Junsu was nervous. Really nervous. And, right now, it had nothing to do with Changmin. At least, not directly. As he was leaving the park and heading for his bus stop, he realised that one of his nosy neighbours had seen him. The problem was that there was no mistaking the situation. Changmin had his arm around him and was standing really close. He was sure that the tall guy had been a little surprised when he avoided the goodbye kiss.

When Junsu reached home he was already imagining all sorts of catastrophe scenarios. The nosy neighbour was with her car so that meant she had about half an hour ahead of him. That was plenty of time for his mother to know an exaggerated version of the events. With a big sigh, Junsu walked into the kitchen to talk with his mother. Maybe if he came clean and confessed he had a boyfriend, before anyone else told her, he’d survive.

“Ah, Junsu, there you are. Your father needs your help in the garden.”

Junsu thanked the heavens. The neighbour hadn’t reached his mother yet. Well, time to get grounded for life.

“Mom, I need to tell you something.”

“What is it?”

“Well… you see… there’s this guy… and…”

“And?”

Junsu decided to just say it in a rush before he lost his courage. Then he’d wait for the storm to hit.

“I have a boyfriend. He just asked me out today and I said yes.”

 “Well, finally. You’re 17 already. It’s about time.”

Junsu’s mouth could not open any further. He didn’t know which reaction to have first, whether to be relieved or whether to be offended.

“Tell me about him. Do I need to go chase him with a broom?”

Surprisingly, telling his mother a little about Changmin wasn’t so bad. When Junsu joined his father in the garden he was feeling quite happy.

…

At the end of the day, a sweaty Junsu was finally allowed to get back inside the house. He stretched his tired muscles under the hot shower. He didn’t mind helping his father with the garden but it was always hard work. He decided he’d get himself an apartment when he got older. Definitely not a house with a garden in need of maintenance.

His mind returned to Changmin. Junsu blushed fiercely. He had felt a faint scent in his clothes reminding him of how his boyfriend had hugged him. He kept remembering the kiss. Kisses, actually. Junsu grabbed his hair and then hid his face while he screamed. He still couldn’t believe it. It didn’t feel real yet. He, Kim Junsu, was Shim Changmin’s boyfriend.

…

Yoochun and his brother ambushed Junsu as soon as he came back downstairs. They grabbed him and dragged him away, shouting at Junsu’s mother that they’d be back before dinner time.

“Guys, stop! What do you think you’re doing?”

“We want to know what happened! You disappeared with Changmin.”, said Yoochun.

Junsu was nervous. Really nervous. And, right now, it had nothing to do with Changmin. At least, not directly. As he was leaving the park and heading for his bus stop, he realised that one of his nosy neighbours had seen him. The problem was that there was no mistaking the situation. Changmin had his arm around him and was standing really close. He was sure that the tall guy had been a little surprised when he avoided the goodbye kiss.

When Junsu reached home he was already imagining all sorts of catastrophe scenarios. The nosy neighbour was with her car so that meant she had about half an hour ahead of him. That was plenty of time for his mother to know an exaggerated version of the events. With a big sigh, Junsu walked into the kitchen to talk with his mother. Maybe if he came clean and confessed he had a boyfriend, before anyone else told her, he’d survive.

“Ah, Junsu, there you are. Your father needs your help in the garden.”

Junsu thanked the heavens. The neighbour hadn’t reached his mother yet. Well, time to get grounded for life.

“Mom, I need to tell you something.”

“What is it?”

“Well… you see… there’s this guy… and…”

“And?”

Junsu decided to just say it in a rush before he lost his courage. Then he’d wait for the storm to hit.

“I have a boyfriend. He just asked me out today and I said yes.”

 “Well, finally. You’re 17 already. It’s about time.”

Junsu’s mouth could not open any further. He didn’t know which reaction to have first, whether to be relieved or whether to be offended.

“Tell me about him. Do I need to go chase him with a broom?”

Surprisingly, telling his mother a little about Changmin wasn’t so bad. When Junsu joined his father in the garden he was feeling quite happy.

…

At the end of the day, a sweaty Junsu was finally allowed to get back inside the house. He stretched his tired muscles under the hot shower. He didn’t mind helping his father with the garden but it was always hard work. He decided he’d get himself an apartment when he got older. Definitely not a house with a garden in need of maintenance.

