For my friend Janae who kept pestering me for another chapter refused to believe that this fanfic was completed. Also, Happy Belate Birthday M'dear! But seriously, this is the last chapter on this one. I gotta finish my other ones haha.

Be grateful Janae, I wrote this chapter for you. APPRECIATE ME & LOVE ME *sassy finger-snapping*

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CHANYEOL X JONGIN

Life is unpredictable, the future unknown. But there is always one certainty in life; a certainty that people accept but will deny their whole lives - and it does not apply to me.

 

Death.

 

One can never be certain about anything in life except that one day our ribcages will cease to expand and get air to our lungs to circulate oxygen in our veins. Our heart and mind will stop racing towards whatever we yearned for but one also lays rest all the worries and insecurities they hide, buried in the creases of their brains.

But there is thrill in that. Everything is but a flash and yet it embodies who we are in those breif, passing moments. There is a thrill in knowing that there is a time limit to the fires our life burns on Earth and so we must dream a little bit bigger, laugh a little bit louder, and love a little bit harder, so we won't be forgotten.

People live like high velocity winds that shake trees and buildings in their roots, like the moon will crash water on our shores with aggressive constance, and both elements will bring storms of mass destruction, destroying everything we know to shards of memories that once was. But in what I have witnessed, people will rise up and build something incredible from the ashes.

That is what it means to be human...and it is something I have come to really appreciate as I am no longer immortal. Before, I could never make anything so beautiful and all I did was wreak havoc because I was an anomoly. A cancer that would not die - but now I can have peace.

I'm not saying I always thought dismally of myself until I became mortal but I've just grown to be cynical over the years, and by years, I mean centuries. That is a lot of time for one to see that life is beautiful... but mostly cruel. Sometimes it leaves you breathless but also, it can literally leave you breathless (AKA dead). 

I tried to sound all romantic earlier with those euphoneous words but mind you, I'm a pretty straightforward guy and not so flowery. But there was a time when I was flowery - a time when I was naive and had fallen in love. But love is not so simple and it is still the one thing humans do not fully comprehend but practice with fierce persistence. It's not omnipresent like gravity or infinite like the flow of time, but it is powerful and can break any barriers... It just isn't simple.

 

 

 

"Chanyeol, sorry did I wake you?"

"No, you didn't. I just had a dream."

"A dream?" Jongin questioned. "How rare."

Jongin had just gotten out of the shower and his hair was still wet, droplets still clinging to his long eyelashes. He rubbed his wrist gingerly as he just got a cast removed after a baseball game accident. He made a daring play to stop the opposing team from gaining a run but his quick thinking caused the opposing team's runner to collide into him on third base. He stopped the advance but fractured his wrist in consequence.

I've asked him many times if he ever considered playing a different position but he would get angry that I even suggested it. He said that there was no position he could play better and that he was born and bred to be a shortstop. It was his dream.

The shortstop position is the most dynamic defensive position and his professional baseball career will leave him with numerous injuries that could ail him for years to come. But he loves the sport so much and he keeps telling me that baseball is a way of life.

I can't say that for myself as I don't play the game, but the way Jongin comes alive when he puts on his uniform and cap stirs me. When people say that Jongin is one of the best shortstops to grace the Korean National Baseball in the past 10 years, I feel a sense of pride that's hard to explain. His hard work and dedication, his passion and joy, was being recognized. I could never deprive him of that.  

If I could, I would lock him away and keep him close but I would break his wings. I want him to soar.

"How's the wrist feeling?" I asked.

"Like brand new," Jongin said sticking out both of his arms in my face, his expression saying that I should look at them. "Look at this! The muscle atrophied. Look how skinny it is compared to this wrist!" Jongin sounded intrigued - like a little kid. It's not like he's never had a cast before but without fail, he would always be so intrigued by the athrophy that occurs.

"Come here. I can't see," I lied. He knew I was, but he obliged innocently and got into bed with me. I could smell the musky scent of his shampoo and soap, his wet hair tickling my collarbone. A wave of comfort and warmth washed over me. I picked up his wrist gently and placed a kiss on the joint and then the center of his palm and he just smiled at me. His eyes bright and gaze strong. I almost forgot to breath.

He's beautiful.

"Don't you have to get up for work now?" JongIn asked me sounding a little sad but also extremely cheeky. I rose my eyebrow because I could just tell he was trying to get me to stay home. Sometimes I can't tell if I live with my boyfriend or if I live with a puppy.

