Love Comes With A Price Called Heartache

Angst

What is love?

Love is many things. It can be the most spectacular and indescribable feeling one feels for another, yet at the same time, it is something that can destroy you. It’s an unexplainable feeling that makes you vulnerable. It’s something so complicated there is no one way to define it. To simply put it, love is love.

And deep in Amber’s heart, she knew she was in love, but would have never guessed...

Krystal stumbled out of the elevator and right into a pair of comforting arms.

Amber had caught her. She always did.

Amber held the younger girl close to her chest, making her feel as safe as she could possibly feel. The silent tears that trailed down Krystal’s cheeks soaked her shirt but she could care less. She was busy whispering words of comfort, trying to soothe the younger girl’s aching heart and sobs until only hiccups were left.

Krystal looked up and Amber’s dark brown orbs pierced right through her – through her heart. Amber’s eyes sparkled with unsaid questions but she didn’t speak. They didn’t need words to understand each other.

By now, Krystal’s tears were gone and only her grip on the older girl’s shirt remained. She was still close to her, her left ear right above where Amber’s heart was beating steadily. She snuggled closer, trying to forget about the events that had taken place not long ago. It was painful, to say the least.

Krystal took a deep breath and closed her eyes, liking the smell emitting from Amber. She always liked the smell of her. It was comforting, soothing, and peaceful.

“What happened?” Amber finally whispered softly, breaking the silence that surrounded them.

Krystal opened her eyes and looked up, taking slow breaths to control herself. “H-he said he loved me...” It came out in a weak and pained whisper. “He said he loved me... and I believed him...” The raw feeling emerging once again made the girl shut her eyes tightly, trying to forget the sight that had greeted her when she got to his apartment. It was awful, the strange way he looked at her, as if he didn’t even know who she was. Then the way he turned to look at the other girl next to him. It was the same way he used to look at her and only her.

Krystal took in a sharp gasp as the pain squeezed at her heart. It was unbearable and she quickly shut her eyes tighter, clinging onto Amber as if her life depended on it. What she would do to just forget everything. If only she could...

“Shh... it’s okay, I’m here,” Amber whispered and rubbed the younger girl’s back soothingly. However, there was undeniable anger masked in her voice and Krystal knew what she wanted to do. But she didn’t want to stop her. She didn’t care because she had loved him after all. The tears returned with full force and it burned her eyes when she refused to let them fall.

The next few weeks that passed were more than agonizing for the younger girl. But despite the pain, Amber was always there to comfort her. Whenever she needed a smile, she was there. Whenever she needed a joke or two, she was there to crack a few. And whenever she needed a comforting hug, she was always there with arms wide open. A few months later, she was able to forget about the man that had broken her heart. Because of Amber, Krystal was able to become herself again.

~~~

That just like that...

“Hey, what did you want me to get you?” Amber’s voice echoed in the quiet apartment.

Krystal was too busy looking through the files on her desk to even spare Amber a seconds glance. The tomboy rolled her eyes and reached across the desk to catch the girl’s wrist.

Krystal looked up and glared.

Amber chuckled. “Princess, I just want to know what you asked me to get for you.” She let her go and waited.

Krystal frowned. “I left a list on the refrigerator door. Go look there.” She then returned to rustling through the papers on her desk busily.

Amber watched the girl with an amused smile before slowly leaving the room and heading out.

~~~

She was always there...

“Let it go, Krys. It’s just soda,” Amber sighed and rolled her eyes.

Krystal glared and sunk lower in her seat, trying to cover the stain that Amber had caused on her shirt.

“What if he sees me?!” Krystal hissed at the older girl before her eyes darted towards the side nervously.

Amber furrowed her brows in confusion and turned to look where Krystal’s attention resided at. She immediately frowned when she saw the person by the counter. “Who?” She deadpanned, pretending not to know.

~~~

And it made her realize...

“Hey! Guess what!”

Amber looked up from her book to see Krystal landing on the sofa next to her excitedly, her voice filled with pure happiness and her eyes wide with joy. She placed her book down next to her and decided to humor the girl. Without saying anything, she raised an eyebrow to question her. Krystal laughed and nudged her. “Guess!” she urged, laughing some more. Amber liked the sound of her laugh.

“Mmm,” An amused smirk tugged at Amber’s lips as she leaned back on the sofa. “You’re secretly a man?”

“Wha...” Krystal smacked Amber’s arm and smiled. “No, I’m not secretly a man! Guess again, for real this time!”

Amber observed the excited girl with an amused smile.

Not able to wait any longer, Krystal squealed and threw her arms around the older girl. “I won us two free tickets to Hawaii for three weeks! THREE WHOLE WEEKS! Can you believe that?!” Krystal then laughed and hugged Amber tighter.

Amber was initially shocked by the hug but eventually got over it and laughed along with Krystal as she hugged her back just as tightly.

“I love you,” Krystal pulled back with a wide grin. “I can’t believe my luck!” She then hopped off the couch. “Anyway, I have to get back to work now. I just wanted to let you know. I’ll see you later tonight, okay?”

Amber nodded silently, cursing her heart that had sped up due to Krystal’s words. She watched Krystal leave the apartment while softly humming to herself and smiled.

