22

Something made me stop in my tracks. I thought I had caught a glimpse of you that day. I thought I had seen the crown of your head bobbed above the others. I thought I had seen your lithe form from the corner of my eyes. In that moment of weakness, I thought I saw you. But it was impossible, was it not?  You were not supposed to be here. I swivelled on the ball of my foot, more instinctively than it was voluntary. My eyes landed on that familiar form and I suddenly could not breathe. I finally let myself miss you.

And before I could stop myself, I called out your name. The first time, in nine years.

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Jiyeon's hair was in a state of disgrace: dishevelled and tangled as she bounced on the streets. She stumbled once; twice and pushed herself tbhrough the throng of people as her hands searched frantically for her wristwatch in her bag. The sun was already up. The cloud did little to filter off the brilliant morning light and the country was slowly warming up from its radiance. Jiyeon flicked a glance at her watch and gasped.   

8:10 a.m.

Snap! Jiyeon cursed mentally and reprimanded herself for such bad luck. She stumbled on, fighting against the crowd in the late rush hour. She was not used to being packed in this sea of bodies. These people were already making their way to their offices after grabbing their morning coffee. This meant that she was very, very late. She had woken up almost an hour later than usual all thanks to a faulty alarm clock. And the fact that her car had chosen this very day to stop working made her more furious. She tightened the coat around her as she walked towards her little coffee shop, feeling the chill of January even though she was being surrounded by the wisplike heat of the people.

She stopped. Something made her freeze in her steps and her muscles stiffened. In the middle of that street, everyone had seemed to fade into nothingness to her. Something was chilling her unlike the cold and unlike anything else she ever felt before. She swivelled in her feet:  more instinctively than voluntarily.

Her eyes landed on Sungyeol, and confusion clouded her for a moment. She could not stop the disappointment that began to settle in her guts. He streamed through the crowd, moving forward easily. He was running towards her. Seeing him rush in her direction made her more confused. But he stopped, and it was not her he was running towards.

Sungyeol smiled and approached another man whose back was turned to her. The way he was standing, the arch in his shoulders and the way his head was slanted a little to the right looked so familiar. Too painfully familiar.

She was washed by a sudden feeling of melancholy and an unfathomable longing. It did not make sense that her breath was suddenly stuck in nor that it make sense that she was feeling this clenching feeling in her heart.

But when he turned, everything fell into place. She was seeing his sharp nose, his mystifying eyes and his strong jaws: the features that she had missed so much.

It was a re-enactment of all the dreams she had this past years. She was seeing him, she was seeing Kim Myungsoo. And before she could stop herself, she called out his name. The first time, in nine years.

It was all messed up in her head when she rushed and barged through the doors of her café. It did not make sense. Did it have to make sense? Was it really Myungsoo she saw?

Unconsciously ignoring all the people inside her shop, she strode to the back where her office was located and closed the door with a soft click. She leaned against the door and allowed gravity to let her sink to the ground. Her mind was jumbled up right then, her stomach knotted in what might be anticipation and fear.  She tried to calm herself and think rationally. But rationality was not what she had right now.

Taking out her phone from the depths of her pocket, she opened her browser and began typing his name. She had forgotten how it had always been so familiar in her mind, and now, missing the way it had sounded, she repeated it in her mind as her shaky fingers typed out the letters of his name.

Kim Myungsoo.

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A scene of war. Metals clashing. Bombs exploding. Skin tearing. Bones breaking. But there was no blood. Everything was a blur. Everyone was running. A scream. A painful, shrill scream. Tires were screeching between the sounds of twisting metals and breaking glass.

There was another scream followed by heavy footsteps. A blanket of darkness began to swallow everything. I started running, away from the shadows, but it followed. My breaths were exploding, chest pounding but the shadows were catching up. It was funny how I knew my legs were screaming in agony, begging me to stop, but I could not feel any pain. It was like I knew what would happen but that did not stop the anxiety from breaking me slowly. Fear attacked me and there was nowhere to run. The shadows touched me where my skin burned and the ribbon of the scar which ran through my back began tearing. A blasting pain. I started screaming. But it was silent. As if all the sound had been choked out of me.

I was falling into the depths of darkness. Nothing surrounded me. Nothing held me. An endless fall. A black abyss. Light began to bleed from the blanket of dark: two blinding beams like the headlights of a car. There was the screeching and the screaming and I started running again away from it and towards it at the same time.

Everything flashed into white and I was back in an empty room. My fingers were clasping something: a chain--no, a locket. I opened my grip and found a necklace resting in my palm. A little heart with a musical note. I flipped it over and traced the engraving. Jiyeon, it wrote.

