I knew his opinion and feeling then I would never try to get him back when he was no longer in love with me. I am always willing to be there for him even he is sick or poor. I am willing to give up my interest for him, to be there for him in any circumstances but just for one condition. That is he loves me. However, that changed. Maybe tomorrow, I won’t be able to see picture of Kris, Tao and Sehun playing to with other, teaching each other English and he will be out of my life.

Days after the talk with Kris, I still lived silently. I didn’t talk much but I managed the house chores smoothly. I tried to be normal as much as I can. I told myself not to get sick because I needed to be strong for Sehun and Tao.

And about Kris, apparently everything was normal for him, nothing changed. He went home on time. He took the kids to school and picked them up after school. On weekend, he went out with some good reasons. He took good care of the kids. He just didn’t dare to talk much with me. When I talked to him, he answered enthusiastically to express his will to mend our broken relationship. However, I couldn’t only act coldly and calmly to him.

I was still thinking about the divorce but deep down, I still wanted a miracle to happen so my family could go back to before, he could go back to the husband that I loved and trusted. Everything seemed so hard, once the trust was lost, every attempt was futile.

From the beginning, why didn’t I wonder who that woman was? How did it start? Are they still seeing each other?

The only thing in my mind was Kris cheated on me and I was trying my best to accept it. I still didn’t want to investigate more about her even though I had decided to do that on my trip. However, the reason for all of this to happen is Kris and his feeling. And his feeling, after the talk, I could see it clearly that he loved her so was it necessary for me to find out about the truth that is useless to my life.

Life went on like that. People may say that we were still a normal married couple. But only when night came, night was our witness. Only the night would know that we were no longer husband and wife. This continued until my older son finally spoke up.

One day, I picked Tao up at his school. Tao wanted to eat some seafood. So we went to a restaurant. I realized that I hadn’t been a very good parent. I still took good care of them from every meal to their sleep. But my sons need more than that. They need love from their parents.

Tao’s intension was to have a conversation with me. “Mommy, you don’t need to order a lot. I just want to talk to you.”

“Can you stop being mad at each other? Mommy, I love dad a lot, he was very sad too, he was afraid of you, I and Sehun was afraid too.”

“Why do you and Sehun feel that?”

“Because you didn’t smile, you didn’t hug us, you didn’t scold us. It was like you was thinking about something. You can scold us abo