My work is pretty flexible and allows me to stay at home for a certain amount of days per month. They call it "work-life balance" and it can be pretty amazing at times. I took many days as it is because of Jongin's injuries. He was incapable of taking care of himself but also, I just didn't have it in me to leave. I was attached.

Jongin circled his arms around my waist and made a sound - like a whine. I chuckled.

"I'm banned from practice until tomorrow and I'll be home alone. Won't you keep me company? Just one more day?" He asked, his hands pulling at the hem of my shirt, his fingers fluttering over the bare skin of my back he had exposed. He grinned into my collarbone. This little . 

I flipped him over so he was laying on his back, stradling his waist, his wrists in both my hands and above his head. I could do this now because his fracture has healed and to be honest, I avoided any rough physical contact while it was healing - whether it was tackle fighting over the TV remote or . I was afraid his bones wouldn't set right so I basically babied him for 7 weeks. But now I don't have to hold back.

Jongin gave me a daring smile, not a single protest leaving his lips. His eyes were mischevious and body even more so. 

"So I take that as a yes, then?" Jongin declares confidently. He already knew he was going to get his way so I don't know why he was even asking. But I don't mind, he can have his way any day.

"You're in a very compromising position and that's what you ask?"

"I ask because I want to mess with you."

" you."

"That's what I'm trying to do."

I blinked at his statement and then laughed, tears forming. Jongin honestly says the funniest things at the wrong time. Sometimes I don't know what to even do or say so I just laugh. He always makes me laugh. 

"Wow, you have such a way with words, Jongin," I said, wiping away tears with my sleeve.

 

Love is strange. A lot of people think it's the grand gestures that make it so magnificent and addicting but it's not. It's the little things, like spending a day together and making each other laugh over stupid jokes. A day that seems so insignificant in the whole scheme of things but it so much more impactful than gravity or time. Love is not simple but no matter how convoluted it can get, I will love Jongin until our bones turn to ash and no one can tell who was who. We were always just one anyways. One in the same.

 

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CHANYEOL X SEHUN

 

"How did you even get a ding on your car this big?" Sehun asked, his eyebrows knit together like if he was contemplating the mystery of life, not examining a car dent.

"Oh hmm," I said with a lot of sass in my tone, "I don't know, maybe I got it when a bunch of big burly gangsters came afer me when I saved you like a damsel in distress. One of them probably hit my baby with their wooden bats." I rubbed the car and tried to look as sulky as possible.

I didn't actually mind that there was a dent in my car as long as Sehun was safe. He tried to act all tough and promised to get it repaired (despite not knowing how one gets a car repaired because there aren't very of them in country yet) but in reality, he's a gentle kid. I could tell how sorry he was, continuously trying to gage if I will be angry with him or leave him... but he didn't need to worry about that.

Ever.

The dent is just evidence that Sehun was in my life - leaving bumps and bruises all over. No matter where I turn, pieces of him will be with me. He is the center of my world.

 "Who are you calling damsel in distress?" Sehun asked incredulously, punching me in the arm. A blush started curling up at Sehun's collarbones. I grinned and hooked my arm around his neck, bringing my face as close to his as possible without kissing him. The "tough guy" flushed even harder, red up to the ears.

"How about some lunch, princess? I'm starved, aren't you?" I asked, sounding almost breathless. Sehun opened his mouth to retort but decieded against it. He nodded, his hunger showing palpably. 

"And don't worry about the dent," I said. I needed to say it out loud because Sehun always craved confirmation, even if he acts like he doesn't care for it. "I'm not mad at you. I'm just really glad your safe. And I will always save you, if you need the help."

He looked at me surprised, eyes wide. 

"How can you say that to another man so easily? You're shameless," he said. 

"I don't fear showing affection to people I care for. I mean, if you think about it, I got a dent in my car for you. That's enough qualificaion to say cheesy things to you. Even if you're a man."

After that, we got in the car to a far out restaurant so we can eat in peace and avoid running into Sehun's thug "friends". Sehun stayed silent the entire car ride but I could tell he was thinking about something really hard. His face looked so concentrated and anxious even, but altogether there was also a bit of peace that seemed to have settled on his shoulders.

"Thanks, Chanyeol," he said out of the blue when I was in the process of making a left turn. I hummed in response, a bit distracted with the road.

"What for?" I asked.

"Everything...and I care about you too."

It was now my turn to be surprised, eyes wide. I quickly fixed my expression, I know it took a lot for him to say something of that nature to me. He wasn't the type to open up so easily, so I took what he was willing to give me.