Jiyeon.

There was a knock. And another one. I spun around wildly and stopped. Then, I started falling again.

His eyes snapped open with a gasp. The remnants of his dreams immediately slipped away. He lifted his head off the steering wheel. He must have fallen asleep in his car while waiting for Sungyeol. How long was he gone? He rubbed his eyes, trying to erase his drowsiness away from them. But it was still clear that he did not get enough sleep this past week. He looked down onto his lap and realized that he had slept with the necklace clasped in his hands. He quickly shoved it in his pockets.

There was an impatient knock from the window on his opposite side.

"Unlock the damned door." Came Sungyeol's muffled voice, screaming from outside. He must have been knocking from just now. He unlocked the door and let the poor guy in.

"Dude, you're a serious heavy sleeper, you know that?" Sungyeol said as he handed a cup of coffee. It had only been ten days since his arrival here and Sungyeol had proved to be a very dedicated personal assistant. This guy was quick, analytical, observant and understanding. Right from the start, he had treated him like a friend instead of an employer. It was strange, yet even strangely comforting.

“Anyway, my car will be fixed by tomorrow so you won’t need to send me home then,” Sungyeol said, taking a sip from his own coffee. It was obvious that he felt bad for his own employer for making him send home. But then, anyone in his shoes would have felt the same way.

The car started rolling forward and silence settled: a thoughtful, yet tired lull that was drowned in his own frustration. The streets were nearly empty, only passed by occasional cars whose nightlife was only starting. It seemed that the whole word was in a deep slumber.

 He sighed. Sleep. When was the last time he had a good, dreamless sleep? It almost seemed like heaven now. A heaven he could not have. The day he was officially announced as a CEO, work had piled up upon him like a merciless burden on his back. Every second of his days was spent poring over endless paperwork, plans and supervision. It was as though he had no more life. As if he was breathing, but not alive. But all his life, did he not prepare for this very moment when he was finally a CEO?

But now, he was sleep deprived; he was cranky; he was impatient. Frustration was tugging at the end of his nerves and he was more than tired. But worry was raking through his brain. Rubbing his brow, he asked, “When’s the shareholder’s meeting?”

“Tomorrow morning. At ten.”

The car stopped right in front of Sungyeol’s apartment building. He did not alight, as if he still had something to say.

“Myungsoo-yah. When you get home, don’t think about work. Go to sleep. I didn’t wreck my brains to find you a nice apartment for nothing.”

Sungyeol opened the door and slipped out soundlessly.

Myungsoo-yah. His name sounded weird on his own ears.

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It was dark, like the time I snuffed out the candle when he left me. Or the times I let myself fall into the depths of his eyes. Or the times when I let dreamless sleep take me away.

But this was different. He was there. He was looking at me. An unconcealed shame. A guiltless smile. Both at the same time. What was he trying to show me?

I could hear him calling but I could not reach to him. He was smiling and I realized I had seen him like this before. These were just memories of him. But was that not what was left of him? Memories? Both painful and happy.

His smile started to dwindle away, just as his body start to disappear. Carried by the wind. Crushed by the ocean waves. Like sand.  Did he ever exist?

Clouds were looming long after he was gone.

But he was still calling.

She was shaken awake by the slam of a door. She tossed around in her bed, curling in the comforting warmth of the sheets. She peered into the darkness to check the time. 1:00 am.  Her neighbour must have just gotten home. It did not help that she was quite a light sleeper. It had always annoyed her.

felt so dry, it was pricking her skin. Eyes still droopy and body still heavy, she reluctantly left the comfort of her bed and stumbled into the kitchen to pour herself a cold drink.

 It was a windy night and wind came swirling in through the open windows. Jiyeon crossed her living room to sit by the window and let her thoughts flutter away with the coming winds.

Ever since she moved out of her parents’ home two years ago, she felt very lonely. She had almost regretted decision to move into her own apartment where everything seemed familiar but strange to her. As if they did not belong. Or was it in fact her that did not fit?

Jiyeon stopped her train of thoughts for it was treading into dangerous territory. She watched the curtain billowed, as it did a graceful dance with the wind. Just when her thoughts began to fly away again, she stood up.

She looked over to where her piano stood, silent for more than three years. She could not find a reason to play it anymore, but she needed it close to her. Now, caressing the surface of the polished wood, she longed to touch the keys, hear the sound as it soothed her, and feel the freedom once again.

She settled on the stool.

She struck a chord and it surprised her; how soft the keys were as they bounced under her fingers; how resonant the notes sounded. She had forgotten it all. She closed her eyes as the echoes of the notes coursed into the stillness of the night. She missed that sound.

