Three more turns. Two more greenlights. One last turn then she would be all set to put the car in park. Sierra’s voice that was ringing though this four-seated space came to a stop and Alex started to sing.

I’ll wait, I’ll wait, I’ll love you like you’ve never felt the pain.

The song went on, loud enough to drown out sounds of breathing but quiet enough for the weirdness to never leave the air. Amber couldn’t decide whether that was a good thing or not. She didn’t want the stereo to overwhelm her passenger into thinking that she was ignoring her, neither did she want it to be soft enough for a conversation to casually slip in between them. There were conflicts of interest everywhere. Her being alive was a conflict of interest.

The last red light turned green, and she stepped on the pedal as lightly as she could. The Honda’s engine gave out a faint roar as it moved forward. She kept her eyes on the road, not wanting to miss the sharp turning right after the junction. But this was an excuse. She couldn’t have missed the turning even if she was driving blindfolded with one of her hands taped to the back. McDonald’s was home away from home. Amber just didn’t want to risk getting caught for glancing over too much.

There was a spot towards the corner of the parking lot and Amber took it. With the car parked and her playlist coincidentally ending, heavy silence resumed its presence in their shared space. The elephant in the room was big, it was ing huge and to not acknowledge it would be a cowardly and ridiculous thing to do.

Amber unlocked the doors and got out.

She hurriedly walked towards the entrance bathed in yellow lights, leaving behind a probably extremely confused girl—too confused to even follow her out— in the solitude comfort of her 2012 Honda City. She had to get away for a moment, just to get some air into her brain because with the amount of thoughts going through her mind right now, she’d need all the oxygen she can get. The air was much colder even though it had only been 40 minutes give or take since she was last outside. She embraced it with gratitude because cold wind against her face felt more comforting than the thought of Krystal against her face. It would be great of course, if that happened, but what would a scene like that do to Amber’s heart? Lord have mercy.

“Hiya, what would you like?” A girl in a black McDonald’s hat beamed as Amber stood in front of the counter. She looked like she may have had too many cups of coffee this morning.

“Hey, can I have a coke and a double cheese and umm,” Amber tapped her fingers on the concrete countertop, “a fillet-o-fish?”

“Are you sure?”

Amber looked at the attendant. “Why do you ask…?”

“You don’t sound very sure about your decision,” the girl said with a playful smile.

“I’m not,” Amber laughed.

“Buying for an associate?”

“A close friend.”

“How close?”

Amber cocked her brows, “Close.”

“But not close enough for you to know what she eats at McDonald’s.”

That left Amber speechless staring at the attendant. She was taken aback by another piece of truth that came slapping her in the face. She thought they were close. Close enough to call each other buddies, close enough have movie marathons together. Close enough to kiss. But she didn’t even know Krystal’s favourite McDonald’s food. I mean, this is McDonald’s we’re talking about here! Oh my God, does she even like McDonald’s?

The truth tea was too strong for a Monday.

“Chill out,” laughed the attendant, “relax.” She must have noticed the change of expression on Amber’s face. She could use a bit of training when it came to keeping her composure.

“Is she someone you want to impress?”

“Umm…”

“I’m going to take that as a yes, although I’m not sure why you chose McDonald to make an impression,” she paused, “unless you’re aiming for a negative one.”

“It wasn’t planned,” Amber replied.

“So are 80% of new-borns at the hospital but we make do, don’t we?” she stated with a hint of humour. “Right, a coke, double-cheese and a fillet-o-fish?”

“Yep.”

“Say, isn’t it a little cold out this evening?” She asked Amber while keying into the monitor in front of her.

“Yeah a little.”

The attendant dropped everything she was doing to look at Amber. The more she looked, the more confused Amber got. What did she want?

“I mean, it should be pretty cold in the car too, right?”

Amber looked at the girl looking at her. “Yeah…?”

“So, whoever in there would probably appreciate something warm and sweet and I don’t know…calming, right?”

“What are you…oh.” Tiny bulbs lit up in Amber’s head and in the back, an audience cheered. “Do you have tea?”

“Mm, how ‘bout some hot chocolate instead? You can’t go wrong with hot chocolate,” the attendant suggested.

“Yeah, sounds good.” Amber grinned sheepishly, happy to know that she would’ve done so much worse if it wasn’t for this somewhat nosy but helpful attendant.

Once the food was paid for, the attendant left for the back and returned with her order soon after. With the paper bag now safely tucked in her arm, Amber was prepared to leave the safe McDonald’s space to meet with the chaos she left in her car when a voice behind her called out to her.

