"Just love

it's not technical

just follow your natural feelings as if you are magnets, you just naturally end up pulling, right?"

-B2ST - "How To Love".

Kyuhyun had always thought that he would never let anything come between him and Ryeowook. Truth to be told, he had never thought it would be he himself to do so. It had always been his insecurity, the fear of losing Ryeowook, and that was the something to come in between them.

Kyuhyun took a deep breath as he stared blankly at the laptop’s screen and that mocking one message received. It had been almost half year from the last e-mail from Ryeowook, so why now? Kyuhyun leaned back in his chair and let his hand hover over the mouse, until he decided (as always) ignore the incoming e-mail.

It had been almost two years now since Ryeowook had left him (them). Sungmin was now working as an intern for a local news paper and he himself was having two jobs to keep himself busy before he found something to match his degree but now he just wanted to try things. Now that he thought about it, the last message from Ryeowook was from the day he had graduated. He hadn’t opened it, of course not, but he could guess the content of it. He was happy with his two jobs, one at the local radio show and this one, mostly boring paper work for one of his friend’s older brother.

They were well off, nothing to complain about their lives.

He and Sungmin were still roommates.

Kyuhyun snorted. It was odd but maybe they just ignored the fact that they had wanted the same man, a man who had left them both.

Sungmin had moved on. He was dating—no, he had a friend with benefits now, not a boyfriend. Hyukjae wasn’t a boyfriend, Kyuhyun knew that much. As Sungmin had moved on, Kyuhyun himself had loved (and still loved, even thou he didn’t admit it aloud) Ryeowook so long that it was too hard to move on. He had tried but it had only ended up as a messy break up. Somewhere deep inside Kyuhyun still believed that Ryeowook would come back and maybe say yes to him.

Maybe they could be happy again.

But deep inside he was scared, scared to find out that Ryeowook had moved on. That’s why the mocking “159 messages unread” in bolt letters on the side of his e-mail inbox was there.

Kyuhyun sighed and switched back to his work email. He hadn’t planned to ignore Ryeowook’s messages but he had been so angry at the man to be ready to acknowledge his emails at first and after that, he just couldn’t read them. He didn’t want to read how happy Ryeowook was now in China without him and Sungmin.

Kyuhyun didn’t want to know how what they once had was lost.

***

Sungmin didn’t love Hyukjae, not really. There was some attraction but not love, never. But still, dates were nice, hand holding was sort of comforting and kisses and were nice too. He couldn’t be more pleased with his life.

But still, somewhere deep inside of him, the way Hyukjae smiled at him made his heart beat more uneasily than he would have wanted.

“Hi! How was your day?”

Sungmin leaned in to peak Hyukjae’s lips as he reached to the spot where the slightly taller man was waiting for him.

“My day was nice. And yours?”

“So far good, I hope perfect from now on.”

Sungmin rolled his eyes at Hyukjae who grinned sheepishly and started to lead the way.

“I picked up this restaurant because one of my friends said the cook is awesome.  It’s a new place. I think it is called Seasoning, have you heard about it?”

Sungmin shook his head and Hyukjae kept blabbering things about the restaurant as they walked. He had met Hyukjae around a year ago after he had signed up for a dance class. He had needed something to releave his frustration and martial arts hadn’t done it for him. Dancing had sounded perfect for adrenaline rushes and Hyukjae had been there too. After a chat or two, they had meet up for coffee, then at the party and then Sungmin had found himself grinding against the slightly younger male. That had started their sort of friends with benefit relationship.  It was just friends with benefits, that was what they had agreed upon.  Nothing more than that but the way Hyukjae sometimes looked at him, thinking he didn’t see, made Sungmin very uneasy.

Sungmin didn’t pay attention to their waiter, Hyukjae was the one doing the talking when they reached to their destination. He liked the restaurant, it was nice and wide, music wasn’t too annoying or playing too loudly and he could hear the glongs of pots and pans, laughs of cooks. It felt homey.

They sat down and Hyukjae talked about his day but then it happened. Someone caught Sungmin’s eyes and that was it. Sungmin didn’t hear what Hyukjae said next. Or after that. His attention was on the kitchen hatch. And soon the man was back and Sungmin felt the air escape his lungs. Ryeowook was there, smiling at the waitress as he gave the food to her and then he disappeared to kitchen yet again.

