24

Suji knocked the door to Myungsoo’s office and waited, inspecting the brown folder she was holding. When there was no answer, she raised her hand to knock again but noticed that the door was slightly ajar. That was unusual. The door to his office was always closed, whether he was in or otherwise not. Suji stood, contemplating her next course of action. Though her professionalism had her nearly turned the other way, and wait till Myungsoo requested her presence, she soon found herself doing the exact opposite. No, this was too weird.

Suji opened the door slowly, careful not to make a sound. Her eyes fell onto the empty black chair that was always occupied by Myungsoo. There was no sign of him here.

But as she was about to walk away, she noticed the state of the room. It was impossible not to notice. It was a mess. No, it was not like the normal mess people were used to. This was not normal. Suji could barely recognize the vast space from its usual glorious settings. Clusters of papers were clattered all over the floor, some torn, some crumpled and others intact. Files were opened and left on the floor as if someone had shoved them off the table. The receiver of the telephone was hanging on its cord down on edge of the table and she could spot bits of broken glass glinting on the carpeted floor.

She was rendered speechless. Could Myungsoo have done this? What could have overcome him and drove him to act this way? Could Myungsoo, whom she thought was always devoid of personal feelings; whom she knew to be professional when the time needed him to be, have done this out of anger? That man had always been an enigma to her, a mystery to solve. But she had thought that this was beyond him. Just when she thought she was beginning to know Myungsoo, she would always realize it later that she had never really understood him. Not as well as Jiyeon did.

Suji quickly took out her phone. If anyone knew where he had gone, it was Sungyeol. She speed-dialed him and it took a while for him to answer. When he did, Suzy said ‘hello’ first, accustomed to his habit of not saying any greetings when answering the phone.

“Ah, Suji-ah. Need anything?” Recognition laced his voice as he said that. It was also his habit not to look at the caller ID before answering a call.

“Where’s Myungsoo?”

“Myungsoo? Oh, Myungsoo had an appointment at the hospital. He should be back in about…” Suji imagined Sungyeol looking at his watch as he said this, “Twenty—thirty minutes?”

Should she tell Sungyeol that his office was a mess? No, judging from his voice, he was in a rush. She would tell him later.

“Okay, thanks.”

“No problem,” Sungyeol said and cut the line. Another habit of not saying ‘bye’ before hanging up.

Twenty minutes? Suzy did not have time for twenty minutes. She should just leave the folder here. She wound her way to his table, careful not to step on the already damaged papers. At first she thought to just leave the folder on top of the pile of mess on the table. But afraid that he might just brush it off as it looked as if it belonged to the pile of mess, she took a single post-it note and wrote something before pasting it on the folder but it would still go unnoticed.

She sighed and began to arrange the papers into one neat stack and put it aside on one side of the table. She even corrected the position of the telephone. Satisfied, she then put her folder in the middle where it would be noticed. She was about to walk out when something caught her eye.

It was the topmost paper of the stack she had just arranged. There was a logo on the top left hand corner of the paper. A hospital logo. It was a hospital report. Myungsoo must have come back from his appointment and went away again somewhere, but not before he had made a mess out of his office.

Suji knew she should not be doing this, she should not be meddling with his matters but she could not help herself. And to think about it, Myungsoo had been acting weird these days, especially when he was stressed.

She began to read the report. It was confusing at first but then everything started to fall into place as she continued reading. She was fixing every puzzle that had to do with him and then, she could see the whole picture. It was not something as easy to accept. She knew why he had hidden it from the whole company. It was a weakness. A CEO could not have a weakness like this one. But then, she did not know for sure. She did not know if it was true or if she was just jumping to conclusions. But if anyone knew about this matter, it would be Jiyeon.

She put down the paper back to the pile when she had done reading it. She had not realized that she had picked it up. Then, feeling as if she had committed a serious crime, she took the paper and slid it to the middle of the stack of papers. Myungsoo should not know that she had read it. He could not. Did not want to be caught lingering any longer, she then quickly left the room.