His mind returned to Changmin. Junsu blushed fiercely. He had felt a faint scent in his clothes reminding him of how his boyfriend had hugged him. He kept remembering the kiss. Kisses, actually. Junsu grabbed his hair and then hid his face while he screamed. He still couldn’t believe it. It didn’t feel real yet. He, Kim Junsu, was Shim Changmin’s boyfriend.

…

Yoochun and his brother ambushed Junsu as soon as he came back downstairs. They grabbed him and dragged him away, shouting at Junsu’s mother that they’d be back before dinner time.

“Guys, stop! What do you think you’re doing?”

“We want to know what happened! You disappeared with Changmin.”, said Yoochun.

Junsu couldn’t help blushing once more.



And a big happy smile showed before he was even aware of it. With a sigh, he sat down under his favourite tree in the garden. Leaning against the trunk he smiled at his friends and told them everything. It made him feel elated to see how they were happy for him.

“Ok, how was the kiss?”, asked Yoochun.

Junsu blushed again. Sometimes he really hated how easily he blushed.

“Wet.”

“What?”

“It was wet.”

“That’s the only way you can think to describe it?”

Yoochun exchanged a glance with his brother. Junsu felt he had to defend Changmin.

“I’d never kissed before. It was nice but yeahh, it was wetter than I expected.”

“Ohhhhhh, he french-kissed you! Naughty Changmin, going in straight for the kill!”, laughed Yoohwan.

Suddendly, all of Junsu’s insecurities assaulted him at once.

“What if he think I’m rubbish and leaves me? I can’t kiss like that. Oh, damn, I don’t know the first thing about dating.”

“Hey, calm down. You learn to kiss by kissing. Not a bad way to learn, you know? And dating is something you’ll figure out as you go along as well. There’s no instruction manual, Junsu. The one thing I can definitely tell you is that you will have less time for your friends. Because you’ll be with your boyfriend.”

Junsu considered Yoochun’s words. Maybe he was just stressing ahead of time. Still, he felt so nervous that he could almost forget how happy he was. He laughed a little at himself. He sure as hell could be his worst enemy.

…

The following two days were confusing for Junsu. He was too insecure to call Changmin, so he just worried and worried because he hadn’t received any call either. Finally, he did receive a call and a date.

Junsu felt even more nervous this time. He knew Changmin would want to kiss him. It was only normal, right? I mean, they were boyfriends now. Would that be the only thing they did? And if they talked, what would they talk about?

In the end, Junsu left their date a little dissatisfied. He had felt tongue tied and had said very little to Changmin. The tall man also hadn’t asked that many things. They did kiss. There was a lot of French-kissing involved and Junsu was still unsure if he liked it or not. It made him feel inadequate. He had no idea if what he was doing was alright or not. He hated how shy he was and how he would freeze instead of doing all the things he dreamed of.

…

There were a few more dates like that. And very few phone calls in between. Junsu worried. It felt like they had nothing to talk about. He turned and turned in his bed. That afternoon Changmin had tried touching him more than simply holding him. One hand had wandered a little down his back, caressing his waist and hip. Junsu remembered vividly how he had jumped in surprise. Changmin had placed his hand back but the date didn’t last much more after that. He was afraid that maybe his boyfriend wanted more than just kisses. He turned again, hiding his face in his pillow. Yoochun had told him a little about what it was like to have . It didn’t sound like anything Junsu was prepared for.

…

Junsu was near the university, taking care of his inscription. He walked down the street, reading the different subjects he had to choose from.

“Junsu!”

He looked around when he heard the happy voice calling his name. It was Changmin. Junsu felt himself melt when he saw his boyfriend’s smile. He smiled shyly back, blushing furiously because Changmin was with a large group of friends. His heart started to beat out of control as he saw the tall guy walk up to him. But when Changmin lowered his head obviously intending to kiss him on the lips, Junsu panicked. They were completely out in the open with all those other guys just watching. His brain disconnected and to his horror he realised he’d turned his face and given Changmin his cheek instead. Junsu wanted to close his eyes and run away. He’d ed up again. He’d embarrassed his boyfriend in front of the guy’s friends. He lifted his eyes in fear of what he’d find. Changmin looked confused. Junsu tried to disguise the awkwardness by asking him what he was doing near the university. He felt even more stupid when he learned that Changmin was going to study there as well. How had he never thought to ask about that before? To Junsu’s further stress, Changmin left soon after, not even bothering to try for a goodbye kiss.

