YOUR
REVIEW

ERROR REVIEWS · SINCE 141015

AUTHOR · datemate

CHARACTERS · Gyuri, L, Sungyeol

STATUS · Completed

DESCRIPTION ·
“I felt lonely, Myungsoo.”
“It’s okay. I’m here.”
“It’s raining here.”
He looked up to the sky. “There’s no rain here.”
“Not there is. Here, inside my heart. It’s drenched in rain. It’s hard to forget him.”

“It’s okay. It’s only hurt for now. Everything is going to be alright someday.” “But it still hurt so much. How can I overcome this feeling?”

If only you let me in. I would like to help, but it’s impossible right?
This love is only one way to go.

STORY TITLE (4/5)
I think the title suits your story very well, especially since it depicts Myungsoo’s one-sided love for Gyuri. However, I wouldn’t say that this title is that eye-catching and unique, nonetheless, you have done a good job!

DESCRIPTION, FOREWORD AND TAGS (8/10)
Your description is an extract from one of your chapters, which is good, because readers can see what your writing style is like and how things will turn out. However, I would consider writing a little recap of what had happened as this is a sequel of your one-shot. That would make readers remember what happened and they’ll be able to follow the storyline easily without having to go back and read your one-shot again.

One thing I don’t understand in your description is the sentence ‘This love is only one way to go.’ I think you’re meaning to say how there is only one direction that this love can go, right? I think you’ll need to rephrase this to make it clearer.

APPEARANCE (6/10)
The poster looks fine to me, you have the two main characters and a quote from Myungsoo in it. I think instead of putting ‘GyuL’, it’d be better if you put ‘Gyuri and Myungsoo/L’ instead, just to make sure that your readers know who you’re talking about and that ‘GyuL’ isn’t a new character or anything, mainly because this couple haven’t appeared officially before. Overall, the poster does match the story but not completely. Maybe it’ll help if you put a request in a few graphic shops to see if their posters fit better, but this doesn’t mean that your poster is not good at all!

CHARACTERISATION (8/10)
Overall, the way you portrayed your characters is really good. I can see that they are staying in their respective personalities well and that there aren’t many confusions as to why certain people did certain things. Let’s take Gyuri for example. She is heartbroken because of her breakup with Sungyeol and her hurt is evident. She doesn’t want to accept Myungsoo because she doesn’t want to use him and she doesn’t see him as anything more than her ex’s best friend. This is kept all the way until she realises that she doesn’t want to lose him and that without him around her, she is lonely and lost.

As for Myungsoo, I think there aren’t any major problems. He is determined to help Gyuri recover from the breakup and he’s pretty dead set on making her his girlfriend. One thing I would say though, is that at the beginning, he is described as someone who’s willing to help Gyuri in the background and support her in her own pace. However, as I read on, I found that he’s becoming more and more forward with his words and actions. I think you need to explain the change a little bit more. Maybe you can add in a little paragraph right before the change to explain his inner feelings and why he suddenly wanted to do things like that.

PLOT (10/20)
It’s very difficult to come up with a new and unique plot on AFF, especially since there are literally millions of stories out there to avoid clashing with. I think you’ve done a good job in putting your ideas together and make it into one story, but I wouldn’t say it’s the most unique one here. There are plenty of stories here where the guy helps his best friend’s ex to overcome the breakup and then eventually goes out with her. Since your story is quite short, it’s difficult to add things in to give this a twist and whatnot, but overall, you have a clear beginning, middle and e