---------------

At first Jiyeon did not notice him—he was just another man, another faceless stranger that came winding through her shop at random times. But as he slowly made his way to the furthest corner and stiffly took a seat without buying anything, she began to observe him. His hands were rested on the table, his fingers clenched into unguarded fists. And when he lifted his head a little, she was sure it was him.

Seeing him here raised some questions and doubts. Why was he here? It was way past lunch hour and he should be working now. Did he deliberately come here? She was sure that he had not known the existence of her shop and had doubted that Sungyeol told about it to him.

She still had not recovered from meeting him the other day. And now he was here.

But seeing his stance—wearily vigilant; inconspicuously troubled, somehow vulnerable—it bothered her in an unsettling way. She felt as if she should be there for him. Doing something as simple as being next to him. And while she was sure she would not be welcomed, she let herself believe that maybe — just maybe— her presence might soothe him. She wanted to walk away from him and escape this confusion that had always struck her when it came to him but she found herself drawing nearer to him.

She realized it was too late to second guess her action and silently took a seat in front of him. Not knowing what else to do because she had not thought up this far, she folded her hand neatly and placed it on her laps. Her eyes gazed down onto the patterns on the wooden table, forming the designs into pictures—a flower; a person’s face; a rabbit. Her gaze then fell onto his hands: strong, able hands smoothly curving into delicate fingers. Gentle yet steady. But undoubtedly they were fingers of a pianist. She wondered if he played anymore.

Deciding that it was pointless to drag this on, she lifted her head to meet his gaze. Strangely, even though her heart had been pounding to the point where she felt like it might explode moments ago, sitting in front of him and looking at him in the eyes was familiar. It was almost too comfortable. She missed this.

He was looking at her.

No, he was not looking at her. Yes, his eyes were on her, but he was not looking at her. His stares were distant: longing but distant, as if he was not even here. As if he was staring right past her. Not her, she smiled bitterly.

She did not know what to make out of this, so she just sat and waited longer, feeling the weight of his eyes on her. She took a good look at his face. His features had become sharper over the years and there was something definitely different about his jaw. No, it was not more defined nor was it less, but there was just something amiss that she could not put her finger on. She looked at his eyes—so dark the shade of brown that she could not differentiate between the iris and the pupil. Looking at it closely, she could almost see little golden flecks glinting inside it.

Minutes passed and he was still silent. She bit her lips and peered into those eyes. Then, she signed, ‘hi’.

She could see his pupils constricting, struggling to stay focused, but slowly slipping away. He just stiffly nodded in reply. She might have been wrong but she could see confusion dawning upon his features.

More silence followed so she signed, ‘Have you been taking care of your health?’

It took a few seconds for him to answer but when he did; his voice was hoarse as if he had not been using it for quite a while, “I had an appointment in the hospital today for a check-up.”

Jiyeon found his reply quite weird; a non-direct answer to her question, but figuring maybe that was a proof that he had been taking care of his health, Jiyeon nodded and signed, ‘That’s good.’

He was still unresponsive. Jiyeon mustered her strength to ask the question that had been bugging her mind since forever, ’What have you been doing these nine years?’

“They said nine years is a long time.”

Jiyeon could feel anger rising inside her. You don’t answer ‘nine years is a long time’ to someone who had asked you that question. It was as if he was lazy to even sum up the whole nine years in a sentence or even make an effort to clear up why he had not been contacting her. It was like someone saying ‘It’s a long story,’ without the intention of telling the story.

‘Of course, you must have forgotten about me. That’s why you did even contact me at all, right?’

Anger, hurt and fear of betrayal. She was not even sure she could control these feelings.

“I can remember, Jiyeon.”

‘What? What is it that you remember?’ She signed bitterly.

“That’s the only thing.”

She could not even begin to understand this guy. One thing for sure: he changed. Somewhat different. But still, he was her Myungsoo, just a little bit different. Like she knew him but he was not the person she knew. She stood up, feeling the hot tears pooling in her eyes. She had to move. She would not allow him to see how distressed she was.

