--

And so, I start to reinvent myself. Change and switch, to become a different person.
More Key. Less of Kibum.

If Kibum is black, Key would be white. Two different, opposite sides, as far apart on the spectrum as two people could be.
I'd thought that Key would simply be myself, with a different name. But the company doesn't work that way. They've got Key's personality worked out, down to the slightest detail. The public will know absolutely nothing about Kim Kibum. 

A shield.
That's what Key is.

We start with speech and way of thinking. I've been taught to speak loudly, with sarcastic, harsh words. Key is meant to be witty, outgoing. A social butterfly. That's not me. It's not even close. It's somewhat similar to what used to be Kim Kibum, but not anymore.

I'd say that he who I used to be was louder, much louder as compared to he who I am today. I've lost the cheery nosiness that comes with easy confidence, and although that is something I want back, it is also something that I somehow feel glad that I don't have to live with. I don't like to say that my heart has been hardened, because it hasn't really been. It's more of a heart being somewhat iced, a mind frozen, I know, subconsciously, that I don't think the way a regular person would, anymore.

Sometimes I think my members melt it a little. Jonghyun hyung especially. He makes me want to force words out of my throat and express myself with sound, unlike others who result in my swallowing words. He cries, and I cry too, inside. Somehow he understands, yet somehow he doesn't. And in some ways he makes me happy, however, in other ways he terrifies m