Her fingers started running over the keys, playing a tune that always been buried deep in her head.  A voice was finally given to the soundless instrument and the notes began singing, yearning; reaching. Soft music filled the room, streaming loneliness; emptiness.

Every key she pressed tugged her heart and the notes just fell in within her, lifeless and shattered. Melancholy weighed the room and she remembered why she had stopped playing. It had always felt like this when she played. Pain. Longing. But she had always stopped before the song ended. Stopped before the tears escaped.

But that night, the notes poured out, followed by the tears she had tried so hard to hold. She had spent years trying to bury all the pain but at that moment, everything came tumbling out of her. She was lost in her own scars as the notes soared and fell. Then, she became aware of the emptiness beside her, which had always been occupied by him. She felt that the song was incomplete, one half of a whole piece.

The song slowed and dwindled away, like swallowed by silence. Myungsoo was back, she knew. She had to find him.

For the song would not be complete without him.

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I was running. No, it was not from fear. I felt… happy—excited. There was someone beside me. A girl.

I felt something cold prickling my skin. It was raining. But all the while, I felt like I should not be paying attention to the rain. She held my attention like how a sunflower would the sun. She was laughing. Beautiful. My heart soared as high as a bird would in the sky. Her hair was bouncing as she ran. I turned to see her face. But everything blurred and I was in another room.

A single candle lit the area. Small little flickering light in the endless dark. Shadows were bouncing. The girl was still beside me. There was something in front of me. A piano. I was playing, no—we were playing. I felt happy—pleased. My heart was filling with eager excitement. I knew I was smiling. The same aura was emanating from the person beside me. I could not hear what we were playing, but being there was enough. I felt complete.

I turned to face her, but she was a blurring picture. Before I could make out the outline of her face, I was somewhere else. It was dim. Not the windowless dimness in the earlier room, not the elusive darkness. But somehow, morose. As if the world was clouded with so much sadness that it would not allow light to reach the ground. But, no. I was in the car. I was racing for something. I had to get somewhere. I was angry—frustrated. But I didn’t know why.

The car swerved and I jerked to the side. I hit something. Hard. Then, before the abyss welcome me in its endless embrace, I remembered that I called out her name.

He lay awake, staring blankly at the empty ceilings. Dim lights of blue tint sneaked through the curtains and the room was dim. He did not remember what he dreamed. Just that he was running with someone. The more he tried to remember, the further it got from the edge of his mind. It was like he could see it but he could not grasp it in his hand.

He pushed his covers aside and slid onto his feet. There was no point in sleeping anymore. He was on his way to the kitchen to pour a drink but stopped. His gaze fell upon his piano and he looked at it, properly, for the first time. The polished wood felt so soft under his skin, almost as if it was enticing him to sit and play. It was funny because he never played unless he was forced to. So, when he sat there, lifted the fall board and struck a random chord, he was a little bit more than confused.

His fingers were still accustomed to the softness of the keys and the resonant sound was familiar to his ears, though he could not remember playing it for the past years. Then, slowly, he started to form a tune, as though it had always been there in his head but only now, was coming out through his fingers.

So he played, in the most contradicting way, as if the sky was meeting the earth, or the day meeting the night; fire meeting water. But the notes interlaced and weaved a story he never knew, and he let his fingers guide him as the notes soared and fell, drowning into its sea of emotions, getting carried away by its current.

But suddenly, he felt incomplete. As if the song itself was only half of a whole piece, like the sky without the earth, a day without its night, a moon without its sun. The imprint of his dream came back burning inside him and he remembered that there was always someone beside him when he played. Closing his eyes to the sound of the notes, he knew, as he always did. He had to find her.

For the song would not be complete without her.

A/N:
PLEASE READ THIS: there seems to be a misunderstanding in the previous chapter.  I might have written something that made you guys think that Jiyeon could talk. But…. I’m sorry people, she…can’t. It wasn’t her that talked in the previous chapter, it was her worker. I’m sorry guise T.T

ANYWAY, yes, it’s been a LONG time, and I don’t know who reads this anymore. And I admit I had almost stopped writing but when I looked back at this story a few days ago, I felt like I should continue this and finish it. I have been so busy lately but thanks to you all that continued to subscribe and comment, I knew I cannot stop here. So I appreciate each and everyone of you and even though I don’t have enough time to reply all your comments, I read ALL of them and appreciate each one.

So thank you all of you I love you guys so much. And I’ll try my best to finish this as soon as possible.

And I feel that I have to give you guys something so I wrote a oneshot tittled ‘Not Yet’. It should be up by tonight so check it out.

Here’s the link.

-Faith