It had been a few weeks since Sehyuk asked me to marry him.
    At the moment, I wasn't sure what to do - what to say. All I could do was sit there and cry until my tears ran dry. Seeing that I had been so surprised, Sehyuk took the ring away and apologized if he had scared me.
    "I'll let you think about it, Jieun. Just think about it." That was all he could say after dropping me off at home. But he didn't get it.
    I didn't want to be thinking about it. I just wanted to tell him that I loved Jun Myeon. The feelings I had for him disappeared the moment he came back and took me away. But if I didn't have feelings toward him, why hadn't I just refused to marry him right then?
    "Miss Jieun?" Hansol called for me from the door.
    It was nice that he had come to see me, but I felt like I didn't want to see anyone. I just wanted to mope around in my room until I could find an answer.
    "I want to talk to you about Sehyuk." Hansol kept insisting to talk. "Could you please come out for just a moment?"
    He knocked so much that I became extremely annoyed.
    "Go away, Hansol oppa!" I shouted. "I just want to be alone!"
    Hansol was probably frowning behind that door. "Please~" He started to beg cutely. "Please, Miss Jieun? Please~"
    I sighed and opened the door for him. "Okay! Stop using aegyo." I pouted while he skipped inside excitedly.
    "Thank you, Miss Jieun!" He smiled big for me. "So tell me about what happened!"
    Sliding the door shut, I turned to face him. "Well, first of all... He brought me to some fancy restaraunt in the city. It was pretty..."
    "Ooh, so tacky!" He giggled at the thought of it. "But it must have been that new restaraunt that our company bought. We've been doing really well in selling products to other companies for use."
    "Seriously, Hansol oppa!" I frowned and sat down on my bed.
    Hansol's sillyness changed to serious and he stared at me. "Miss Jieun..." For a moment, he paused with his mouth still open then continued on. "Why don't you say yes to him? I mean, haven't you two liked each other for a long time? Wasn't he your first love?"
    Those questions hit me straight in the heart. What was I to think when he said 'first love'? Did our past really matter now?
    With a more upbeat tone, Hansol kept talking. "If anyone should be telling you at all, it should be yourself. Don't listen to me. I know you but not well enough to force you to decide. What I'm trying to say here are just questions and hints. You need to figure out what your own heart wants. Just know that whatever choice you make, I'll be happy as long as you are."
    "Thank you, Hansol oppa. I'll keep that thought."
    I shooed Hansol away for some alone time. He really made me think about what I should do. Up until I arrived back in my family home, I constantly thought about my feelings.
    I hesitated (and got interrupted) whenever I wanted to talk to Sehyuk. It was as if there was never a right time or I just held back.
    Come to think of it - I became distracted with Sehyuk's pregnancy talk in the restaraunt.
    "Jieun?" Sehyuk called from the door.
    Why was he here all of a sudden!? I became flustered with myself. What was I supposed to do? What was I supposed to say? Was it possible to avoid it?
    "Are you there?" He kept calling for me.
    Should I answer...?
    "Jieun???"
    I tightened my open hands into closed fists and bit my lip. If I did answer, I would have to face the fact that I would hesitate in front of him again. If I didn't answer, I would just be avoiding the unanswered questions in my head.
    Just barely, the sound of a heavy sigh echoed. He was giving up.
    "Sehyuk!" I shouted his name without a thought.
    Immediately, the doors to my bedroom slid open. Sehyuk looked a little excited that I had called for him to come back.
    "Come in." I avoided eye sight with him until he sat next to me. When our pupils seemed to be of length with each other, my heart started pounding with that strange chest pain. I didn't know what it was, but I think it meant that it was time to say it.
    "Jieun, I've been wanting to talk with you..." His rough hands reached for mine, entangling them between his own. The skinship started to bother me.
    My hands pulled away from his. "I need to talk to you, Sehyuk. Please don't interrupt me this time."
    Sehyuk nodded his head and allowed me to continue. I had a feeling that he would jump in again. Maybe he already knew what was coming.
    "Sehyuk, I don't know what to think about marrying you. Sometimes, the thought of it makes me excited but at the same time, scared. I don't know what to do and I don't know what to think. My heart feels like it's clotting up and it won't beat any more."
    "Just say yes, Jieun." He grabbed my hands again. "That's what your heart is telling you."
    "No, it's not!" I writhed my hands out of his hold. "What I think it's saying is that we aren't meant to be. Whenever you come to see me, my mind is only filled with questions and doubts. We hardly speak and you're too busy looking at your phone to focus. For weeks on end, I have been trying to say that I don't..."
