This time it was an official date. (Mi Yeon) – This time it was an official date. Jun In had envisaged to keep this day off for me, in case I would say yes. I had no reason to refuse, Caught in the perspective that a bit of fresh air far from the youth hostel would do us some good after all those emotions.

I had to remained focus not to think that, maybe in a few weeks, this kind of things would'ny be possible for us anymore, as we were going to the closest subway station, walking side by side. I wanted to be able to enjoy each seconds spent with him and only focus on us. Sometimes it was bit hard but I think I made it.

In the subway, we have been able to find two free seats. How many times did I envy all those adorable couples, living their lives as if the world around never existed? I just can't tell. It still feels weird everytime I think that's something I have lived today. My arms wrapped around his, we have talked like we always fo and it really was as if the world around never existed. I was feeling so fine... Like I have never felt yet since I arrived here.

Jun In wanted to go to Myeong-dong but I have regarded the place as too dangerous. I didn't want to take the risk to meet girls or boys or anyone from the agency. I have proposed him to hang around the Ehwa University. Close to the school, there's a place where I like to go, an area with many streets filled with shops selling trendy and cheap clothes. It's as lively as Myeong-dong, without its main drawbacks. I told as an excuse that I wanted to get a new dress and it was not hard to make him change his mind.

My mind more tranquile and relaxed, I have enjoyed our stroll with more carefreeness than if I would had to scrutiniez every face on my way in the streets, just in case. Of course, there are chances other trainees could be met out of the agency's area but Seoul is si big that the chances are less. And we haven't met anyone at all.

We might have went to any shops on our way, at least the cheapests. At first, faithful to my little lie, I was targetting the dresses but quickly, we were likely to forget the so-called aim and to have fun instead. I have made him try plenty of caps and beanies, so much that he have bought one in the end. It was fun. Different from what we have done last weekend but as fine. What was different was that when we have stopped to buy something to drink, he wanted to pay for me and when we went out of the Smoothie King, he has took my hand.

I know it was nothing special. It's something I'm a bit used to, even. But I'm not used it to be with Jun In. It have made everything official for good in front of the world. It's a great step forward where I come from. In the capital, it doesn't look being much and according to what I have understood, it's nothing at all in the USA. Yet, this simple gestures intimidated me.

Obviously, though, it was nothing compared to what was expecting us in the subway on our way home. A crowd, dense, compacted, the worst of the worst rush hour, when you're so packed that it's hard for you to breath. Jun In and I almost have been aspired by the mass of people getting on, pushed to the back of the train without the need to move our feets. An old lady even smashed my toe and I was scared to would stop me from being good at the dance rehearsal all week long.

At first, I was stuck on me, he was holding me by the waist for me not to fall or to get hurt but it seemed like there was still too much room between us since a girl has separated us and another man with her so much that I finally have found myself being crushed by many unknowns stinking out. It was a nightmare.

When we finally have got out, at the Seoul National University of Education station (with most of the people), I was almost crying. If this is what a crowd reaction feels like, well I'm scared for the future. Jun In have felt I was not well, so he offered to stop at the Starbucks to get a coffee.

The night has fallen since a little while when we're back at the youth hostel. As always, Sadang little streets are very lively, even the nights when it's cold, like tonight. All the little restaurants along the road have their lights on and in front of one of the biggest, specialized in grilled meat, couples are waiting for their turn while smoking a cigarette, in chairs made for them on the heaten terrace. Families and business men are mixing up, a few students are out from the first Seven Eleven and others are entering the second one a little higher in the street. The neon emblems are going on and off. A cat is crossing the tumult at quick strides. Jun In and I are walking without a word, peaceful. His hand still in mine. I'm starting to get used to thie exposure in front of unknowns. It feels pretty good, even.

It has been a wealthy day and once again, I didn't see it passing us by. Tomorrow, I'll be back at my routine : training, training, training and training again. It's as if I was in immersion in another universe where the rules are differents and only applies to that place. A zone existing nowhere else, microcosm governed by endurance, ambition and appearances. Again and again, appearances. This world, I wanted it and I chose it knowing it well and I would go back for nothing in the world. But I also like the real world, the one I'm living in with him in this particular moment.

He takes me to my door. He's forced to pass it by to get to his room, anyway. It's strange to think that there are only a few meters separating us and yet, we needed that lock problem to get closer. Without my forgetfulness, maybe I just would have kept on meeting him from time to time, thinking he was cute, without a further purpose. I wouldn't have known that he've got that personality I like so much and that smile making my heart beat faster.

I'm sinking my key in the lock, opening my door. He's waiting, surely to be sure I'm safe inside, as if anything could happen while that tiny piece of time until my own room. And then, I realize. We didn't say good bye. A couple never separates without a word, especially when it's all fresh and new like us. Sometimes, my forgetfulness can bring me to think the wrong way.