‘You want any coffee?’ It took all her strength to ask him that. When he made no reply, Jiyeon scurried past him. But as she passed him, he was so close that she could smell the soft fragrance of his cologne; so close that their hands brushed. It had sent a thousand of electrical jolts running through her veins. Jiyeon wanted to break down and cry at the familiarity of having him close. She could not help but be reminded of the time when she had summoned enough craziness to pass him the note on his birthday in the hallway nine years ago. It had felt the same.

Jiyeon shook herself and made a move to go, when she felt his grasp on her wrist. He tugged gently, “Don’t go,” he murmured.

Jiyeon felt her heart constricted painfully. She wanted to just run away from him and bury him again deep inside her. She was supposed to get over this man. She wanted to cry at how casual he was acting.

Jiyeon turned her head slightly to look at him carefully. His brows were furrowed. His gaze was stilled in front of him, but she knew him enough that he was looking at nothing. He was confused. Jiyeon decided to let it just go today because she knew he needed someone. Like the countless times he had needed her in the past.

When Myungsoo felt her stopped at his side, he loosened his grip on her wrist. But he did not let go. It soothed him somehow, feeling her pulse throbbed under his fingertip. It did not bother him then how he was acting so inappropriately. Half conscious of what he was doing, he began to caress her hand lightly.

He was silent for a while, and then he said, “I won’t be able to,” He was not looking at her when he said this.

‘Why not?’

“Remember?”

He was confusing her. ‘Remember what? What are you talking about?’

“Everything else.”

Then he sighed. He suddenly stood up and Jiyeon was reminded how his towering height had always made her feel safer. Myungsoo flicked her a glance, as if he just realized her existence then. Without saying anything else, he simply left. But while she could not help but feel hurt, his action had left her with more questions.

---------------

A woman came to her shop that evening and took a seat quietly by the window. Jiyeon would have brushed her presence in her cozy establishment as being just another customer, had she not acted quite peculiarly. When served, she whispered to have a simple cup of iced coffee along with a humble request of meeting 'a woman named Jiyeon'. Following her request, Jiyeon served her drink; curious of what might have brought the woman here, particularly looking for her. As she took the empty seat in front of the well-dressed woman, Jiyeon found her face slightly familiar.

"Remember me?" She asked.

Jiyeon nodded, remembering the night where she had helped Sungyeol carry those cups of coffee. She was the person who came up to them. Suji. But then as she studied Suji’s features, she found that it reminded her of someone she once knew. No, she was sure she had known this woman at some point in her life.

"Ah, you must be wondering why I came."

Yes, indeed, she was. But Suji seemed to be hesitating; searching for the right words to say, maybe, or figuring how to even start. Jiyeon waited, wondering what might be bothering the mind of this otherwise confident woman.

"Myungsoo. How is he?”

The question took her by surprise. Myungsoo? Did she know him? Why would she know him? Her mind was reeling from her inquiry about Myungsoo. Were they at some point close? Myungsoo and her? Jiyeon could not help the sinking feeling that she was feeling. She was beautiful, this woman in front of her. Anyone could see how much prettier, more successful, more confident Suji was as compared to her. Everyone would have chosen Suji over her, any day.  Jiyeon could not help the thoughts that began to cross her mind. Was she the reason why he had suddenly stopped meeting her? Did this person not know that she had not been in contact with Myungsoo for nine years, or did she think that she might have any information about him that she did not?

But judging from the genuine concern and unadulterated curiosity that etched her features, Jiyeon knew that the woman was not playing her. Jiyeon knew that Myungsoo meant something to this person. A rare friend, maybe? More or less someone he trusted? But how could Jiyeon even begin to form words to answer her? How could she put everything that had happened since nine years ago into words? How could she explain the bond that had existed between them and what had become of them now?

Suji must have sense her reluctance, so she asked another question, "Have you been helping Myungsoo?"

There was anticipation in Suji's eyes, as if she was hoping for something to happen; for her to say anything. But Jiyeon was confused. What had she meant? Why should she be helping Myungsoo? And with what exactly?

Suji must have seen her confusion as well, because the anticipation in her eyes vanished and was replaced by something eyes. Disappointment. Her shoulders sagged a little and she sighed.

"Sorry. I thought you might have known something."

Before giving Jiyeon any time to answer, she asked, "You haven't been in contact with Myungsoo, have you?"