    My eyes started watering.
    "You don't love me?" Sehyuk showed no emotion. "I already knew that..."
    Surprised, my eyebrows arched upward. "You... You knew?"
    "Yeah..." He looked down at his own hands and shook his head. "I've known it ever since I brought you back here. Every time I saw you, you looked unhappy. It was as if I had taken away something that you cherished so much. A part of me didn't want to hear you say that you don't love me after seeing your face again. I was just so caught up with being in love with you that my heart didn't stand a chance against you. I kept talking over you to avoid these words."
    The tears from my eyes lined my cheeks down to my chin, dripping onto my lap.
    "Look, Jieun... Could you just say it once?" He looked into my eyes. "Even if it's a lie, could you say that you love me? Please?"
    Silent, I shook my head. I couldn't. Even a lie wouldn't fix his heart that I had shattered to a million pieces. If I said it, then it might cause him even more pain.
    For a long time, the two of us just stared at each other. There were no more words that could be said. Everything we wanted to say had already been displayed.
    Within a matter of minutes, I had crushed his feelings.
    "I'm sorry, Sehyuk..." I said as I kept crying. "I'm so sorry..."
    A weak smile crossed his face. Quietly, he got up and left me alone in my room. I knew what I did was wrong, but why was it that my chest was hurting so much? I just followed the feeling in my heart, yet, it felt so heavy and painful.
    Suddenly, the beating of my heart got even faster. My ugly tears became uglier and it got hard to breathe. My throat felt like a rope was being tightened around it. A few quick coughs had me out of breath already.
    My body grew weak and my vision was getting blurry. I fell sideways onto my bed and shivered like the air around me was cold - but it wasn't. Was this some sort of instant karma? Had I done something wrong?
    "Miss Jieun???" Hansol came knocking at my door once again, sounding much more urgent than usual.
    Please don't come in... Please don't...
    Against my wishes, Hansol opened the door. He gasped at the sight of me and ran to my side immediately. I could see him shouting or screaming, but somehow, I wasn't able to hear anything coming out of his mouth. Just a strange ringing sound in my ears. His soundless cries looked almost silly.
    Slowly, my eyes started to close.
    Hansol shook me violently, noticing that I was passing out.
    Don't worry about me. I'm just taking a quick nap....

    Everywhere I looked, the place seemed familiar.
    I was lying on a large bed in the middle of a room. Two large wardrobes with mirrors stood on each side of the room. In front of me, the doors to the room were wide open.
    Oh, that's right - this was Jun Myeon's room. What was I doing here?
    I turned my head to the side to see his angelic face beside me. Was this all a dream? I pinched myself as hard as I could.
    It didn't hurt, so did that mean it was a dream?
    Well, even if it were, it was a good one. I was back to the place where I could be next to the one I really did love. Seeing him beside me made me feel happier. My heart felt as vast as the sky above.
    I flipped my body sideways to gaze upon him again. As I did so, his eyes fluttered open and he smiled at me with his tired face.
    "Good morning, Jieun."
    "Good morning, Jun Myeon."
    "I hope you're doing okay. I just came by to tell you that I miss you and I hope you wake up soon..." His hand softly caressed my cheek.
    "Huh?" What was he saying? Wake up? What was going on?
    "I don't know when I'll be back, but I just want to tell you all of this in case I don't have the time to. If you don't wake up today, maybe you will tomorrow."
    My eyes started to get drowsy as he continued to speak, whiting out the world with every second that went by. Why...?

    "Well... I was hoping you would wake up today, actually.... I have so many things to tell you but so little time to spend. So much has happened since you last closed your eyes." He paused and sniffled his nose, exhaling afterwards. "What am I saying? You probably can't even hear me..."
    I can hear you, Jun Myeon. Keep talking.
    "It seems so foolish of me, but I just want to say that I love you - in case you can hear it. I hope you do."
    I heard it. I'm trying to talk back!
    "Huh?" His soft hands touched mine, crumpling them up in his hold. "Jieun??? Jieun!?" His voice sounded excited. Somehow anticipating.
    My eyes started to open - slower than ever. The room was becoming more visible, but it wasn't his. I could tell that I was somewhere I had never been before.
    Machines that beeped loudly were strung to me. A large curtain was hung on each side of me. Where was I? The hospital?
    Jun Myeon stood up from where he was and ran to the door. "Nurse! Doctor! Someone! The patient in here just woke up! Someone, hurry!" He came running back to me with a relieved smile. All the tension in his face loosened up when I looked him in the eyes.