Only to appear yet again with plates and a sneer on his face as the other waiter made some sort of a joke. Sungmin gulped, and his attention was divided for the rest of their dinner and he actually didn’t even mind. Hyukjae still held his hand as they left. He felt kind of bad when his thoughts were on someone else when Hyukjae kissed him but nothing could have prepared him for seeing Ryeowook yet again.

Damn the man had looked good.

***

Sungmin didn’t know what he was supposed to do next.

He knew Ryeowook was back in town but Kyuhyun hadn’t said a word about it which made him to think if Kyuhyun even knew. What if Ryeowook hadn’t told him. What if no one knew Ryeowook was back.

What if.

Sungmin could walk back in the restaurant and just coincidently meet Ryeowook there. But Ryeowook wasn’t a waiter so it wasn’t that easy. He actually tried it once but Ryeowook stayed in the kitchen throughout Sungmin’s stay. Sungmin tried to kind of not to think about it but he couldn’t and Ryeowook’s face was in his mind, smiling and laughing.

He wanted to talk with Ryeowook, he wanted to know why he was back.

Kyuhyun didn’t act any different so Sungmin was sure he didn’t know but he had to be sure before he made his contact with Ryeowook.

“Have you heard of him?”

Kyuhyun stopped eating and silence hang around them, making the dinner suddenly much more tensed than it had been. Sungmin watched as the color escaped from the younger man’s face.

“What?” Kyuhyun’s voice cracked and the look the younger male gave to him told Sungmin how even without telling anything else than that, Kyuhyun knew what he was asking.

Sungmin nodded.

“Have you heard of him? I was just wondering if his internship is already done…”

“How would I know!”

Sungmin shrugged. He kind of liked that panicked state of his friend. Thou he wasn’t sure why Kyuhyun was acting so panicky.

“Well I just thought… you were his best friend right?”

“Were.”

Sungmin didn’t continue after that and soon Kyuhyun posture relaxed visibly and maybe that’s why Sungmin found himself in the restaurant next day, requesting to meet the wonderful cook who had made his dish.

Kim Ryeowook’s face was worth of seeing.

***

Sungmin sees him immediately as the doors are pushed open. His hair is shorter now but the fringe is there, hiding almost half of Ryeowook’s face. Ryeowook is as thin as he was, almost too thin as Sungmin watches how loosely the wristband slides down on the younger one’s arm.

“S-sungmin?”

Sungmin smiles at him, gently.

“You cook wonderfully as always.”

Ryeowook stares and the tall man next to him gazes at Sungmin suspiciously.

“Do you know him? Is he trouble?”

“N-no, he is not a trouble… I… we just... haven’t seen each other for so long…” Ryeowook stammers and the tall man doesn’t look convinced.

“Then why you look so pale suddenly?”

Sungmin is ready to step in, tell them he can leave but Ryeowook turns to the tall man, his hand taking a hold of the other one’s arm.

“Zhoumi, could be bring us some coffee? And those snacks I have back there, please?”

The man, Zhoumi, purses his lips together, but says nothing as he stomps away and Ryeowook makes his way towards one of the tables near the door, and Sungmin follows.

They sit in silence until Zhoumi brings their coffees and snacks and with a finally glare at Sungmin, leaves.

Ryeowook smiles but Sungmin can tell it doesn’t reach to his eyes.

“So he is the Zhoumi who got your internship hmm.”

Ryeowook nods, not really looking at Sungmin.

“How have you been, Sungmin?”

“Good. I didn’t know you were back in Korea.”

Ryeowook’s smile doesn’t alter, not a bit but Sungmin can see how the male bites his teeth together.

“You didn’t know? I thought Kyuhyun might have told you…” he mumbles and Sungmin wants to curse the other man for being such a as Ryeowook continues:  ”But I’m not really surprised… he never answered my e-mails so most likely he never ever read those.”

But even thou Sungmin wants to strangle his roommate for being a , he feels a little sting in his heart as he hears this.

