All narraration in Courier New is Chanyeol's POV

All narraration in Times New Roman is Baekhyun's POV

     Baekhyun squeezed my hand and I couldn't help but feel reassured. Reassured that he was there, he was alive, and I wasn't alone in my feelings. It's hard to explain but it was painful everytime I met his reincarnation and they didn't know who I was.

     I was in love with them but they didn't feel the same and that was the worst kind of feeling. The kind where the ground beneath your feet disappeared and you were falling endlessly; the adrenaline and sense of dispair too overwhelming that you give up on living.

     Baekhyun wanted to see my home town, which was Uichang, but it was later renamed Changwon. It is heavily populated with tons of industrial companies as well as well-perserved natural parks. I would go back every once in awhile when I felt like visiting my parents' graves, and sometimes I would sit in the library that was built over my childhood home. It was nostolgic to be back and I was excited to be here with Baekhyun.

     He was rather quiet while I drove out of Jinhae into Changwon. We hadn't talked about what was to come. We can't be together no matter how much we wanted it. Junmyun, who I had known nearly 200 years ago was selfless and he would have let me leave but Baekhyun was, even still, slightly differnt from his first life. I don't think we would part easily.

     Even if Baekhyun remembered everything now, it does not change the fact that he is still ill and that being with me will only cause his death. I loved him too much to let that happen. I am happy he remembered and I let my emotions and libido get the best of me yesterday but I don't really regret it.

      I don't regret anything but everything must have an end, right?

              I had been looking for the amulet that my brother had given me. I had accidently lost it while taking a walk and that was when Chanyeol ran into me, looking like he had just fought off a pair of mountain lions and came tumbling down the side of the mountain. Despite the dirt and injuries, he was stunningly beautiful and I had never seen anyone who was as handsome as he was. It surprised me, the way I was attracted to this complete stranger... but don't all lovers start off as strangers?

             Chanyeol was bright and genuine and intelligent. He was also kind of a brat who had some problems with his overbearing father but he was good natured, through and through. He may be different now but I know Chanyeol was still the bubbly person I had met 191 years ago, deep down. I squeezed his hand because I didn't want to let go. I couldn't help but keep thinking about how lonely he must have been, being the immortal that he was. After I had died the first time, he probably couldn't give his heart to anyone, be it romantically or platonically, because it would all end and Chanyeol would remain. And so would the pain.

            "So this is where you grew up, huh?" Baekhyun asked looking over the town. Chanyeol had brought Baekhyun through an unmarked trail that led up to a perch that overlooked the entire city. It was breathtaking just to see how enormous everything was. With all my memories intact, it was amazing to see how far Korea had come. Of course, there aren't many people who have been able to see the fruits of what they sowed generations down the line but Chanyeol and I have the privelege to.

            In 200 years, the landscape all over Korea, not just Changwon, looked completely different. Though I like nature, this feat that mankind had persued was also touching and magnificent. So much care and passion was put into every single one of those buildings and houses. One or more souls dwelled within each one and called it home. 

            "That right there," Chanyeol said pointed at a large and flat building with hexagonal windows, "Is the library that they built over my childhood house. You know how much I hated that house? I kind of miss it, now that it's been so long."

             I couldn't help but smile. Chanyeol had always said he disliked his house and family, especially his father. His father was definitely not the friendly sort but he was hardworking and he was overbearing because he wanted his son to succeed and become something more than the farmer he was. I think Chanyeol understood that but he had a hard time accepting that he realized too late. When he had finally went back to see his parents after having ran away for 10 years, his father had already passed away.

            "Hey Baekhyun?" Chanyeol called him, his eyes glued to the library, "Remember when we went stargazing when there was no moon at ChangKong? What did you write in my hand that day? Do you remember it at all?"

            I took me a moment but I finally remembered what he was talking about. I swallowed a chuckle because I found it adorable that he was still attached to that memory. "You really couldn't tell what I wrote?" I asked.

            "Well, I mean I had a feeling I knew but I could've been wrong. Yixing had terrible handwriting, no offense, and I was still shaky on the Chinses characters."

           I held up his hand, straightening out his fingers and re-wrote what I had written in his hand all those years ago. But this time I wrote the Korean translation. His face broke out in a smile, a geniune one. "Did you guess right?" I asked him.

          "Yeah, I did. Your handwriting has improved over the years Baekhyun."

          "Yeah well, you know, new bone structure and all," I joked back, giving his hand a light squeeze.  

           We walked down like that, hand in hand, after looking over the city from a hilltop. The cold had turned both our noses red but there was this overwhelming sense of tightness in my chest that couldn't be explained by the cold. I could feel my lungs constrict with vigor and it was getting harder to breath. Even though we were going down in altitude, I felt like we were up where the air was too thin.

