolt awake, head up on D.O.'s back.

The maknae looked like a kicked white puppy, sitting on the island counter, his legs dangling on its ends. Pink plump lips formed into an endearing pout, his eyes gotten bigger as it reflected the sun peaks beneath those transparent kitchen escapes. Head tilted slightly. 

"Kyungsoo hyung, why didn't I get a hug?" 

Yep. Sehun was pretty much overflowing with aegyo today. Chen concluded, nodding his head into Baekhyun's as they were hiding behind the floral curtains located near one of the rooms. 

"Shut up Sehun, he's mine."

" you too Kai."

"Awww.. Why didn't you just tell me that you wanted a hug? Hyung can give you one too." Kai said and released Kyungsoo, the main vocal mouthed a silent 'thank you' to Sehun for saving him from Jongin's strong grip.

'You better give me all those pancakes Kyungsoo, you owe me one.'

Kai walked to Sehun and stretched out his arms. Sehun, being a lazy fellow, commanded Jongin to just.

"Carry me around until I fall sleep, I'm feeling drowsy." Eyes half open, his almond hair covering those beautiful pupils. He reached his joints out for Jongin to take.

"Ahh, you big baby. You want a pacifier to go with that too?" Jongin leaned on the counter, he situated himself between Sehun's pale legs. While Sehun circled his calves around Jongin's torso, still sitting. Kai rested his hands on the maknae's thighs and looked up to those tantalizing eyes everyone fell for.

Even he did. Once.

 If you didn't hear the fact that Jongin is now courting Kyungsoo, it would've given you the idea of Sehun and Kai involving in an intimate relationship just by seeing the look in their faces and them, on that compromising position.

"Do whatever you want Kkamjong-ah, I just want to sleep." He dropped his head down, knocking their foreheads together, one hand on the dancing machine's messy hair, another on his neck. Unaware of Chen, also Baekhyun watching them. And Kyungsoo? He doesn't even give a damn about those two's weird bromance. 

Kai put his arms around the maknae's waist, bringing their heads even closer, a hand touching the boy's pale cheek. 

"Sehun, you can always tell hyung your problems okay? Don't- just don't hide something from me, I'm your bestfriend, we can sort this out. I'm sure we can Sehun. Hmm?" He looked into Sehun's eyes and got lost already.

Stop. Stop It. You can't fall for him.

It was then when Luhan and Xiumin walked into the dorm, fingers entangled, bodies abnormally closer than before. They quickly walked into the living room, noticing the other members first and citing their "hello"s and "how are you"s informally. Laughter echoed throughout the whole dorm.

Sehun tensed in Jongin's arms, sensing the couple coming in their direction, probably going to just greet Kyungsoo and Jongin. 

No Sehun anymore.

With tears building up on his furnished hazel eyes, he begged Jongin to not act obvious that he was crying. 

"Don't tell anyone Jongin p-please. Don't tell- for me please. Don't tell anyone. I know you saw me through that door last night Just don't bust me. P-please, I trust you Jongin."

Kai quickly rocked their bodies back and forth, foreheads still touching, arms on each other, using his thumb to wipe away those crystal tears.

"Sehun, shhh... Shhh.. Don't cry, don't cry, Uljima Sehunnie. U-uljima. You're gonna make me cry too. Please don't cry. Stop crying. Baby, please ." He kissed Sehun's eyes, lapping th