Yesterday:

With him:

He’s been trying to reach for the past few days; he has kept her number unlike most of the others. To think of deleting her from his contacts would make it official-she’s deleted from his life, something he wasn't ready to have. Ever.

“Pick up, pick up, pick up” The line was dialing and just like the other times there was no answer. He stared at the phone praying that she would have a little pity on him and instead of ignoring the call, he would take an answer of “go away” or “stop”. At least that way he would hear her voice.

“The person you are trying to re-” He threw his phone on the bed.

“You can’t be like this Suji” He felt like he’s been doing everything he can to try to get back to her but for some reason she can’t see how much he wants to be by her side. How it was just a moment of weakness for him, for everyone. But he hasn't stopped thinking about her; no matter how hard he tries she always visits him in his dreams.

With her:

The weekend went by in a blur. Well at least for Suzy because as of 10pm on a Sunday night she felt like she had done nothing at all. She couldn’t even remember what she was doing yesterday, that’s how much of nothing happened.

“Ugh!” Suzy groans, rolling around on her bed. She couldn’t even focus on reading and she loves reading. She was getting tired of doing nothing, she didn’t have anything to do. Her mom worked on the weekend trying to pick up extra shifts, Yoona didn’t live with them and she was so busy with keeping up at the bakery, it was always packed on the weekends that she had no time to check in on her sister no matter how much she wanted. Suho on the other hand, coming back home after such a long time, all of a sudden he had bunches of friends that wanted to hang out with him, not giving him a chance to breathe. Suzy felt bad for him but at the same time thought he was lucky, that even after being separated for more than a year his friends all scrambled to squeeze their way back into his life, that’s how big of an impact her brother had on people. A foot print.

Another groan escaped from Suzy as she shifted her weight to attempt to sleep earlier than her normal time. It wasn’t working.

Growing irritated at her lack of tiredness Suzy threw the covers, that were on top of her, off but because she’s Suzy she of course got her leg entangled in the sheets and landed on the hard wood floor with a thud.

“Owmph” Her face was smushed down on the floor, muffling her protest at the betrayal of her ‘Pororo’ blanket. Yes she’s in college, almost 21, so what? She likes Pororo.

Suzy lifted her face and placed it cheek down on the wood feeling that lying on the floor is doing something. She observed the contents underneath her bed with distaste- clothes (possibly dirty), food wrappers, pencils and books abandoned and balled up loose leaf papers were just thrown under her bed.

Suzy sat up, leaning on her knees ‘Better than nothing huh?’ Pulling her trash bin over to the side of her bed Suzy started hauling out the trash, she even scrunched up her face when she recognized a half-eaten snickers? Bar that she was eating well over a month ago. Yeah this is long overdue

With the continuation of throwing things into the bin she was also curious as to why she had crumpled up paper there too. Like any other person seeing forgotten hand written notes, her curiosity bubble inflated and she just had to know what she wrote. Grabbing the closest one to her amongst the pile of scraps she instantly regretted her choice when she read the first line.

Flashback:

Her fingers were playing with his as she had her back pressed against his chest, weaving them in and out of his hands. His head was resting on top of hers as they watched a movie in her house. They didn’t even know the title of it because in all honesty they weren’t paying that much attention to the screen. He was rubbing his chin on her head making her head move from side to side with him. He could tell she was smiling because he was smiling too. He was feeling relaxed just holding her when it was interrupted by pinch on his skin.

She giggled when he retracted his hand that now had bite marks on it with a cry. “Yah! Bae Suji! That hurts”

“Really? Aish and I thought I was dating a manly man” Another giggle came from her as she pressed further into his side, poking his arm “Tsk no muscles too”   

His eyes widened “Bwoh?! Yah Suji!” He wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her on his lap as he tickled her. She shrieked in surprise, silently thanking the heavens that her mom was on night shift at the hospital and wouldn’t be back for another hour or so. “Tell me I’m manly! Admit it Suji-ah”

“Never!” Suzy laughed even harder in Jongin’s face when she saw his expression. He looked so shocked at her rejection of his manliness, his pouting made it even worse and she couldn’t not laugh at that.

His hands stopped wiggling on her sides and found their way to her wrists, gently pulling them closer to him and laying them softly on his chest. She could feel his heart beating rhythmically and she blushed when he leaned down, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. His breath was hot against the spot underneath her ear and above her neck.