            I acted like I was fine but I know Chanyeol could tell. I could see it in his expression. I wanted to keep walking in the same pace we had been but I could feel my footsteps slow and my heart feel sluggish. My voice involuntarily hitched as we walked down the stairs people had built into the side of the hill. Chanyeol stopped and pulled me into a sudden hug, my heart flew to my throat and I felt nauseous.

             “Baekhyun? Are you tired?” he asked me. Despite the fact that I was wheezing, I lied and said no.

             “Baekhyun, will you go to the hospital with me? Please?” he asked gently and he tightened his embrace around my waist and I answered no again, muffled into his chest. I could feel it, the uncontrollable shaking that was taking over my muscles. This was not the type of shaking you would see when people were cold, it was the violent kind that epileptics get but this was not a seizure. I felt like the world was spinning and the sky was darkening.

             “This is unfair,” I said. My voice was barely a whisper because it was hard to intake air. I looked up at him and Chanyeol was but a blur. I couldn’t tell if it was just tears or if it was my illness. Then in a second of clarity, I saw a glimpse of his eyes and they looked devastatingly lost and broken, like if a storm has swept over them and tore down everything in its path. I was getting sick and this was it. This is what we feared.

             “I’m not afraid to die,” I said.

             “I know.”

             “I love you,” I said with as much conviction as I could and then I started losing the fight to stay conscious. I could feel my eyes flutter shut and my knees buckle. I could no longer keep my embrace around Chanyeol, my arms falling to the side. Time felt like it had slowed substantially. I could feel that Chanyeol was holding me up and I didn’t realize until a few milliseconds later that he was sobbing.

             “I love you, too,” I heard him say.

            Baekhyun’s skin was pale, his lips blue, his heartbeat slow and week, his breath shallow. I panicked and I rushed him to the hospital, going well over 160km per hour. I saw nothing but darkness and I felt nothing but fear. I miraculously got him there in under 10 minutes when it should have taken 20. The doctors took him into intensive care and said that all his vital organs were failing. His heart and lungs were especially traumatized and they said they had never seen anything like this before. I choked on my words and just begged them to save him.

      So what we feared has finally come. This will continue to happen until it finally kills him. Before, I had been hesitating to leave because Baekhyun had finally remembered his past lives… but it has sunk in that it does not matter if he remembers or not. We were cursed and no matter how much we loved each other, our stars do not align. We were worse than the star-crossed lovers Romeo and Juliet. Our love story was beyond a tragedy.

      I can no longer stay in Korea. I cannot be anywhere near Baekhyu's vicinity. I must leave today.

      Today, I was going to tell Baekhyun that I was moving out of Korea next week but no more information beyond that. I rented out a nice little 1 bed, 1 bath studio apartment in the Queen Anne area of Seattle. It had the most incredible view of the Space Needle and Mount Rainier. It was the kind of view that I wanted to share with Baekhyun but we never should. We can never meet again.

      I knew I didn’t need to explain to him why I needed to leave but I guess that conversation wasn’t going to happen. I need to leave now. I turned my back from the hospital as I saw the doctors rush Baekhyun into the operating room. My eyes lingered a little but his only hope of surviving was if I stayed away. This is the best I could do. This was all my fault.

      I could feel tears streaming down my face as I got into the car, the door slamming as a final note of goodbye. I knew I shouldn’t be driving because I was an emotional wreck but I put the car in gear and drove out of the underground hospital parking lot.

      In the few moments I had been inside, it had started to rain, like if the sky was crying with me. The clouds loomed over the world making it look like the sun had already set. The rain came down so hard that it sounded like hail and it pelted against the car so forcefully that my windshield wipers were having a hard time keeping up with the pour. The weight of the rain too much for it.

      This was the kind of rain you saw during monsoon season and it was hard to see outside. To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I was actually driving on a road because my tears and the rain had blurred everything completely. And as if I called upon it, I saw a blinding light shine from my right side.

      There was 3 short honks and then 1 lengthy honk. After that, I only heard breaking glass, denting metal, broken bones, a heavy heartbeat, and the sound of alarms and sirens. I couldn’t see anything because there was something in my eye. I put my hand against the substance and when I pulled away, I knew it was blood.

      I started laughing.

      I’m a sadistic bastard. This situation was absolutely hilarious and well deserved. I closed my eyes and the world felt like it was falling from underneath me.

      Baekhyun was the last thought I had.

            It was a sunny but cold day. People in black clothing filled the room, shoulder to shoulder, sharing body heat against their will because the turn out was larger than expected. I smiled at every face as they entered the room and the chatter was at a minimum. No one met each other's eyes, especially Jaehyun's.