~~~

That she would do anything...

“Is it true?”

Krystal looked up to see a furious scowl donning Amber’s face. Everything was happening so abruptly that she didn’t know what to do but to feign ignorance. “What?”

Amber kept her eyes glued to Krystal intensely as she sat down. “About you and Jonghyun. Dating.” The fact that Krystal pretended not to know what she was asking about made her angrier. “When were you planning on telling me this?” she asked bluntly.

Krystal casted her eyes down at the table and blushed.

“Honestly... today,” she answered. “I kept it to myself because I was worried you wouldn’t approve of him. I mean, every time I bring him up, you go on one of your rants about how you dislike him and all that...” Krystal trailed off and nervously looked up at Amber with pleading eyes. “Please, Amber. Can’t you just try to like him?”

Amber said nothing.

“For me?”

There was a long silence as Amber stared at the younger girl sitting across from her. She then finally sighed. “Do you really like him that much?”

Krystal turned to look at the person they were talking about.

Amber took in the way Krystal would smile at him and the way he would smile back at her, genuine happiness in both their eyes. She ignored the excruciating stab at her heart and looked back at Krystal who was now looking at her with pleading eyes again.

Amber could hear her heart shattering inside her as she masked her pain with a weak smile. “Okay. For you,” she forced out with a heavy tone of defeat.

Hearing that, Krystal immediately leaned over the table and threw her arms around the older girl. She smiled happily before giving Amber a kiss on the cheek. Amber felt her face go warm but quickly covered it up with another scowl.

“Thank you, Amber. You don’t know how much this means to me,” Krystal whispered as she pulled away and moved to get up. “I’m going to go tell him the good news,” she smiled with genuine bliss in her eyes before making her way over to the guy.

Amber clenched her jaws and watched the younger girl go silently. For you...

~~~

Just to see her smile and be happy...

Krystal squeezed her hands together tightly as Amber walked in.

“Amber, I don’t think I can do this...” she said nervously.

Amber offered her a comforting smile and gently patted her back.

Krystal groaned and buried her face into her hands. It has been three years since she first started dating him. “What if he changes his mind? What if he—”

“Hey, shhh... it’s okay. He won’t ever change his mind,” Amber reassured the girl although her smile did not reach her eyes.

Krystal looked up and pouted. “How do you know that?” she asked.

Amber placed her hand around the younger girl and pulled her close. She looked out the window and felt the familiar numbness of pain spreading over her entire body. By now, it had become a daily routine for her whenever she thought of Krystal.

“Because...” Amber pulled back and tilted Krystal’s head by the chin so she could look at her. She then smiled sadly as she traced the younger girl’s jaw line and her lips. Her lower lip quivered.

“Because?” Krystal asked softly, her eyes bright with unshed tears.

Amber bit back her own tears as she ignored the small voice inside her head. You’re killing yourself, Amber.

Taking a soft shaky breath, Amber gently wiped the tears that had slowly dripped down Krystal’s cheeks. “Because he once told me that he loves your smile and hates seeing you sad or hurt. He loves you and always will. He will never back out of this marriage. He’s downstairs waiting for you right now and I know for a fact that he’d wait forever, just for you. So smile, okay?” Amber grinned her rare grin, knowing that her words comforted the younger girl.

Krystal stared at Amber before smiling softly with renewed confidence. “Thank you, Amber. Whoever ends up with you is one lucky person.”

Amber knew Krystal meant every word and it killed her on the inside. She smiled back as best she could as Krystal stood up.

Krystal made her way to the door and turned around to look at the older girl. Her beauty took Amber’s breath away.

“Walk me down?” she asked, grinning back brightly. She knew Amber wouldn’t say no and Amber would never say no. Not to her.

Ignoring her own pain, Amber nodded and walked up next to the girl. She held out her arm to which Krystal took.

For Amber, love is when the other person’s happiness is more important. That’s why she always strives for Krystal’s happiness, even if it wasn’t with her... because she loves her. It’s as simple as that.

But this type of love is not easy to do, especially watching the one you love, love someone else. Another thing about this type of love is, it also comes with a price...

A price called heartache.