--

48.9kg

Gigantic, still too huge.

Improved, though. Definitely improved. 
I can see my collarbones more prominently now, my ribs and my hipbones jutting out.
I await the day where my shoulder blades will do the same, poking out of my back like wings. I can't wait.

It's working, this is working.
I am completely in control.

"Key, it's time to go." 

I sigh, tearing my gaze away from the newly hung up mirror. "Coming."

My members are a lot more cautious around me now, I'm not sure why. I suspect it's because of the mirror incident. They don't want me breaking, destroying other things. Keep your things away from Kim Kibum, because he ruins everything he touches, and the best example would be himself.

--

Video cameras, lights, directors, coordinators. 
I'm not too fond of radio shows, especially not viewable ones, but they're better than photo shoots.
At least my huge figure is not captured in time and put on a magazine for the world to scrutinize and criticize.

"Key, are you sure those clothes were meant for you?" A coordinator comes walking over, frowning slightly. "The fit seems a little weird."

Oh. No. Not again. 
The fit is weird because you are too fat. You make everything look weird. It's too tight, the shirt is too tight on you. It's showing off your fat to the public. Everyone can see how enormous you are.
I feel like a beached whale, huge, huddled, hopeless.

"It seems to be yours... It's the correct size. It's rather loose, however. You must have lost weight."

Are you sure? I don't think so, because last I checked, I was just as big as ever. 
Stop making such jokes, I don't find them funny.

--
"Jonghyun-sshi, as your birthday has passed recently, is there anything you would like to say? Any belated wishes you would like to make?" 

"Ah...firstly I would like to thank everyone who has made my birthday so pleasant, thank you very much.  A wish I would like to make...I really wish that all my members will be healthy and happy, and eat well."

Jonghyun's words sting.

He can't be talking about you, he won't be talking about you. 
You don't need to eat well, you eat too much.

I know.
Maybe he wishes for me to be healthy and happy, though?

Don't even think about it.
Why would anyone wish for such an ugly person to be healthy, and happy? Is it really healthy to be that fat? And if you are so disgusting, why would you deserve happiness?

You're right.
You're  absolutely right.

What you need to do now is lose more weight, lose enough. Enough so that you are worthy of being loved, worthy of being looked at.
Worthy of being alive.

A/n: I'm not sure if I will be able to update daily for the next couple of weeks, I'll definitely try to, though.