All narraration in Courier New is Chanyeol's POV

All narraration in Times New Roman is Baekhyun's POV

"If you don't mind me asking, what have you been up to these past few months?" Baekhyun asked me, hesitantly. He averted his eyes to his shoes and twiddled his thumbs around.

Wondering about you and hoping you were alright. Hoping you hadn't died. Hoping you fell in love with someone else but at the same time hoping you couldn't love anyone but me. Obsessing over the past and how little self-control I had back then. Contemplating if I should try to find a way to die because there has to be a way. Living is so pointless without you.

"Nothing really," I replied to him. He seemed kind of disappointed with the answer. I couldn't tell him what I was really thinking, after all. I think anyone would be a bit concerned with the unhealthy kind of hell I was living before he came here.

He called out my name timidly after a brief silence and I liked how it sounded. "I know this may sound weird but have you, by any chance, been to China?"

His tone was curious and expectant. I could see in his eyes he really wanted it to be true, that I had been to China, but I couldn't really know for sure why he would feel that way. I rose an eyebrow and he blushed in embarassment. God, that was cute.

"Uh, yeah, I have. It was a long time ago though," I answered. I wasn't sure if I should be validating whatever was brooding in his mind. His eyes lit up.

"Do you by any chance know the cliff Changkong?"

I tried hard to hide my expression but I was so shocked to hear the name of the cliff that I met Yixing. I don't know if this was some kind of devine coincidence but something really fishy was going on. Please don't tell me he figured out I was immortal? But that would be impossible. He couldn't possibly know.

"I do," I said after awhile, "Why do you ask?"

"Well, I've been having these really strange dreams and I just remember someone mentioning Changkong in my dream. I don't want to freak you out or anything but," he paused, cheeks flushing red even harder, "you were in my dream."

I blinked at him. I was actually really happy that he was dreaming about me but at the same time I was troubled. I just have a gut feeling something is really off and I can't really explain it. Baekhyun gave me an uneasiness that his past lives never did. I hate it...and yet I welcome it.

"Oh, that's interesting," I said playing it off cool.

"Well," Baekhyun started, "I've actually been dreaming about you a lot."

A pause. Figgeting. Clearing the throat with a cough.

"Do you by any chance know a man named Junmyun?"

I could feel my body tense and my eyes grow wide. I couldn't even stop this reaction becasue I was utterly shocked. What in the world is happening?

 

I stared at the ceiling for a long time. Chanyeol's bed was comfortable and it smelled lightly of coffee and sunlight, if sunlight had a smell. His bedroom, much like his living room, was minimalistic and clean. He had a large stack of old books sitting in one corner and a black dressor in the other. He had no pictures of family or friends and no mirrors. He didn't even have mirrors in the bathroom, which is strange, but it also struck me as sad. I don't think Chanyeol likes himself very much.

Chanyeol didn't look much different since six months ago except maybe his weight loss. He seemed thinner than the day I first met him. His scowl was replaced with another expression but I couldn't really place an emotion to it. He looked rather tired but peaceful.

When I told him about my dream, he seemed rather surprised and concerned. When I mentioned Junmyun, his face visibly became strained but he denied he knew a Junmyun and said that Junmyun was a tacky name. But I didn't feel the heat in his insult. In fact, his voice sounded very confused, if not pained. 

I didn't want to worry him and I failed my mission. I only came to thank him...okay, that's a lie, I honestly just wanted to see him. I wanted to know more about him. I wanted to tell him that he was all I thought about it but that's pretty creepy and I didn't want to stress him out. Being with him gives me this weird euphoria, like I have been reunited with a loved one I hadn't seen in awhile. All the dreams I had of him were making me feel like I had known him a long time.

It doesn't make sense because clearly Chanyeol is only 19 and my dreams were set back in the most random of times in history but that's how I felt. Maybe this was a symptom of some psychological disorder. Maybe I should go see a psychologist when the snow melts.

Baekhyun went to sleep rather obediently. I told him that I was tired and he immediately went to my room saying he didn't want to bother me. It made me a bit sad with how much ease he had walked away but there was a lot of things for me to think about and I'd rather think about it alone.

I love Byun Baekhyun. That is the unrelenting truth. Seeing him today only confirmed how much I did and there is no words to describe how happy I was to see him. But it also irritates me that I can't even be mad about this situation. I'm pretty pathetic.

Another fact I learned -- Baekhyun is dreaming of his past lives and because I am the constant factor in all his dreams, he can't help but think of me. Everything was confusing right now. All his past lives, they had never remembered the past. I had had the hope that may be one of them might remember but they never did. So what is it about this life that's so different?

