a/n: *peeks* okay, so I know it's been like a little over a year now since the first part but I just finished up the second part of this since a lot of you have asked for it. hopefully everything flows because I did write part of part 2 a year ago so my thoughts now and then are very different. 

 

 

 

Slightly Angst

 

 

Part 2

 

“Hey.”

 

Amber looked up from her book. “Yeah?”

 

“You okay?”

 

“Err... why wouldn’t I be?”

 

“Cause you’ve been staring at that page for the past hour.”

 

Amber shifted her eyes back to the book in her hand and said nothing.

 

“Tell me.” Krystal placed her phone down and scooted off the couch to sit on the floor next to the older girl.

 

“There’s nothing to tell,” replied Amber.

 

“Don’t lie to me. I know there’s something wrong.” Krystal knew her friend well.

 

Amber hesitated then shook her head. “I’m not lying. There’s nothing wrong. I guess I’m just tired, that’s all.”

 

Krystal waited for more explanation but Amber just went back to reading her book quietly. Knowing the tomboy never likes to talk about her problems, Krystal sighed and went back to lying on the couch with her phone. This wasn’t the first time she has caught Amber staring off into space sadly. For the past month, ever since she officially started seeing her coworker, Amber has been acting different. Although they still hung out and she was always with her, there was something missing. Sometimes, she thought she saw longing and sadness in Amber’s eyes but it never lasts longer than a second so she wasn’t sure if she saw correctly.

 

Krystal closed her eyes and massaged her forehead. Why is Amber so easy yet so hard to understand? It was a question she has asked herself many times now but still did not have an answer to. Eventually, she fell asleep thinking about it.

 

Amber heard the light snoring and turned her head to look. A sad sigh escaped her lips.

 

“How can I possibly tell you...” She closed the book in her hand.

 

If you knew, I’m not sure we would still be friends...

 

Her thoughts went back to earlier that day. She had been dragged out by her friends to have dinner together. They kept insisting so she finally relented, thinking a quick dinner wouldn’t be that bad. At least the people around her would keep her mind occupied. Everything was going exceptionally well until she accidentally saw Krystal and the guy she was dating entering the restaurant. The amount of smiles the girl was showering the guy with burned Amber’s heart so deeply, the tomboy had to quickly excuse herself to get a breath of fresh air.

 

It seemed like only days ago when Krystal finally decided it was time to start over and forget the painful past her ex-boyfriend had left her with. Her determination proved successful as she slowly got better and better. Eventually, it was as if the old Krystal never left.

 

How nice it would be if it were me you were smiling like that to... if it were me you were in love with...

 

Amber reached up and slowly brushed a strand of hair away from Krystal’s face as she watched her sleeping face.

 

But who am I kidding?

 

Although I’m right here next to you, I can never say those three words to you...

 

If only you knew how seeing you with someone else makes me feel... I hate it...

 

Amber retracted her trembling fingers and held them close to her chest. For some reason, it was hurting a lot more this time around compared to the previous times. It to have to say “hello” to each other every day – to talk, to smile, to laugh and to have fun with each other when deep down inside, it hurts to just be with the younger girl.

 

Amber leaned towards Krystal’s face and silently traced those delicate features with her eyes.

 

What should I do, Krys? Lately, I’m in such a dilemma. I want to distance myself from you, but yet, I don’t want to lose you. But I also want you so much it hurts...

 

The soft buzzing of her phone pulled Amber from her thoughts. She heaved a heavy sigh and pushed herself off the ground after taking one last glance at Krystal.

 

She checked her phone to see a message from Henry. After typing a quick reply, she reached for the blanket draped on the armrest of the couch.

 

“Maybe one day I’ll be able to get over you...” She muttered and gently covered Krystal with the blanket. She didn’t even realize she had been crying until she felt tears dripping off her chin.

 

Amber chuckled sadly to herself and quickly wiped her face with the sleeve of her shirt. She then turned and grabbed the rest of her stuff lying on the floor. After making sure she had her stuff, she quietly left the apartment.

