Maybe One Day

Slightly Angst

Part 1

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Nothing much. We’re going downtown for game night as usual, you coming?”

“Ah, I can’t tonight.”

“Oh? Something up?”

“Anniversary date.”

“Ah, that’s right. Almost forgot.”

“Yeah. She’s feeling a bit nostalgic so I’m taking her out.”

“...Mm. How is she, by the way?”

“She’s alright. Doing way better than before, that’s for sure. She’s only worse on certain days of the year that’s more significant and special. You know, the usual.”

“I see...”

“...Hey, are you blaming yourself again? Didn’t I tell you that it wasn’t your fault?”

“...I know...but I can’t help it though. No matter how you look at it, it kind of is my fault...”

“No, it’s not. You couldn’t have predicted the future. You were just as shocked as we were when we found out.”

“But—”

“No buts. The only one who should be at fault here is that two-timing jerk face of a coward.”

“Sigh...I know...it’s just...I was the one who introduced him to my coworker. If I hadn’t brought my coworkers with me that night then none of this would’ve happened.”

“That’s not true. He would’ve just hooked up with some other random girl at some point. It was just a matter of time.”

“...I guess...”

“Look, if you’re going to keep blaming yourself then I’m going to start blaming myself as well.”

“What? Why? You didn’t have anything to do with this.”

“But I could’ve prevented it from happening.”

“...How?”

“Well, if I didn’t go on that three week business trip, I could’ve either stopped the douchebag from even thinking about cheating or I could’ve warned her in advance and spared her half the pain.”

“But you couldn’t have known though.”

“And neither could you. So will you please stop making me sound like a broken record and quit blaming yourself? It’s not your fault. How many more times do I have to say it before you get it? It’s not your fault. Not. Your. Fault.”

“Alright alright. I get it. It’s not my fault.”

“Yes, finally! Thank you! If I ever hear you blame yourself for this again, I’m going to personally go over there and kick your all the way to the moon. Don’t think I won’t because I will, got it?”

“Sir, yes Sir!”

“I’m being serious here.”

“Okay okay, I get it. I won’t so relax, will you? ...oh, by the way, when are you picking her up?”

“Oh ! I’m late! Hey, I gotta go! I’ll call you later! Bye!”

~~~

“Hey! Sorry I’m late!” A rushing of footsteps on concrete made the girl sitting on the steps look up.

Krystal smiled and stood up, dusting her pants a bit. “Don’t worry, I didn’t wait that long.”

Amber stopped in front of the girl and frowned. “Did you wait out here all this time?”

“Yes, why?”

“Didn’t I tell you to wait inside?”

“You did, but I figured I save you the hassle and time of going up to my apartment and just wait for you here.”

Amber sighed. “How many times do I have to tell you that it’s not a hassle nor does it take that long? And with winter just around the corner, are you that keen on getting sick?”

“Alright, alright, I won’t do it again, okay? Come on, let’s go.” Krystal chuckled and quickly ushered Amber towards her car.

“I’m being serious here, Krys. It’s not safe for a girl to be out on the streets by herself when it’s dark out, especially in such an unsafe neighborhood. There could be bad people around who are just waiting for the right opportunity to get you,” explained Amber as she opened the passenger door for Krystal.

“I already said I won’t do it again so chill. Now come on, I’m hungry.” Krystal reached out and pulled the door close on her own.

Amber sighed and shook her head. “Stubborn girl...”

~~~

After enjoying a quiet dinner for two at a small restaurant near the Han River, Amber suggested they take a quick stroll along the river when she noticed Krystal falling back into her somber mood again.

“Cold?” Amber asked when a gust of wind caused Krystal to shiver slightly.

“I’m okay.” Krystal didn’t take her eyes off the dark waters.

Amber sighed silently to herself and shrugged her coat off. “Here.”

Feeling extra weight on her shoulders, Krystal finally tore her eyes away from the river to see Amber smiling at her and adjusting the coat until it was snuggly around her.

“Don’t want you catching a cold,” said Amber as she shoved her hands into her pants pocket to keep them warm.

“What about you? If you give me your coat, then you’ll be the one catching a cold.”

Amber turned back to face the path ahead. “I’ll be fine. I was actually sweating a bit wearing that.” It was a lie but since Krystal was wearing a thin jacket tonight, she would rather deal with the cold than have Krystal get sick.

“Ew, that’s gross.” Krystal scrunched up her nose in playful disgust, silently masking her gratefulness towards Amber for being caring. Somehow, it helped warm her heart up a bit just when the cold wind had started to numb it along with the rest of her body.

The two strolled around for a little more before taking a seat on one of the nearby benches.

“Thanks,” Krystal said as she stared at the view across the river.

“For?” Amber watched the white puffs of air disappear in front of .

Krystal looked down at the lone ring on her finger and twirled it. “Everything.”

Amber noticed the silver band and looked away, choosing to keep silent.

“I know you usually have something on Friday nights so I really appreciate you being here,” continued Krystal. “And not just for tonight because it’s...you know...but also all those months you kept me from falling into serious depression...”

