It's recommended that the few chapters before this is reread again so you don't feel lost about what's happening here.

    The book spread out underneath her chin looked as interesting as an algae documentary. Krystal couldn't help but let her eyes glaze over and eventually letting the heavy eyelids drop to their desired position. She let them stay like that for a while, debating whether she had come to the library to sleep or to study. In the end, she settled on neither because something at the back of her mind was eating at her and she was a fool for thinking that her studies would help her forget how her head was stuck in between two sets of sharp teeth. No matter how much knowledge about the formation of deoxyribonucleic acids or types of white blood cells she fed her mind with, she just couldn't get over whatever that was eating her from the inside out. 

    Because it was her. She was eating Krystal inside out. 

    She leaned forward and buried her porcelain-complexion face into her book until she could feel the scent of it seeping into the receptors of her nose. The library was silent, aside from the occasional rustling of paper or held-back coughs and sneezes. It was too silent. 

    Krystal wished that it wasn't so quiet. For the past couple of days, all she craved for were noises, sounds; anything beyond 90 decibels to distract her from being alone with her thoughts. At home, she'd put on her stereo to its loudest volume until her parents showed up at her bedroom door, threatening her with their eyes to turn the damn thing off. 

    When she was outside of home, there wasn't a second of the day where her earphones could be found anywhere else but plugged into her ears, with its music playing at full blast. As long as she wasn't studying or doing anything else that required her full attention, she let her ears become a hall for rock concerts. She didn't care if she was going to go deaf at the age of 20, or if the music was so loud it made her brains explode from the inside. At this point, she'd do anything to stop her mind from speaking to her; from replaying the same sentence in her head over and over and over again.

    "I don't want to see you again."

    Each and every single time, it was the same voice, same tone, same look. Same person. She replayed the scene so many times in her head, one would think she'd had grown immune to the little tear in her heart that she hadn't quite noticed yet. But, no. If anything, the pain she felt in her chest only grew more and more unbearable with each passing moment spent on the nostalgic moment.

    Nostalgic? In which parallel universe would that be nostalgic?

    And it was like Krystal had been sent back to her post-Kaistal(eugh) days. She had grown highly uncomfortable being in her own bed, knowing that she and Kai had spent most of their days on there doing whatever that had felt right at the moment. The living room was never an option and neither was the bathroom(she shared one with her parents), but all praise the Lord for He had sent the poor child her last resort. And resort to that she did. All those hours spent locked inside her room, speaking to absolutely no one but the four walls of her closet. And it was in that closet she had full-on conversations with the little voice inside her head. "Subconscious" they call it, but Krystal preferred " of the century".

    You know exactly why it is nostalgic, came its reply. 

    Oh no, I don't. Why don't you humor me?

    Because you liked it, it said. Because you liked seeing a side of Amber that nobody else does.

    Nope, that's not it.

    Because you liked seeing Amber struggle, it paused for dramatic effect, even though everything technically happened in her head. You'd think that Krystal had complete control over her thoughts and how her thoughts responded to her other thoughts but of the century, right?

    You liked seeing Amber struggle because of you.

    Because you liked knowing that you're important enough for her to be frustrated about. Because you liked that she was desperate enough to lie, right after your big kiss with her. Most importantly, because you liked the ki-

    She jolted herself awake, refusing to hear more about what her thoughts had to offer as comfort. This was why it was dangerous to leave Krystal alone with her thoughts. If it wasn't possible to strangle your own brain to death before, it will be soon enough. But underneath all that detestation she had for her subconscious, she couldn't exactly deny that it did help shed some light over the matter at hand. 

    Was there a reason for her to say something like that? No, that wasn't the right question. Was there a reason for her to lie about something like that? Krystal wasn't stupid, and neither was she blind because that was what she had to be to have missed the look in Amber's eyes when she told her that she didn't want to see her again. The look of self-hatred. The look of defeat.

    The look that said "as much as I hate myself for this, I still want more."

    The look that screamed at the top of their lungs "I still need more."

    Then again, was there a reason for the kiss to happen?

    Krystal pressed her upper and lower lip together at the thought. Was that memory still fresh in her mind?

    Yes.

    Was the feeling mutual?

    She banged her head lightly onto the surface of her book. Was it possible to get a head concussion like this? Because a coma was starting to sound a lot more tempting than being alone in the library right now thinking about things that didn't make sense, at least not to her. 

    Did it make sense to Amber?

    NO. STOP. YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO THINK OF AMBER. AMBER IS TOXIC. AMBER IS POISON. AMBER IS--

    "Lovely."

    Sigh, I know right. Hey wha--

    Krystal lifted her head up to find Luna standing across from her with books and files of all sorts of colors in one arm and a can of Dr. Pepper in another. Did she just read my--

    "What?" Krystal murmured.

    The petite girl shook her head and stifled back a laughter, setting her books and stationery down onto the long wooden library table. "I said, lovely, I've got company." She pulled out a chair and sat herself down, right across from Krystal who mumbled an almost inaudible 'oh'. 
    
    "Is that disappointment I hear?" Luna asked with a cocked eyebrow. "Were you expecting someone else...?"

