We are the same but our lives move along
And the third one between replaces what once was love

-Vienna Teng "Between."

Cho Kyuhyun, his newest roommate, and he met at the university. They shared some lectures together but rarely talked during those but they knew each others: they heard stories and they could fit the name with a face. They had a mutual friend who got pissed off at them for whining how expensive it was to live alone and either one them didn’t want to move into dorms, that was for fresh men, they’re already almost done with their studies.  So this mutual friend hooked them up and soon Sungmin had found himself looking for free apartments with the younger, bratty male.

Cho Kyuhyun was taller than him, thinner and handsome. His smile was dazzling and he was pain in the . He was everything every girl wanted from a boyfriend but then again he wasn’t.  Sungmin was just amused how those girls once so in love with him were now declaring their undying hatred towards the dark haired man. Kyuhyun just laughed and didn’t care. Sungmin wasn’t even sure which way Kyuhyun swung because he never said yes to those courting girls or never brought anyone home with him. Sungmin himself was fine by loving either girl or a boy, and as Kyuhyun never mainly complained about his night guests he thought Kyuhyun couldn’t be a homophobic at least.

They hit it off well. They found their dream apartment near the city central and Kyuhyun’s part time job. It was a nice apartment with two bedrooms, living area and kitchen aisle. They had both their own bathrooms which was extra nice. Kyuhyun was a game addict and Sungmin wasn’t anymore surprised to find the younger man in the living room when he woke up from his sleep after a night. Kyuhyun could go days without sleep if the game was new and interesting. Kyuhyun couldn’t cook but Sungmin didn’t mind cooking for both of them, as long as Kyuhyun paid for his food. Kyuhyun liked to mess but he kept it in his own room so their shared areas in the house were mainly nice and tidy to Sungmin’s pleasure. He liked it nice and clean.

It was nice, he liked Kyuhyun and rent was much lower than in his last apartment and living with someone was nice: they could eat together and watch TV or movies and chat happily. Sungmin was happy to have company.

Kyuhyun liked to share his stories of his friends, and he was particularly fond of his best friend, Sungmin noted. Sungmin was a little envious that Kyuhyun had someone to call as a best friend because Sungmin really didn’t have one. He had close friends, lots of them actually but he really didn’t want to call any of them as his best friend.  Some of their friends had visited their new apartment but Kyuhyun’s best friend had never come. He was out of the country, Kyuhyun had told him, in China. He would be back in December and Kyuhyun promised to introduce them. Sungmin smiled and told him he would be honored.

Kim Ryeowook surprised them both by standing behind their door at their house welcoming party at September.

***

Kim Ryeowook’s smile was dazzling. Ryeowook was slightly shorter than him, thinner, almost too thin, his cheekbones high and eyes dark and laughing. He was polite and baked the most delicious cookies Sungmin had ever tasted. He was so different from Kyuhyun that Sungmin couldn’t help but wonder how they had ended up being best friends.

His wonders got an answer when those two got into their plotting mode and after witnessing some pranks of the duo towards their mutual friends Sungmin learned to never get to their bad side; it would end up you having your car smashed with eggs or nasty baggage to be delivered to your door.  But what surprised him the most was the younger ones' love for music and singing. He once stumbled home after a family dinner to find them having a jamming session in the living room.  He listened, hiding behind the corner, how beautifully their voices harmonized. He joined them with his guitar and it was the most relaxing night Sungmin had had in a long time. Nope, it wasn’t anymore surprise why they were best friends: they were so alike but then again so far away.

And you know what they say: opposites attract.

When Ryeowook visited them in September, he went back to China after a week but after the New Year and Sungmin’s birthday, he came back at the country.  And when Ryeowook was back in the country, back in being Kyuhyun’s best friend, he kept visiting them a lot and Sungmin felt more than honored when he watched as Kim Ryeowook silently fell into their lives, like a puzzle piece that had been missing all along.

Sungmin liked to have Ryeowook around. The younger would help him in the kitchen, Kyuhyun watching them to cook from the table and they all would be full of laughs and smiles. Sometimes Kyuhyun and Ryeowook would be so emerged into their own little world that Sungmin minded his own businesses but he still kept an eye on them, offering snacks and asking if everything was alright if they were unusually quite. It was nice, their life was nice and Sungmin wouldn’t change a thing.

He was happy that his roommate was happy with his… best friend and maybe more so Sungmin wasn’t really that surprised that they got the same hair colour when Ryeowook went to cut his hair. Sungmin was happy, he was happy to be part of it and he wouldn’t change it.

