Of all the things Junsu told himself to do, the number ten was the most difficult to accomplish. He could slow dance; that was easy, even if it was with Changmin. And he could talk, of course. However, he was so fazed and in awe that he felt like he couldn’t connect his brain with his mouth. He almost cried wondering why a rewind button doesn’t exist for life. And why, “oh, God”, he was being incapable of rectifying the stupid things he said.

As if answering “no”, when being asked to dance by the one boy he fantasied the most, for two years already, he also went and made things worse, so much worse. Junsu knew he would have to thank whatever deity had granted him an opportunity to say “yes” to that same question a second time. However, what to do when you want to compliment someone and you end up calling that person a liar? And can’t get your tongue to work after doing that? What to do?

Changmin had asked Junsu a few things, of which Junsu had no memory whatsoever, but that he had answered in a reasonable manner.

Then Chagmin added that he was single again, that his girlfriend had left him.

-My girlfriend broke up with me, you know? I guess she thought I’m no good anymore.

Junsu’s eyes had gone huge in their hiding place near Changmin’s ear. He sort of knew that, since it was a while he had last seen the two together. Why Changmin was telling him that, Junsu didn’t dare to hope. No way would Changmin be telling him that, other than just to make conversation. Ah, maybe he was saying it to justify asking someone, other than his girlfriend, to dance. That must be it, thought Junsu.

The poor shy boy was so caught off guard by Changmin’s offhand remark about being single, that in a rush effort to compliment the tall boy and insult the stupid ex-girlfriend, the only words that left his lips were not exactly a complete sentence.

-Lie! That is a lie.

Changmin broke the half hug a little so he could look at Junsu with a somewhat shocked expression.

-No, it is true. She left me. Why would you say I am lying?

Junsu wanted to kick himself. Why was he making a fool of himself again? This was almost worse than answering “no” when he had been asked to dance. Too ashamed to explain he actually meant that the girl was too stupid for words for leaving who he, personally, considered the most handsome boy in school, Junsu just hide his face again. He was sure that he must be blushing like crazy.

Changmin, thankfully, changed subjects and started talking about something else. Junsu almost sighed out loud in relief.

Inside his head, Junsu was kicking himself, screaming at himself, cursing himself. Damn his stupidity. Why was he always so shy and did and said always the wrong things? And why did he have no courage to correct Changmin, who must be thinking he is an idiot.

The guy of his dreams had just told him he was single, sharing the astonishing notion that maybe he wasn’t good enough to keep some stupid girl, and Junsu had just basically called him a liar, as if accusing him of trying to cheat on his girlfriend. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Besides, Junsu didn’t make a secret of his orientation, but he rather thought no one had ever given him a first look, let alone a second one. Everyone always seemed to behave as if he was invisible. Which was no wonder, considering he was friends with Jaejoong and Yunho. Anyone next to those two became invisible.

However, how that stupid girl could let go of Changmin, was beyond his understanding. She must really be all sorts of stupid. And a to make such a tall drink of water doubt his worth.

Inside his heart, Junsu was very happy that Changmin was free of that witch. It had pained him to see them together.

…

The shy boy had lost track of how long they were dancing now. A slight bump into another pair on the dance floor made him aware that the song had changed. Junsu was surprised that Changmin didn’t seem to want to stop. Not that Junsu wanted to stop.

Junsu closed his eyes for a moment and just listened to the love ballad. Something told him he would remember the song forever. Closing his eyes made him even more aware of Changmin. The tall boy was really tall, Junsu barely reached his ear and he was sure Changmin would grow even taller.

He was so happy to be this near to Changmin. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever thought something like this would ever actually happen. The shoulders under his hands were toned and warm, he could smell a faint hint of perfume on the neck and he felt the body heat emanating from Changmin. Plus, he had looked straight into those eyes up close the few times he had dared or that the taller boy had looked at him on purpose.

Changmin’s hands were gently placed on his hips, giving Junsu occasional shivers when they slightly moved or the fingers seemed to squeeze a little.

Junsu wished he was brave enough to dance closer. He had left a safe respectful distance and so far, Changmin was keeping to it. He supressed a sigh. He shouldn’t be feeling sorry that they were not really touching, just being this close was already making him go haywire.

Close and closer.

It took a while for Junsu to register that Changmin had gone quiet. But it became impossible to ignore the hot breath in his ear and a very light casual brush of lips. Junsu could have put it to an unintentional touch but not when it happened more than once.

Junsu was panicking.

Changmin’s lips were really brushing against his ear and getting closer and closer to his cheek.

Junsu’s heart went into a pounding insane rhythm. What to do? Is this really happening?

The shorter boy could not believe it, his knees threatening to melt under him. However, even he had to admit and acknowledge that Changmin was obviously trying for a kiss. Silently asking for permission. All Junsu had to do was slightly turn his face towards Changmin and he would receive his first kiss. He battled with what to do. His stomach was full of butterflies, doing back flips; he felt like he was in some dream, he just could not believe it.

Junsu wanted that kiss. Wanted it desperately. Not just because he had never been kissed but especially because it was Changmin. But his insecurities tied him down ferociously and he remained unresponsive.

He had a little angel on his shoulder telling him how inadequate and unworthy of Changmin he was; how the taller boy probably was just trying for a kiss with him because he was the one he happened to be dancing with.

He had a little devil on his other shoulder telling him this was a once in a lifetime opportunity and just go for it, after all, everybody else around the room kissed and the world never ended because of it; besides it would mean nothing, Changmin was just doing what everybody always tried to do when they had a partner for a slow dance.

-I’m not going to get lucky, am I?

Changmin’s voice suddenly sent shivers down Junsu’s spine. The voice sounded low and different, like it carried electric charge. The question threw Junsu off balance. He hadn’t expected the taller boy to be so upfront about what he had been trying to do. Junsu looked up at a half smiling, half self-mocking face. Those eyes did things to his heart, the stare was so intense and dark; it was like Changmin’s eyes had changed to something else, something more dangerous and that Junsu had no idea how to handle. His heart squeezed inside his chest.

-No.

Inside his head, Junsu screamed again and kicked himself. Stupid automatic default response. He saw how Changmin seemed to accept his answer and just return to the dancing. Junsu blinked at the taller boys’s ear. He actually even stole a longing glance at the neck and collarbones. He was pleading with Changmin and whatever deity had rescued him before. He so wanted Changmin to try again. If he did he would send caution and insecurities and fears to the wind and just allow the kiss. One kiss. Just one kiss. Please. Please try again. Please. Please.

However, the song ended and suddenly, dance music was back.

Junsu cursed his luck. Not now. Not yet.

Changmin slowly removed his hands from Junsu’s hips, leaving Junsu no other choice but to take his own hands from the taller boy’s shoulders. They looked at each other for an uncomfortable infinite second. Around them the dance floor filled with impatient people. All the annoyed loners who could never get a dance partner seemed to be taking the dance floor with a vengeance.

Junsu’s heart wept as Changmin nodded in silence, turned his back and walked away. The shy boy stood shock still for some time, standing on the same place, unable to believe what just happened. A small mock voice - The little angle? The little devil? - told him he had won the award for Queen of shy, awkward and imbecile. Imbecile. Stupid was too nice a word.

Just plain imbecile.