I'm not annoyed I had to turn away from my main goal. (Jun In) – I'm not annoyed I had to turn away from my main goal. I will have a lot of work to get done by tonight and tomorrow but it was worth the risk. Mi Yeon and I had spend that day together. It was not what was foreseen but after we ate, she wanted to stretch her legs a little for a so-called digestion. It was not quite exactly close to where we were but we went to what seemed to be the most logical choice : the Co-EX Mall.

I often go there with Na Rae and sometimes with Oh Seok. Our favorite place is, of course, Bandi & Luni's, this one is bigger than the one in the mall close to the youth hostel. We have spent a bunch of time walking between the bookstore shelves and I have talked a lot. I just can't help it... Literature means life to me. Without it, I could never have been able to go through all those trials. It's a devoring passion. Each time I get started, I can't stop, just like a verbal diarrheoa. I often have been told it was annoying, by the way.

What is good with Mi Yeon is that she never looks tired or annoyed. She asks me questions, listens to me carefully. I'm feeling as if I am taken seriously for the first time since a while, as I'm more used to get lack of understanding from those around me. That's only since I have went to the SIA that others pay attention to my interests, but I can't count it since they're all moved by the same desire than I do.

Mi Yeon also does something she likes of her life and maybe that's why she knows how to listen to me. She knows how much passion is making us feel alive. She can understand me. I like spending my time with her and that time spent together is not a waste even if now I'm late in my work.

When she didn't notice, I was watching her and I couldn't help smiling. She's really cute in any circumstances but the moments when she's the most dazzling are when she doesn't control anything. When she acts naturally, I can't resist. She doesn't look like any Korean girl I had met until then. She plays no role and doesn't try to look charming in any way - even if, sometimes, she's doing some tries with me, unsuccessfully.

The day has spent, peaceful like a stream, without I can even realize. I had no effort to give to chat with her and I felt she could slowly get used to my presence. This day validated my idea, vaguely said earlier in the restaurant. I want to know her better. I want to know her better but not as a friend. It would be a lie if I said I wanted us to be friends. This morning, I wasn't sure yet of what I really wanted. After I had spent so much time with her I know more precisely.

We have came back home together by the crowded subway train. The heap around us was so thick we had to squeeze against each other. Mi Yeon didn't even had anything to cling to and had to grab my jacket. When more crowd got in, she had to stick real close to me. I have told myself right then it would feel nice to hold her in my arms.

I have spent the whole leftover moments waiting for a sign from her. Even now, as we're walking towards our both rooms, I'm still waiting. When we were at the restaurant and I asked her what I did asked her, her reaction had been so big I didn't dare asking again. I have told myself if she wanted to me with me, I would feel it. Of course I had some clues at times. Behind the book shelves, when we each got our own way at the comics section, I have put my eyes on her. She was staring at a book opened in her hand but I'm convinced she was looking at me the moment before. Since then, nothing tangible.

We're stopping in front of her door. I'm giving her back the plastic bags of her buys that I have took off her hands a bit earlier and she's taking them back, with that lovely smile of when she's embarrassed.

"Thanks for today. When I offered you to have a walk outside, I wasn't expecting this", she adds with a slight nervous laugh. "But it was great. Really great."

"I liked it a lot as well."

One last smile and she's turning her back, ready to open her door. No signs. I don't know what to do. I don't want to force her, but I don't want to let her go and to be caught up by that feeling called frustration. It's just as if an unexpected second chance was given to me and I was letting it slip through my fingers once again. In a few seconds, she's going to get back into her room and maybe we would never get another moment like this one.

There are only a few steps separating our both rooms. And as I'm on the verge of retreating, something is holding me back. Behind me, Mi Yeon seems to wonder whether she wants to open her door or not. Yet, I know I have heard the click of the lock but here she's stay standing on the front steps, her hand on the door handle. That's it. The sign I was waiting for.