    That made Krystal immediately sit up in her seat. She quickly ran her fingers over the collars of her red-colored flannel and straightened them. "Uh, no. Who would I be expecting?"

    "I don't know, girl. You tell me," Luna replied as she started arranging the books on her side, preparing them for her studying session that looked like it was going to go on for a period of time no less than six hours. Her textbooks were arranged in alphabetical order, starting from Accounts, Biology, Calculus, Economics and all the way to Physics. Her pens and pencils were neatly stacked upon one another in her cuboid-shaped pencil case and there were just enough spaces at the side to squeeze in her three exam-grade erasers. And her highlighters, wow, let's just skip the descriptive part where they were all arranged in the order of the rainbow. 

    Well, that was Luna for you. Always the straight A pupil, multiple teachers' pet and on her merry-way to becoming the school's next valedictorian. The ones that cry an ocean big and deep enough during their speech to drown the entire neighborhood and the town after. The ones that never fail to express their ever-sincere gratitude towards the entire school faculty. And by 'entire', it was, "Mr. Lee, who taught us art and showed us the right way to tell apart a sketching of an apple, and a drawing of an apple. And Mr. Oh, who helped us students cleansed the school of the excretory products that lost their way in their journey to the toilet bowl."

    But Luna was admirable, she really was. She had the determination of a paramedic trying to save a casualty's life and the spirit of an independent black woman. She was her own Beyonce and the world was merely a stage for her. Krystal knew that she didn't really want to be the only senior in their school in fifty years to be accepted into Harvard, or to be the next politician to kiss- her way up the social ladder. She was the way she was because she had to. She was certain about her goal and vision in life and she was making damn sure that she gets herself to that goal. And for that, Luna was great. She was amazing.

    And she was also if not second, then the third person to know Amber best in the whole universe, but that wasn't relevant.

    "So, how's the group?"

    Luna's eyes shifted from one of her 800-paged Biology reference book to her younger friend. One of her eyebrows raised and a tiny smirk appeared. "Did you mean 'how's Amber?'"

    If there wasn't a gum stuck in Krystal's throat, there was one now. A big, invisible, non-existent peppermint gum right in the middle of her oesophagus.

    "Umm, no?" Krystal coughed, as if she was trying to get the invisible gum out of .

    Luna continued with her brow action and the smirk on her face only got wider. "The group that you saw and had lunch with just two hours ago at the best pizzeria in the country is fine. Or were you asking about another group of friends that you've secretly stashed away somewhere else?"

    Shaking her head with a sheepish grin plastered across her face, Krystal then slowly looking away to avoid further embarrassment.

    "It's fine, Soo-jung. I was just messing around," Luna laughed. She watched Krystal as she attempted to find the page where she had left off a while ago. "Amber's fine too."

    The page-turning stopped and Krystal felt her cheeks warm up. She pursed her lips, thinking of a suitable reply. 

    "I didn't ask about her," she looked down at her book, obviously giving up on finding the page.

    "Was there really a need to?"

    Krystal finally looked up, turning her head around in search of the remote controller for the AC of the library because damn it, it was getting a little too warm in here.

    "We could talk about it, you know," Luna leaned forward, supporting herself with her two arms on the table, "I was on the phone with her a while ago."

    Krystal ran her fingers through her brown locks, taking the time to think. She was curious about how Amber was doing, more curious than she'd care to admit but here Luna was, flaunting her Amber-news at the sophomore, making it impossible for Krystal not to think of what she had been thinking of for the past 19 hours and 13 minutes, but who was keeping count anyway?

    "She wasn't with us this morning," Krystal finally said, resolving to making it sound like she was more concerned about Amber's presence in the group than in her own life.

    "Yeah, she wasn't feeling so well. Stomach flu, apparently. Although according to Henry it was a bad case of allergies."

    Krystal blinked at Luna, puzzled at her words.

    "And that's how you know something's going on. Unless stomach flu and allergies decided to combine and mutate into something called 'Krystal'."

    Krystal blinked again and Luna laughed. "You're her stomach flu and allergies, Soo-jung."

    And at that, Krystal's pupils dilated to twice their size. She swallowed nervously, unsure of how the situation should be dealt with. Was Luna pissed at her for causing trouble for Amber? She knew Amber was an important person in their group and a fallout with her would mean a fallout with the rest of them and that was the last thing Krystal wanted.

    "I uh, I-I'm sorry. We..." she searched for words but her fear of being casted out of her only group of friends was too petrifying. She didn't want to be how she was before she moved to Korea, having people around who acted more like fans than friends. She didn't want to be left alone again. She didn't want to feel lonely.

    "Nah, it's okay. I know you guys are tight and this is probably just one of those fights," Luna quickly comforted her as soon as she felt a downpour of negativity come their way.

    "I don't know."

    "What do you mean you don't know?"

    "I don't know if this is just one of those fights."

    Luna leaned back a little, making herself more comfortable. Something tells her that she was going to be here longer than she thought she would. "Why would you say so?"

    "Because, it doesn't feel like one," Krystal shrugged, "it doesn't feel like it's a typical argument."

    "Well, have you had those before?"