             "Thank you for coming today to honor and celebrate Baekhyun’s life. I’m thankful for all your support and your condolences," Jaehyun said as he stood next to my casket. Everyone stopped talking and it was so quite that you could probably hear a pin drop.

             "Baekhyun has always been a ray of sunshine even though life was hard for him. He saw the inside of a hospital more often than the inside of a school and he knew more doctors than he knew kids his own age. He has left us at such a young. Just 21 years old...

               But in those 21 years he had figured something out that most people don’t figure out until much later…that happiness is a choice and choosing to smile everyday made all the difference in the world. He never wasted a day on being pessimistic because he knew life was short and being miserable was never a way to spend it. Death is the only certainty in life and that is all the more reason to live life to the fullest. We all know it’s going to end, we just have to make sure that when it ends, you have the made the best of what was given to you.

               You see, I was too busy trying to save him. I am a doctor, as most of you know, and I think I did it for the wrong reasons. I didn’t really want to help people, though I have convinced myself that that was the goal. In all honesty, I really just wanted to save my brother. Ever since our parents died, it was was just me and Baekhyun against the world. My little brother was all I had and if he died, I’d be all alone. Or so I thought. I don’t think I’ll ever be alone, not really. Baekhyun has given me great memories and all the love a person could ask for and those things will always be with me.

               In hindsight, I wish that I had spent more time with him than spending extra time at the hospital trying to diagnose him and cure him. I wish I had traveled more with him, experienced different cultures with him, tried all types of foods with him than to keep him at home, or in the hospital, because it was safer. I was afraid that if he was out of my sight, I wouldn’t ever see him again but I always forget that he will always be a part of me, whether we are physically apart or not.

               Baekhyun has the spirit of an adventurer and he loved so wholeheartedly. I bet he is in heaven now, running through the clouds, no longer sick and suffering of illness. He was never afraid of death because it was to be another adventure waiting for him and I have no doubt he is at peace up there. I think he would have wanted to funeral to be fun and upbeat because he hated bleak things.

               I bet he’s watching over us now and probably saying, ‘Hyung, shut up and pass wine around,’  or something like that.”

              “Jaehyun Hyung, shut up and pass wine around,” I repeated back to Jaehyun as I watched the room full of people dressed in black crack small smiles at his joke. I stood behind him but I know that no one could see or hear me. I wish that at least Jaehyun could see me but I am but a spirit and they are a room full of life.

              Today is the day of my funeral and Jaehyun was right, I would rather people celebrate my life than to be depressed about my life ending... but death is always something hard to deal with and I appreciate that people are mourning and grieving for me. It's kind of weird concept for me to attend my own funeral but this was not my first time. I actually went to my funeral after my life as Junmyun and Sehun had ended, I just didn't know it until this lifetime.

              Four days ago at Changwon Hospital, my heart stopped during surgery at 7:37PM. The doctors tried to revive me but to avail. I was already out of my body by then. When my brother arrived at the hospital, just 15 minutes after the doctors called my time of death, he was devastated to hear that I never made it off the operating table.

              When he saw Seulhye, he was furious. Furious that she had lied to cover for me. Furious that I didn’t trust him to let me go somewhere so I lied to go on this escapade. Furious that he wasn’t in the operating room. Furious that I was taken away from him. Furious that he wasn’t here for my very last moments. Furious he wasn’t able to say goodbye and tell me that he loved me to the non-planet Pluto and back.

              He broke down and Seulhye comforted him as he cried several times throughout the first night. He knew he couldn’t blame Seulhye because it wasn’t her fault. I was a ticking time bomb and he knew better than anyone that I was going to go soon. He’s a doctor after all. He was my doctor.

              Seulhye helped plan my funeral when Jaehyun was completely out of it and still reeling from my death. She even organized a vigil for me at HongIk University. All my friends and professors came out for it. The kids I knew from all those years at the hospital came out to the vigil as well. Even my friend SoAh, who was fighting Stage 4 Ovarian cancer, came out to the vigil despite her extreme self-consciousness of her hair loss. Her hair that she lost to chemo treatment. I was touched.

              It was yesterday that I watched Jaehyun vent all his frustration and cry, not only for me but for my parents. I couldn’t help but say I was relieved that he finally got off his fake-manliness spiel and cried. Pretending to be strong was not strength, it was running away. I watched over him all night.

              As people started to leave the funeral home aftter the service, I drifted away and found myself at Changwon hospital. I wandered the busy hallways and came to the room at the very end of the coma ward. Chanyeol was there in a coma. He had gotten into a car accident and he has not woken up since.

              He had little to no damage to his body, which astounded the doctors because the extent of the car crash was great, but they also didn’t know why he wasn’t waking up. He was physically healthy and his brain was not damaged, in the least. He didn’t even have a concussion and yet he was in a coma. Little do they know that he is immortal and he probably isn’t waking up because he doesn’t want to. He was probably running away from reality because reality has been so harsh to him. I know I shouldn't blame myself but I do. He wouldn’t have suffered if not for me.

