Jongin opened his eyes ever so slowly and winced as he was greeted by the stark white colour of hospital walls, he was confused as to why he was there; was he dreaming?

Every memory flooded back then, how everything in his life had come tumbling down around him, crushing him until he was completely blinded by the pain.

The insults, the punches, the kicks, Luhan's venom filled words, Luhan, his mum, his dad...

Going home and sliding the metal blade down his wrists ever so swiftly, opening the door only to be cradled in his mum's small yet firm arms as if he was merely a child again, closing his eyes as everything began blurring, his mum's tears landing on his bruised cheeks as everything turned dark and he got ready to say goodbye to the world..

Jongin groaned as he thought about it.

It hadn't worked.

He was alive.

Everything around him had come crashing down around him and he couldn't find a way out.

If not death, then what was left?

Jongin closed his eyes trying very hard not to scream.

Something shifted in his hand and he glanced down from the ceiling.

He refrained from jumping as he was greeted by a sleeping Luhan, his spiky blonde hair being the only aspect of him visible from his position.

One of his hands lay near Jongin's feet clenching at the blankets in his strong grip. The other lay unmoving in Jongin's own hand.

His head was resting on his leg, Jongin realized, his face hidden form view.

Jongin catched his lower lip in between his teeth as he ran his thumb over Luhan's knuckles, stopping his actions as he was suddenly overwhelm with the undeniable urge to throw up.

Luhan suddenly shot up as if sensing the other's gaze on him, breathing heavily and clenching Jongin's hand to the point of pain, which Jongin welcomed openly.

Luhan glanced at Jongin and did a quick double take, his eyes meeting Jongin's glassy brown ones.

'J-Jongin..' he spoke breathlessly, said boy staring back at him with an unreadable expression playing on his features, Luhan was at lost for words; he didn't know what to do or say now that he was actually facing the younger boy, what could he possibly say to someone he had broken so badly?

Jongin was always such a bright individual, he had ways of lighting up a room with a simple smile, he was lovely in so many ways; yes, that was what Jongin was... he was love.

But this Jongin, the one he was looking at right now, wasn't bright sunlight and laughter, this Jongin was clouds and tears on a rainy afternoon.

Clearing his throat, Jongin lifted his gaze from their hands once again, a cocked eyebrow as he spoke; voice husky with sleep and another emotion that was hard to decipher , 'W-what are you doing here..?'

As he catched his lower lip in between his teeth, Luhan let his eyes scan trough Jongin's features, his gaze landing on the bruise in his left cheek.

He wanted to reach out and brush his fingertips over it, perhaps even his lips...try to make it better after being the one at fault for it... but he feared getting pushed away, understandably also.

'I-I wanted to stop by your house last night and apologise...as I was riding my bike down your street I noticed the ambulances- I-I was so scared J-Jongin.' Luhan spoke quietly, a light quiver on his words every now and then as he squeezed the tanner boy's hand in between his.

Jongin could merely blink as he took his hand away from the other boy's grip, 'Is that what you came to say?'

'I-I... n-no.' With a last sigh Luhan shook his head, adjusting his posture as he sat up.

'L-Look. . . Jongin? I-I don't really know what to say... I... Came to apologize and... I' He hesitated, his words paused as he looked away, teeth digging slightly onto the pink flesh of his lower lip. 'This is harder than I expected... Y-You know se-seeing you here...' Luhan choked on his words, surprising himself by the tears b his eyes, fingers tightening around the white hospital sheets.

'I was...rude. I'm sorry. I-I just want to say that I'm sorry and that...I want you to forgive me.'

There it was again, that stutter.

Jongin narrowed his eyes slightly, his lips pursed as he shifted his gaze to the window which was located on the opposite wall.

He couldn't understand him.

Luhan. He was always doing that.

Playing those mind games that only ceased to confuse the latter even more.

As Luhan lowered his hands to his lap, he clenched the thin material of his jumper in between his slim fingers, shifting his gaze away from the other boy and directing it towards his lap instead, there was nothing else he could do to fix things, he was frustrated, yes...that was the word.

Frustrated at himself because he hadn't even tried hard enough and was already thinking about giving up.

'Y-you hurt me Luhan...' Jongin spoke up after what seemed like an eternity of silence, his voice raw and void of emotion; broken, for lack of better words.

'I am sure you are aware that waking up and seeing your face before anything else is not all that pleasant as well..'

His heart was liable to beat itself right out of his chest at any moment. His eyes were frozen on Jongin's face, his mouth moving subtly with the words that were floating in the air around them, weaving their way into their lives, never to be able to be taken back.

Looking rather taken aback by the statement, Luhan lowered his eyes once again, he hadn't really thought of it that way- because truth was, a small part of him thought that by visiting Jongin he was doing a favour to the boy...but now, by what the younger was saying he realised he couldn't have been more wrong.

Because Jongin didn't want to see him now...and perhaps maybe ever.

'Luhan..' speaking again, a tad softer this time; Jongin turned his head and stared at Luhan, a fresh tear sliding down his bruised cheek as he let out a shaky breath, 'Y-you...denied me in front of your brother...y-you humiliated me...so my only question is...h-haven't you done enough..?'

Another pause followed by another heavy breath.

'P-please...just leave.'

All that Luhan ever wanted was to put a distance between the two of them, to protect him from others, maybe even himself...but it had all back fired, and the worst way possible.

Not only was Jongin hurt, but angry.

He was embarrassed, humiliated, ashamed...so many words he could use but really, not even a combination of twenty six letters could accurately capture a sliver of what he felt.

'J-just know I am still sorry..' Luhan whispered with slight difficulty as he got up from the chair he was currently occupying.

Walking to the door, he briefly turned around in order to take a last look at the younger, only to realise he wasn't looking back at him.

[a/n: ahhh thank you so much for all your comments and subscriptions. it feels so nice when i see a new one i get all happy haha. you guys are all so lovely seriously. this chapter is pretty rushed and what not but i (we) tried my (our) hardest, so i hope you enjoyed it- i would like to say a massive thank you to elia and antoinette who helped me so much on this chapter when i was stuck. i love you both so very much c: ]