 

As soon as the front door closed with a soft click, Krystal’s eyes fluttered open and she sat up. The blanket that was carefully draped over her fell to her lap.

 

In the stillness of the apartment, she lightly brushed the tip of her fingers across the wet spot on her forehead as Amber’s words echoed inside her head.

 

Maybe one day I’ll be able to get over you.

 

“What did you mean by that, Amber?”

 

 

~~~

 

 

It has been two months since that day Amber said those mysterious words and ever since, Krystal had been trying to figure out the meaning behind it. Unfortunately, she hasn’t been able to come close to an answer.

 

“So when’s your flight tomorrow morning?” Krystal put down her fork after finishing her breakfast.

 

“Around ten.”

 

It was Sunday and Krystal decided to laze around with Amber in the older girl’s apartment. She originally wanted to go shopping with her boyfriend but decided to spend some time with Amber instead. Since Amber has been traveling for work more frequently in the past month, they haven’t been able to see each other in person as often.

 

“Aren’t you bored? The only day when you’re back in town and we’re spending it cooped up inside your apartment.”

 

Amber chuckled as she moved the empty plates to the sink. “I would go outside but my body’s exhausted from all the traveling. Besides, I have you here to keep me company.”

 

“What if I wasn’t here? What would you be doing?”

 

“I don’t know. Sleeping, I guess.”

 

“You? Sleeping?” Krystal laughed. “You’re sounding more like me.”

 

“Well, considering how long we’ve known each other, I’m not surprised that your laziness is rubbing off on me.”

 

“Wha— Hey!” Krystal threw a fake punch at Amber who only smiled.

 

After cleaning up the table and washing the dishes, the two made their way into the living room to relax.

 

Krystal the TV and randomly flipped through the channels. There wasn’t anything particularly good showing so she stopped on a rerun of a popular romantic comedy drama.

 

About midway into the episode currently airing, Krystal suddenly became curious about something after seeing the male lead realize his feelings for the female lead.

 

“Hey, Amber?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Do you have someone you like?”

 

Amber raised her eyebrows curiously and looked up from her phone. “Well, that’s a random question out of nowhere.”

 

“Do you? Have you gone on any dates?”

 

Amber shook her head. “You know I haven’t dated anyone for years now.”

 

“Why is that anyway?” asked Krystal. Despite being close with each other, Amber never really talks much about her love life with Krystal. “Aren’t you lonely?”

 

“Lonely...” Amber repeats the word to herself. It was a feeling she was all too familiar with. “I am, as a matter of fact.”

 

“Then why don’t you try finding someone? I mean, we’re not getting any younger.”

 

“That’s true... The wrinkles on your face are getting worse by the day.”

 

“Hey!” Krystal throws the pillow on her lap at Amber. “You should worry about yourself. You’re two years older than me.”

 

Amber only laughs.

 

“But seriously, why don’t you try to find someone?” Krystal asks again.

 

“You make it sound so easy... finding someone...” Amber sighs quietly to herself and looks down at the pillow Krystal threw earlier. It seems her attempt at redirecting the topic was unsuccessful. “I guess... I’m waiting,” she answers honestly after a while.

 

“Waiting? ...For?”

 

You.

 

Krystal tilts her head to try to get a better view of Amber’s face when no response came. “Who are you waiting for, Amber?”

 

It was such an innocent question that Amber wished she could say what was truly in her heart. But she couldn’t.

 

So instead, with a sad smile, Amber looks up and meets Krystal’s eyes. “I guess I’m waiting for the right person,” she says and pauses briefly before continuing, “someone who is worth taking a chance with.”

 

“Oh...” Krystal nods. She thought she saw something in Amber’s eyes but it flickered away so fast she couldn’t pinpoint what it was. “When do you think you’ll find that person?”

 

Amber sighs and looks down. “Who knows... maybe one day...” she says, her voice sounding hollow and defeated, “maybe one day.”

 

 