    Quickly, two people came into the room. One of them wore a white coat and the other had a light blue outfit on. The doctor and the nurse?
    The doctor with the white coat plugged a strange device into his ears and put a third part on my chest. Was he listening for my heart beat? Why hadn't he just used his ears?
    The nurse with the light blue outfit was busily running around, checking all the strange machines around me. I could hear the clicking and beeping with every button she pressed. The sounds were annoying.
    Jun Myeon on the side had his hands clasped together and had them raised closely to his chin, praying that I was okay.
    "She's fully awake, Jun Myeon-sshi." The nurse spoke to him delightfully. "The Miss won't be able to speak for a while, but she'll get to it eventually. I think you came here at the perfect time."
    The nurse was right - I couldn't speak yet. Why? Was my throat too sore?
    Well, whatever the reason was, I didn't mind it. As long as I got to see Jun Myeon's face when I woke up. That was all I needed to feel at ease. The soothing sound of his voice made me want to drown in sleep again, but I couldn't. I felt like I had slept for too long.
    "Jieun, I'm so glad that you're awake." Jun Myeon's hands clenched his chest where his heart was. "It's been a week and a half since you last opened your eyes, you know?"
    A week and a half!? I was surprised at how long I had been unconscious. Within that amount of time, I wonder what had happened?
    Did the EXO company get back on its feet? Was the Topp Dogg corporation release their strong hold on Jun Myeon? Had Sehyuk given up on his proposal to me?
    Yeah... Where was Sehyuk? I wanted to see him.
    "Are you feeling okay?" Jun Myeon asked.
    With a weak smile, I nodded. There was so much to say, so much to ask. I couldn't even sleep anymore. All the thoughts running around in my head just gave me a headache. My mind felt so excited to be running again.
    Jun Myeon's phone rung in his pocket and he immediately picked it up within seconds of the ringtone. "Yes, it's me." For a moment, he stood silently beside my bed while listening to the voice over the phone. He looked so serious. So cool. "I'll be there in a moment."
    After hanging up, Jun Myeon walked over to my hospital bed. His lips carefully touched my forehead. "I have to get going now. There's an important business deal going on. I'll come running back the instant it's all over with. I'll explain everything to you when I return, alright?"
    Weakly, I nodded my head and sighed as I watched him walk out of the room. His back looked a lot lighter. He didn't seem as stressed as he had before. I really wondered what had gone on during the week and half that I had fallen asleep.

    Hours had gone by since Jun Myeon left me in the room. I couldn't talk, I was restricted from being able to walk around, and I wasn't even allowed to watch the television (the doctor explained that my father told them to keep me away from it). The boredom was starting to build up inside of me.
    But even sleeping felt boring.
    I closed my eyes, opened them, and tried to shut them again; my body simply refused to rest. I had already done that for a week and a half. There was no need for it anymore.
    Angry, I shot up from the hospital bed. I pushed aside the curtain that blocked me from the door and marched into someone's back.
    The person turned around and helped me up. "Miss, please stay still. You shouldn't be walking around in your state." He turned out to be one of our family butlers.
    The butler looked down at me and led me back to the bed. "You should be resting. It will be a while until Kim Jun Myeon-sshi returns."
    Huh? They were waiting for Jun Myeon?
    Randomly, the door to the room opened and Sehyuk strutted in, locking eyes with me instantly. He had a large bouquet of yellow flowers in his hand and a look of strife on his face.
    Sehyuk just walked past me without a word, stuffing the flowers into a vase on the windowsill to avoid talking.
    I had really hurt him, hadn't I?
    It was too late to feel guilty about it. And it was much too late to apologize for my idiotic heart; I wanted forgiveness for my decision. I knew that I wouldn't be able to make it up to him - even if I did do all of that.
    Annoyed by his unsocial attitude, I turned to face him.
    He had his back to me. I know he didn't want to say anything to me nor could I say anything to him at all, but I wanted to try. I wanted to speak to tell him that I was sorry, even if he wouldn't accept it. It would make me feel better if I said it.
    After fluffing the flowers a little, Sehyuk finally spun around. His face was tense from clenching his teeth together. He wanted to talk but he held himself back.
    "Ugh..." I managed to get something out of my throat as I forced myself to speak.
    Our corellated eyes disconnected and he looked away to a wall - still silent. When would he say something? I wanted to hear his voice. I wanted to hear my own voice. I wanted my heart to feel lighter.
    But... If I lifted this burden from my heart, it would sink into his, wouldn't it?
    I was so selfish.