I also didn't want to make it awkward by pushing my feelings on to him, so for his effort I tired to make a joke. Just to make him feel less uncomfortable. 

"Wow, how can you say that to a man so easily? You're shameless," I jokingly repeated back his statement from earlier. 

He looked over at me and then laughed - no sign of discomfort. I grinned at him. He probably doesn't know how much that really meant to me. Those short couple of sentences made life worth living but it was also so cruel. Because I have fallen too deeply in love with him but his illness was getting worse and worse by the day. I have to leave him, I must. And yet I can't. His devilish nature has captured my heart. 

 

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CHANYEOL X YIXING

Yixing caressed the side of my cheek, worry set deep in his auburn eyes. The next few words I was going to say got lost behind the lump in my throat. The warmth of his hand was all I could think about and it sent chills down my spine while heat rose to my face.

"Where did you get this bruise?" Yixing asked, partially stifling his cough. He had been really sick lately, not that he wasn't already sick. I reached for his hand and rubbed soothing circles into his knuckles.

"Would you believe me if I said I tripped?" I asked him in Korean. He quirked his head because he doesn't understand Korean. I didn't want to tell him that people attacked me because I was hanging out with him.

Yixing was considered cursed because he had strange ailments and his eyes were auburn. They said he would bring the end to the village but even still, he has remained loyal and loving towards the people who gave him nothing but heartache. He was the definition of merciful and the embodiment of forgivness.

"Say it in Chinese. I don't like it when you dodge my questions with your native tongue," he said. All I could do was sigh and lean my forehead against his. His eyes fluttered closed.

"There was a misunderstanding and there was a little brawl but don't worry, it's okay now. I'm sorry I worried you. I'm sorry I tried to avoid your question by speaking my native tongue."

He smiled and pulled his hand from my grip to place it on my cheek. I could feel his long fingers splayed across my face. He pulled back and looked me straight in the eyes - his auburn gaze unwavering.

"It's okay, thank you for telling me the truth. I'm still a little angry that someone would dare bruise your handsome face."

Yixing was generally dense and didn't realize what he was saying was setting fire to the pit of my stomach and my mind reeling. His casual words of affection would burn up any negative emotion and consume me with want. A primal need. I want him more than anything - no matter what anyone says or does to me. Yixing is mine.

"By the way," Yixing said as pulled back and started to walk away, "I think I'm getting the hang of some Korean. I actually understood a portion of what you said."

"You did, did you? You were always too smart for your own good."

"You should teach me your language more. It is a sad thing that you know my language but I don't know yours. Maybe one day I'll visit your home country. I want to see what world Park Chanyeol grew up in."

I smiled, "It's nothing special. Where I grew up is just the past."

"Don't say that. The past shapes you and guides what you will do in the future. For what you plan to do is who you really are."

I stopped. I let the words sink in a little bit. Little does he know that my past was just filled with him. His soul, and bare, was my salvation and hallelujah. He taught me how to love and I will continue to love. He has made me a loving man.

"Well then," I said as I grabbed his hand. It fit perfectly with mine. "I loved you yesterday, that was the past, right? It shaped me to love you even more today. I think I'll love you more tomorrow."

Yixing laughed, "Please stop. You seriously say the cheesiest things. It makes me cringe sometimes... okay, a lot of the time."

"How rude."

"For shame, I am a rude person but you said you'll love me more tomorrow. You must always be a man of your word," he said philosophically.

"Though it might sound a pretentious coming from my own mouth but - I'm a man of my word."

"It does sound pretentious. I don't believe you now," he joked.

 

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CHANYEOL X KYUNGSOO

 

His fingers danced across the aejang, his eyes closed, soul moving with the melody that strung through every note. The way Kyungsoo played moved my very core because it was like he was telling me our story, the story he doesn't remember. 

The music swelled and it sounded like we were going to fall off the edge of something unreal but it gently rolled into a sweet sound, reminding me of the sun rising to wake the sleeping world. Music was always the most beautiful language and Kyungsoo's music was even more so. 

"That was beautiful," I said to him when he finished, the last note seeming to linger in the air. Kyungsoo grimaced despite the compliment.

"I messed up a litle. Ugh, I can never get that note right."

"Don't beat yourself up over it. You'll get it eventually. You always do."

Kyungsoo tried not to smile but I saw the small quirk on the corner of his mouth. He knew he would get it eventually and he knew he was a great musician. He liked when I said it out loud though, so I say it often.

