How could I have possibly said no? The guy I liked for seven plus years finally asked me out. Of course I would say yes.

     But that’s not what I said. Instead, I just told him I’d think about it and ran out of the building, breathing heavily, like I had just run a marathon. My heart was beating loudly in my chest. Everything was happening all over again. My life was just a big déjà vu. I could’ve changed that if I had just said yes right there and then, but for some reason my brain was ing up. I walked slowly back home, thinking hard.

     I knew what my answer would be. I knew I would say yes and embrace my younger friend, but for some reason, in the back of my head, I was telling myself no. I kept wondering why, but there was no answer to that question—a part of me just didn’t want it. Then why was I smiling like an idiot and my heart was beating so hard I knew it would bounce right out of my chest? Why had I been waiting for this moment for years and all of a sudden didn’t want it? There was no one else in my life that could’ve changed it… or was there?

     Not Ken. Not Leo. Definitely not Ravi. Hyunsik and Jihyun were only friends. I couldn’t like Ilhoon or Jessica; I never thought of them like that. It was always Hyuk and that would never change. I could only ever love him, but my head was spinning and I thought for a quick second that it wasn’t him. Someone else, maybe? But who? Yes, who? There was no one else. Han Sanghyuk was the only one who could ever have my heart.

     Then why the hell was I thinking about Hakyeon at a time like this. That one guy who never left my side even when I was at my lowest. The guy who stayed with me through thick and thin and made me laugh no matter what. Cha Hakyeon. The one who I spent more time with than I actually thought I did.

     “What the hell is wrong with you?” I shouted once I had settled back into my bed. Not him. He was only a friend. It was going to be Hyuk. It was Hyuk from the beginning. Hakyeon was there from the beginning too, though. In some weird world, Hakyeon and I made sense.

     I reached for my phone and dialed Hakyeon’s number subconsciously. When he picked up, a small smile crept up on my face. I never noticed until now that I did that. I did that with Hyuk too, but with Hakyeon it was just because we were friends.

     “Hongbin! You’re okay! You don’t know how much I worried about you. I was so scared something happened to the point where I actually went out looking for you. Where have you been?”

     “Hyuk’s,”

     “Oh, that makes sense. Ugh, why didn’t you pick up? You were killing me. I thought you had gone and done something unfixable and if I lost you… . I’d better not think about that. I just am glad you’re okay. You are okay, right? Yes, of course. You called me. Unless you called for help. Oh no. You didn’t get hurt, did you?” Hakyeon talked on. I was touched he cared so much, but it didn’t help my situation.

     “I’m fine, just a little confused.” I muttered, losing a bit of my thoughts during the long rant Hakyeon had just given.

     “About what?” for once, he wasn't going on like he does.

     “I... Hyuk just asked me out...” I started but I was unsure where to go. I was also unsure if Hakyeon was the right person to tell this to. Maybe I should've just called Hyunsik. It would have made everything simpler. I didn't realize that then.

     “H-he did?” Hakyeon's voice dropped to a low whisper and I suddenly got scared. Usually something bad was happening when his voice got that quiet. It was so unlike him to be quiet. I took a moment to think about what to respond, maybe a bit longer than I actually thought I did, since Hakyeon asked the question again, thinking I had disappeared or at least stopped listening.

     “Yes, but... I didn't say yes. I guess that's my dilemma. Why I didn't say yes, I will never know. God, I must be crazy, right?” I ended in a forced chuckle, trying to ease the tension I could feel right through the phone. I was talking more than Hakyeon at this point, which was ridiculous. I heard a bump on the other line and guessed Hakyeon was getting up or something, though he shouldn't be walking around too much with his leg in such bad shape.

     “Maybe he's not the one you actually want to be with. Maybe there's someone else.” Hakyeon commented and I became quiet, taking my thoughts back to where they were before. I sighed lightly, but Hakyeon must've heard me as he continued. “Think about it. Hyuk hasn't been with you that long anyway. He left for seven years, which is plenty of time to change your feelings and find someone else. Someone who's, maybe, closer to you?” I sat up in my bed. He was hinting that there was someone else, but I couldn't figure out who. Definitely not Ravi. Or anyone else for that matter. Now that I thought about it, not even him.

     “Impossible. You know what, I'm calling Hyuk now. I'll be hanging up first.” I said and the second before I hung up, I heard a loud shout on the end. The phone disconnects quickly after. I shook my head; whatever Hakyeon had to yell, could be saved later.

     Hyuk picked up quickly, almost immediately, as if he was waiting for my phone call. He seemed a bit nervous when he returned my hello.

     “Ah, well, Hyuk. I know this is probably a weird way to do this, but I... yes, I'll be your boyfriend. I came home and realized you're the only person I know who I love more than myself. And, wow, . I... should probably shut up before I get really sappy and gross and you probably won't want me to be your boyfriend then.” I started blabbering like a little kid after he got caught doing something wrong, but it was quite a different situation. I was actually very happy, although I have no doubt I sounded like a complete idiot. I heard laughter on the other line and my smile immediately grew until my dimples were well showing.

     “Hyung, no matter how cheesy you get, I will still want you as my boyfriend.” I could hear the happiness on Hyuk's voice and I wished I was right there, hugging him in that moment. We talked for a while afterward and when I hung up I felt like I could've just floated right off my bed. I don't remember sleeping much that night, since I was probably too happy to close my eyes. All I could do was replay the conversation I had just had in my head. I was happier that night then I had been in a long time, but it didn't last long, sadly.