“Hey, you’re nervous now but it’ll be okay,” the attendant said gently, then offered a smile. “Anybody with food in the tummy will be a happy somebody.”

Amber smiled back and said thanks but it came out funny because was dry and she could already feel her palms sweating up a puddle. Her chest was beating too fast and she wondered if Krystal would hear it when she got back in the car.

“It’ll be okay,” the nice attendant said once more, and Amber was convinced that Key had sent her.

“Good, you’re back.” Amber heard her say when she got in.

She placed the paper bag on her lap and sat as still as she could. Her right hand was going numb from holding the cold can of coke. Frostbite? Who the hell cares? She had to calm down before Krystal noticed the redness on her cheeks that wasn’t from the cold and the rapid pulsing of her heart that wasn’t from walking 30 feet to the McDonald’s counter and back.

Be still, my beating heart.

“I was worried you'd run off with the food, eating whatever you got me next to some dumpster,” Krystal paused, “you did get me something right?”

Amber thought of an appropriate response to her preposterous question because of course she got her food, but before she could muster up the guts to answer, Krystal already had one arm in the paper bag and was getting a good dig around. Her hand resurfaced with the two burgers in them.

“Double-cheese and…fillet-o-fish,” Krystal announced and then turned to Amber. “I’m going to assume that you know I don’t take double-cheese and that’s what the fillet-o-fish is for.”

Krystal put her arm back into the brown bag. “Ah! !”

“! Are you okay?” Amber yelled as she backed into her seat, hard. “OW!”

“Finally! Words! From the master of silence herself!” Krystal said dramatically, pulling out her cup of hot chocolate form the bag.

“What the hell?” Amber exclaimed with a hand over the back of her head. Goddamn, low ceilings (you’re in a car…).

“You really make people beg for conversation, don’t you?”

“You scared the crap out of me. And you hurt my head!” Amber refuted.

“You did that yourself, loser.” Krystal fired back, a smile laced with mockery on her face.

For a good 15 seconds, Amber stayed wide-eyed, mouth agape and eyebrows raised looking at Krystal. How did it go from awkward silence to…to this? She swore they went from Point A to Point Z so fast, they put rockets to shame. Heck, they put light to shame. At least Amber wasn’t nervous anymore. But that didn’t make things better because once the nerves wore off, it meant Amber was back to being Gutsy Amber. And Gutsy Amber was inclined to do a lot of things Normal Amber wouldn’t approve of. Like, talking out of line or making out with crushes who may or may not like them back.

“Are you okay?” Krystal broke the silence.

With that Amber flinched and finally looked away, as if looking at Krystal suddenly hurt her eyes. “Yeah, sorry.”

“Your head?”

“It’s nothing.”

“I didn’t know you’d react like that,” Krystal stated.

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, with like, your whole body jerking and stuff.”

Amber reached for the back of her head again, this time with the hand that was freezing itself off from refusing to let go of the coke she was so desperately gripping on to for dear life. “Sorry I was worried.”

Suddenly, the pressure of her hand was no longer there at the back of her head as it had been replaced by another hand. A smaller, more delicate hand. A hand that ignited sparks in Amber eyes with a touch and brought with it an endless supply of tingles starting from her chest up to her neck.

“Here,” Krystal began gently massaging the small bump on Amber’s scalp, “maybe this will help.”

Be ing still, my beating heart.

Amber didn’t dare move an inch.

This is really happening, right?

Silence was playing catch-up and it was winning, but Amber was perfectly fine with the quietness surrounding her. That, and also because she was stuck in her mental world –not that she really wanted out either. It was safer in her own head. In there, she was allowed to think about Krystal touching her without needing to act upon it. There weren’t any social obligations to respond to the human interaction between them in her head. If she could, she would build a small wooden house and live the rest of her life in the safety of her own mind. Maybe she would add some nice picket fencing too.

But just because you’re comfortable with the silence, it doesn’t mean the other person in the room is. Especially not if there were so many questions left unanswered, so many possibilities waiting to happen. Amber should have known Krystal wouldn’t stay quiet for long.

“Can I ask you a question?”

The massaging hadn’t stop and this made it harder for Amber to come back to the land of reality. She was so distracted by how relaxed she was. Her lips moved quicker than her brain did.

“You ask that a lot.” As soon as the words left , Amber’s previously closed eyes flusterred open. She hadn’t planned on answering, let alone answering like that.

