Chapter 12

Kikwang did not answer Nana but just turned and stared at Min who had a perplexed look on her face.

“Oh, I'm sorry. Did I interrupt an important conversation here with Miss A's Min. She's quite pretty tonight,” Nana said with a sarcastic tone underlining her words.

“Nana, don't start anything here.”

“ I'm not starting anything. I just want to say hi. Can't a girl you once dated and then deserted at her time of need say hi?”

“I better go,” Min said as she started to move towards the direction of the main lounge area.

“Min...,” Kikwang called.

“ No! She can stay. I was just leaving.Well, I have to go inside the restroom and pee. Let's try not to meet each other like this again, Kikwang,” Nana said as she disappeared through the washroom doors with two other After School members.

“What was that about?,” Min asked.

“It's nothing,” Kikwang said.

“ It didn't look like nothing,” Min retorted. Kikwang took her hand and told her that they should talk outside. He led her through the exit doors at the end of the hallway that opened to a damp and lonely back alley. It was bitterly cold and Min could see the frosty fog of her breath as she exhaled. Kikwang shivered due to the chilly atmosphere as well but he took off his blazer jacket and put it over Min's shoulders. Min put her arms through the jacket sleeves and helped insulate herself by buttoning the jacket and folding her arms tightly.

“Kikwang, it's freezing out here,” Min stated. Kikwang apologized and even though he felt numb from the bitter temperature himself, he tried to warm Min up by clasping her hands together inside his hands, putting them close to his mouth, and blowing on them with his breath. Min just started dating Kikwang recently but she felt she has already seen many of the different sides of him. Earlier, she was furious because she has seen the side of him that cannot say no to girls requesting for his attention, the one that entertains these girls for the sake of “being polite”. But, now, Kikwang is revealing his intimate and softer side that makes Min just let go of her anger momentarily and make her wish that Kikwang could hold her hands like this forever. She looked into Kikwang's dark brown eyes as his head turned upwards and peered at her face and she felt like she could drown in their depth.

Why does he have this effect on me? He ,surely, and, truly, must be a wizard..

“Min, you do look really beautiful tonight,” Kikwang said with a genuine expression. Min felt her heart race as he said these words and she couldn't take it anymore. She let go of his hands and turned away from his glance.

“Kikwang, please tell me what Nana meant by what she said about being a girl you dated and then deserted,” Min demanded.

“ I...I wasn't there for her for a time she needed me,” Kikwang responded, while stuttering. Min wondered what he meant by not being there for a time Nana needed him. Then, Min thinks back to the rumor she read about Kikwang getting a girl from After School pregnant. Wait, was the rumor true?!!

“ Did you get Nana pregnant?!,” Min asked abruptly. Kikwang opened his mouth agape after Min asked these words out loud. He did not expect her to know anything about what occurred between him and Nana. But he decided to share what happened with Min.

“ No, I didn't. Nana...She thought she was but it was a false alarm. I really thought she was pregnant at the time, though. I freaked out and didn't know how I should handle the situation. I didn't even know how it even happened since we were safe that night... But I guess nothing is foolproof. I was overwhelmed and needed to clear my head to think things over,” Kikwang explained.

“ I thought about if I could be an actual father and take care of a child. I contemplated how this would affect me being in Beast. I knew Nana was probably scared as well but I felt I wasn't in the right state of mind to comfort her or make decisions about her baby at the time. So , I didn't respond when she would contact me. I took time to talk to anonymous sources and ask them what they would do in my shoes. I researched parenthood and pregnancy online. But I couldn't contact her back at all. Then, finally, she texted me that she received her period and I wasn't going to be a father.”

Kikwang ended his story by saying that Nana despised him after everything and they tried their best not to see each other until that incident by the bathroom just now. Min listened to every detail of Kikwang's tale trying to fathom the meaning. Kikwang almost was a father...Nana would have been the mother of his child...Kikwang was scared out of his mind and neglected Nana.. Nana hates him and thinks he abandoned her during that time...

Min tried to put herself in Nana's mind in that summer month where she thought she could be pregnant. Min assumed she probably cried for hours that day. She probably cried so much that she could not sleep at all that night. She worried how she would announce the news to everyone if the results for the test were positive. Nana probably touched her cheeks with her hands as she thought of how her parents would slap her across the face after she tells them the news and how they would possibly disown her.

She most likely wondered how much her body that has gained her compliments and modeling gigs would change and if the stretchmarks from pregnancy were permanent. She would think about her position in After School and the sub-group Orange Caramel. The biggest worry of all would then hit her which is the thought of carrying a child within her and then raising this child after it pops out of her uterus. As Min imagined herself in Nana's place, she sensed her fright and despair. If Min was her, she would have felt disappointed and alone because of Kikwang as well. Min started to feel herself getting upset again. This agitation was directed towards Kikwang.