~~~

 

 

The soft breeze felt nice against Amber’s skin. Most of the people around her were laughing and when they look in her direction, she smiles. They were joking about something but she wasn’t really paying attention. Her thoughts were stuck on the conversation that had happened a little earlier.

 

A few minutes pass by and Amber was still smiling. By now, her cheeks were starting to burn from all the smiling and the corners of threatened to fall down to reveal what she was really feeling inside. But then she sees all the happy faces around her and she couldn’t. She couldn’t let her true feelings show. Not when this is what everyone around her wanted. Not when this is what the person she loves wanted.

 

So she held on, no matter how painful.

 

“Hey... you okay?”

 

Amber blinks and turns her head to the right to see Krystal looking at her with a slightly concerned expression. Their eyes meet.

 

“Of course. I’m great,” Amber says, determined not to look away first, “just listening to the story.” No matter what, she was going to fool Krystal until the end.

 

The dark brown eyes continued to watch her so Amber contorted her lips into a dorky, toothy smile in hopes of convincing the girl even though her cheeks weren’t so cooperative.

 

Eventually, Krystal averted her gaze and Amber’s smile immediately fell lifeless, allowing the sadness behind her mask to momentarily show itself.

 

Wedding dresses. Engagement. Marriage. Those cruel words spoken earlier still rung loudly inside Amber’s ears, mercilessly mocking at her broken heart. She was never one to believe in miracles nor did she ever try to forcefully take something that did not belong to her. So why could the world not show her some mercy?

 

All she wanted was more time. More time to prepare her heart to let go completely. She had already willed herself to the idea so why now? Why now would the world so cruelly rip what remained of her heart out when she was willing to let it go. All she needed was time. Was that so much to ask for?

 

“Oh my gosh!” A gasp drew Amber from her thoughts. She looked up in time to see two of her friends huddled around Krystal, showing her something on their phones.

 

“This one! It’s gorgeous! I bet you would look so beautiful in it!” One of them say and Amber felt another jab at her chest. It wasn’t hard to guess what they were talking about.

 

“When do you think he’ll pop the question?” Another asks. “This is so exciting.”

 

Another jab.

 

“Well... it’s all just general talk right now...” Krystal hesitantly replies, somewhat bashful with all the probing into her love life.

                                                  

“I’ll give him three weeks. What do you think, Amber?”

 

What do I think? Amber swallows as all eyes turn to her. Does it even matter? It was amazing how she could act so natural under this situation even though it felt like someone just lit her heart on fire.

 

“That’s... great.” Amber eventually manages to say as calmly as she could, not really answering the question. “I’m glad he’s not afraid of commitment.”

 

Henry, who was also there, quietly watches Amber with sad eyes. It was a happy day for everyone else but he knew how much pain Amber was in and wished nothing more than to take away part of that pain if he could.

 

“You really hit the jackpot with him, Soojung-ah. Such a pretty couple,” their friends gush and that was the last straw for Amber. She couldn’t just sit there pretending to play out the happy friend role anymore. If she didn’t leave now, she was going to break down in front of everyone soon. So with whatever strength she had left, Amber stood up.

 

“Didn’t you guys say you were thirsty? I’ll go buy us something to drink,” Amber says as casually as she could and slides open the hotel balcony door. “I’ll be back in a little bit.”

 

With that, Amber steps back inside the hotel room and slides the balcony door close. She then hastily picks up the hotel keycard on the living room table and heads straight for the door, not even bothering to close it properly behind her as she left.

 

“I’ll go with her.” Henry quickly excuses himself and dashes after the girl. He steps out of the hotel room and immediately sees Amber stumbling slowly down the hallway towards the stairwell. After closing the hotel door behind him, he runs to catch up.

 

Marriage?! She’s going to get married? Amber swallows at that thought. Her legs shook and she had to hold a hand out against the wall for support. Honestly, it was amazing how she has managed to neatly hide her emotions up until now. She should be given an award for her impeccable acting.

