(A/N: This was so hard to write. I didn't want to write this. I was so agaisnt this. But i knew i had finish it. To start 2015 fresh. I will never be statisfied with the ending chapter. The end is never easy. But I just wanted to thank you all so much for being on this journey with me. My first story went farther than i would have imagined. So once again thank you all. Love you guys)

~The past cannot be cured~

That night, Jieun won the grand prize to sing on SBS Inkigayo the next morning. She deserved it. Her face was blushing red when Teacher Yoon called out her name. The audience couldn’t have agreed more and although Suzy’s performance was raw and beautifully carried out, she had received a 97, just one point off. She wasn’t disappointed, Suzy was in fact relieved. She had done what she wanted, sang a song that came out from her soul, she wasn’t even going to go on tv the next day if she had won, that wasn’t her intention. The person she had wanted to hear her had done so. Jieun was the one that needed the camera lens on her.

She didn’t know how to react when Hyeri crushed her bones. The air was knocked right out of her when she was attacked by Hyeri and Jiyoung hugging her as soon as she stepped off the stage.

Taemin’s eyes were red as he gave her a thumbs up for her performance standing next to Jaebum who had his head down and holding onto his jacket too tight.  

She was going to ignore it but Krystal was wiping the corner of her eye and Suzy felt raise and her nose scrunch. She tried containing it by forcing her lips down but when Sehun and Jongin knocked Krystal’s head, she broke down. In front of all of them. It didn’t matter that they were seeing her eyes water, her breathing shorten and her hands flying up to conceal her face, they didn’t say a word. She was just so tired of fighting everything.

Jaebum gently pushed the girls away to tug Suzy into his embrace. He was patting her head and wouldn’t let her pull away. He kept whispering “sorry” into her ear making her sob louder.

They were all thinking the same thing

She shouldn’t be crying.

Their eyes widened when Mrs. Bae walked through the backstage with Jieun leading the way, Yoona and Suho were socializing with the other guests and teachers. Her eyes dimmed seeing Suzy on the floor sobbing into Jaebum. She caught the bag Suzy’s mom handed to her before flying over to her daughter and shushing her cries with a touch. Suzy’s nails dug into her mom’s arm as if holding on to a life boat, her heart was clenching and her lungs shrinking, making her cough out the rest of her tears. No one moved. No one dared to say anything until Suzy finished.

She had self-destructed in front of them all. The very thing that she had willed herself throughout her entire journey not to do, she did. The bomb detonated.  

“Why are they all here?! Why are they all so kind and warm to me now?! Why couldn’t they be there when I needed them Why?!” Her screams were jagged, like a crooked knife that sunk in and twisted in their backs.

The only sound that came after Suzy’s outburst was her mom’s purse being dropped from the shaking hands of Jieun’s.

“Stop it. Just please stop it. You don’t deserve all this pain. I have stained by hands long enough for all of this” the tears she never shed ran down her cheeks when she looked at Taemin. The feeling of shame had taken hold on her and she wanted to wash it away. She couldn’t face herself to her father, show him what he’s lost when she was this ugly inside. She was a monster and it scared her.

Suzy could barely hear her above her cries but her mom’s soothing voice calmed her down enough for her to hear the rest.

“I told her….I told Sulli that night that I saw Taemin and Jiyoung kiss” Jieun closed her eyes when she heard the gasp that came from Jiyoung. “I don’t know why I did it but I knew she was upset and suggested we go out……Suzy…she was unstable when we left her in your care. We were thinking about ourselves when we left you guys that night.”

Jaebum laced his fingers with Jieun and nodded her head to tell her it was okay “we…..we hate ourselves, each one of us hates ourselves. Most of them don’t know what happened between Sulli and you Suzy but that was-“

“Selfish of us. My pride overtook my consciousness. I ignored my best friend in her time of need because I was hurt but that’s not an excuse. But we were awful on how we treated you and that wasn’t justice because-“ Krystal felt Sehun’s hand envelope hers.

“You did nothing wrong. We don’t know what happened but that doesn’t matter. Sulli and you were our friends. And you hurting like this, you blaming yourself when-“

“All of us hold that burden, isn’t fair. We weren’t fair to you when you looked out for all of us. You were there for me when I probably would’ve looked away” the ugly truth came out and Hyeri wanted to shove down those words back in but they were out already. She was an ignorant child, she wasn’t mature like she had wanted to be.

“Sulli, our Sulli doesn’t blame you” Jiyoung’s voice was soft but carried so much power.

“And we don’t blame you.” Jongin’s broken smile had Suzy looking away and wiping her cheeks, overwhelmed by what they were doing and saying.

“So don’t blame yourself Suzy.” Taemin’s hand reached out for her to grab. She stared at it from her heavy eyelids “my mistake. Our mistake had paid a price far too great. Don’t lose yourself anymore. Come back, not to us but to yourself”

She looked at all of them, holding hands and waiting for her to take Taemin. She stared at them all before lifting herself off the ground, holding onto Taemin’s hand. She squeezed it once before dropping it. They had admitted their mistakes and it was time for her to do the same. She was just as selfish as they were and just as tired. Sulli would want them to know…..as a lesson.   