“ So she told you that she might possibly be pregnant because she missed her period or whatever and you just thought about your fears and not hers? You ignored her during that whole time? What if it wasn't a false alarm and she really happened to be pregnant, would your fear cause you to leave and run away from Seoul? To run away from your own future child? Or Nana who would be scared to death of being a mother?”

“ It's not like that! I wanted to be there for her but I wasn't ready...” Kikwang started to explain.

“ Wasn't ready?! Of course you weren't ! No one's ever fully ready to be a father or mother. Do you think there is some school course with an exam at the end that prepares you to be a parent? There isn't! You should have been there for Nana regardless of whether you felt you were ready or not.”

“ But she's not pregnant. It's all over now, Min..”

“ What if it was me?,” Min asked. Kikwang looked at her confused and asked her what she was talking about. Min elaborated and asked him what he would do if it was her that was the one that was pregnant with his child.

“ Did you forget our deal? You get one wish. What if I was to let you sleep with me and I got pregnant? ,” Min inquired and continued, “Or what if we get caught up in passion one day and I was to your cheek like this while I stared at you intensely.

Min said this while touching Kikwang's cheek with her delicate fingers. Then, she placed them over Kikwang's upper body and said, “ And I move my fingers all across your chest and your hands brush gently against my hips as you wrap your arms around me tightly. You decide to kiss me all over my neck and remove the upper part of my shirt. Next thing we know, we perform an act of desire right in wherever place we may be. It will be magical, spectacular, and all that jazz.”

“But then, a month or two later, I will tell you I missed my period or that I took a test and it came out positive and what will you do? Will the idea frighten you? Will you decide to forget about me and ignore me no matter how much I cry for you to help me or be there for me? What kind of person are you? How can you have done that?”

“ You knew about this...You knew about my reputation and how I am like. What kind of person am I ? What about you ? Who are you to judge me and condemn me now when I warned you and you still wanted to go ahead and date me?! Don't act like you're all innocent in this, Lee Min Young! I asked you if you were sure about all this... I asked and asked you again about what you would do if I hurt you!”

“ I know...”

So what was this? Was this all a plan? We have a good time when we go out with each other and the moment things don't go your way or you hear things you don't want to hear , you attack me! I'm sorry if being part of my life is not a role full of rainbows and butterflies, Min! But don't you dare blame me for you being upset right now,” Kikwang responded hotly.

“ Fine, it was my fault. I was a moron for asking you to date me exclusively. Is that what you want to hear? Do you want me to declare out loud that I'm a babo? Okay, then, well, I, Min Young, am a babo, babo, babo, babo, babo, babo, babo, babo, babo!!,” Min shouted and tears started to stream down her face.

“ Min, stop it. Stop,” Kikwang said. He was upset with Min as she was upset with him but he did not want to see her cry like this. He promised Dong Woon that they wouldn't hurt each other and now they're yelling at each other in a cold and dingy alley. He decided to suggest to Min that they stop this dating plan before they cause each other more pain. Min told him when he suggested this that she likes him and likes being with him. However, she agreed that maybe it was for the best if they stopped seeing each other.

She wiped her tears with her hands and ed Kikwang's jacket she was wearing to return to him. She told him that she guesses this was good-bye for now and that she would head in back to the party first. She opened the door that led inside the building and she walked through, closing the door behind her. Kikwang began to put on his jacket but then he took it off again. He threw it on the ground and started kicking anything that was in his sight, including beer bottles,cans, and even the garbage dumpster. He slammed his fists against the brick wall as he rested his forehead on the hard surface of the building. His knuckles turned red as he cried out in frustration in the cold night.

The Beast members consoled him during the end of the party and during the car ride back home in Junhyung's car. Kikwang was quiet and didn't say anything as he sat in the backseat of the Kia K7 that Junhyung drove as the Beast members offered their sympathies. Hyunseung tried to cheer him up with a joke and said that Kikwang can go back to being a casanova ladies' man again. Kikwang just gave the 4D prince a stare of death and closed his eyes as he tilted his head back.

When the Beast boys arrived in their dorm, all of the members except Kikwang and Yoseob went straight to bed after washing up. Kikwang told them he won't be able to sleep anyway so he will just watch TV for a little while. He the television set and muted the sound as he his ipod and put the headphones in his ears. He listened to the most depressing songs that can be found on his mp3 player as he lied on the the living room couch, watching the silent TV with a blank expression.

Yoseob frowned at Kikwang as he watched his old high school friend with pity for him. He went to the kitchen to look for some food he can make to cheer him up. He rummaged through the refrigerator and found some of Doojoon's left over fried chicken and a great deal of food that fans have given them during the week. He, finally, saw one of Min's banana pancakes that was left over from when she cooked in their dorm. It was hiding in the corner of the refrigerator.