 

Amber reached the stairwell door and caught a glimpse of her reflection in the glass as she pushed the door open. She was hurting and her expression clearly showed it. She closed her eyes and took deep breaths, trying to get her emotions under control. But the more she breathed, the more her heart hurt. The surge of pain was increasing rapidly and she clenched her shirt tightly where her heart was. Why was it hurting so much?

 

Soft wet drops on her arm made Amber open her eyes. She slowly looked down to see tears. Her tears. They were rolling off her face one after the other without stopping.

 

“Amber...”

 

At first, Amber tried to hide her grief and attempted to act like nothing was wrong, but Henry’s gentle call broke any defenses she had left in her. It was as if a dam inside her broke, sending all her emotions, all her tears and all her pain over these past years pouring out. She felt broken. Her hear felt broken. Everything within her felt broken. It simply hurt too much.

 

Amber’s knees weakened and she collapsed to the ground in a heap as salty tears washed over her open wound that never seems to heal. Her eyes were red and she was unable to speak, unable to breathe, nothing. The world around her suddenly turned to a blur of colors that melted to gray. This was more than just crying for Amber, it was the kind of desolate sobbing that comes from someone completely drained of all hope.

 

Henry quickly kneels down to envelop the girl in a tight embrace, briefly catching a glimpse of Amber’s face that was a picture of grief, loss, and devastation. His heart broke even more as Amber clung onto his sweater desperately.

 

“I’m here,” he mutters, trying to soothe the girl as best he could, “I’m here.”

 

“It... hurts,” Amber sobs into his shoulder. “It... hurts, Henry. So... so much...”

 

The painful cries tore Henry’s heart to pieces and he could feel his own tears welling up. Amber’s body shook like a leaf against his chest and with every tear that stained his sweater, it felt like a thousand paper cuts. All this sadness that Amber had kept hidden inside her, watching her love be taken away bit by bit, seemed unending.

 

“Why...Why d-does it... hurt so much?” Amber’s sobs echoed loudly through the empty stairwell. “I-I... love her... more than I-I love m-myself...” The rawness of the sobbing could only come from someone who has been consumed by a pain that knows no end or limit. “Wha—... What do I... do?”

 

Henry quietly tightened his hold, hoping it could somehow comfort Amber, even if only by a little. The weight in his chest and locks in his throat prevented him from speaking. His own cheeks were stained with endless stream of tears as he gently rocked them to and fro.

 

After what seemed like forever, Amber’s crying slowly subsided. She pulls back a little to look at Henry and it broke his heart even more to see her beautiful brown eyes swollen and sore.

 

“I’m sorry,” Amber says and looks down.

 

Henry shook his head and softly pats Amber’s head. “Don’t be. You have nothing to be sorry for. Love is a wonderful thing and is something you should never have to apologize for.”

 

“I can’t feel anything... everything’s numb... how can that make love wonderful?”

 

“Love isn’t easy and that includes one sided love as well.” Henry sighs a little. “I know that deep down you secretly wish for the love you have for Krystal to be returned despite the closed door in front of you, and every time that it’s not, it hurts. I get it. I know that the pain and grief that you feel seems to get worse as time passes but you should never blame yourself for indulging in this.”

 

Amber lays her head back down against Henry.

 

“You can’t control who your heart falls for, Amber. Love just happens. It’s not always perfect and it definitely isn’t a fairytale or storybook, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing or that there’s something wrong with you. Sometimes it’s as simple as bad timing.” Henry gently rubs Amber’s back. “Feelings can be weird and sometimes you can’t quite explain where they come from or even control them. But letting yourself love is one of the greatest things you can do in life. Not everyone can say that they have loved someone unconditionally like you have. Unconditional loving is a beautiful thing that’s hard to master but that’s what real love is – where nothing is expected in return, you just love. You should be proud of that.”

 

Amber sighs and lets of go of Henry. “Were you always this wise?” she asks with a small smile.