She let the occasional clinking of ceramics cups, and the soft voices of customers conversing caress her ears and comfort her. ‘No, I haven’t.’

Suzy nodded in understanding and took out her purse to pay the bill. With that, she stood up, “Sorry, for taking your time, I mean.”

 Jiyeon held Suji’s hand down before she could walk away. ‘Wait, what is it?’

Suji knew something when she came here. Jiyeon was sure and she would not let her leave without telling her what it was. She could see the reluctance in Suji’s eyes but Jiyeon’s grip was firmer and so was the determination in her gaze. Losing to Jiyeon, Suji carefully sat down again.

Suji opened to begin but she closed it again. Jiyeon became fidgety with the way the person in front of her was acting a little more than bothered and uncomfortable. She looked at Jiyeon, hoping that she would somehow understand. But Jiyeon did not understand what she was trying to say just with her eyes.

So Jiyeon signed, in hope that it would help Suji, ‘He came here just now.’

Suji was looking at her signs intently, trying to understand. “Myungsoo? He came here? When?”

Jiyeon showed three fingers.

“3 o’clock?”

Jiyeon nodded and signed, ‘He was not the same.’

Suji nodded again and this time, she did not hesitate to say, “At that time, I went to his office to pass him some documents. He did not answer when I knocked but the door was slightly opened so I just went in.”

Suji stopped for a while, arranging her thoughts, “But when I went in, he wasn’t there. But his office was a mess. Like, as if he had lost his temper.”

Suji sounded as if she was guilty of some crime when she said, “I wanted to put the folder on his table but I was afraid he wouldn’t notice it, so I rearranged the papers on his table.

“That’s when I saw this folder. It was some kind of hospital report.”

Jiyeon’s eyebrows furrowed, thinking. Myungsoo said something about going to the hospital for check-up. Was he referring to that? Had he lost his temper because of that as well? What about his report would get him so worked up? Something that might affect his work, maybe?

Suji suddenly felt the need to defend herself. Maybe she had misinterpreted Jiyeon’s expression, “I didn’t mean it. To run through his personal matter, I mean. I thought—I thought—you might know something. So I came to you to confirm it.”

Jiyeon was not paying attention to Suji. She was replaying the earlier incident with Myungsoo. He had felt so different yet, she still knew him. It was not because he had changed. It was because he was distant; he was drained of feelings. She had been caught up in her own emotions that she did not notice his emotionless voice; she did not notice the emptiness in the look in his eyes. She did not think about how he seemed as if he did not notice her presence. Maybe he really did not. Maybe he really thought of her as a stranger. And maybe, he was not replying to her questions at all. Maybe he was just talking with halting sentences. That explained why everything he said did not make sense.

If she could remember what he had said and rearrange the punctuation marks, maybe it would all make sense. He said something about going to the hospital, something about remembering her and that being the only thing. And suddenly, all accounts of their conversation flooded back into her head and she remembered each word he uttered, crisp and clear in her head.

“I had an appointment in the hospital today for a check-up. They said nine years is a long time. I can remember ‘Jiyeon’. That’s the only thing. I won’t be able to remember everything else.”

Realization dawned in herself. That could only mean one thing. No, no, that could not be true. But why else would he say that?

Then, confirming her thoughts, Suzy said, softer than the wind that was whispering in her ears, “I think Myungsoo lost his memory.”

---------------

My name is Kim Myungsoo. I am 27 seven years old. I am the CEO of Van Chantique hotel. Nine years ago I got into an accident that killed my butler. I lived. There is no reason I have to die. I have a sister. I have parents.

He had to repeat those things every night to remind himself of who he is. But those were the only information he had about himself, was it not? Other than that, he did not know who he was, or what he liked or disliked. No one was there to tell him about his past.

He had to add, I have a necklace with the word ‘Jiyeon’ engraved in it. That is not the name of my sister. That is not the name of my mother. I cannot remember who she is. And I probably won’t.

He won’t be able to remember. Nine years was already a long time and he had not made any progress. How would he remember in the future when they had given him nine whole years to remember and he could not?

