"I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh
I can dance and play the part
If that's what you ask
Give you all I am

I can do it
I can do it
I can do it

But I'm only human"

- Christina Perri - "Human"

Sungmin thought it was kind of unfair for Ryeowook to hurt him like he was. He knew Ryeowook didn’t mean it but why wouldn’t he hurt Kyuhyun the same? Sungmin really never was done coping with the hurt Ryeowook had caused by the name he never uttered out that night or the way Kyuhyun and Ryeowook had held hand afterwards.

But even thou it kept hurting, he never could hate Ryeowook for that or try to stop this stupid madness. He was too deep in love for it. So it all continued to go as it always had been, even thou Ryeowook’s friend from China caused a little disturbance to their routine, and somehow after he had gone back home, everything changed.

Or Sungmin was yet again reading too much into it but he couldn’t ignore it after he caught Ryeowook staring blankly at the ceiling as the youngsters were laying on the couch, side by side, Kyuhyun’s eyes closed, obviously sleeping when Sungmin walked in. But the look was gone as soon as Ryeowook spotted Sungmin and a smile was there and Ryeowook unceremoniously pushed Kyuhyun out of the couch.

That look had terrified Sungmin. It wasn’t a normal look for Ryeowook to have, it made Ryeowook’s face look empty and distraught. It made Sungmin feel uneasy. Something was suspicious but Sungmin couldn’t figure out what. Ryeowook’s laughs were as loud and hysterical as always when Kyuhyun said something stupid and his eyes shined brightly, lips curving everytime Sungmin would cook with him. He was like always but then there’re these moments when Ryeowook’s face just closed and the genuine smile vanished and the look in his eyes was blank and deflated. It happened mostly when Ryeowook thought no one was looking.

But Sungmin was, he was always looking at Ryeowook.

Sungmin sure didn’t like this change. Ryeowook wasn’t supposed to look that miserable; he should be smiling forever if Sungmin was the one to decide.  He didn’t try to talk about it because they never talk about anything related to their situation but it couldn’t be overlooked.

Sungmin tried to show with small gestures to Ryeowook that it was alright, he wasn’t mad or anything over anything but the look stayed. He wasn’t sure what he was doing wrong or if he was doing nothing wrong but it was frustrating. He also considered letting Kyuhyun know but he opted against it. Maybe it was nothing if Kyuhyun didn’t acknowledge it.

So it was kind of surprised when he walked in on Ryeowok cooking by the stove and with a request of a talk.

He should have been known better. He should have answered differently. He should have known it would be dangerous to get used to it.

***

“So Kyuhyun isn’t home?”

Ryeowook giggles and turns his head back to the food he is stirring as Sungmin takes off his jacket.

“I borrowed his keys. It’s not like I have a spare one, you know that. I promised to have food waiting for him.”

Sungmin hears the bite, the nasty little bite in that but he ignores it because he gets caught by the last part of what Ryeowook says. So the food wasn’t just for him but that shouldn’t surprise him anymore but it still does.

Of course he keeps looking for hints of what makes him special, unique to Ryeowook. And it hurts everytime when Kyuhyun is mentioned.

Sungmin hums and leaves to change his clothes. He comes back after a moment to see Ryeowook setting the table for two. Sungmin sits down and smiles at the younger man.

“So what you want to talk about?”

Ryeowook just smiles and returns to the stove and Sungmin scoffs as he can’t see Ryeowook’s face.

“Wait until the food is done. We can talk while we’re eating.”

He can hear Ryeowook is smiling but is it just an act or real?

“Okay then.”

Ryeowook hums as he makes the finishing touches to the food and soon sets a plate in front of Sungmin and sits down too, placing his own plate down.

“It looks delicious.”

“I don’t want to brag but it should taste good too.”

Sungmin snorts and they start to eat. Ryeowook doesn’t start the conversation and Sungmin wonders if he should ask again about what Ryeowook wants to talk but something in Ryeowook’s posture makes him keep quite. The other one will talk when he is ready.

Sungmin is almost done with his food when Ryeowook opens his mouth.

“I was wondering… what you think about this?”