 

Henry ruffles the girl’s hair and they both scoot up to sit against the wall. “Look, I know this isn’t something you want to hear but... what you’re feeling right now, all this pain and hurt, it will pass. And in those times where you’re struggling, I’ll be here for you. Just like how you were there for Krystal. Sure things might be moving faster than you expected and you haven’t really had time to prepare your heart, but know that this experience only makes you stronger – makes your heart stronger. And when you move on, take this experience with you. Learn from it, remember it, and love the next person who takes your heart that much more.”

 

“But what if what scares me the most is that I will never stop loving her?”

 

“It’s never easy to let go of someone you love, Amber. I know you’ve tried several times in the past and I myself have had my fair share. But remember, you’re not loving to forget. She taught you how to love unconditionally, whether she’s aware of it or not. She made you stronger, more resilient, and more patient. Love comes in many different forms. Letting go doesn’t mean you stop loving her. You have been best friends with her since high school and that special bond between you two is a type of love too. The path that you decide to take determines what type of love you need to let go of.”

 

Henry pauses for a second before continuing.

 

“Life is all about change and no matter the reason for the changes, we as people need to be able to let go and move on. And yeah, it’s scary, but you don’t have to do it alone. There are people around you who care for you – your friends, your parents, and me. We’re here for you. You know that. This doesn’t have to be a solo battle. This experience will always be a part of you and it should be. The most important thing to remember is that there’s still a beautiful journey ahead of you and you have to move forward in order to embrace it.”

 

Amber quietly digests everything that Henry was saying. “You’re right...” she says after a while.

 

“Of course I am,” Henry replies and Amber smiles wholeheartedly for the first time in a long time.

 

“Thanks, Henry. For everything.”

 

“Anytime.” Henry smiles back. “Although I am partially to blame too. I should’ve said these things to you sooner. I guess a part of me also hoped for a better outcome.”

 

“You were just being a good friend.” Amber stretches out her legs and sighs. “Do you think I’m a coward for being afraid to confess my feelings?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Hey!” Amber nudges Henry in the side.

 

“Of course not,” Henry laughs and swings an arm over Amber’s shoulders. “Everyone has their own reasons for not confessing and that doesn’t necessarily make them a coward or weak. For you, I think you just value your friendship with Krystal more than anything and you’re afraid of losing that friendship if things don’t turn out well. You guys grew up together, sharing many hugs, smiles, laughs, advices, sadness and kindness with each other. You love and value your friendship with her just as much as you love her unconditionally. You would rather lose one than to lose both because you’re afraid the chances of losing both are higher. That doesn’t make you a coward. That makes you a good friend because you know that Krystal values the friendship you have just as much as you do.”

 

“Wow...” Amber sniffs and turns to Henry. “Have you ever thought about becoming a shrink or something?”

 

Henry laughs. “No. I’m really just saying the things you’re too afraid to admit to yourself. Besides, I’ve known you since you were young and watched you grow up and fall in love. I know you better than anyone.”

 

“True.” Amber nods in agreement. “So... What now?”

 

“Well... now you have to decide how you want to move forward. What do you need to do to help you move forward. One step at a time.”

 

Silence filled the staircase as Amber pondered Henry’s statement. He was right, about everything. And now she needs to bravely step forward and do something. There were several options to consider but Amber was trained on two. One, tell Krystal how she really feels, brave the response and consequence of the confession, move on and find her own happiness. Or two, let go of her romantic feelings for Krystal, remaining only as her best friend, and move on to find her own happiness. Choosing either one will mean sacrifices of some sort. But which one did she really want to go with?

 

As if reading Amber’s mind, Henry hops up and holds out a hand towards the girl. “There’s no rush. One step at a time, remember? While you figure that out, why don’t we go grab those drinks you said you were gonna buy earlier? We don’t want them thinking we got kidnapped on our way there or something.”

 

Amber smiles and reaches for Henry’s hand. “That would be awful.”

 

“Yeah it would. I haven’t even gotten to watch anything on that giant HDTV in the hotel room yet. Too bad we’re only here for a day. I want to try out that nice Jacuzzi in the bathroom too.”