As he tried to say something, his eyes alight with mischieviousness, he went into a violent fit of coughing. I rushed to his side and he leaned on me as he hacked away his lungs. His face turned red from coughing, veins straining at the thin, pale skin of his neck. I held him steady but gently pushed the aejang away from him so he had more space to breath.

"Today is pretty chilly," Kyungsoo said matter-of-factly, trying to avert attention away from his illness and onto something trivial like weather. His coughing had died down but his voice was now hoarse and raw. I went along with it because I knew he hated talking about being sick.

"It is. But I like the cold though. Winter is my favorite season." Because I lost you in the spring. I had you when the snow was here but I lost you when the forsythias grew from the melted ice.

"That's strange. Most people don't like winter."

"Well, I have my reasons. Anyways, I should probably leave. I almost got caught by Japanese soldiers the other day. I shouldn't risk it again."

The Japanese annexation has been going on for some time now and it was dangerous to move around at night. I could be killed on spot. Kyungsoo's family were musicians as well as revolutionaries and I had to be careful as to not lead any soldiers to them. I must protect Kyungsoo at any cost. I don't care for country or doctorine. Kyungsoo was the blood that runs through my veins. He keeps me alive and I need him.

I moved to get up but Kyungsoo firmly grabbed my black uniform, the fabric bunched into his small hands. I froze, a little surprised.

"Then just stay here. Stay the night."

"But you need to rest. You're sick."

"I'm always sick, Chanyeol," Kyungsoo said. He did not let up in his grip. Despite how weak he was due to his health, he had such strength. It's not true that sick people are frail, in fact, they are stronger than bulls. It's how they survive despite all ailments.

"Just stay," he said adamantly, his gaze never wavering. A short span of 10 seconds was all it took for me to lose my will to leave. Kyungsoo was demanding and not quite as gentle as his past life... but he was so sure of himself, sure to core of what he wanted. Just like Junmyun.

He is not Junmyun and yet he is. I admit I was overwhelmed when I met Kyungsoo. The moment I laid eyes on him my soul knew who he was. I knew he was Junmyun's reincarnation and yet he didn't remember me at all. I was okay with that because at least, he was here. 

"Where would I sleep?" I asked him. Purposely averting my own attention to the now. This is Kyungsoo, even if his soul is still Junmyun. I must not forget that. 

"With me, of course. You said it yourself, I'm sick. Sick people need to be warm. Lend me some body heat, will you? You're a walking ball of fire anyways."

I laughed. Mostly because I was nervous. I wasn't sure what I would do to him if we slept in such close proximity. I don't think I would ever be able to sleep because my hearbeat would stutter out of pace.

"Fine. I'll share some body heat. Just don't cough on me," I said.

"No deal. I'm going to cough on you."

"Then you'll take responsibility if I get sick?"

"No, I won't. You're staying out of your own voilition," he said with a grin, "But I will try to be nice to you if you get sick. Who knows, maybe I'll be nice enough to nurse you."

"God, no," I said, pretending to be horrified. "You'll probably choke me in my sleep."

"I could choke you right now. I'm not so cowardly that I need you to be sleeping."

I widened my eyes in mock horror and then we both burst out laughing. His laughter was just as beautiful as his voice and the music he played on aejang. I pulled him into a hug and rested my chin on his head. Kyungsoo sighed, obviously worn out from the coughing and laughing.

"Thank you for staying," he said quietly. It was so quiet that I thought I imagined it at first. It almost sounded like he was already falling asleep.

I hummed in response.

Thank you for being here, Kyungsoo. 

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CHANYEOL X JUNMYUN

"Why do you love me?" I asked Junmyun as he was reading a book of poetry. Junmyun looked over at me, observing my face before he put the book down and sat next to me. He kept completely silent as he did so and I just watched him. Waiting.

"Does it make you uncomfortable? A man loving you. Because I understand, I don't want you to -"

"I'm not uncomfortable," I interupted him. He seemed a surprised at my sudden garbel of words. I think he was expecting a rejection from me but I could never do that. I love him but I didn't understand why or how. I couldn't even fathom that he felt the same.

A couple days ago, while we were fishing, Junmyun had said he loved me. Not in a brotherly or platonic way, he said he wanted me as a lover. He confessed to never having felt this way for anyone else and that he struggled with telling me his true feelings because we were both men. But the moment he said those words, I was filled with relief.

I, too, was struggling to tell him how I felt about him. I was shocked to know it was mutual and honestly, I wasn't sure how to react.