Junsu dragged his feet to the bus stop. He was ing everything up. He had no idea what he was doing. How could dating be this hard? Everyone always made it seem like it was all rainbows after you started to date.

…

Junsu raced to pick up his phone. He was praying that it was Changmin. When he saw Yoohwan’s number, he deflated. His voice was pitiful when he answered.

“Junsu, please come over. Jaejoong broke up with Yoochun!”

Junsu just stared at the phone in shock. Then he grabbed his things, excused himself to his mother running on his way out. He didn’t even heard what she said as he put on his shoes. Yoochun’s house wasn’t too far away but the distance seemed longer than ever.

Yoochun and Yoohwan weren’t even inside the house. They were just sitting in the front steps. Yoochun was crying so hard he couldn’t even breathe and Yoohwan was looking more desperate and worried than Junsu had ever seen him. His own heart ached for Yoochun. He knew how much his friend loved Jaejoong. He couldn’t even imagine how he must be feeling.

“Junsu!”

Yoochun wailed his name and turned into his arms. Behind him, Yoohwan had red eyes with angry unshed tears. Junsu just held Yoochun and waited. He’d ask questions later.

…

Between the two of them, they were able to get Yoochun to bed where he hid his face in the pillows. He was still hiccoughing and sobbing. They looked helplessly at each other. Junsu asked wordlessly for any explanation. Yoohwan mouthed he didn’t know.

They didn’t have to wait long. Yoochun managed to calm down and sat up. He was the picture of dejection.

“He just… no explanation… no nothing… no reason…”

Fresh tears fell from Yoochun’s eyes.

“He said some rubbish about how I wanted things to be too serious. That he was… that… That he was starting university and meeting tons of new people.”

“ing bastard!”, screamed Yoohwan.

“I don’t understand. What did I do wrong? I thought we were great. When we met today everything was still… we even… and then he j-just… “

“I’m going to kill that son of a !”

Junsu grabbed Yoohwan. He wanted to kick Jaejoong himself but now wasn’t the time to leave Yoochun alone. It made him sick to his stomach to understand what Yoochun had implied. They had always seen Jaejoong behaving coldly to the girls who fanned at his feet. But it was even colder of him to do something like this to a guy who had been his friend since they were little kids. He had totally taken advantage of Yoochun’s feelings for him.

…

Junsu ended up calling his mother to ask her permission to stay over at Yoochun’s house. The night was hard. Yoochun only finally slept due to exhaustion. Junsu was still in shock. Yoohwan had turned out to be right about Jaejoong all along. Junsu shook his head for the thousandth time. The worst was seeing how Yoochun kept wondering if he’d done something wrong. How he’d wondered if Jaejoong discarded him because he’d slept with him too soon. If maybe he should try to explain that he’d never do that with any other guy. Doubting if Jaejoong left him because he wasn’t good looking. But the worst for Junsu was how Yoochun’s pain seemed to increase when his friend wondered if maybe Jaejoong had never been serious about him from the beginning. Junsu feared that that was the hard truth. It had been Yoohwan who suggested that maybe Jaejoong started with good intentions but got cold feet when things started to become more serious. After all, Jaejoong’s longest relationship had been with Yoochun. That hypothesis, for some reason, just seemed to make Yoochun sadder. Junsu secretly confided in Yoohwan, after Yoochun slept, that he just thought that Jaejoong wanted to screw around at the university without having to worry about Yoochun. Jaejoong was going to a different one, along with some other of their mutual friends. If he cheated on Yoochun, word would get out. Yoohwan wasn’t even able to say anything to that.

…

Junsu paced his room back and forth. Then, in a fit of anger, he grabbed his phone and dialled Changmin’s number.

“Hi, Junsu!”

“H-hi…”

“How are you?”

“Fine… Listen, can we meet?”

“Ah, sure. Just that now I’m busy with the registration at the university. I bet you are too. Maybe we’ll run into each other at the campus?”

“I really want to talk to you.”

“Oh? Ok. Next Friday, then? At six, in front of the campus main entry?”

“Ok. See you.”

Junsu hang up and stared at his phone. He was nervous. His dream was proving to be nothing like reality. He felt so insecure about his relationship with Changmin, if even it could be called a relationship. He just needed to clear things up, to know with what he could count.