"Did you have fun today?", he's aking me.

"I did. It was great. You chose the right beany."

I'm stretching my hand and pull the wooly headgear, coming to rub his eyebrows. He's trying to make angry eyes but it's not working and I'm laughing... I'm laughing like a fool. I realized how much I have giggled today. The agency's scandalmongers pointing at me because I'm too serious wouldn't want to believe it. It's because I know I can show Jun In who's the real Mi Yeon.

He's putting his beany back then seem to change his mind and leaves it. His hair is full of small cowlicks. I like it when they're weel combed, perfectly soothed but I also like it a lot when they're a bit dishevelled, all mad like right now. I hope he will never dye them. I have never seen such a raven color, it's so beautiful. And their texture. They're thin and soft, like babie's hair. It's easy to see he takes good care of him and I think I like it too.

"We'll see each other next week, won't we?"

"Of course. I can't wait. What are you doing tonight? Do you want to watch a drama with me?"

I have asked this question randomly, without a further thought. Maybe he's got work to do and I would understand but it would feels so nice to extend the pleasure it si to be with him. And he never saw my room. It's exactly the same than his, arrangements and furnitures, for sure. Except not really. I guess that would be a bit like stepping into my world, because I have brought a lot of me into it.

"It's nice of you but I have to finish a little something for school. And my sleep have been restless with it... Because of a girl who was blowing my mind."

I'm smiling as I understand immediately what he wanted to say. I don't know why, I feel that one week without him will feel like a year. If I start thinking this way as we're only together since hours, it means I'm on a very very bad slope. It's either I hold onto something, either I'll be slipping. I don't know what I will choose yet but I can feel I'm already attracted by the blank.

And I think about one elementary little thing none seemed to have thought about. I'm searching inside my bag and get my cellphone.

"Would you give me your number? We'll be able to send messages to each other during the week, this way."

Well, I have to admit it's a bit dangerous. Depending on what kind of messages that will be and who could read it, it could be the one thing going up. But I feel like I want to take the risk. It will make the things easier to keep in touch and, if I feel I'm ready to tell him everything, I will be able to do it before I would have the occasion to be a chicken.

Of course he agrees and gets his cellphone too. The bag he's bringing everywhere with him intrigues me a lot. I haven't dared asking what he was carrying in it but I must confess it have teased my curiosity. One day, I will unravel the mystery of the bag... We're exchanging our numbers, with pictures taken from life to illustrate the name. I won't give him any loving nickames in my repertory, just in case and I'm only writing Jun In. Without the first name. It's already a sign of intimacy.

Once the step is made, it's about time to say good bye. For good. And suddenly I'm feeling nervous. I have barely pressed one of his hands against the frame of my door and doesn't smile at all. His eyes are drilling me from everywhere, questioning me... My heart is skipping a beat inside my chest understanding what is going to happen. All the signs are gathered, clear and obvious. I'm surprised to lower my own eyes to his bottom face. My breath is quickening. I can't move any single muscle.

It's obviously the natural stream of life, for him. Here, we wait a little time before we cross that line. Not always, of course... But most of the time. We shared lots and lots of dates before, staying innocent, holding hands in the streets and nestling against each other on the subway but we keep a certain distance before we dare this. But Jun In is not really Korean, what I'm likely to forget. Even if his parents are less or more from here, he has lived in Chicago his whole life, being raised there, lulling by the American culture. I know that, oppositely to that stupid misconception know but the Asians, they don't do that private thing just to greet each other. I also know, somehow, that a situation like ours is ideal. The only thing left to know is whether I'm ready for it or not. What, obviously, Jun In wants to know.

What's the most scary is, most of the time, to jump in. To rush forward a race, to debut on stage, to take a flight for the first time of your life. This is what is scaring me : the fact I don't know what it will feel like. To be afraid it will be bad for us. Most of the time, attack is the best defense. Your dreads are easier to tame if you face it. So I'm decided to face mine. I'm sure everything is going to be okay since I'm with him.

I'm closing my eyes.

Time seems to have stopped. I'm feeling as if I was waiting eternally, eyes shut in front of him. My hands are seizing the doorframe behind me, squeezing it with full strength. I'm feeling vulnerable and I hate that. I'm on the verge of opening my eyes back and to think I have been completely fooled about his intentions... And he's putting his lips on mine.

I'm compressing the wood in my back until it hurts. He has put his hand on my shoulder. The little pressure of his mouth has nothing scary at all. It's even a very pleasant experience and I'm surprised to be pressing my lips against his as well. They're velvety and the touch his so soft... It gives me butterflies.

It only lasts for a few seconds. A few seconds is very little comparing to the anticipation. I'm opening my eyes back and what is in front of me, that's Jun In's face, close. And his bright smile.

I'm glad I have thought my dread.