“Well, I guess I’m just going to have to change your mind”

 END

At Another House:

She was in her room drowning out the screams from the living room. They were at it again, blaming the other and yelling when they got offended and stressed out. She sighed and continued to listen to her music, she wasn’t blasting it from her speakers but listening to the soft humming coming from her headphones, the one she got as a gift from her sister two years ago. Even through the music she heard her sister knock on her door and enter in with an “I’m coming in”

She didn’t look up and just flipped through a magazine that was on her desk. She was sitting crossed leg on the desk chair giving her sister a cramp just looking at the uncomfortable position.

“Let’s go.” She waved her hands for the younger to get up and follow her out.

She lowered the music and took of her headphones wrapping them around her ipod. The deafening screeching were clearer now and all she wanted to do was go under the covers like she used to and wait for them to stop. Her sister was five years older and was nonchalant to everything, she was worried of the status of her family but not wanting to let it show on behalf on her baby sister, she always invited her out when it got bad between her parents.

They’ve been married for about 25 years and they had no problems until seven years ago when the market got bad and their father was losing his practice. It got bad and their dad started depending on their mom with financial issues like paying the mortgage or gas or electricity- everything. It was overwhelming for them both and as selfish as it was she wished her parents just got a divorce that way the anger would die down and the house would be silent for once. She wouldn’t have to listen to her mom’s sobbing or hearing her dad start up the car. But she knew they wouldn’t, they were like this for too long and they also couldn’t afford to separate no matter how much easier it would be.

She got up from her chair and followed her sister down the stairs, her parents were still at it and she wondered how her neighbors could deal with it, she couldn’t deal with it. Her sister grabbed her purse that was hanging on the back of one of the dining room’s chair and walked out the door, ignoring her parents that were in the room across. The younger bit her lip in worry, wondering if she should intervene but knowing she’ll be shouted at to leave and not in to their conversation and once her tears spilled out she’ll be scolded at for acting like a child. It happened before. Deciding to save herself from a heartache she raced after her sister who was waiting in her car.

She didn’t even shut the front door behind her, too focused on jumping in the car and escaping from the hell she called her home. It wasn’t always hell, it’s just becomes more apparent in her eyes on how things have changed and she couldn’t be a child forever. She had to realize that life was hard.

The engine purred and her sister backed up from the drive way pulling out into the street.

“Where are we going?”

“A bakery, eating sweet- thought it might cheer you up”

…………

“Do you think they still love each other?” The elder lowered the mug she was sipping on that had her favorite coffee; caramel. Since they started going out when the younger was thirteen and the older was eighteen, she would order coffee to help calm herself down and it would always be caramel. And because of her sister’s love for the taste, she herself, would be drawn to it too. Caramel coffee was something they shared.  

“Right or left?” Her sister asked. It was always that. Right or left; one had her honest opinion and the other was one she hope for. The younger never had an idea of which was which so ‘right’ could be a brutal answer, a lie, a wish. It was a mind game but also one that helped her sleep at night, whichever one the elder gave she could handle if she just tricked her mind a bit.     

“Left” she answered, she always guessed ‘right’ so why not ‘left’? Her sister’s hair fell to the front of her face cascading a slight glow when the sun directly hit the honey blonde hair. It was like a halo for an angel.

“Yes”

Krystal knew that when they got home they’ll be welcomed back into the house like nothing had happened. Their mom will be cooking and their father would be reading, talking to one another calmly as if the fight was just a gentle breeze between the two. Their smiles will be sweet. Their family will be happy again and she’ll find comfort in that.

……………….

Present: Practice Room

Suzy was explaining the point of the song and Krystal was teaching her about expression. Suzy had a beautiful voice but she has detached herself too much from it.

“Again” Krystal demanded causing Suzy’s eyebrow to twitch, she was exhausted, they all were.

“What did I do now?” Suzy huffed, she’s had enough of Krystal’s bossy tone. The girl has been grilling her the moment the practice began.

“It’s the same thing, you just haven’t learned. Like always” Krystal muttered under her breath but Suzy still caught it. She tossed the music sheets aside and stood up in defiance.

“Like always?! Are you kidding right now? I have been doing everything you've asked for the past 4 hours but you’re the one with a stick up your . You wanted expression, I gave you that!”

