All narraration in Courier New is Chanyeol's POV

All narraration in Times New Roman is Baekhyun's POV

"You're back late," I said to Chanyeol as he walked into the room reeking heavily of alcohol. He didn't respond to me. Chanyeol usually never came home late but today he came just before sunrise. He was a mess and clearly miserable but seeing him also gave me a sense of relief. I was afriad that he might have gone and done something irrational.

"You shouldn't drink so much," I said to him quietly and he lifted his face towards me but his gaze looked past me. Despite that, I smiled at him. His eyes seemed glazed over and his handsome face seemed to have aged by 10 years and I didn't know what to do or say because there was nothing I could do to help him. At this rate, he was going to become an alcoholic.

Chanyeol sat down and lit a candle. He stared at the flickering light and I sat down next to him. He didn't move and did nothing but breath for a full 10 minutes. He seemed almost like a lifeless doll with how still he was sitting, so I started talking because the silence was overbearing and intense.

"The weather was nice and mild today, wasn't it? I hope today will be like that too. I can't believe April is almost over, time surely does fly. Next month is my older brother's birthday, I wonder how he is faring lately. You know, he got married not so long ago. It was an arranged marriage but I think they love each other. I hope my sister-in-law takes good care of him because he can be stubborn and little immature at times."

Chanyeol still said nothing and I slowly stopped speaking because I could see that Chanyeol was barely keeping it together. I drew random patterns with my finger on the floor and simply just watched Chanyeol watch the flame. Then, like if a dam burst open, Chanyeol started sobbing. Seeing him cry made me want to too but I can't anymore. He slammed his fist against the floor, resentment and bitterness clear in his expression and voice.

"Junmyun, don't leave me," he said, barely a whisper.

"I'm right here, Chanyeol."

"Why did you have to go and leave me alone."

"I'm so sorry."

"I never got to say how much I loved you. I don't even know how to explain in words how much I loved you. Now all I can do is say words that were too late on your grave."

I sighed and it hurt to see him like this.

"I love you more than words too."

It had been two weeks since I opened my eyes and realized that I had remained a ghost on Earth. Chanyeol came to my grave everyday and I watched as Chanyeol fell apart, unable to stop him from abusing himself to numb the void in his heart. A void that I had left. He didn't know that I was always with him, begging him to stop hurting himself. I was but a ghost and I could not interfere with the living. But even without me interfering, his suicide attempts failed and although I was happy he was still alive, he felt more anguish. He didn't know he was immortal at the time and so he blamed himself for being unable to die. I just wanted to hold him in my arms and tell him that he shouldn't fall apart because I was gone. He should just keep me as a memory to look upon and nothing more.

It was strange how just a year ago I had struggled with the fact that I was in love with a man. I thought that something was wrong with me. Clearly, I had felt attraction to women, never men, but Chanyeol was the exception. I didn't want anyone else, I just wanted him, and it was frightening to come to such a conclusion in a time period that was so unaccepting because a man loving another man, in a romantic way, was considered wrong and immoral. But I didn't care. My love for him was bigger than myself and I would do anything to have this man.

I took my death as a punishment for leading Chanyeol away from a normal life. He could have married a kind woman and had beautiful children but I had made him fall in love with me...but where was I now? How could I be so cruel to have left him?

Chanyeol fell asleep after crying out his heart and I watched over him as tears still streamed down his face as he slept. He was so sad that he cried in his sleep and it was heartbreaking. I called out his name several times quietly and he did not move becasue he couldn't hear me. He looked so young and so very fragile.

And as he slept, a beautiful woman appeared beside him. She surprised me but she put a finger upon her lips like she was trying to shush me. She didn't need to because Chanyeol wouldn't be able to hear me even if I said anything. I could tell that she was like me, a spirit, and I could tell that she had no ill-intent at first. Then she brushed Chanyeol's hair aside and it moved. I stared at her stunned and she laughed because she knew that I knew that spirits can't move anything in the real world.

She claimed she was a diety of Fate, not a spirit, and that Chanyeol and I were destined to be together and our love would transcend time. I had no idea what that meant but she smiled at me mischieviously and asked me if I wanted to go return to Chanyeol's side and without hesitiation, I said yes. It was foolish but I wanted to physically touch Chanyeol and tell him that I would love him to the end of time. That was all. I knew death could not be undone but I did not realize what this diety really meant and intended.