But then he caught Kyuhyun.

And everything changed.

***

It’s a late night when Sungmin gets home. He is tired but there’s still a smile lingering on his lips. His day has been nice, and Kyuhyun and Ryeowook would most likely still be up since they were celebrating Kyuhyun’s birthday which had been earlier that week. But to his surprise, the lights are out as he opens the front door.

He almost makes a sound to let someone know he is back as he closes the door behind him silently but a dim light from the living room and the atmosphere of the apartment makes him stay silent. He removes his shoes and tiptoes closer. And when he makes it to the doorframe of the living room, he stills.

Kyuhyun sits on a coffee table, wine bottle loosely in his hand.  Ryeowook is full asleep on a couch, buried underneath of Kyuhyun’s blankets. The light comes from Kyuhyun’s room which is behind the couch and Sungmin can easily see Kyuhyun’s drunken expression as he stares down at his friend. Kyuhyun keeps murmuring something Sungmin can’t catch but the look, the sad and desperate look tells him more than words ever could.

Sungmin wonders, holding his breath, if they had a fight because now that he looks really carefully he thinks that Ryeowook’s face is puffed and tear stained. Did the other cry himself to sleep, while waiting Kyuhyun to return from his drunken adventures?

And Kyuhyun leans in, kissing the sleeping man gently right on the lips.

“I love you so much, why can’t you understand that?”

Sungmin almost stumbles as he moves back, out of the sight as Kyuhyun stands up, circles the couch and goes to his room. The door clicks and Sungmin breaths out heavily. He leans on the wall, listening as Kyuhyun moves inside his room and Ryeowook mumbles something in his dream.

Sungmin pretends it doesn’t sound like Kyuhyun’s name, that little murmur he hears.

He waits until Kyuhyun shuts the lights, then he moves, makes it sure to move silently. In the kitchen there’s nothing out of ordinary but when he opens the fridge he can see uneaten meals hastily wrapped up. He tries to steady his breathing, control his beating heart as his mind desperately wants to know what this all means.

He couldn’t sleep.

He stands up from the bed when he hears faint steps coming from outside the door around 6 am. Two actually, haste steps following the silent ones and muffled sounds and then something breaks and Sungmin is up. He makes his way towards the kitchen and he can clearly hear angry whispers of Kyuhyun and whines from Ryeowook, hiccups and sobs and thumbs as something – someone – is pushed against the table.

“What’s going on here?”

Sungmin doesn’t want to look but he has to.

Kyuhyun jolts away from Ryeowook, who is leaning against the counter, coffee machine is on and filling the kitchen and whole apartment with the smell of coffee. Ryeowook tries to hide his face and wipe the tears away but Sungmin catches his wrist but before he can say anything, Kyuhyun pushes him away and then, the whole situation gets awkward.

Ryeowook’s eyes are huge and Kyuhyun looks pissed off and hang over-ish. Sungmin’s face is stern and he keeps looking at Ryeowook’s face, trying to find any traces of slaps or hits, and he is still holding Ryeowook’s delicate wrist.  Has the other man always been this thin?

“Did you fight?”

Answer “no” is out of both of their mouths at the same time and Sungmin smiles a little, a joyless little smile but he doesn’t in and Ryeowook pulls his hand away and asks if they want some pancakes.

***

Kim Ryeowook was his best friend for reasons and Kyuhyun wasn’t going to lose him and their friendship for something trivial like love, never.  It was okay, it had always been okay to touch a little bit more than it might have been proper or look way too long after someone that wasn’t the opposite as you were but they had never really cared about it. It was their relationship and they defined it however they wanted.

And as Ryeowook did nothing to change the way they acted around each other, Kyuhyun wasn’t going to be the one do so either. They were fine, they were okay and most likely to fall in love but then, Sungmin come to their lives.

Well technically, it was Ryeowook who came into Kyuhyun and Sungmin’s shared live as roommates but Ryeowook had always been there for Kyuhyun, so Sungmin came and messed up the perfect picture. Not that neither one of them actually noticed it first. It was almost devious how Sungmin gnawed his way into their little bubble.

But Kyuhyun eventually noticed. He noticed how those two would have their own baking moments without him or how when he got back from work those two were comfortable cuddling on the couch and crying over some stupid drama on the TV. And suddenly Kyuhyun’n vision was blurred with kind of jealous pictures: Sungmin’s hand around Ryeowook’s shoulder – too close - as he watched what the other was making by the oven, Sungmin’s stupid face getting Ryeowook to laugh so hard that happy tears were rolling down on his cheeks, Sungmin touching that nice face with his fingers as he wiped those tears away – too close – and Sungmin, Sungmin, Sungmin everywhere too close to Ryeowook.

