--

2.46 a.m.

It's late already. I should be sleeping, I know, but I can't.
I'm tired, really tired. I want to shut my eyes and sleep but my brain won't let me.
I made 3 mistakes at practice today. Mistakes that I should not have made, but I did.
I can't dance.
I thought I could dance, but I can't.

3.22 a.m.

Interview questions fill my mind, whirling around my aching head. We had two interviews today.
I was asked a question that I couldn't answer. 
The interviewer asked me about my personal strengths, I couldn't think of one. I tried so hard, but I couldn't.
I have no strengths. 
I only have weaknesses.

3.43 a.m.

I have always enjoyed palindromes. Organisation, such that the front is the same as the back.
Simple, tidy and easy to understand.
Too bad life can't be this way.
I had vocal practice today. I tried until my throat hurt unbearably, but I can't sing, either. 
I can't do anything.

4.56 a.m.

The other members are sleeping so well, I'm the only one awake. I'm exhausted, uncomfortable. I'm jealous.
I'm jealous of everything they do.
They even sleep better than I do. 
I'm jealous, so jealous.

5.00 a.m.

I cry.
I sleep.

--

"You aren't good enough, Kibum. You can't do this. What are you doing here?"

"I...I don't know." I really don't.

"It's because your parents have money, right? You paid your way here." The words sting. But I think they're true. I have no talent, but my parents have money. Why didn't I think of this before? That's how I got in.

I dreamt of dancing across a stage, of feeling the music, the cheers. But now I know the cheers won't be for me.
Useless. The tears prickle and I want to cry, but this isn't the place for showing weakness, not in front of my members, not during practice. 

"I...I didn't. I didn't." I stutter and stammer. Even to my own ears, the words sound painfully weak.

"You did, don't lie. You're a liar,  Kibum. An utterly useless person, and a liar, too? Don't you think that's a bit too much?" Jonghyun h