Ryeowook had been in contact with Kyuhyun.

But as he remembers Kyuhyun’s pale face from yesterday, the fact that Kyuhyun brought that misery upon himself just by not opening those e-mails, makes him feel a little better. Which gives him the advance he had been hoping to have in the first place.

“It doesn’t matter. I spotted you when I visited this place with a friend. We really like this place.”

This time Ryeowook’s smile is something worth of genuine.

“Thank you. Zhoumi and I have worked hard for this.”

They talk about the restaurant and Sungmin smiles as Ryeowook gets excited, his eyes sparkle and Sungmin wants it all to be like it had been. And when Ryeowook quiets down, he asks:

“Can we start over? I really liked being your friend.”

And it’s so weird to see, how the previously so closed up face brightens up fully, corners of Ryeowook’s mouth curving beautifully and Sungmin remembers why he loved it when Ryeowook smiled.

“I thought you… I would love that!”

And at that moment all Sungmin wants to do is to kiss Ryeowook, it feels like his heart wants to burst out and he feels so happy he can’t describe it but he doesn’t.

Kiss Ryeowook. Not this time.

He lets Ryeowook talk, talk about how he had missed them, how he had missed their movie nights and hangouts and laughs and everything and how China had been boring without them. And Sungmin hates it how Kyuhyun’s presence lingers there without either one of them even saying his name.

“We could have a lunch tomorrow! Catch up and all!” Ryeowook slaps his hands together and Sungmin nods. They stand up and Ryeowook keeps talking about the small restaurant they could go tomorrow and Sungmin just smiles. He had missed Ryeowook’s ramblings so much, his voice is nice to listen to.

Ryeowook grins wide as Sungmin steps out of the door.

“I have missed being friends with you.”

Sungmin doesn’t know what makes him say the next words he says but he blames it was his heart talking.

 “The kiss. I don’t regret it thou.”

***

Kyuhyun noted Sungmin’s change of mood.

Sungmin smiled more and sometimes the other would just sigh and smile gently all by himself. And Kyuhyun didn’t like it. He wasn’t sure why it made him so nauseous, so unsecure. He kind of wanted to believe Sungmin’s sudden happiness was because of Hyukjae but when he witnessed a nasty phone call between them, he suddenly started to fear the worst.

He still remembered the talk they had couple of weeks ago.

Sungmin had always been impulsive, he could have made a contact with Ryeowook. Kyuhyun found himself more often sitting in front of his laptop, staring at those unread e-mails but he still didn’t open any of them. He just stated at them, wondering and thinking too much into Sungmin’s mood.

So, one day, it was a nice spring day, he followed Sungmin to the restaurant called Seasoning.

***

When Sungmin gets home he can smell the alcohol, and he wonders why Kyuhyun is drinking middle of the week. He drops of his jacket and shoes and moves to living room. Kyuhyun is sitting on the couch three wine bottles in front of him and some beer cans lying around.

“Did something happen?” Sungmin asks slightly mused and Kyuhyun’s eyes snap at him and Sungmin freezes. The look in Kyuhyun’s eyes is piercing and it makes Sungmin very uncomfortable. Kyuhyun snorts and leans forward.

“Oh, maybe. “

Sungmin doesn’t move and Kyuhyun takes a sip from the bottle.

“I understand now why you asked about him so suddenly at the other week.”

Sungmin feels light headed for a moment, a moment of despair gets a hold of his heart.

“What?”

“Did Hyukjae heal you or what or why did you make a contact with him?” Kyuhyun snarls and Sungmin wants to laugh.

“This has nothing to do with Hyukjae.”

“So you just accidently bumped into him?” Kyuhyun almost yells and Sungmin laughs.

“Yes, actually yes!”

Kyuhyun laughs this time, ridiculous laugh of his without a trace of happiness.

“You’re full off , Lee Sungmin.”

Sungmin feels rage building up inside himself. Kyuhyun is pathetic and before he can stop himself, Sungmin is by the couch and he yanks Kyuhyun up by the collar. The younger man shouts something but Sungmin isn’t listening. He can feel something wet his feet, the wine bottle most likely has fallen over.

 “It’s entirely your own fault actually.”