              “And that’s where you’re wrong,”  a woman said, answering my thoughts. Her voice was familiar and I probably would’ve gotten whiplash, if I was alive, with how fast I turned my head to the voice of the owner.

              “You did not give him suffering, you gave him joy," she said like if she was some kind of sage. "Hello Junmyun," she said, her thin lips in a sinister smirk. The deity sat next to Chanyeol’s body, her hand lightly brushing through his hair. She was quite attached to him for a powerful spiritual being.

               “I am not attached to him,” she said, once again answering my thoughts. “He is attached to me. He could not be immortal if he was not."

               She smiled, it was not much less than a sneer. She eyed me sideways but her "eyes" were but pits of darkness in its sockets. Terrfying but intriguing, and I couldn't look away.

               “Humans think that immortality is a gift. They do not know that immortality was first given to deities and demons and angels like I as a punishment from God. We immortal beings are not as strong or as great as humans may think. Immortality on Earth is not for the human race. It is not their burden to bare.”

               “So then why did you give Chanyeol immortality when he is human?"

               “Because his beauty was worthy of it. Chanyeol believes it was because of his physical beauty that I had bestowed immortality upon him, but as great as his physical beauty is, it was for the beauty of his soul that I gave him the greatest curse. He has the purest soul that I have ever seen in a human and I was curious to see what would happen if the greatest of human tragedies befell an immortal.”

               “Greatest human tragedy?” I asked.

                The deity turned her back to me. Her hand no longer in Chanyeol’s hair. She almost seemed human if not for the fact that she was slightly glowing.

                “It is love. The greatest tragedy is finding love and then losing it. He lost love over and over and over and yet his soul remains clean and spotless of darkness that constantly consumes his thoughts and feelings. His soul is a rare find and I couldn't help myself. As a deity of fate, I am omniscient, but sometimes I like to experiment to see what will come of rare phenomenons like Chanyeol's soul. His does not follow the same laws as a regular soul. You, too, possess quite a unique one.”

                 Her last statement somewhat surprised me but it did not nearly impact me as the fact that she had manipulated our fates for her entertainment. I wanted to be angry but my state as a spirit disallowed for such intense emotions. I wanted to go on a rampage and rage hell on Earth because of what she had done to Chanyeol but I wasn't just wanting to feel angry at her, I also wanted to be angry at myself. I played into her games and made a wish upon a diety whose power I should not have leaned on.

                I looked at Chanyeol, his face just as youthful and handsome as the first day I saw him 191 years ago as Junmyun. Though physically, it seemed nothing has changed, I can tell he had been emotionally drained by the curse. I could see how much his suffering had taken a toll on him but for some reason his soul was still pure. I wanted to smile. It was just like him to have the cleanest soul despite his cynical nature.

                “But maybe it’s time to end this suffering,” the deity said, her eyes cast up toward the ceiling. “It’s no longer fun anymore now that he is figuring out that you both need to let go of each other to break the curse. I honestly thought you both would break it in this lifetime.”

                “Why? Because we were going to finally separate?”

                “Yes… but also, no. My powers are also fading. Like I said before, we are not as powerful as you may think and immortality is a curse. It takes a toll on us, just not in the same way immortality would affect a human. That is why you were able to recover your memories from your past lives.”

                I kept silent as her words seem to hang in the air with finality. Then, I froze as she placed her lips on Chanyeol’s forehead. It started to glow and I stared, unsure of what to do. In my current state, I couldn’t do anything to stop her, even if I tried, but I didn't like the fact that the very being that caused all his suffering was so casually initiating physical contact.

                “Baekhyun, you wished to see Chanyeol again and I granted you that wish, though I put my own twist upon the request. I rescind your ability to reincarnate and you will no longer be born again. I hope this will be the last time I will ever see you.”

                “Wait! Before you do that, make a deal with me,” I said smartly, an idea radiating in the back of my mind. She gave me a ghost of a smile as she read my thoughts.

                "I guess that would be interesting to witness," she said in answer.

                A heavy wind blew in the room and I felt my soul being carried away.

                  I would like to pay condolences to Ladies' Code/Eunbi & RiSe's friends and family for their loss. Ladies' Code was not my bias girl group but I still really like them, RiSe being my bias. I liked her ever since I saw her on "Birth of Great Star". RiSe and EunBi were so very talented, beautiful, passionate, and young. It broke my heart to hear that they had passed away but it is my hope that they are at peace. Keep singing in heaven ladies! Stay strong Lavlies.

RIP EunBi. RIP RiSe.