Krystal itched her eyebrow, peeved by Suzy and her ignorance. “You didn't though. You have been too busy trying to convey emotion that you aren't feeling it. Why did you choose this song if you aren't going to do it properly? This isn't a game.”

Suzy growled and reached out to pick up her bag from on top of the piano when she knocked it over having her purse double over and spill out her stuff.

“Oh my God! I’m getting a new bag”

Krystal rolled her eyes at the melodramatic Suzy and out of habit stooped down to help pick up her things. Suzy stood staring at the girl who was grabbing her stuff.

“What?” Krystal raised an eyebrow. Suzy shook her head and went to pick up her keys, phone and the rolled up papers in her bag. One in particular was in front of Krystal, the pink frilly handwriting wasn't like Suzy but it was without a doubt the girl's. Like a curious cat, Krystal picked up the wrinkled paper and glanced up at Suzy, and seeing how the girl was occupied she casually opened up the paper, her eyes reading the lyrics over and over again. And for once in many months, Krystal smiled genuinely. She stood up and tossed the “no longer crumpled ball” over to Suzy who finished getting her things and had to scramble up to catch the paper.

“This one” Krystal said. Suzy looked at her to the paper. She had to swallow a scream and furiously shook her head.

“Why this one?”

“Because Bae Suzy, this one, for some reason, means something to you or why else would you be carrying trash in your bag? And even with a 'stick up my ' I can tell that this song will portray the emotions that you’re leaving out”

“Can’t we just go over one more time?” Her voice was small, scared to sing the song she made for someone out loud. Krystal’s eye rolling habit was on full force and she wasn’t going to reason with the girl, the performance was important to the dance team and Suzy needed to pull this off. She wasn’t doing it for her ex-friend, she was just making sure that the performance wouldn’t flop and cause them to look bad.

“You aren’t hearing me! How many times do I need to say it? I said you weren’t feeling that song and it was literally killing me how awful it was. You need a new song, I’m not saying this one is it but for god’s sake Suzy quit your whining and sing it!” Krystal has gotten a lot colder over the year and her look could stone anyone but Suzy was the one who has built up her walls high enough for a blast like that to not shake her that much.

Krystal’s screech though got the attention of the two boys going over dance steps, after the song choice they went right to work- blocking out the girls and making it just the two and the music but that yell could stop a stampede. Sehun looked to Jongin whose clothes were sticking to him with sweat forming out his figure and he couldn’t help but frown. The other boy definitely had a better body than his, one of a Greek God, his muscles weren’t bulky; they were lean and toned with abs made of steel. Sehun though wasn’t just bone either, he was drenched in sweat and it made his skin glistened, something Jonigin, after many dance lessons, has seen and it made him look like a Roman god stepping out of the ocean. His bangs were pressed against his forehead and his collarbone was jutted out, the sharpness of his jaw could cut anyone and Jongin wondered in that moment why Suzy had pick himself over the other because if he were to be honest; Sehun and Jongin, not Kai, were too much alike.

They focused on the girls off the side and the tense figure of Suzy, stomping her way to the microphone. Sehun jogged over to stand by Krystal, questioning what was going on. She shushed him and moved away, scrunching up her nose too “You look like you were pushed in a pool, don’t touch me”. Sehun rolled his eyes at the haughty girl who motioned for Suzy to start.

Jongin watched as Suzy’s eyes met his and it made him freeze. Her eyes looked so sad and longing. What’s wrong?

He blinked in surprise at her eyes showing so many emotions since that night, she looked so fragile that one breath would knock her out. Her eyes closed and she opened .

XOXO

XOXO

XOXO yeah~

*Our lips touching is an X, or kiss

Arms around each other, O, or hug

Do you know that I want to tell you? Oh~

Day by day I write my heart to you

Wrote everything in this letter, it’s true

But I can’t seem to send it to you. Oh~

How are you these days? Is all I have to say

Why can’t I tell you more, why am I this way?

To be honest , my heart is deep, deeper than the sea

The words that I really want to say is be with me*

………

You may have thought that Jongin confessed first and that Suzy was the one that was confessed to but that would be false because it was the opposite. Suzy was the one that actually asked Jongin to go on a date with her.