"I'm not uncomfortable," I repeated again and Junmyun seemed to sit back on his heel and let out a breath. I could see relief in his furrowed brows and tensed shoulders. It was subtle, hard to see, but it was there. He was relieved that I didn't dislike him.

"I just don't understand why you would like me. I'm... I'm not amazing like you."

His eyes looked genuinely sad that I had said that. He always disliked when I self-depricated myself. It was something I was trying to fix but it's hard when you're verbally abusive father instilled it into you for 18 years.

"I don't know how to put it into words but I'll try," he said taking a deep breath to gather himself. He always did that when he was going to read his favorite poetry out loud. Was he going to recite poetry to me?

"I... I love your smile and your wit. The way you seem to understand me, even better than I know myself. I love the way you concentrate more on fishing than you do on your own work and that you talk really fast when you're excited. I love how your hair sticks up in the morning and how you can't fit into most doors because you're too tall. I love that you are afraid of bees and that you are great with children and that you would cherish me as a friend even though I'm a sick and weak."

I could feel myself blush. Junmyun spoke without stopping and he kept naming attributes and memories - everything he loved about me. And it was like poetry, at least to me. I could tell he really loved me and I couldn't help but feel warmth in my stomach.

"...And I love the way you drift off into thought. Just like right now," he said with a smile on his face. I lowered my head a little sheepishly but he took his hand lifted my chin. I felt like I couldn't move. His eyes mesmerized me.

"I wish there were more words to describe to you how much I care for you. I wish there was 100 other words for 'love' because I would use all them right now. I just love you. I simply do."

And because I didn't know what to say but I was overwhelmed with my feelings for him, I kissed him. He let a little gasp of surprise out but didn't pull back. He kissed me back after a brief hesitation and I melted. He surged against me, outpouring what felt like his entire being. He doesn't need to say anymore because I am his. 

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JUNMYUN X CHANYEOL

 

It wasn't an earth shattering moment where it seemed time had stopped and all I could see was his face. It was a natural unfolding that creeped up into my heart, ran through my veins, and consumed my thoughts, but I don't mind it. It would have happened one way or another - I know this to the core of my bones. I am beyond the point of going back.

I'm in love.

I fell for my best friend, Park Chanyeol... another man. What I feel for him isn't platonic or fraternal, I loved him romantically. I want to spend the rest of my life with him and I felt like an idiot for taking so long to figure that out. My every waking moment is already dedicated to him as it is, and I missed that big obvious picture.

For weeks I contemplated, taking back my own conclusions, making excuses to myself that I was just misguided for a breif moment. I knew it fully in my head and heart that I was madly in love with him but society instilled in me that I cannot love a person of the same . I had to fight all institutional and systematically learned norms of society to let myself be. To let myself fully love a man who probably will never love me back. Because love is love, it is something beautiful and transcends what people do not know.

There is no doubt that I will soon die but before I brave the unknown, I want to fully experience loving someone even if they can't return my feelings.

 

"Does it make you uncomfortable? A man loving you. Because I understand, I don't want you to -"

"I'm not uncomfortable," Chanyeol said, cutting into my sentence. My eyes widened in surprise.

He wasn't uncomfortable with it.

"I just don't understand why you would like me. I'm... I'm not amazing like you." He said, looking away. It felt like a punch in the gut that a man so beautiful and earnest felt he was worth so little. It was a dull ache that irritated Junmyun to his core. Why can't Chanyeol see how great he is?

"I don't know how to put it into words but I'll try," I said. I was going to tell him exactly how I felt and how much he meant to me. Even if it takes the whole night, or the rest of my life, I'll do it. No matter where he wanders to or what he intends to do, I want to make sure he doesn't doubt himself. I'll push back his every negative thought and make sure there is no room for him to self-depricate himself again. That no pain will keep him down long enough and that he may feel real joy despite what may come.

I have never vehemently wished for something so hard in my life. I just want him to have happiness.

 

Now and forever, if forever ever exists.

 

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Thank you everyone who has read and enjoyed my fanfic. This is definitely the last chapter for "5th Life" but I may or may not write spinoffs based on this. I guess that really depends on how much time I have and if people will actually read it haha. I'm actually surprised at how many followers and views I have accrued. I wrote this for my friend (*JANAE COUGH COUGH*) but I'm glad others have enjoyed the story as well. Please excuse the messy story telling and such, I just write for fun but I don't have much talent for it. Anyways, thank you for the subscriptions and comments! I really appreciate it!