 

Amber laughs, grateful to have such a good friend like Henry. “You would.”

 

“Do you think Krystal’s boyfriend will extend our stay in that room if we asked? It’s the weekend after all. Although the room must cost a lot.”

 

“Maybe? He’s a good guy.”

 

“You don’t really mean that.”

 

“I know.”

 

There was a split second where both of them looked at each other before bursting out in laughter.

 

“Alright, come on. Let’s go.” Henry chuckles and pulls Amber with him down the stairs.

 

 

~~~

 

 

It’s been two weeks since the weekend getaway trip and Amber has finally made up her mind. It still amazed her how much lighter she felt after the big breakdown she had and her talk with Henry afterwards. He really helped open her eyes to a lot of things and she couldn’t be more grateful.

 

Krystal and her boyfriend were still dating happily and although there haven’t been any new updates on the possible proposal yet, there was a part inside Amber that felt happy for them. Yes it might be microscopic at this point but it was there and that was all that mattered. It also didn’t mean she was over Krystal because if anything she still loves the girl just as much as she did two weeks ago. But after much thought, Amber has come to a decision and tonight, she will be taking her first step forward. So she finds herself standing before Krystal’s apartment door on a Tuesday night.

 

This is it, Amber tells herself as she knocks on the door.

 

“Hey, you’re early,” Krystal says after opening the door. She hasn’t seen the older girl since their weekend getaway trip but the first thing she notices was that there was something different about Amber.

 

“I am,” Amber replies. “May I?” she gestures inside.

 

Krystal smiles and steps aside to let Amber in, “So what was so important that you couldn’t wait until the weekend and had to come meet me tonight?”

 

Amber didn’t reply and instead envelops the younger girl in a tight hug once the door was closed. Krystal was surprised by the sudden hug but didn’t pull away. After a while, Amber slowly starts to rock them from side to side. She had always wanted to hold Krystal in her arms like this.

 

“You have always been right next to me yet felt so far away,” Amber mutters quietly to herself as she breaths in the scent of the younger girl, “but things are going to change now.”

 

Krystal felt Amber’s hold around her waist tighten and she automatically tightens her hold as well. This didn’t seem like it was just any normal hug. It’s as if there was a reluctance to let go. As if they would be parting for a long time.

 

“You okay?” Krystal softly asks after a while, now gently rubbing Amber’s back.

 

“Yeah. I’ve never been better.” Amber eventually pulls back and smiles at the girl.

 

Krystal tilts her head and observes the older girl. There was something different and it was hard not to sense it. The brown eyes staring back at her that for the longest time seemed lifeless now had a small glow to them. It was nice to see but at the same time, Krystal wasn’t sure if whatever had happened or changed was good or bad. And because of that, for some reason, Krystal unconsciously tightened her grip on Amber’s sleeves.

 

Amber chuckles and gently pulls Krystal’s hand off her arms. “I’m fine. Really,” she says then takes a step back to put some distance between them. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

 

“What is it?” Krystal asks albeit hesitantly.

 

Amber smiles at the younger girl and leads them over to the living room. And as they sit down, Amber thinks back to all those years she spent with Krystal.

 

Henry was right. We as people are born to love and sometimes, that love can bring happiness and hope while other times, it can cause pain and loneliness. But no matter the roughness or hardship that comes at you, being able to walk that path is a wonderful thing. The tears that stain our faces every now and then could just be another way of cleansing our eyes so that we can again see life with a new view.

 

For Amber, tonight marks a new chapter in her life. There no longer is a maybe one day for her because today marks the day she takes the first step into her future and face it head on.

 

Today is the day.

 

 

 

 

 

fin.

 

 

-----

This the end. Hope you guys enjoyed reading it. It's not exactly the happy, rainbow ending some of you asked for but I did leave it a bit open ended so you can always use your imagination (but of course in my head, I know how it ends ends)

 

I might write a fluffy kryber oneshot as the next update here to make it up to those of you who wanted a happy ending. Also cause, who doesn't love fluffy kryber?