The thing was that Suzy’s confession wasn’t a normal one, she didn’t just go up to Jongin as say

“Hey! Go on a date with me” No she wasn’t that kind of girl, she had actually took the time to plan everything out. She was young and it was their first year in college so a campus relationship excited her and she wanted to do something that would show how sincere she was. Just like Suzy had many admirers, Jongin did too- he was handsome and danced really well, anyone would fall for his moves but she didn’t want to be anyone, she was a friend- a close one, and if he said ‘no’ this would only make things awkward. After contemplating it over and over again Jieun gave her an idea of how to confess in a style that would suit her.

“Why don’t you make a song?”

And that’s what she did

As much as I was nervous and earnest

My lips almost touch yours

I XOXO you, every day in my dreams XOXO

Give me XOXO L.O.V.E

You’re my XOXO L.O.V.E

When you’re with me, you seem so comfortable

You keep playing jokes on me

Every time you smile your white smile

Is your heart a yes or no?

Give me a sign, X or O

It’s no fun to wait

Should I take courage and tell you?

My ugly handwriting, this embarrassing letter

These four words are not enough

His hands were balled up in fists clenching the ends of his sweaty t-shirt as he continued to glare at the girl singing. That’s my song. She said that was only for me, why is she singing it in front of them?  It’s the only thing left I have from her and she’s giving it away?

Krystal was nodding her head along to the rhythm, finally pleased and a too engrossed Sehun was all limbs in front of her. His heart was shaking in his chest pleading to break out from his ribs and just spill out on the floor. His heart was hers and it knew that.  He had the images on him on stage with Suzy, her singing this song to him, making him feel warm inside, and his dance to her making her blush at his gaze. The scene was heaven to him and he was dying to make it realistic, as realistic as he could. Once the last word was said softly in a whisper, like a feather riding on the wind, Suzy stepped back.

“Good”

“Good? That’s all you can say Krystal? Suzy you were singing so purely, it felt ….” He rubbed the back of his neck unable to find the words.    

“Like a confession”  

They whipped around to see Jongin leaning against the wall, eyes never wavering, and his voice cool. Too nonchalant. Krystal snapped her fingers “It did seem that way” and after that moment her heart dropped. It seemed surreal to her and she didn’t want to know if Jongin guessed right.

Sehun was watching Suzy, she was scratching her neighboring fingers with her nails; it was something Sehun had learned that she did when she was anxious. Before he got a chance to walk over to her, Suzy was snatched away from Jongin.

“I have to speak to her about the performance, I’ll take her home” He grabbed his bag along with her purse and marched towards the door. And the thing Sehun worried was why she wasn’t pulling away.

“Oppa?” Krystal questioned. She outstretched her hand to hold onto her boyfriend from leaving with the very girl she hated.

“Sorry Krystal, can you take yourself home today? I won’t be coming back here” It was more of a statement rather than a question. One that was slammed in her face just like the door was as he left with her.

Sehun scuffed the bottom of his shoes on the floor, squeaking was inevitable and Krystal matched the tone.

She wanted to pull him back and slap some sense into him. I’m his girlfriend. Not her

But she knew she couldn’t because that would only drive him away. She sat down next to Sehun who was finding the coolness of the glass of the mirror against his shoulder to be relaxing. His heart burned but he also knew that it would’ve been pointless to run after her when she didn’t resist, when she never picked up his calls anyway.  Krystal leaned her head on his aching shoulder and he would’ve shrugged her off but he was too comfortable and she needed him. They were friends after all; they did have feelings for each other.

“Do you think we would’ve been happy?”

Krystal’s nose brushed the side of his neck forgetting how sweaty he is and how just a second ago all she wanted was for him to not touch her.

“What do you mean?”

“Do you think we would have been happy if we tried? For us-together.” He wasn’t really looking for a response because he already knew the answer. Her hair was flung over his chest and like he did with Suzy’s, he twirled her hair with his fingers.  Krystal wouldn’t look at him but that didn’t matter because he was too lost in his own thoughts to hear her answer.

Her eyes shut closed, the images of them laughing together on their ‘dates’, her kisses with Jongin and his with Suzy flashed in the dark.

“I don’t know”

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Yes

A/N: Yay!!!! An update! Ah the * on the lyrics from EXO XOXO is because it's from an english cover by Silv3arT3ar and guys she's amaaaaaazing~ idk if i had to ask her permission to take some of her lyrics (she writes her own version) and use it but if i give her credit it's fine right? Huuuuuu if i'm wrong please tell me. But anyways hope you liked this chapter <33