…

Yoochun and Junsu took care of all the paperwork for university in sad spirits. Yoochun was deeply sad and Junsu knew there was little that he could do.
They were walking aimlessly to the nearest bus stop when they almost bumped into someone. Both their mouths fell open in surprise when they noticed that right in front of them was Mr. y Eyes. Choi Seung-hyun was looking at them, especially at Junsu, with a very happy smile and a half lift of his eyebrow. Junsu gulped. Now what?

…



Junsu couldn’t help blushing once more. And a big happy smile showed before he was even aware of it. With a sigh, he sat down under his favourite tree in the garden. Leaning against the trunk he smiled at his friends and told them everything. It made him feel elated to see how they were happy for him.

“Ok, how was the kiss?”, asked Yoochun.

Junsu blushed again. Sometimes he really hated how easily he blushed.

“Wet.”

“What?”

“It was wet.”

“That’s the only way you can think to describe it?”

Yoochun exchanged a glance with his brother. Junsu felt he had to defend Changmin.

“I’d never kissed before. It was nice but yeahh, it was wetter than I expected.”

“Ohhhhhh, he french-kissed you! Naughty Changmin, going in straight for the kill!”, laughed Yoohwan.

Suddendly, all of Junsu’s insecurities assaulted him at once.

“What if he think I’m rubbish and leaves me? I can’t kiss like that. Oh, damn, I don’t know the first thing about dating.”

“Hey, calm down. You learn to kiss by kissing. Not a bad way to learn, you know? And dating is something you’ll figure out as you go along as well. There’s no instruction manual, Junsu. The one thing I can definitely tell you is that you will have less time for your friends. Because you’ll be with your boyfriend.”

Junsu considered Yoochun’s words. Maybe he was just stressing ahead of time. Still, he felt so nervous that he could almost forget how happy he was. He laughed a little at himself. He sure as hell could be his worst enemy.

…

The following two days were confusing for Junsu. He was too insecure to call Changmin, so he just worried and worried because he hadn’t received any call either. Finally, he did receive a call and a date.

Junsu felt even more nervous this time. He knew Changmin would want to kiss him. It was only normal, right? I mean, they were boyfriends now. Would that be the only thing they did? And if they talked, what would they talk about?

In the end, Junsu left their date a little dissatisfied. He had felt tongue tied and had said very little to Changmin. The tall man also hadn’t asked that many things. They did kiss. There was a lot of French-kissing involved and Junsu was still unsure if he liked it or not. It made him feel inadequate. He had no idea if what he was doing was alright or not. He hated how shy he was and how he would freeze instead of doing all the things he dreamed of.

…

There were a few more dates like that. And very few phone calls in between. Junsu worried. It felt like they had nothing to talk about. He turned and turned in his bed. That afternoon Changmin had tried touching him more than simply holding him. One hand had wandered a little down his back, caressing his waist and hip. Junsu remembered vividly how he had jumped in surprise. Changmin had placed his hand back but the date didn’t last much more after that. He was afraid that maybe his boyfriend wanted more than just kisses. He turned again, hiding his face in his pillow. Yoochun had told him a little about what it was like to have . It didn’t sound like anything Junsu was prepared for.

…

Junsu was near the university, taking care of his inscription. He walked down the street, reading the different subjects he had to choose from.

“Junsu!”

He looked around when he heard the happy voice calling his name. It was Changmin. Junsu felt himself melt when he saw his boyfriend’s smile. He smiled shyly back, blushing furiously because Changmin was with a large group of friends. His heart started to beat out of control as he saw the tall guy walk up to him. But when Changmin lowered his head obviously intending to kiss him on the lips, Junsu panicked. They were completely out in the open with all those other guys just watching. His brain disconnected and to his horror he realised he’d turned his face and given Changmin his cheek instead. Junsu wanted to close his eyes and run away. He’d ed up again. He’d embarrassed his boyfriend in front of the guy’s friends. He lifted his eyes in fear of what he’d find. Changmin looked confused. Junsu tried to disguise the awkwardness by asking him what he was doing near the university. He felt even more stupid when he learned that Changmin was going to study there as well. How had he never thought to ask about that before? To Junsu’s further stress, Changmin left soon after, not even bothering to try for a goodbye kiss.

Junsu dragged his feet to the bus stop. He was ing everything up. He had no idea what he was doing. How could dating be this hard? Everyone always made it seem like it was all rainbows after you started to date.

…

Junsu raced to pick up his phone. He was praying that it was Changmin. When he saw Yoohwan’s number, he deflated. His voice was pitiful when he answered.

