He thought it was done; the humiliation, the pain….it seemed nearly too much. 

With a disgusted look Eunsung, a girl of his grade, took a look at him as he laid limply on the gym’s floor; blood oozing out of the palm of his hands as he tried to mantain his weight up.

He tensed up at the feeling of something cold sliding over his forehead, it took him a few seconds to register what was happening…she was drawing, no…writing something on his forehead.

And by the looks on his other aggressors’ faces it was something far more embarrassing.

His cheeks ached due to the punches that had been thrown his way; he could feel a bruise beginning to form on his fair skin… his lips stung, small droplets of blood dripping from the corner of his mouth as he parted his lips to be able to breathe properly.

He ached all over.

“If you dare to even look my brother’s way again I will make sure to end you.” Luhan’s brother mumbled trough gritted teeth, and with a last spit his way- walked away.

*

It's when he is sitting on the night-bus home, shivering and sweat drenched, that Jongin realized how much he hated himself-how utterly miserable he was.
Half of the looks he got were out of pity, and the other half were looks of disgust;he felt smaller than ever before, so vulnerable he was surprised at how he was still there and hadn't disappeared.

"HOMO" was written on his forehead in large black letters, he hadn't realise it was there until he saw his reflection on the bus window.

*

Jongin didn't know whether he ran home or limped, he only knew that once he had gotten there he felt every muscle on his body tense, it felt as though he would collapse any time soon.

His ribs hurt and his heart…his heart felt like it would burst.
And he couldn't believe that just a few weeks ago he had the same feeling but on a very different occasion.
He thought of Luhan, and he felt like throwing up.
Just as he was about to twist the handle and push the door open, his phone vibrated. He paused his actions for a small second, pulling his phone carefully out of his pocket. His face paled at the simple sight of Luhan’s name on the screen of his phone.
With shaky fingers he unlocked his phone and read the message, tears blurring his vision at the four words written.

'nothing i could do. '

He couldn't believe the nerve of the Chinese boy; there were  so many things he could have done. So many things he should have done.
 

Jongin's heart ached even more than his head now. He was cold, bloodied,  humiliated but even more ashamed.

Ashamed because he thought a person like Luhan could've ever loved someone like him.
Ashamed because he believed in the other boy when he said his feelings were honest.

The thought of facing his parents while looking like he did made his stomach churn.

How could a day that had started so well turn out like this?

As he opened the door, he bit onto the corner of his lower lip, a soft breath slipping pass his lips at the overwhelming smell of homemade bread and some sort of pasta- a special occasion.

He thought for a second and widened his eyes slightly in realisation of the fact it was his mother's birthday, he hadn't gotten her anything and now he was turning up home late and looking like he had been mugged.

He felt even more terrible now, tears prickling on the corner of his eyes as he thought of his mum.

She was such a good woman, always kind...attending to chuch every given day, and teaching Sunday school to the younger kids, she'd help the community when she could and she never looked down on anyone. Even him.
What had she ever done to deserve a son like him?
Nothing. Because she was perfect. 
Just like Luhan.

Perfect people deserved perfect people, he concluded with a heavy heart as he slowly made his way towards the staircase, stopping dead in his tracks as his mother called him over.
"Jongin?" She spoke softly, her eyebrows furrowed together in a look of concern and he wanted nothing more than to scream at her to not look at him like that, because he didn't deserve it.
"What happened to your face, honey? Come here,let me see" She whispered as she stepped closer.

Jongin drifted his gaze away, cheeks burning in shame as his mother gasped;  her thumb and attempting on getting rid of the scribbling on her youngest son's forehead, by frantically rubbing over it, but to no avail.

He could hear her sniffling, muttering something that sounded along the lines of 'my poor baby' and 'lets clean you up before your father sees'.

It was the tender touches his mother placed over his bruised face that made him finally break out into a choke sobbing mess, tears streaming down his cheeks without any auto control.

His lips quivered as his mother wrapped her thin yet strong arms around his slender waist, pulling himself away nearly immediately.

"Who did this to you, Jongie..? Tell mum."  

"What's going on here?" He heard the soft yet firm voice of his father ask, Jongin turned his head away quickly; wishing for his father to go away because he was already embarrassed as it was. 
A small nearly bitter yet somehow sadistic chuckle left his father's lips, shaking his head in disbelief as he took his only son's appereance.

"You wanted to dance, I told you football was a better option, you just don't listen Jongin." His father spat, "We only want for people to like you; we want to protect you from people like this, yet you don't help yourself!"

"Jung! That's enough!" He heard his mother gasp, moving as she continued to scold her husband but Jongin didn't want to listen.
Instead he marched himself as best as he could up the stairs,closing the door of his bedroom and locking himself on the bathroom.

a/n; woo finally updated.

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