    "Typical fights?" Luna nodded. "Yeah, I guess."

    "Have you had it with Amber before?"

    Krystal thought about it then shook her head. She didn't think she knew Amber, or anyone else here long enough to be having those fights. To be honest, the only person she ever had one of these were with Kai. But they hardly concerned her as much as this one did. Kai would scold Krystal and Krystal would apologize. They wouldn't talk for a day or two but after that, it was like nothing happened and they were back to being a happy couple. She never worried because Kai always came back. 

    Will Amber come back?

    "See, you don't know how it feels like to have a fight with Amber. So, this could just be something minor, you know," Luna suggested and was about to go ahead with her plans to ask Krystal to stop over-thinking when she saw the latter's face fall dark. 

    "It's not something minor," it was barely a whisper but as soon as the words escaped Krystal's mouth, the cogs in Luna's head started turning. Krystal was being too serious for this to be "just a fight" and Amber was obviously up to something because she had gotten both Henry and Key to cover for her, although she really should have just left out Henry. When was the last thing something like this happened? Luna thought hard about it, going back to years and years she spent with Amber, revisiting the bittersweet past. She searched for all bitter moments that outweighed the sweet ones until she found what she wanted to find.

    She thought about Amber, and the time she disappeared from group hang-outs and school. The time she shut everybody out. The time she had Vic come to...

    "What happened?" Her voice came out shrill and filled with panic. She had startled Krystal and immediately felt regret fill the insides of her being. She didn't mean to scare her, she was just worried about Amber. She was really, really worried about Amber.

    "What happened between you and Amber?" She asked again, making her question more specific this time. She hated being pushy and nosy, butting into other people's business but she was going to have to make an exception. She had to, for Amber's sake.

    "We had a fight, I think. Things got a little tense between us," Krystal explained slowly, surprised at Luna's sudden change of emotion. This was probably the first time she had ever seen Luna so tense and so panicked. 

    "Why are you so worried?" She asked.

    "Nothing, it's just," Luna inhaled, contemplating whether she should tell Krystal what she knew. Over the span of these few months, it was nothing less than obvious how much closer Krystal and Amber got. They went everywhere together and sometimes it even seemed like Amber was following Krystal around, so obviously they had a strong bond between them. But did Krystal know? Had Amber told her about her past?

    "Can you tell me what happened? It'll be easier for me to tell you if it's something serious or not," Luna pushed on, driven by her worry for her friend and this only puzzled Krystal even more. Just minutes ago Luna was telling her that their fight was probably nothing but now it felt like she didn't tell Luna what she wanted to know, she was going to have an emotional breakdown right in the middle of the school library.

    But what happened between her and Amber was personal. It was very personal. And if she had went on to tell Luna about it, she wasn't sure how her intelligent friend would deal with it. Heck, she didn't even know how to deal with it. Maybe she should sort out her feelings first before telling anybody else anything.

    "I will, but you have to tell me why this is such a big deal to you."

    The pair of coffee black eyes opposite her closed, "it's not a big deal to me." Then, she opened them and the previously panic-clouded eyes were now replaced with crystal clear ones. "It's Amber I'm worried about."

    Krystal was taken aback by Luna's answer. Of all the answers she was expecting, this was definitely not one of them. Amber? Why Amber?

    "Why?" She asked, "What's wrong with Amber?"

    Luna's lip turned into a tight, straight line. She looked like she was struggling with herself and for a moment, Krystal was worried that Luna wasn't going to tell her anything and if she didn't, she knew it'd slowly drive her crazy. She needed to know what Luna knew because she could tell it wasn't just fun and games. There was something that hid at the back of Luna's eyes when she realized that her fight with Amber might be a bigger deal than she thought it was. If she wasn't mistaken, what she saw in Luna's eyes weren't jealousy, or worry.

    It was plain, horrid fear.

    "Luna, tell me," Krystal said, her voice serious as she stared straight into her senior's eyes, "tell me what's wrong with Amber."

    She saw her hesitate. Luna tore her gaze away, turning her head to another direction. She put her hand to her forehead and breathed out heavily, like whatever that she was holding in was a big burden that was crushing her. It was something about Amber, and not knowing anything about it was crushing Krystal.

    "Luna," Krystal started again, "tell me."

    "Tell me, please."

    The desperation in her voice seemed to have done the trick as her senior finally turned to look her way. And she knew. She knew Luna was going to tell her. She knew she was going to tell her everything she wanted to know.

    But how ready was she for it?

    "Amber was in a coma two years ago," Luna spoke softly and slowly, not eager to rush into things. She wanted to drag things out as slow as she could. She wished she didn't have to be the one to tell Krystal this.

    "She was in a coma because she tried to kill herself."

A/N i'm aware of how much rotten fruit is being thrown my way right now and i gladly accept them. i'd try to explain my absence but i doubt that any of you would be interested in knowing, but to those who are, let me sum it all up in just three words.

death. and. school.

everything happened so suddenly and yeah i'm sorry for leaving so abruptly and i hope i was still able to write to your expectation.

treat everybody around you the way you want to be treated. appreciate them and love them. before you lose the chance to.