And he snapped. On the day he shouldn’t have and Sungmin actually caught up with them on the next morning. The look Sungmin kept giving him after that night told him how Sungmin knew. How Sungmin knew it was all open, all undecided and undefined.

He saw how Sungmin thought he had a chance.

***

After that night Sungmin started to see more and more Kyuhyun’s subtle little acts now that he knew what to look for: touches and words and smiles, it was so obvious to Sungmin. Kyuhyun was in love with his best friend. But Sungmin had kind of assumed that Ryeowook was in the same boat with Kyuhyun but now it all looked so different to him. Because of some reason Ryeowook didn’t acknowledge Kyuhyun’s feelings for him and was obvious to it all.  And when that realization hit him, Sungmin felt suddenly kind of free. Maybe Ryeowook didn’t love Kyuhyun and maybe Kyuhyun didn’t even want to confess, maybe they were content with what they had.

Maybe Sungmin had a change.

But he also noticed the piercing, full of furry glares that Kyuhyun kept sending towards him.

Like Kyuhyun was asking, daring him to make a move and he would rip his head off.

***

Kyuhyun wasn’t stupid. It wasn’t new for Ryeowook to suddenly appear to their doorway and hang around but to Kyuhyun it started to seem like it started to happen more when he wasn’t around and he wasn’t invited. He wasn’t really blaming Ryeowook because they were still a bit awkward after his stupid outburst but he knew Sungmin was doing it on purpose.

Sungmin called me… Sungmin asked me… Sungmin this and Sungmin that. Kyuhyun wasn’t stupid even thou Sungmin tried to act when he wasn’t around. Kyuhyun vaguely wondered if Sungmin tried to keep it in secret from him. But that was useless. Ryeowook told him everything without him asking.

Which meant either two things: 1: Ryeowook was still playing a dumb or 2: it was Ryeowook’s way to say You have been warned, someone else is trying to woo me.

***

Kim Ryeowook hated the situation he was in. He didn’t want to lose his friends so he acted like he didn’t see it all. First it had been only him and Kyuhyun, their little world where only some of their friends asked about their relationship. It was actually pretty funny how couple-ish they were acting and Ryeowook had nothing against it, without actually even being in a relationship. Kyuhyun had been more than okay with it from the start, it had been their silent agreement, and Ryeowook had been totally okay with it, no stupid relationship status but they still could be together, but then Sungmin had walked into a picture.

It all had gotten so much more obvious: the way how Kyuhyun would hold him closer when Sungmin walked into a room, the way how Kyuhyun’s hold of his hip hardened when Sungmin sat close by. It resulted a jealous fit from Kyuhyun on the day that was supposed to be special celebration for the younger one’s birthday. It had been ugly and the way Sungmin had looked at him after that night, after he had caught them arguing next morning, made him fear the worst.  

Suddenly it all got so much more complicated: Sungmin would call and ask him to come over, Sungmin would be the only one in the apartment, Kyuhyun would fume when he came home only to get Sungmin to cling closer, cling longer, and Ryeowook vaguely wondered why and when he agreed to ignore it all with a smile and tell them both to get to the table and taste his freshly oven baked cake.

They should have talked about it, they should have made some boundaries but it was too late now.

And when Sungmin kissed him one night, Ryeowook cried. He cried because Kyuhyun saw it all and Ryeowook didn’t want to lose either one of them.

Kim Ryeowook didn’t t want to make a choice.

***

It was just supposed to be a movie night with Sungmin.

But at some point Ryeowook finds himself pinned against the wall, his head between Sungmin’s hands. It would be a lie, when Ryeowook said later, that he hadn’t been scared. To be honest, at that moment, the look on Sungmin’s face had scared him more than anything for a while.

It had been a look of a desperate man.

The kiss is predictable but Ryeowook doesn’t turn his face away and let it land on his cheek, he stays put as Sungmin leans in and kisses him. It’s a desperate kiss, too much for Ryeowook and he gasps, opening his mouth. And he bites, it’s a reflex he says later, when Sungmin tries to get into his mouth.  He feels Sungmin’s hand in his hair, holding his head and Ryeowook is trying so hard not to grab a hold of Sungmin shoulder.