“What happened between me and Sulli was….”

……………………………………………

Next day: Piano recital

Her hands were shaking. She hadn't felt this nervous since her first concert. But it wasn't just her first, it was Sulli's too. They did a joint performance in eighth grade, easing the other's tension. Their pianos were facing each other so they locked eyes, smiling to the other as if saying 'it's like practice, I'm here with you'

Krystal was her best friend yes, but Sulli knew her the longest, each tick she had Sulli knew of. Each fear she had, Sulli helped her with. Krystal was like her other half, they had a lot in common and they instantly clicked. Sulli was like her root, she knew she would be there no matter what, always in that spot for her, always ready to help and share dreams together. Jiyoung, Jieun, and Hyeri were close to her, but she wasn't their best friend. Hyeri had Jaebum as one which was the only boy-girl best friend relationship. Jieun, well she was close to everyone but didn't really stick hip-to-hip with one. Jiyoung's was Sulli and vice versa, Suzy wasn't jealous or upset of it since she had Krystal but sometimes their bond shined more than the others but it was okay. The others understood.

The crowd was getting restless. She hadn't played a single note since she stepped on stage, and that was ten minutes ago. She was too caught up in her memories but when she heard the audience start to murmur, that's when she realized that she was supposed to be playing, but she didn't know what. Her mind went blank and her heart beat quickened. She couldn't think of a single key to play, or even how the piece started. She looked out to front seats that were occupied with her friends. They were shouting 'fighting' and smiling out to her, quite the contrast of the others around them. One seat was empty though and she instantly knew who. Her forehead was beating with sweat, this was supposed to be her last performance but she hasn't played in a long time. She glanced down at the piano and stretched her hands out, resting on top of the black and white keys. She pressed down but just a mess of mismatched notes came out that even Suzy wanted to leave the room.

Come on Suzy. Anything. Just think of anything

One by one the audience was starting to get up from their seats, complaining on how this was not the award winning talent they were promised. Suzy was though, she won countless awards but right now it was wasn't showing. She was obviously in a trace, her hands were in position but not moving.

The screen behind Suzy lit up and the intro to "One Year Later" by Onew and Jessica (a different Jessica) started, but it wasn't their voices, it was a piano cover. The crowd stopped moving and quieted down, staring at the girl on the screen. Her fingers flew over the keys with so much elegance and precision that they slowly found their way back to their seats. Too capture in the music to not trip over themselves. The girl's face had a smile that was warm like summer, her eyes were closed while her body swayed to the rhythm she created. Suzy's eyes brimmed with tears and her hands made their way up to , softening her whimper. Her sobbing was distracting but it accompanied the piece with so much emotion that the audience's eyes glistened as well. Suzy's shoulders shook but she couldn't look away from Sulli. Her friends stood up in their seats, gripping each other's hand to calm themselves down. They needed contact, some sort of human contact to make sure they weren't hallucinating. She stopped when the last key struck and turned to the camera. "Well I showed you my audition piece, let me see yours Suzy"

The video ended with a little laugh at the background. It was Suzy's. She quickly stood up and turned to the crowed, bowing low. She regained herself in that upside down pose, the blood rushing to her head. Her head was pounding but her fingers had that itch to them again. Her hair flew up when she straightened herself. Her face clearly showed that she was crying but her eyes know held this new emotion. Acceptance.

"Please forgive me. I won't ask for you to stay but another chance. A chance to show our dream is real. I want to fulfill this dream so you can continue living on. Inside me, with all of us. This chapter of my life hasn't been rewritten, you're still in it" She wasn't talking to the people occupying the chairs. Not waiting for a response. Suzy sat back down on the wooden bench and breathed in deeply.

Before she could start the screen once again lit up and she saw Sulli smiling again. A little laugh came out from behind the camera "Later but Sulli~ show me the one you wrote yourself"

The lights in Sulli's eyes couldn't get any brighter. She stuck out her tongue but still turned around on the bench to start again.

At that moment Suzy knew what song to play, not because it was a good one but it was Sulli's song, the one she made herself. It wasn't a duet piece but Suzy didn't care, all she wanted was to play alongside Sulli.

She pressed the key for C and began to play. (So many tears) It was like she was dancing. The fingers danced around the piano, swiftly pressing down and over. Beautiful. She had this aura of grace and passion. Each held a different emotion. No words were needed to describe the piece. They could already feel it from the first note. Their eyes were seeing twins. The girl on the screen and the girl playing in front of them were so similar yet so different. It was magical.

A girl with long straight hair walked out from backstage and sat down on the empty seat. Next to Jaebum.

"You did that"

The girl didn't respond. She was staring at Suzy on stage. Suzy had her eyes closed and was so looking so peaceful that she smiled to herself. "Yeah."