A pause.

“You probably already know this, but after he and I broke up, I really didn’t know if I could keep on living because everything, every fiber in my body simply hurt too much. Even though I shouldn’t even care about a jerk like him, I just couldn’t stop my heart from hurting... I guess that’s the price for loving someone too much, huh?” Krystal let out a bitter chuckle. “It to be the one who loved more...”

“That’s not true.” Amber turned to look at Krystal only to glance away again when she saw those teary eyes.

“It’s true,” Krystal stated a matter-of-factly. “I loved him more than he loved me. That’s why I’m stuck in this cold and painful place, constantly reminiscing about our past.” Love brings you nothing but pain and Krystal was finally starting to believe that.

Amber took a deep breath and turned towards Krystal, pushing away the sting in her own heart. “He loved you just as much as you loved him, if not more.”

“Yeah, right. That jerk only loves himself,” Krystal scoffed as more tears rolled down her cheeks.

“That’s not true. He really did love you, a lot. You guys were together for 3 years. That’s got to say something, right? Unfortunately, his stupid brain caused him to make a lapse in judgment.”

Krystal wiped her cheeks and turned to look at Amber. “Why are you so quick to defend him? I thought you didn’t like him.”

“I’m not defending him and I don’t like him. I just don’t want you to think that you weren’t good enough for him because if anything, you’re too good for him. You deserve someone way better than that idiot - someone who will take care of you. You didn’t do anything wrong in this relationship.”

Krystal didn’t say anything but instead turned her focus back to the dark waters. Even though she knows she shouldn’t blame herself, it was hard not to. After all, they were together for 3 years and for things to start changing, for his heart to turn away from her, it must’ve been her doing, no?  

Amber sighed and clenched her jaws, wishing she could just take away all of Krystal’s pain. It hurt her beyond words to see Krystal so sad and all she could do was offer a shoulder to lean on and comforting words. Her heart ached to see the younger girl smile again, to truly smile.

But at the same time, there was another part of her deep down that was hurting for a different reason. A reason that would most likely remain buried away forever.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Amber was starting to get sick of repeating herself so many times in the past few months. “Just because he cheated on you doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you as an individual. All it means is that you two weren’t meant for each other. He gave up on someone great and that’s his loss. I wish you would stop beating yourself up over it. You’re a great person, Krystal, and if that jerk can’t see that, then forget him because he doesn’t deserve to have you.”

Krystal couldn’t help but smile a little at Amber’s comforting words. It was nice to have Amber always there to cheer her up and make her feel better after her breakup. Sometimes when it got too hard to distract herself from all the emotions that were ripping her from the inside out, Amber always manages to show up in time and make everything more bearable.

“You’re right.” Krystal suddenly stood up with newfound determination. It was time she stopped wallowing in pain. Why is she sad over a guy who, like Amber said, doesn’t deserve her? If anything, he should be the one who’s sad about losing her, not the other way around. This wasn’t the end of the world but it will definitely be the end of her world if she doesn’t move on. Not to mention Amber’s constant support and care would all go to waste. No. She didn’t want that. It was time to move on, to let go of the past.

“Err... Krys?” Amber hesitantly stood up and followed after Krystal as she walked towards the edge of the path, closer towards the water.

“You’re right,” Krystal repeated and took a deep breath before pulling the silver ring off her finger. “I didn’t do anything wrong. He was the one who cheated, not me. He doesn’t deserve my love and I’m not wasting anymore of my time on him.”

Amber watched as Krystal weighed the ring on her palm.

“If we had stayed together, today would’ve been our 4th Anniversary. We would’ve been celebrating another fruitful year together.” Krystal closed her fingers over the ring slowly until her hand formed a fist. “But since it’s not, it’s time to close this chapter of my life and start a fresh one. I don’t want to cry over this anymore. It’s draining me and I’m tired.”

There was a brief pause before Krystal suddenly screamed out loud towards the river. “DO YOU HEAR ME, YOU JERK!?! I’M TIRED!” She then pulled her arm back and flung it forward as hard as she could, sending the ring in her hand flying into the air and dropping into the dark water with a soft plop.

Amber kept her eyes on the river for a while before turning to Krystal who was still breathing hard from her little outburst.

“Better?” asked the older girl.

“Much.” Krystal slowly relaxed and turned to face Amber. “Thank you. For everything. I don’t know what I would do without such a good friend like you, Amber.”

The words stung but Amber hid the pain with a smile. “Well, then as a friend, I probably should’ve told you to keep the ring.”

“What? Why? Weren’t you the one who told me to forget him?”

“I was and I’m glad you’re finally parting with the ring but there are better ways of disposing it aside from throwing it into the river.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you should’ve sold it to a pawn shop instead.”

There was a moment of silence as Krystal stared at Amber.

“What?” Amber finally asked when she could no longer keep a straight face and burst out laughing.

