I Know. You Don’t Know.

Mine. 
All Mine.
Just Mine.
So Mine.
Still Mine.

You know...
Lots of stories have Jae falling for me first. And implying that I’m Jaegay. And that he seduced me.
You don’t know…
Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh, girls, if only you knew. And yet, I can see it so clearly when I go and torture myself viewing Yunjae videos on Youtube. It’s right there. Jae blushing like an innocent who still doesn’t really know what is, except that it’s something naughty. My poker face brilliantly disguising my awareness of a hand that lingers a little more than necessary even between such good friends or of how it always made Jaejoong blush or feel self-conscious. The same poker face that would sometimes crumble and show my happiness at his reactions. 
Oh, he had no idea what I was doing. Really no idea. For way too long and that was part of his undoing. 

Despite all the lustful stares, wandering hands and even shameful propositions that his pretty face caused all the time, Jaejoong retained for a long time his innocence. Hard to believe, isn’t it? But it did took him quite some time to realise that way too many people, especially men, wanted to have with him. He sought us to help keep him safe. Mostly, he sought me. His instincts proved correct and yet wrong. I was really capable of keeping him safe. Very early on I could somehow get recognized as leader and someone not to cross. Perfect to shelter him. But my intentions…



I truly protected him from unwanted advances to the best of my ability. Except I did that mostly so that he would be vulnerable to my own advances. 
Jaejoong was completely unprepared for that type of attack on my part because it never really crossed his mind that I could ever do such a thing. Even aware of the fanservice and all the fanfics and especially of all the youtube videos, it never crossed his mind for way too long that there was anything between us other than friendship. He never saw how I was on a path to seduce him. Which I succeeded. No point in lying about that. I got my healthy serving of Jaejoong. 

I know. You don’t know. 
How it was exciting, how it hurt, how it ended, how it remains. 
There is a lot of different dynamics in a group of five people, particularly when spending so much time together through marking experiences. I was surprised early on how the fans picked up easily on one particular dynamic: Jaejoong and I.
Yunjae. Or Jaeho. Was there ever any Jaeho? Ah, sorry, not telling on that. 

Jaejoong and I… I don’t even know how to explain. We started as good friends, we clicked, connected, whatever. But from the very first day it was impossible not to notice his amazing looks. Then I started to pay attention to how some men leered after him and I tried to understand why. You see where this is going, don’t you? 
Pretty soon I was leering after him myself and had completely forgotten I was supposed to like women. But truthfully, how could I? How when even today he remains one of the most beautiful faces I ever saw? 
So I started. Small friendly touches and lots of hugs. Lots of attention and then none at all. It was just perfect how management placed Changmin between us. 

It did took a lot of time and I have to thank fanservice and fanfics for my ultimate success. Yes, success was so sweet and the road to get there was almost sweeter.
I love to torture myself going back and seeing the instances caught on camera. How close we would stand next to each other. Jaejoong’s shyness, his blushes, his smiles, his confused looks. And then… little by little, how all the jokes started to make him think. I encouraged that immensely, trying to get him to read the iest fanfics I could find under the disguise that it was something to laugh about. 
Jaejoong is a curious kitten, don’t you know?

He started to wonder, to notice, to react, to analyse. 
Thank you fanservice for the excuse. 
Thank you fanfics for sparking his curiosity.

He started to blush more and more, I started to have trouble disguising how absurdly happy I was. I know him. His curiosity started to question how different it would be to kiss a man, if my hugs would feel even better if we were more than friends…

At some point I think he fancied he was the one seducing. I could see the smile hidden in his eyes. A lot of the crazy Yunjae fans also saw it. Those moments always ended up as faved videos. 
But he didn’t know. 
Jaejoong didn’t know how long ago I had started to look at him and want more.
I knew.
I knew I wanted more. And I used the crazy situation to get what I wanted.
So easy. When he became curious enough it was as if it had been his idea. I sometimes wonder if he ever realized how it had been me all along. And how that would have made him feel…

Where was I? Ah, yes. Just curious enough for the thought to enter his mind, for him to fantasize a little, for him to maybe consider what it would be like, for him to even take the drunken initiative. Alcohol is always a good excuse and a good cover.
So naïve. 
I remember those times I would look straight into the camera with my arm over his shoulders. Yes, it was almost too easy.
And then it was so strange. Like I was hyper aware of every millimetre of our skin that came in contact. Even through clothes that exact spot where he touched me burned like an explosion I couldn’t control. It got so much better and so much worse when he started to initiate contact. I felt his warmth before I felt his touch, my breath stopped, my heart stopped, his touch was so warm, and my entire body tingled from the top of my head down my spine to the tip of my fingers. God! What was that? 

Also check out You Know - Jaejoong's version.