Jaebum titled his head, so he was still looking at Suzy but was able to hear the girl beside him too. "How did you know she needed that?"

No one knew she was going to freeze on stage. The stage was her realm, it's where she was at home. Jongin and Sehun were as nervous as Suzy when she hadn't played for the first ten minutes. The girl flicked her hair back, smugly proud.

"I am her best friend, aren't I?"

---------—

It was no surprise, Suzy passed. Krystal made it so. No one, even she, could deny Suzy of her talent, of what she deserved. And she still felt sick to her stomach that she didn't stay by her. That she chose her pride over her best friend. And that can't be forgotten. Only time can heal. And time was all Suzy needed and Krystal knew that, which is why she made that call.

As the concert ended and passing marks were made Suzy raced down the steps and jumped into her brother's arm.

"I did it Oppa!" Her smile was back and it took everything in him not to take a picture because that would force him to let go.

Yoona stepped from behind and kissed her cheek "I'm so proud of you Suzy and I'm without a doubt sure that Sulli is too"

 She let out a shaky breath buried her head in her brother's chest.

 "Where's mom?"

 Yoona's grin grew wider and Suho had to laugh at her appearance.

"She's over there talking to some men because they were going frantic searching for you when they recognized mom"

 "Recognized?"

Suzy stepped back and looked in the direction of her mom where she was indeed talking to two different men. One was old, well above the age of sixty, grey hair was kept clean and his suit pressed- he would've looked intimidating if it weren't for his eyes, they were twinkling in delight.

The other was a head taller than her mom and he looked roughly about her age. His hair was dark and his skin pale with rosy cheeks. He looked very good for an older man and she could tell her mom thought the same way. But she felt like she knew him somehow. Like she's seen his face before.

As she got closer she finally remembered where she saw him before. He was one of the judges that was grading her audition- the very one she choked on. The blush on her cheeks wouldn't die down.

Her mom embraced her when she arrived by her side

"Oh honey! You were wonderful! I didn't even know you had thought of something like that" she hadn't though but as she looked back she locked glances with Krystal who nodded her head once to her and once to the old man who laughed out loud at that before returning his focus to Suzy

"Well hello my dear, my name is Professor Lee"

Suzy bowed in greeting

"I have never in my life attended a college performance, but I got a call from a very persuasive girl who told me I would be and I quote "a fool" not to come"

Suzy cursed Krystal under her breath "Now Mr.Kim has told me that he had evaluated you on your performance last semester and he said it was "messy"

Mr. Kim's smiled gently at Suzy bowing her head “And maybe it was but my dear this was far from that. It was perfection. Enchanting.”

Mr. Lee had curled his index finger, indicating for Suzy to lower her head for a private conversation while Mr.Kim spoke on the side to the blushing mother of three. 

“After flying across the ocean for a meeting here in Seoul and stopping by before my flight was never part of the plan but thanks to your friend, it was a wonderful experience.”

The urge to strangle Krystal was suppressed by his compliment. “wha...um what I mean is thank you so much sir. Talking to you is amazing.”

Mr. Lee chuckled at her nervousness “Don’t be nervous Miss Bae, my real reason as to talking with you is that I wanted to say that everyone deserves second chances”

Suzy’s mouth dried at his words. What is he talking about? Flashbacks of the last couple months, the fights, the breakdowns, the unimaginable were swirling around in her head that she almost missed Mr.Lee’s question.

“I would like to grant you early acceptance for Julliard in New York, this spring. Full scholarship for your impeccable piano performance. I am one of the professors there and it would be an honor helping you sharpen your natural talent. So tell me Miss Bae, would you like to study abroad?”

Suzy’s eyes glazed over hearing his proposal. She twirled around to scan the room. Jongin was near the entrance, looking over guests to find her and Suzy’s heart swelled seeing the rose in his hand, she couldn’t help her heart when it skipped a beat. Her eyes moved to the left seeing Sehun laughing with Jiyoung about something and when he caught her stare, his eyes disappeared copying the smile on his lips-she loved his smile. Off to the side was Krystal shaking hands with a teacher and having a polite conversation, the socialite. She saw Hyeri and Jaebum walking through the crowd probably searching for her, she didn’t miss their linked hands. Jieun was with Taemin in deep conversation until he hugged her and patted her head always the good guy. She didn’t know what she was feeling but after observing all of them, she was ready to give her answer.

The soft kiss on her hair from her mom and the presence of her siblings reassured her answer. Looking in his eyes, Suzy took a deep breath and said what Sulli would have wanted her to say

“Yes”

To live their dream.      

 ~forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness. ~

~forgiveness is the final form of love~

(My final form of love is finishing this story. Don't hate me on how it ended! LOVE ME. Perhaps they'll be a sequel, i don't know. But i wish everyone the best in 2015, you are all beautiful and wonderful people. Love yourself, accept your flaws, learn from your mistakes, forgive others because hate is so tiring.)

 i don't want to cry but i'm crying. Live your dreams everyone!