Seeing Amber chuckling away, Krystal finally broke out into a smile and shoved the tomboy away by the shoulder. “Yah, I can’t believe you. Thanks for ruining such an important symbolic moment in my life.”

“Hey, I’m just saying. If you’re parting with the ring, the least you should do is get some money out of it. We could’ve used the money from the ring to get some nice dinner for two you know.”

“Yeah, sure. Whatever you say. Now come on, let’s go get something to eat. I’m hungry.”

“What? Again?” Amber stared at the girl in disbelief. “But we just had dinner not even an hour ago! How can you be hungry already?!”

“Hey, what do you expect? It requires a lot of energy to do what I just did. Now I need to refuel so come on!” Krystal reached out and tugged at Amber’s arm, pulling her to start walking.

Amber could only smile and shake her head as she let herself be dragged away.

~~~

“So. How are you holding up?”

Amber stared blankly at her drink in front of her. “The usual.”

“Is she out on a date again?”

“Yup.”

“With that guy from work?”

“Yup.”

“Third date?”

“No. Forth.”

“Oh...”

“Yeah...pretty much...”

Henry sighed and reached over to give Amber a comforting pat on the back. “Cheer up, buddy. Didn’t you say you were over it – over her?”

Amber chuckled and shook her head. “Don’t believe everything I say, Henry. I just say them to convince myself most of the time.”

“Then why don’t you just confess?”

“You know I can’t.”

“I do, but I think it’s a stupid reason.”

“Please, no lectures tonight. I’m not in the mood.”

“I’m not lecturing you. I’m just trying to help you.” Henry scooted forward in his seat. “Enough moping around, please. It’s been years. I hate to always see you like this.”

Amber stared quietly at the table without saying anything.

Sometimes, she wonders how her life would have turned out if she never fell in love with Krystal. It’s one thing to fall in love with someone and another to fall in love with your friend. But this was completely different. Falling in love with your long time friend who is of the same gender is a whole another story; something that shouldn’t even be fathomed. This was something worse than playing with fire and as such, the scars and wounds have left its mark, permanently.

Funny thing is, no matter how many times Amber tries to detach herself from the younger girl, trying all ways imaginable, nothing ever works because at the end of it all, she finds herself drawn back to Krystal’s side.

There have been times in the past when Amber wanted to tell Krystal how she felt. Many, as a matter-of-fact. But every time she tries to take that bold step forward, her heart shrinks further and further away – too afraid and scared.

It’s a painful place, the foggy crossroad in which she constantly finds herself standing at. Because of the bitter reality, Amber would often find herself crying her heart out – out of fear of losing Krystal and losing a love she never had.

“Amber...” Henry called out softly, growing more worried by the lack of response.

Amber blinked and looked up. “I’m fine,” she smiled and proceeded to empty out the rest of her drink in one quick gulp. “Well then,” Amber placed the glass down and wiped with a napkin, “I think it’s time for me to go home and drown in my sorrows again. See ya.” She stood up to leave.

“Hey, wait.” Henry reached out to stop the girl from leaving. “I know it still hurts but you’re not really going to do that, are you?”

Amber chuckled and patted the boys hand before pulling her arm away. “Like I said before, don’t believe everything I say, Henry. I’ll be fine. Don’t worry, I won’t do anything stupid. Just need some quiet time to let the wounds patch up again.”

With a hesitant frown, Henry reluctantly settled back in his seat. “Call me if you need someone to talk to. You know I’m always here for you.”

“I know, and I appreciate it. I’ll see you later.” Amber smiled one last time before turning around and heading out of the bustling restaurant.

As soon as the girl stepped outside, the breath of fresh air immediately cooled her burning heart.

It has been exactly a year since that night at the river when Krystal decided it was time to start over with her love life – to forget the past and all the painful memories and make way for new ones. Seeing Krystal’s determination, Amber couldn’t have been happier for the younger girl. Things got even better when Krystal started spending more and more time with the older girl till the two were practically inseparable – just like how they were throughout high school and college before Krystal started getting into serious relationships. But even the slightest hope for Amber never lasts long when Krystal started going out on dates again. Recently, it seems she has come to really like a new guy from work.

And just like that, in a blink of an eye, it was back to square one for Amber again. Back to dismissing her own heart and pretending everything is okay when it’s far from it.

Every time she thinks about Krystal out on a date with another guy or hears her talking about her date, her insides feels like they’re crumbling and her chest feels like it was caving in. But even then, words cannot describe the pain inside her heart. It was beyond heart wrenching and Amber wished she could just laugh it off instead because all the hurting has made her numb. But even numbness has its own kind of torturous pain.

“Hah...” Amber let out a bitter chuckle as she flipped the collar of her jacket up. She shoved her hands into her pocket and slowly strolled down the dark street.

No matter how much she wished to be with Krystal, it didn’t take long for her to realize that there are just things one cannot get in life.

Maybe one day...

fin.

p.s. Possible part 2 coming. Part of it is already written but I'm still debating whether to have a 2nd part and if I do, how I would want to end it.