Kyuhyun winces and Sungmin lets out a mocking giggle, wanting anything more than punch the man but settles for pushing him harshly back to the couch.

“Don’t be so sour about this, poor Kyuhyun”, he mocks and Kyuhyun’s eyes narrow dangerously.

“He at least sent you an e-mail about his comeback.”

Sungmin doesn’t stay to see Kyuhyun to scramble up and hurry to check the unread messages. He walks briskly to his room and slams the door shut. He leans against the door, trying to control his heart. He covers his mouth, feeling nauseous and thinking what would happen next.

***

Ryeowook was happy to have Sungmin back in his life. It had been pleasant two or three weeks but he was kind of missing Kyuhyun. He had hoped, every night after Sungmin had first made the contact with him again, that Kyuhyun would call, send an e-mail, anything but nothing. He received no calls, no messages. And he couldn’t just ask Sungmin to tell Kyuhyun, no, that would hurt Sungmin and that was the last thing Ryeowook wanted to do.

He had had enough of hurting people.

But when Kyuhyun finally came to him, he knew it was going to be impossible. Someone was about the get hurt and Ryeowook wasn’t even sure if he himself would be out of the harm’s way.

***

Kyuhyun his lips and he feels nervous as Ryeowook walks towards him, smiling gently.  It’s only Ryeowook in the restaurant, the tall man had let Kyuhyun in when he left and Kyuhyun isn’t going to ask how or why the man knew him. Ryeowook is there, standing in front of him. He is gorgeous with his hair shorter from the back but the fringe is freakishly long and the color is black and somehow it makes him look thinner but somehow handsome.

Ryeowook takes a hold of his hand and tugs gently.

“Hey.”

And everything inside Kyuhyun breaks down. He tugs Ryeowook closer, takes the man in his arms and hugs him tightly. He can hear  -feel-  Ryeowook to gasp, his breathe ghosting over his skin.

“I’m so sorry. I should have… I’m so sorry.”

Ryeowook laughs silently and finally his hands are around Kyuhyun and Kyuhyun closes his eyes.

“You read the e-mails, I guess.”

Kyuhyun only nods and Ryeowook sayd nothing after that. They stay like that, their arms around each other and Kyuhyun never wants to let go.

“I was so stupid. I should have never let that happen. You’re my best friend. Best friends don’t act like I did.”

“Kyuhyun.”

Ryeowook pushes gently and Kyuhyun has to let go, only to meet with Ryeowook’s forgiving gaze.

“We’re both stupid.”

“I want to be your best friend again.”

Ryeowook tenses in his arms and Kyuhyun closes his eyes again, like it's too much for him, preparing himself for the rejection.

The shorter man doesn’t say anything for a while and Kyuhyun doesn’t dare to interrupt the silence.

“If that’s what you want, then let’s be friends yet again.”

Kyuhyun grins, opening his eyes, and lifts Ryeowook up. Ryeowook yelps and Kyuhyun laughs as he swings his friend around. Finally a laugh bubbles out of Ryeowook’s mouth and Kyuhyun feels content, he feels happy.

****

Sungmin wasn’t sure if this was the way he wanted this to happen. He had known Ryeowook would be back in their lives in the end but this might have not been the case he had wanted it to happen.

Ryeowook would hang around their apartment like he had used to. He would cook for them, he would fall asleep on their couch, he would play pranks with Kyuhyun, he would stay for a night after a movie night and he would just be there.

To Sungmin’s annoyance Kyuhyun was there too. He would be the one stealing pieces of Ryeowook’s unfinished dishes, he would be the one whose shoulder was there for Ryeowook to fall asleep to, he would be there to whine Ryeowook to stay after a movie night.

But every time Ryeowook turned to Sungmin to taste his sauces, or every time Sungmin wrapped Ryeowook up on his blanket and Ryeowook thanked him later, or every time when they all three would tangle their legs during the movie, Sungmin felt like it had always been like that. It felt like the time in China had never been between them.

But this time Sungmin wasn’t going to think what ifs. Sungmin was kind of anticipating when the touches would turn too intimate to ignore.

__________________

This story is going to be longer than I thought.