Ryeowook opens his eyes (he doesn’t know when he had closed them) and sees Kyuhyun standing by the door and tears start to roll down his face.

He isn’t sure what he feels when Sungmin pulls away and his legs betray him. All he can do is sob into his hands as Sungmin stands in front of him.

Kyuhyun is gone from the door when he lifts his face and Sungmin gently says it’s might be best for him to leave. He doesn’t meet Sungmin’s eyes, he doesn’t want to.

And deep inside Ryeowook knows it’s the only way.

He stands with the help of the other man and wobbles towards the door, almost forgetting his stuff but Sungmin is, still, a gentleman and gives them to him. He says goodbyes with a small smile on his lips and Ryeowook wants to yell, he wants to hit the door when Sungmin closes it but all he can do is to start running.

He runs until he can’t anymore, air escaping his lungs and he tumbles against his apartment’s door.

It’s better for him to leave.

***

Kyuhyun couldn’t hate his best friend. He couldn’t. He was feeling numb after the night he had seen Sungmin to kiss Ryeowook, but he wasn’t feeling hatred.  He was feeling kind of betrayed and bitter but not angry. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to acknowledge it but he knew when he was losing the game.  He had already decided to talk with Ryeowook next time he would come over (it was over his understanding why Ryeowook had left that night) and maybe with Sungmin too, and make everything clear. If it was Ryeowook’s choice to be Sungmin’s boyfriend, he would be happy for them.  He could clear the air and maybe, just maybe they could still be able to hang around like they had used to.

But it wasn’t that easy.

Sungmin had felt kind of stupid after the kiss when he had watched Ryeowook to cry. It had been a stupid of him to act so rashly, so bold but he had just lost it. They had talked something about Kyuhyun and the look on Ryeowook’s face had made him want to somehow ruin it, make Ryeowook to see there was something better, him, out there for the younger one. It hadn’t been a proper confession, he knew that and when Ryeowook hadn’t really said anything against anything he hadn’t lost all of his hope, not just yet. He would talk with Ryewook later, clear things up and make a proper confession. And if he was going to be turned down he still hoped they would end up being great friends, like they were now.

He never did think Ryeowook would take his words that literally.

***

“What do you mean you’re leaving?”

Sungmin stands a little behind Kyuhyun blinking at Ryeowook who tries to fight back tears. The shortest of them is standing by the door, holding a passport and a small backpack.

“I.. Zhoumi got an internship fo-for me…” Ryeowook sobs and Kyuhyun’s eyes narrowed dangerously.

“For how long?”

“When?”

Kyuhyun snarls at Sungmin for asking something at the same time as he but Sungmin doesn’t care as Ryeowook’s eyes turn to look at him.

“I… should….” he takes a deep breath “…be at the airport already.”

The silence is horrible for a moment until Kyuhyun lashes out. Sungmin doesn’t really hear what he yells at Ryeowook but the way Ryeowook’s eyes widen, it’s nothing nice. Sungmin doesn’t really pay attention what Ryeowook says back to his best friend, Sungmin is frozen. His heart beats in his ears, it’s suffocating and then he sees, like in a slow motion, how Kyuhyun swings his arm and his hand contacts with Ryeowook’s face.

As Ryeowook slumps against the wall Sungmin yanks Kyuhyun back, holding him by his wrist. Ryeowook is shaking, tears streaming down his face. Kyuhyun breaths heavily and Sungmin yells at him, his voice going hoarse and Kyuhyun starts yelling back at him and Ryeowook cries, standing up and before Sungmin can reach out and stop him, he escapes. He runs and Kyuhyun tries to follow but he gets messed up on his own feet and launches on the doorframe.

They stay like that for a moment; Sungmin can hear the faint sound of Ryeowook’s steps as the male runs down the stairs. And then Kyuhyun starts to cry; ugly little sobs that tell Sungmin how much Kyuhyun had needed to cry it all out. And Sungmin thinks it’s all his fault but he can’t really hate himself or Ryeowook or Kyuhyun, and tears wet his eyes and Kyuhyun is there, hugging him, his hands shaking around his shoulders and they cry because it’s all stupid and they have been selfish idiots and it’s all lost now.

***

Ryeowook hated China.

 It didn’t have Kyuhyun.

Or Sungmin.

_____________________

Thank you for all of your comments and subscriptions! Keep them coming! ;w;

The second part is here, I'm trying a new things with this story, I hope it's not too confusing. 8D Also I'll be pretty busy with uni for January and February so I have no idea when I have time to write next parts.