“Junsu, please come over. Jaejoong broke up with Yoochun!”

Junsu just stared at the phone in shock. Then he grabbed his things, excused himself to his mother running on his way out. He didn’t even heard what she said as he put on his shoes. Yoochun’s house wasn’t too far away but the distance seemed longer than ever.

Yoochun and Yoohwan weren’t even inside the house. They were just sitting in the front steps. Yoochun was crying so hard he couldn’t even breathe and Yoohwan was looking more desperate and worried than Junsu had ever seen him. His own heart ached for Yoochun. He knew how much his friend loved Jaejoong. He couldn’t even imagine how he must be feeling.

“Junsu!”

Yoochun wailed his name and turned into his arms. Behind him, Yoohwan had red eyes with angry unshed tears. Junsu just held Yoochun and waited. He’d ask questions later.

…

Between the two of them, they were able to get Yoochun to bed where he hid his face in the pillows. He was still hiccoughing and sobbing. They looked helplessly at each other. Junsu asked wordlessly for any explanation. Yoohwan mouthed he didn’t know.

They didn’t have to wait long. Yoochun managed to calm down and sat up. He was the picture of dejection.

“He just… no explanation… no nothing… no reason…”

Fresh tears fell from Yoochun’s eyes.

“He said some rubbish about how I wanted things to be too serious. That he was… that… That he was starting university and meeting tons of new people.”

“ing bastard!”, screamed Yoohwan.

“I don’t understand. What did I do wrong? I thought we were great. When we met today everything was still… we even… and then he j-just… “

“I’m going to kill that son of a !”

Junsu grabbed Yoohwan. He wanted to kick Jaejoong himself but now wasn’t the time to leave Yoochun alone. It made him sick to his stomach to understand what Yoochun had implied. They had always seen Jaejoong behaving coldly to the girls who fanned at his feet. But it was even colder of him to do something like this to a guy who had been his friend since they were little kids. He had totally taken advantage of Yoochun’s feelings for him.

…

Junsu ended up calling his mother to ask her permission to stay over at Yoochun’s house. The night was hard. Yoochun only finally slept due to exhaustion. Junsu was still in shock. Yoohwan had turned out to be right about Jaejoong all along. Junsu shook his head for the thousandth time. The worst was seeing how Yoochun kept wondering if he’d done something wrong. How he’d wondered if Jaejoong discarded him because he’d slept with him too soon. If maybe he should try to explain that he’d never do that with any other guy. Doubting if Jaejoong left him because he wasn’t good looking. But the worst for Junsu was how Yoochun’s pain seemed to increase when his friend wondered if maybe Jaejoong had never been serious about him from the beginning. Junsu feared that that was the hard truth. It had been Yoohwan who suggested that maybe Jaejoong started with good intentions but got cold feet when things started to become more serious. After all, Jaejoong’s longest relationship had been with Yoochun. That hypothesis, for some reason, just seemed to make Yoochun sadder. Junsu secretly confided in Yoohwan, after Yoochun slept, that he just thought that Jaejoong wanted to screw around at the university without having to worry about Yoochun. Jaejoong was going to a different one, along with some other of their mutual friends. If he cheated on Yoochun, word would get out. Yoohwan wasn’t even able to say anything to that.

…

Junsu paced his room back and forth. Then, in a fit of anger, he grabbed his phone and dialled Changmin’s number.

“Hi, Junsu!”

“H-hi…”

“How are you?”

“Fine… Listen, can we meet?”

“Ah, sure. Just that now I’m busy with the registration at the university. I bet you are too. Maybe we’ll run into each other at the campus?”

“I really want to talk to you.”

“Oh? Ok. Next Friday, then? At six, in front of the campus main entry?”

“Ok. See you.”

Junsu hang up and stared at his phone. He was nervous. His dream was proving to be nothing like reality. He felt so insecure about his relationship with Changmin, if even it could be called a relationship. He just needed to clear things up, to know with what he could count.

…

Yoochun and Junsu took care of all the paperwork for university in sad spirits. Yoochun was deeply sad and Junsu knew there was little that he could do.
They were walking aimlessly to the nearest bus stop when they almost bumped into someone. Both their mouths fell open in surprise when they noticed that right in front of them was Mr. y Eyes. Choi Seung-hyun was looking at them, especially at Junsu, with a very happy smile and a half lift of his eyebrow. Junsu gulped. Now what?

…