“I’m surprised you noticed,” Krystal replied, “I’d stop sooner if someone would just help a poor girl out and give her the answers she wants to know.”

She glanced over to find Krystal staring intently at her. Her gaze was determined, like she wanted Amber to know she wasn’t going anywhere, that she was here to stay –at least until she got what she came for. And it was freaking Amber out because what if she really left after hearing Amber out? What if she didn’t stay? The questions kept coming but the answers, like the ones Krystal’s eyes are pleading for, weren’t showing up. But somewhere within those orbs, Amber sensed something soft. There was something tender about the way she looked at Amber.

I’m not going to hurt you, those eyes seemed to say.

Amber wanted so badly to speak. She wanted to believe Krystal’s eyes. If she had to choose a religion, she didn’t need to be asked twice to be Krystalized. Something was holding her back though. Something always held her back.

Would you stay if I say that I want you?

There was a slight shift from Krystal’s side and Amber heard something go down Krystal’s throat. “Honestly…” Krystal began, uncertainty in her voice, “I didn’t know if you were coming back.”

“When you got out of the car and left, I thought you were gone,” she continued, “maybe you couldn’t stand to be around me anymore so you left. And I was…”

“—I was scared.”

Something moved in Amber. A tug. A jerk.

“I’m so scared of losing you.”

A pull. Like gravity. Amber was Earth. She was Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter and all the planets in the solar system pulled in by a single star. The sun—with a gravitational force far more superior than anything else in the universe, with a glow that shone with incomparable brilliance, with heat so intense, it could burn on forever—was Krystal. And in natural sun-fashion, Krystal had Amber going in circles around her. And in natural Krystal-fashion, Amber had always been drawn to her.

“You’re close,” Krystal whispered.

Amber was surprised, but stayed her ground. She had blanked out for a bit just now but somewhere between Krystal’s I’m so scared of losing you and the full recovery of her alertness, the distance between them was cut short. It was reduced significantly because Krystal’s black irises were no longer staring back into Amber’s eyes.

Now, Amber saw a light shade of pink. And yes, she was close. She was close enough to see that although someone wasn’t sure if they had been abandoned in a McDonald’s parking lot, they still went through the womanly trouble of applying not only lip balm (because her lips would’ve been chapped in a cold weather like this), but also a thin layer of pink lip tint.

For what though? There weren’t any boys around—not that girls pretty themselves up for the sake of boys (stop making everything about you, -owners!). Sure, Krystal could have applied makeup to look good for herself, but considering the fact that the only person she was most probably seeing for the rest of evening is Amber and the only place she was most probably going to be at is in Amber’s car…it just didn’t make much sense. If girls knew that they’d be home for the day with no visitors coming, makeup would definitely be the last thing on their mind, right? So, why on earth did Krystal have lipstick on her? Who was she trying to impress?

Holy . There’s no way…

“You’re close,” Krystal whispered once more. Maybe she thought that Amber hadn’t heard her the first time. Oh, but she did.

She totally ing did.

“I know.”

“What are you doing?” Krystal asked in another whisper, this one even softer than before and with a tinge of breathlessness.

“Remember what you said about being nervous?” Amber’s eyes shifted from Krystal’s tinted lips to the windows of her soul. “You said I made you nervous.”

Krystal’s voice was caught in her own throat. Her breathing was no longer short and shallow. With every heave of her chest, Amber could hear how deep Krystal was taking each of her breaths. Amber may as well have heard how rapid Krystal’s heart was beating. The sophomore’s efforts to calm herself down didn’t go unnoticed and it was cute seeing her try to pull it together. But this was dangerous because cute girls—especially cute Krystal—can make Amber go a little…

“Are you nervous now?” Amber asked in a deliberately lowered voice as she moved in closer. When she glanced back down at Krystal’s lips, she made sure the latter knew where her line of sight had fallen. She made sure Krystal saw that she was staring at her lips.

How far was Amber going to take it? She had no idea. She didn’t even know when and how did this abrupt sense of raciness surfaced. She had never associated herself with anything risqué. This was uncharted waters, so how would she know where to draw the line?

Amber ran her tongue over her own lips. “I’m going to kiss you.”

She leaned forward and then the tip of their noses were touching. Amber kept her eyes opened, kept it shifting between Krystal’s lips and her half-closed eyes. There was so much beauty to take in. And Krystal was close. She was so close.

