--

I'm tired, so freaking tired.

The members are crowding around me despite the fact that the doctor instructed them to give me space, they're asking questions and Jinki hyung looks like he's about to cry, which is really about the last thing I need at this moment in time. 

"Kibum, why didn't you tell us anything?"

"Hyung, we've been so worried..."

Thanks for making me feel even lousier than I did already.

Jinki hyung sits in the edge of the bed, Minho sitting on the chair right beside it, and Taemin sits next to me, a little too close for comfort, but I force myself not to react. I really don't want them to see me freaking out, flying of the rails again, because I'm pretty sure they don't require any more proof that Kim Kibum is crazy.

I can tell, even though the questions they are posing are subtle, that they are attempting to figure out triggers for my supposed anxiety disorder, my panic attacks. The company probably set them up to it, I think. And, well, when the company asks you to do something, what else can you do but do it? I don't blame them for it, but I don't like it, either.

And then comes Jonghyun hyung.
He isn't saying anything, perched on the arm of the chair beside the bed. He'd come in with a smile, patted me lightly on the shoulder and asked how I felt (to which I didn't reply), then proceeded to sit there and say nothing whilst the other members clamored around, occasionally frowning and staring at the floor. 

Why is he frowning?
I cannot understand, but then again, there are many things that I am unable to comprehend. 

Maybe he's angry at me.
Yes, that seems to be the only probable answer.
Because really, who wouldn't be angry at the person that resulted in your debut being pushed back, the one who wrecks the group and nearly ruined your chance to shine? Who wouldn't be annoyed at a waste of space?

The more I think about it, the more likely it seems.
And the closer I am to tears.
Unconsciously, I begin to tear up,