She had given me a choice but I had no idea that I had made one. I continued to watch Chanyeol as he slept but I suddenly felt very tired which was strange. I had not slept even once as a spirit because it was unnecessary and then everything in front of me went black. The last thing I remember seeing was the satisfied smile upon the diety's face. The next time I opened my eyes, I had been reborn as Do Kyungsoo.

I had no memories and I had no idea that I would continually reincarnate, time after time. When I was Kyungsoo, Yixing, Sehun, and even now as Baekhyun, I had no idea that I was Junmyun all along. I was reborn to meet Chanyeol because of my stupid wish but it was bad choice. I had caused him so much pain and he could never move on. I knew how much he loved me but he had to lose me 4 times. The guilt was overwhelming.

How could I have forgotten all of it?

     Baekhyun slept peacefully beside me and I tightened my embrace around him and we fit perfectly, his back against my chest. Baekhyun was frighteningly thin, his ankles and wrists looked like they would break at the slightest pressure but I knew he was much stronger than I was. The scars upon his skin from multiple surgical procedures was proof of that but despite the scars, he was still beautiful. Everything about him took my breath away. I placed a kiss on the nape of neck and on the bare skin of his shoulder.

     He stirred and turned to face me, "Good morning," he said, his voice still heavy with sleep. I smiled at him as he opened his eyes slowly, adjusting to the sunlight in the room. It was late afternoon.

     "Did you sleep well?" I ask him and he nuzzled his head into my collar and sighed.

     "I haven't slept this well in 200 years."

     I couldn't help but find that funny because if we were being technical, Junmyun had lived just as long as I have, just not quite in the same way. I wish he was immortal as I was, then I would never regret eternity.

     "I have a question," I told him and he hummed to say he was listening. "Do you want me to call you Baekhyun or Junmyun? Or do you prefer Kyungsoo, Yixing, or Sehun's names?" I was legitimately curious because it wasn't everyday your reincarnated boyfriend regains all the memories of his past lives that were all varying in personality and appearance.

     He laughed, "You can call me whatever but let's just stick with Baekhyun. I was born as Baekhyun in this lifetime and my parents gave me this name. Don't you think they chose the perfect name for me?"

     "Baekhyun... that means white, pure, and virtuous, right?" I looked around at the mess we had made, our clothes haphazardly thrown all over the floor. What we had just done was far from pure and virtuous but it was nonetheless perfect.

     "Hm... I'm not so sure about that," I joked and Baekhyun scratched at my back in retaliation. He then wrapped that hand around me. This felt so right and I wish this moment would last forever but there was still one thing that kept gnawing at me. I knew that this would have to end.

     "Baekhyun," I called as calmly as I could. I surprise myself sometimes because I honestly felt like crying but my voice didn't falter. He tightened his grip and froze because he too knew what I was going to say. That's how well we knew each other, Junmyun - I mean Baekhyun - and I did.

              "Let's do something today," I said pointing at the To-Do Vase Chanyeol had kept on top of his fireplace. He had just made some coffee and placed our mugs on the table, he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist and I felt like crying. This wasn't going to last and he was just as aware of it as I was.

            "You can choose," I said and brought the vase down. It was kept in good condition and not a speck of dust was on it. It made me wonder how many times Chanyeol had looked upon this vase, thought of my past life Yixing, and had his heart break. Leaving this behind was horrible of me. I should have gotten rid of it to keep it from reminding him of me.

           "Okay," Chanyeol answered as he placed a kiss on my temple. He pulled out a piece of paper. Though the vase was clean, the paper was dusty and it was aged. Paper back then were not as well made as it was today and this proved that Chanyeol probably never touched the contents inside the vase since Yixing, or I guess I could say my third life, died.

           He unfolded the paper and he chuckled, "This is one of the things you wanted to do? Visit my hometown?"
           "Yes. You were a Korean in China and I just wanted to see where you grew up and how you became the way you did. It's Changwon, right? I've never been there."

           "Okay, let's do this then. It's a good thing you were reborn again in Korea because it might've been difficult if we were in China, huh?" Chanyeol said. "Well, my hometown has changed quite a bit and my house from childhood was built over but Changwon will always be Changwon. I can't wait to show it to you."