“But before I do, you need to know what this kiss will mean,” Amber’s voice was soft and enticing. She needed Krystal to hear her. She needed Krystal to want to hear her. “And then you can decide to turn away or not.”

Amber practically had to force the words out of her because it was taking everything to keep herself in check, to give Krystal a way out if it did come to that. She won’t ever take advantage of Krystal again.

“This kiss,” Amber began, “will mean that you’ll never be alone ‘cause I’ll always be here. It’ll mean it’s okay to be yourself around me ‘cause I adore every version of you. It’ll mean coming to school to see a stupid smile on my face ‘cause I can’t seem to not be happy around you.”

Amber took a breath in. It was now or never.

“It’ll mean I want you,” she paused, “in more ways than one. In ways that I shouldn’t, in ways that I’m too embarrassed to think about.”

“It’ll mean I want to make you happy.” Amber nudged and brushed the tip of her nose against Krystal’s. “But if I can’t do that, I’d rather this kiss to not mean anything at all.”

With that, Amber pulled away. She could already feel her soul leaving her. She was back in her comfort zone. She was back to not being close, so close, to Krystal. And it hurt so much. She didn’t know it would hurt this much.

“I’m sorry,” Amber croaked out without looking at Krystal. There was no way she could look at Krystal now, or probably ever. She thought she would be able to go through with it. A kiss was just a kiss. You lean in, kiss, lean back then you’re done. She was so confident about doing it too. She even told Krystal she was going to kiss her. But there was no kiss. There was just Amber and Krystal, sitting as still as a hanging pendulum in a broken grandfather clock.

Silence washed over the two like waves on a shore. Every now and then the already-tensed atmosphere would start building up, like waves about to crash on the coastline and someone was about to say something but every single time it came about, it retreated almost immediately.

Amber couldn’t do this. This tug-of-war of silence, this tug-of-war on Amber’s heart. The silence from Krystal’s side spoke louder than anything she ever heard. It needed to stop. It was time to let Krystal go.

“What did you want to ask me?” Amber cleared .

“Huh?”

“Your question. I should answer it,” Amber stated, her voice emotionless. There was numbness in her face and in her hands, but it hurt everywhere else. It hurt everywhere else but she had to keep a straight face.

“You already did,” Krystal said after a moment.

“I don’t remember answering.”

“You did.”

Amber was dazed. And perplexed. Krystal wasn’t making much sense.

“I have another question I need answers to,” Krystal said quickly.

Amber sighed quietly. Might as well.

“What is it?” She asked with her eyes focused on the steering wheel in front of her.

Another slight shift from Krystal’s side. Then, two words. Suddenly, the steering wheel didn’t look like the steering wheel anymore. Okay, it still did but now it looked like someone had put shading paper over it, and all you got was a blurry version of what should have been the steering wheel. Amber must have made a noise that sounded like she was confused. Or in shock.

“Kiss me,” Krystal said again, in the exact same way she did before.

Her words were slowly registering in Amber’s head, but what was she thinking? A wire must have tripped in Krystal’s head. She must have been in shock, like Amber. She didn’t know what she wanted and was just drawing blanks, mumbling the first things that popped into her head. Although that didn’t explain why kissing was the number one thought in Krystal’s head.

“Why?” Amber asked when she finally found her voice.

“You said you were going to.”

“That was…” Amber trailed off. That was before you silently rejected me.

“You don’t want to anymore?”

It was Amber’s turn to shift in her seat. “I didn’t say that.”

“So, why don’t you?” Krystal asked without missing a beat.

“Are you really going to make me say it?” Amber sighed.

“Say what?”

“Damn it, Krystal. How much longer will you make me play this game of yours?” Amber asked through gritted teeth. “Okay, you want me to spell it out for you? Fine.”

With her hands balled tightly into fists, Amber forced the words out in a single breath. “I’m not going to kiss someone who doesn’t like me.”

“Excuse me?” This was funny. Krystal even managed to sound surprised.

“Goding damn it, Krystal Jung. If you didn’t like me, you could have at least put it into words. When people pour their heart out to you, the least you could do is smile, say you’re flattered but you just don’t like me that way.”

“I’m sorry, what?” It’s as if Krystal was born to feign bewilderment.

“You don’t just pretend not to hear someone’s confession to you. That’s a move. Even for you,” Amber said.

“Oh, I get it. I’m the now. Right, right,” Krystal chuckled, but it sounded menacing. “You misunderstand me and I’m the . I’m trying to give you what you want and I’m the . God, what a I am!”