Yoseob decided that Kikwang should be the one to eat Min's last pancake. He opened the freezer to see if there was ice cream he could serve with the pancake and found a peculiar cup of grapes inside. They were all frozen. He took one of the small, fat grapes that were cold like ice cubes and put it in his mouth. At first, he winced at how cold it was as he bit into it but then he realized how delicious it was as he chewed on the grape. It was like a mixture of candy, ice cream popsicles, and pat bing soo to him. He thought Kikwang should try the frozen sugary grapes as well. Yoseob took the cup of grapes and the plate of Min's last banana pancake to the living room where Kikwang was still lying on the couch like a sad, beached dolphin. He stood in front of Kikwang and asked him to remove his earphones.

“Hey Kiguana, are you hungry? There's one banana pancake that was left over. I think you should have it since Min made it...Or maybe Junhyung made this one,” Yoseob said scratching his head and said, “ Oh, well, whatever. Assume Min made it.”

Kikwang took the plate and started eating the pancake with the fork Yoseob gave him. Then, Kikwang saw that Yoseob was holding a cup in one of his hands and asked if there was water in it he could drink. Yoseob told him there wasn't. He found it in the freezer with frozen grapes in them. He said he didn't know where it came from or who put it in there.

“ Min left it there. She said she found some grapes and decided to freeze them to make them taste yummy,” Kikwang smiled as he remembered the excited expression on Min's face as she talked about the grapes yesterday morning.

“Oh really? You can have them then, ” Yoseob said and gave him the cup. He said he will head to the dorm room now and told Kikwang not to beat himself up too much. He said to his buddy to try to cheer up and left the living room. Kikwang took the cup and ate one of the grapes. They tasted really sweet and he liked the flavor. But at the same, each bite reminded him of Min. He went on to eat each grape in the cup and with every bite, a different memory of Min appeared in his mind. He remembered memories like the first time he saw Min in the JYP Building and she stormed off angry but still looked cute or the time he cried because of the JYP president and Min was outside the office looking at him with caring eyes.

Kikwang remembered Dong Woon showing him videos that Min would send him from New York with her saying hi and introducing her friends. He remembered privately watching Min's dance practice videos and being in shock of what an amazing dancer she was. He thought about the red shoes he helped Dong Woon picked out for Min before she left back to the states, about the day he saw Min again after miss A debuted, about how he watched miss A's performances from backstage and laughed one time when Min's shoe came off while she danced.

He thought about their first date in the observatory building by the Han River and the walk to her Grandma's house in the rain where he wanted to kiss her on the lips. He thought about their actual first kiss on the lips in the hallway and about dancing with Min on stage of miss A and 2pm's concert. Then, he thought about Min's broken face as she appeared out of the washroom at the party and how she burst in tears outside in the alley calling herself a fool. It was because of me...all because of me that she cried. Min, I hope you can forgive me. And, I miss you...It hasn't been a day but I already miss you...no mu bo go ship da...

Author's note: Haha, intense chapter. Sorry, if it was too emotional. I was listening to sad music while writing the chapter. And the picture I put up with the chapter is from the "SBS Inkigayo Green Concert Special" in the end of September.  I think that's Min's head peeking out from behind Kikwang lol. I'm not sure.  It looks like it with the blondish brown hair she has now. She's standing between Fei and G.Na ( Lol at Fei's funny face expression). If only Min was a giant like Suzy, you could see her better haha. But maybe she's hiding on purpose? and I guess it's good that she's really short bc Kikwang can feel tall w her : ).   Also for you minkwang shippers, I found this fancam of Kikwang totally looking at Min at the Hallyu Dream Concert ending on Oct. 3 where Beast and miss A performed. 

 Here it is -> http://www.youtube.com/watchv=MePjCoUkdR4&feature=feedf

If link doesn't work, just look for it in my favorites on my youtube channel: lady87red1 under "[fancam]111003 Hallyu Dream Concert ending gikwang." or type title in youtube main search. In the beginning of the video, it's kinda dark but you can see Min at the side behind Junhyung on the right and Kikwang looks at her and then walks off to other side smiling to himself !  And you see Min's head again at 0:12 on the side to the right. You can see her in the space between Hyunseung and Junhyung, right by Hyunseung's left shoulder.  And at 0:18, you can see Min walking towards the back near where Suzy and Girl's day members are( It's her bc she had her hair in a side ponytail that night and you can see it in the video).  Kikwang completely turns his head and watches Min as she moves to the back!  He starts walking towards the back and closer to where Min is, too <3. There's this guy with black hair in front of stage who's somewhat blocking them ( I'm not sure which kpop group he's from) but you can see Min's head behind Kikwang as Kikwang looks towards the front and claps. Suzy is by them as well. So, I'm not delusional! You can see Kikwang paying attention to Min in this video and you can't deny it ( unless he's trolling the fancammers).  it proves Kikwang likes Min at the least.  And maybe I'm overstepping boundaries and invading their privacy but I can't help it and I'm sorry. I just hate that they don't get as much support as other specific pairings. And I just wish that even if they say they like other people or they date other people for a while, Min and Kikwang will find a way back to each other. always <3. BC i think they're a perfect couple. Also for Shinee/Onew fans, Kikwang hugs Onew in this video as well : ).