His parents. His sister. Who were they? His butler. For all he knew, Myungsoo might have killed him. If his butler died while he lived, he must have killed him. He must have been a bad person in the past. That must have been why his parents could not tell him about it in absolute detail. And now he had to live without any clue of what he was.

Anger began to seep in him. He would normally push away his thoughts when anger started to set in but that day, as he stared at the hospital report, no matter how vigorously he wanted to push it away, he could not. He was too tired to fight anymore. So he let anger build in his mind. He let that familiar stab of pain ravage him.

He closed his eyes tightly, holding back like every other times, holding back. He could not slip away. No. Why was he holding back? Why did he not have the right to be angry? Why was he the only person who had to control everything?

His eyes snapped open. The first thing he saw was a newspaper. Even that made him so furiously annoyed. He grabbed it, tore it and flung it away from him.

Satisfaction crossed over him, but instantly replaced with the feeling of inadequacy. He began ripping, shoving and flinging, but it did not help. If anything, it made him unsatisfied; angrier. It burned like a fire and with every single thing he threw, it burned higher and higher. He wanted to scream, but he could not do that. Everyone else would hear him. That meant that he had to control this fire in silence, which was worse. It was suffocating him; choking.

Rage, furious, mad. Every single word that meant angry: he was feeling that. More than that, he was resentful. He loathed everyone for everything that they ever did to him. But most of all, though he tried to push it down, he was angry at himself. He was angry that he was weak; that he could not even push this feeling down.

His hands were tired and so was his mind. And he stopped moving, listening to his own breaths as he looked at the mess he was made. He felt, deep in his pocket, the necklace that he had always brought with him where ever he went. Jiyeon. Jiyeon. Jiyeon.

Who was she? Where was she? What did she mean to him? Stiffly—almost robotic—his legs began to propel forward and the life began to leave his eyes. He was going away from here, away from here, away from here. Towards his heart. Towards Jiyeon.

---------------

It was almost eleven in the night and time to close her shop when someone came. Jiyeon’s back was turned towards the door, so she could not see the person. She only sensed his presence and heard the doors swinging open. Myungsoo’s visit earlier had left her confused but Suji’s had left her drained. Nothing else could shock her today.

“Jiyeon.”

Jiyeon’s ears perked at the sound of his voice from behind her. Her ears strained, detecting the note of anticipation and enthusiasm in her head. That voice was familiar. Too familiar.

Jiyeon turned around and almost dropped down in shock. It was only ironic that she had thought that nothing else could shock her just a few seconds ago. A grin broke on his face and simultaneously, a smile crept onto her lips. Then, he extended his hands to his side, as if presenting himself, ‘I’m here!’.

 Sunggyu. She felt guilty that his presence had never graced her thoughts these days. But seeing him this close again, the first time in a long time, she realized that she missed him and his easy smiles.

“Surprise,” Sunggyu said.

A/N: Hey people! I have been trying to get into writing again. And this is the first time in a long time that I am happy with the way things turned out in the chapter. I really enjoyed writing this chappie and I hope you guys had fun reading it too. I am sad that school is reopening in a few days and I am afraid that it means that I won’t be able to update as frequently as I did this hols… (I know you are cursing me right now   -_-), BUT rest assured that I would never leave this fanfic hanging. When I started this story I made a promise to myself that even if I only have a reader who reads my work, I would go all the way finish it, because I know how unfair it would be for the readers to just stop halfway. Just hang in there, yeah?

You guys have no idea how touched I am with all the subscriptions, comments, and upvotes for the story. There were many times when I feel like leaving it all because I was juggling too many things at once and it felt as if I could not come up with anything to do the story and you guys some justice, but reading your comments really brightened my day up and I suddenly would be so hyped up to continue the story. Yeah! XDDD

Haha, XDDD, it somehow sounded cheesy…<3333333 Haha. Thank you for still supporting the story (even though I know I am so infuriating at times), and please continue to support it! Haha, don’t forget to drop your comments, punch that subscribe buttons, and upvote the story if you can XDDD. Please anticipate the next chapter! Until then, ENJOY!!!!!!

-Faith

P.S: Did I really write an author note that long? OTL *Shoots self*