“Yeah, you’re a real ing .” Amber muttered as she dropped one of her balled fists on the steering wheel.

“If I’m such a huge , why won’t you look at me? Afraid you’d catch my germs?” Krystal hissed. “You’re always so scared, it’s pathetic.”

“You put up this phony front, boasting a load of confidence you don’t have. One minute you’re flirting so hard to get me to kiss you then by the next minute, you’re this deflated balloon,” Krystal continued, “I’m helping you get what you want and I somehow end up being a ?”

Amber slammed her fist hard on the steering wheel.

“Don’t you get it?” She finally faced Krystal, her voice loud enough to make the latter flinch. “I don’t wanna look at you because every time I do, I want to kiss you! I don’t want your help because how ed up is it that I’d need your help to kiss you?”

“And I don’t wanna kiss you just because I wanna kiss you!” Amber bellowed. “I wanna kiss you only if you wanna kiss me too!”

“Then, do it!” Krystal dared.

“No! Weren’t you listening?” Amber’s hands were out with her palms facing up. Krystal’s attitude was beginning to wear her thin.

“I was! You're the one who isn't listening!” Krystal mimicked Amber’s hand motions.

“Oh my God, Krystal. What the heck do you want from me?”

“I want you! To kiss me!”

“What?”

“It’s all I want!” Krystal’s eyes pierced through Amber’s. “I just want you to kiss me.”

“You’re only saying that because you know I want to kiss you,” Amber said calmly.

“Jesus, Amber! Shut up and listen to me.” Krystal leaned nearer to Amber, “I want you to kiss me. Not for your sake, but for mine.”

She looked down and placed her hand over Amber’s. Amber felt her fist go limp.

“I want you to kiss me, Am.”

Krystal was looking at Amber now. Her eyes found Amber’s in a matter of seconds and she let it linger. “I need you to kiss me, okay?”

Amber didn’t know when did Krystal’s other hand come up and wrap itself around the shirt she was wearing. The next thing she noticed was the force of her shirt collar, pressed against the back of her neck as Krystal pulled her closer. And closer. And closer. And—

Krystal.

Krystal. Krystal. Krystal.

Krystal sitting by the class window, looking out and counting the cars passing by. Krystal tapping her pen on the desk, eager to find the solution to her math problem. Krystal with her hair drooping over a quarter of her face as she read her fiction novels. Krystal biting on her lip, trying to decide which movie she wanted to watch.

Krystal’s lips. On hers. Krystal’s hands. On her. Krystal’s scent. Everywhere.

Krystal was on her, in her, around her. She was everywhere.

She was the kissing noises they made, the breathing against Amber’s face. She was Amber’s beating heart, fighting its way out of Amber’s chest. She was Amber’s trembling hands, reaching for the side of Krystal’s face. She was Amber pulling her closer, drawing her in. She was Amber wanting more and needing more. She was Amber sighing in content.

She was everything.

To Amber, Krystal was everything. And it was an odd, scary feeling, holding everything in her own two hands. Feeling everything on her own two lips.

It was an odd feeling, but Amber liked it. It scared her, but she knew she wanted it. There was something about having everything and having it within reach.

Amber felt a hand run through the back of her hair as she slid her hand up Krystal’s waist. Then came a soft, stifled moan. And Amber knew instantly she’d do anything for this everything.

a/n: holy guys. holy . i guess this is where i drop to my knees and beg for unconditional understanding and forgiveness. i’m sorry it took me 2 years to get my together (surprise, surprise it still ain’t together). the last time i read or wrote something was about the time of my last update, so i'm pretty rusty. i tried my very best with this update though cause you guys deserve that much. and it only took a little over a month. ha-ha........ anyways i really really really wanna say thank you to the readers who are still with me, who had faith that i'd one day return to my kryber fanfic journey. you guys are amazing, you know that? stay ing rad, peeps!

and uhhh i can't exactly say that i'm back cause....well i no longer have the abundance of time that teenagers have so if i were to update, it'd most definitely take me a while to do that. and although i pretty much go through life not knowing much of anything, i do know that i will finish this story! i must! for the readers! but expect really really REALLY slow updates.

i'm sorry if this 2017 update is a little off or way off. 2 years is a long(ish) time and it was hard for me to find the perfect way to continue it. so i may have ed up the flow. sorry about that. and also, the way i write now may differ from how it was back in 2015. i hope you guys are still with me on this though. hope this update lives up to your kryber-needs :]

comment below so i can hear what you guys have to say!