I can't wrap my head around it. Is this just some cruel test or a glitch in the reincarnation cycle?

            "Do you think death is permanent?" Junmyun asked. I've had enough dreams about him to remember his voice. It was gentle and hushed, like if he was trying to lull a baby to sleep. Junmyun's voice was always warm and inviting and whenever I had a dream about him, I could feel the overwheliming sense of love and empathy he had for Chanyeol. I could tell that Chanyeol had mutual feelings.

          Chanyeol looked up at the sky, his expression unreadable. Baekhyun could hear the inaudible sigh that Chanyeol passed through in his thoughts. Junmyun squeezed Chanyeol's hand and he smiled breifly. That was the one thing I was jealous of. Chanyeol never really smiled genuinely unless he was with Junmyun and he was so easy to read. His expressions open and unconcealed unlike how he was in real life. It was infuriating, why couldn't I do that for him?

         "Buddhists believe that there is reincarnation. The Christian missionaries who have come to our lands recently believe there is an omnipotent God that grants you enternal life in a paradise called Heaven. I read somewhere that the ancient civilazation of Egypt had multiple Gods and they believe in life after death too." Chanyeol answered matter-of-factly but Junmyun clucked his tongue dissatisfied.

          "I asked you what you think, not what others think."

           Chanyeol pulled Junmyun's hand to his face and placed a kiss on the center of his palm gently, his eyes closed, "I think that it doesn't matter. What happens after death is unknown to man, there's no point in contemplating. I just want to spend whatever time I have left making sure I make you happy."

         He looked up at Junmyun cheekily, a smile pressed into his hand. Junmyun then started, "If I die, I hope I can return to you somehow. It doesn't matter if we become spirits or if we're reincarnated... I think I can always find you. I hope we find each other."

         Baekhyun's eyes flew open and everything started flooding into his mind at impossible speeds. It was a flood of memories, coursing through every vein and nerve in his body. His mind reeled and he almost felt sick. He needed air.

         Baekhyun stumbled out of bed and daylight was just peaking over the trees. It was still early morning. The air was freezing, to the point it was frightening, but it was bearable. What he couldn't bear was the rush of memories spreading through his mind like a wildfire. It all made sense now. He started walking through the snow that had significantly melted overnight. Where he was going, he didn't really know himself, he just felt like he knew where to go.

         His destination was a river. He knew it was dangerous and yet he had this urge to walk in it. He had to feel the water.

         He fell in and the water engulfed him aggressively, dragging him further into its depths. He could feel water fill his lungs but his mind was now clear. This was the river Chanyeol and Junmyun used to catch fish and enjoy each other's company. This was the river Chanyeol tried to drown himself in when he had lost Junmyun. This was the river Chanyeol took a gun to his head when Kyungsoo died but the bullet didn't go far and his body regenerated faster than he could bleed out. This was the river where he spread Yixing's ashes. This was the river that Sehun spent his very last breath and Chanyeol tried to drink himself to death. He didn't even get alcohol poisoning.

          He could not die physically but he was already dead inside.

I heard hurried footsteps and then I heard the door slam. I peaked out the window and saw the mess of Baekhyun's brown hair run left. I felt something horrible creep up in my stomach and so I ran too. I ran after Baekhyun because heading left could only mean one thing. The river.

My heartbeat was in my ears and then my heart almost stopped all at once. The mess of brown hair was barely floating above the surface of the water. The river, unstable from the melting snow and jagged pieces of ice, was attacking Baekhyun's body.

I started moving without realizing in and I pulled Baekhyun out with a massive struggle against the elements. I couldn't even feel the freezing water on my skin because all I could think about was Baekhyun.

Baekhyun wasn't breathing. I cursed. I begged. I bartered to every god and diety I knew of. All I can hear is my voice sobbing incoherent words. "Please don't die," I pleaded at no one, Baekhyun's head heavy in my arms.

And then a breath. A violent fit of coughing.

"Baekhyun, if you can hear me, just nod. You're alright now, I'll take care of you. I'll take you to Dr. Seulhye." My voice was so quiet even I questioned if I actually said it out loud. Baekhyun, through half-lidded eyes, lifted his hand and carassed my cheek. My words were stuck in my throat. His hand were freezing but his voice was warm.

"Chanyeol. I remember." Tears slipped from the corners of his eyes, "The forsythias are lovely this year. They remind me of you."

I stared at him and my breath caught. I couldn't find words to say but I could feel the streaks of warm tears on my cheeks. Is this even real? Is this really happening?

"I've missed you, Chanyeol. I love you."

Sorry for the late update, I was on vacation with my family and teh internet connections were spotty. I'll try to update soon :)