I'm turning around and go back to her. She's turning around too, her eyes wondering. Now it's too late to get off. I have to give it a try or to give it a try, as I did earlier at the restaurant. I'm clearing my throat, breathing deeply... A nervous laugh is escaping from my lips and I can't control it. I'm putting my hands inside my pockets, to hide her that I'm not quite very at ease in that type of exercise.

"For what I have asked you... You know, earlier, at the restaurant. Do you think you... can answer me?"

All my senses are on the alert. I'm feeling restless but I just can't show. I don't want her to realize that this is as new for me that it is for her. If she's intimidated or she's lacking experience in that matter, she would probably feel more reassured by someone self-confident than by a puny little thing, as scared in front of the question as a kid facing a monster out of the closet.

On the other hand, she doesn't need to hide anything. I can see her swallowing. I know I'm catching her off-guard. Or maybe not. Maybe she was expecting this but this is one of those situations when you might be preparing yourself as much as you want, everything feels different once you're in front of the things. She's got her hand still on the knob, staring at me, her pupils fluttering around.

"What... What was it again?"

I'm tensing my fists inside my pockets. I'm sure she remembers, I could bet on it. With such a reaction, it just can't be another way. A new feverish laughter is slipping off my lips, I'm a bunch of nerves into a ball, all compacted against one another. Maybe it wasn't that clear after all. It have to be perfectly clear this time.

"I really like you. I mean, really really. I want to get to know you better. I would really like us to... be together, you know..."

I have tried to chose the less rude formulation. The exercise is perilous, that's the least you can say. In the short stories I have published in the magazine I'm working for, characters often live a moment such as this one. Most of the time, everything happens with a confusing ease. Clean and simple : there's a girl who likes a boy or vice versa and since they like each other, there's no real problems on their way in that very first step. It's the easiest one... In real life, it seems like things don't happen the same way.

In real life, There are a lot of questions, more fears we're trying to hide and others exposed in broad daylight, there are restless hearts and shaking wet hands, dry throats and eyes filled with hope. So much hope...

I can see she hesitates. Something seem to be stopping her in her tracks and keeps her from aswering in a clear, frank and objective way. If that's not it, I have been dreaming everything since the beginning and I will be the only one to blame if it crumbles in front of my eyes because I haven't been protecting myself as I promised so. Mi Yeon is prancing about herself, looking everywhere except me. If she doesn't want it, I want her to say it right now.

"Can you give me times so I can think it through", she's finally asking me, still not looking at me.

"How much time? Hours? Days?"

I'm angry about myself for rushing her but I can't bear keeping it all for me anymore. I'm not very good at holding back my pulsions.

"One week. I'll tell you next Sunday."

The sudden determination of her voice is catching me off-guard. The moment before, she looked like about to scatter in two, fragile crystal, and abruptly, she seems more confident than I could have made her think I was. I don't know what to think about it. I don't know if I should be happy or worried. A week is a short amount of time. And a very long one too. A lot of things can happen in a week.

But I don't have any other choice than agreeing. So I agree. In one week, next Sunday, I will come and knock on her door and she will answer. Well, see you next week then. Yes, alright, see you. Take good care of you. I promise. And here is the time to come back home.

Yet, before that, I want to try to put out feelers, to know whether I should spend this week with hope in the heart or I have to expect for the worse, so I won't be falling from too high and will be able get out of this with only a small scratch, the ones that can be healed with a dash of cold water and a band-aid.

I'm leaning forward and stick my lips on her cheeks for just a quick while. I'm trying to put as much tenderness as I can in that brush. To make her understand m intentions are sincere. She doesn't reject me and doesn't seem disgusted, neither. She only has closed her lids, her shoulders a bit backward, more as if she was scared of what kind of kiss that would be than of the kiss itself. It's very little but I'm feeling comforted. I think I will be able to start that new week with hope.

Until then, time will feel long. Very long.