    Still mute, Sehyuk strutted past me. I could see that he was choosing not to speak to me until I had a voice. Didn't he know that that hurt me even more? I wanted him to say something. I wanted him to stay with me and talk with me like I could.
    I heard the door shut behind me and tears began to trickle down my cheeks.
    How could I even think about him talking to me after all that I had done? I truly was selfish - but I can't help what I am.
    Even Sehyuk had been selfish. He left me behind when he moved to a foreign country. He stole me away from Jun Myeon. He wouldn't let me tell him how I felt. He proposed to me without thinking about my own feelings. He ignored me when I couldn't speak.
    I guess we were both just callow people trying to live our own lives by blocking our pain with selfish requests. That would never change about us; we were destined to be egoistical.
    Hiding ourselves away from the world and taking what we wanted.
    "Jieun?" Jun Myeon's voice echoed from behind me. "Are you okay? You shouldn't be standing up like that." His hand slowly reached my arm and he turned me to face him - only to be surprised by what he saw.
    "Why are you crying?"
    It's not because I'm sad. I'm crying because I'm selfish. I'm crying because I hurt Sehyuk. I'm crying because I love you.
    I wanted to say it all, but until I had a voice, I wouldn't be able to. For now, I just looked up at him, shook my head, and smiled. He wouldn't suspect a thing.
    Jun Myeon's thumb wiped away the tears on my face and he softly kissed me on the forehead. Goodness, he was so caring.
    "Let's get you back into bed, Jieun." Jun Myeon smiled at me too. He quickly helped me into bed and sat beside me. "I'll explain everything to you now."
    He chuckled as he saw how my ears perked up from those words. I had forgotten how long I had been waiting to hear about everything. About how I ended up here, the things I had missed, and how everyone was doing.
    "Let's start off from when you told Sehyuk how you felt," Jun Myeon grabbed my hands as he explained. "Afterwards, your heart gave out and you fainted into this comatose state. Kim Hansol-sshi quickly came to your rescue, calling for an ambulance and then contacting me immediately afterwards."
    Hansol called Jun Myeon...?
    "At first, I wasn't sure why he called me - but after rushing to the hospital, I figured out why." Jun Myeon lifted my hands to his lips and kissed them. "He had told me that that's what you would have wanted. It seemed that Kim Hansol-sshi already knew that Park Sehyuk was not in your heart."
    "For the whole week and a half, Sehyuk and I kept coming in to visit you. When he watched over you as you slept, it sometimes seemed like he had forgiveness in his eyes. But other times, it seemed like he hadn't given in to it."
    "After the hospital closed off visiting hours, the two of us brought our companies into a few business meetings and finally decided to collaborate for the first time. I wasn't sure why he did so, but I believe it was because he felt like he owed me."
    Was Sehyuk turning the other cheek for Jun Myeon?
    "Whenever we caught each other in the halls of this hospital, he always told me to take good care of you. But it's been a while since I've seen him here. As the first part of this week progressed, I feel like he hesitated to visit more and more. In fact, when he came here earlier, it was the second time he's visited you this week. I feel like he's finally given up to you..."
    Hearing these words only made me feel worse about Sehyuk, but I didn't love him. I couldn't. I just didn't feel that way and I didn't think anything would change it for the world.
    Still, I was pained to hear that Sehyuk took it upon himself to forgive me for all my selfishness. Did he wonder what it would have been like if I had agreed to marry him? If I threw away my feelings for Jun Myeon to be with Sehyuk? He probably thought that I wouldn't have been happy.
    Jun Myeon caressed my face and kissed my cheek. "I'm sorry to have told you all of this when you've just recovered, but I know you wanted to hear it."
    He was silent for a moment, but then started to talk again. It was as if he was thinking about what he should say. "I think you should get some rest, for now. The doctors say that you can be released by tomorrow morning. I've already paid your release form."
    I nodded my head and laid back on the bed. Seconds before, I hadn't even felt sleepy - but now that I laid on my pillow, the drowsiness was reaching me. So strange.
    "Good night, Jieun. I'll be back for you tomorrow, okay?" A sweet smile grew across Jun Myeon's face. His eyes glittered even under this dim hospital lighting. It looked as if there were constellations in them.
    Good night, Jun Myeon.
    I allowed my eyes to close as he kept smiling at me. With the image of his shining grin in mind, I fell asleep. My heart beat softly like a butterfly's wings. It was a beautiful feeling to be in love with Jun Myeon.
    Maybe when I was released tomorrow, I would have a chance to talk to Sehyuk.
    Yeah... I'll do that... Tomorrow...