Sungmin stops chewing and blinks at Ryeowook who is staring at him, his jaw tensed.

“About… what?” Sungmin asks and his heart beats fast and he tries to think why now, why so suddenly, out of blue Ryeowook wants to now talk about this? Was the blank look reason to this? But what was the reason to the blank look? Too many questions and too little of time to think about them because Ryeowook continues already.

“About us. Me, you and…” Ryeowook snaps his mouth shut and after a moment speaks again, his voice steady.

“Me and you.”

Sungmin tries to act like he doesn’t really care so he just shrugs but the way Ryeowook puts his metallic chopsticks down, that ghostly sound makes Sungmin to gulp.

“Sungmin, please.”

“Why now?” Sungmin shots back maybe a little too aggressively than he had wanted. Ryeowook taps the table with his fingers.

“I have been thinking. And this… this whatever we have can’t continue like this forever.”

Sungmin hears Kyuhyun in that we and something boils inside of him. He wants to make Ryeowook stop talking. He shouldn’t but he just doesn’t want hear what Ryeowook has to say. He fears what might come out from those pretty lips he wants to silence.

So he stops him and that’s where everything goes wrong.

He really doesn’t remember what he says. He says something about “it’s fine, I will love you forever with this whatever you and me have” or it was something about “ Ryeowook, shut up, let’s no talk about that” or maybe it was more like “I’m fine with what we have now.”

“I’m fine with what we, you and me, have now.”

He isn’t but it’s too late and Ryeowook didn’t even touch his food he realizes later, much later when Kyuhyun is back, whining about how Ryeowook wouldn’t wait for him to return home before leaving, as the plate he is unwrapping is the one Ryeowook had in front of him. 

***

Kyuhyun wasn’t sure if he would have appreciated Sungmin’s company right now but if Sungmin had been there, they could have been sulking together and they both would have been miserable. But Sungmin wasn’t there to share his pain since Ryeowook had only had opportunity to bring one guest with him and since Sungmin was working, Kyuhyun had gotten the advance of the situation and for a moment he had been happy.

He had been so happy to have Ryeowook for himself for a one night but he should have known better.

He had been happy to be Ryeowook’s very important person at the Seasonings one year anniversary and it had made his heart beat for more but then that stupid bloke had ruined it almost immediately they had walked into the closed restaurant. So on the other hand Kyuhyun was pleased of Sungmin’s absence but on the other hand the older man wasn’t there to see Ryeowook to ignore him and spend time with someone else. Only for that stupid kid who looked older than Ryeowook. 

Kyuhyun didn’t like the new bloke hanging on Ryeowook so much. He never did like how comfortable Ryeowook was with his co-workers but this new bloke was like a lost puppy, following its human everywhere and Kyuhyun wasn’t okay with it. But he really couldn’t do anything about it since the kid was the newest of the crew it was obvious he hang around the one who had been the nicest to him, Ryeowook. Sometimes Kyuhyun hated that mother hen side of Ryeowook but that was one of the finest parts of Ryeowook anyway so Kyuhyun just had to deal with it. He was pretty much sulking with his plate of food as Ryeowook made his way between the guests, the new kid following behind, and making sure the kid said hi to everyone that stupidly attractive smile on his face.

Kyuhyun was done socializing around the workers who barely knew him so he was mostly standing awkwardly by the table, stuffing food into his mouth to keep himself busy. He was done the fifth plate when the familiar hand sneaked around his arm.

“Dongwoon, here is Kyuhyun, you have met him once, do you remember?”

Kyuhyun didn’t care if this Dongwoon bloke had met him once and was quite rude about his opinion.

***

Ryeowook drags him away from the biggest crowds and Kyuhyun can’t help himself as he makes a face over his shoulder to where they had left this bloke – Dongwoon – standing awkwardly.

Ryeowook pulls him (ignoring Zhoumi’s looks) to the silence of the corridors of the restaurant, behind wall frames, away from the curious looks of the other guests.

“What’s your problem today?” Ryeowook snaps, turning and Kyuhyun winces as Ryeowook’s nails dug into his skin. “You have been frowning all evening!”

Kyuhyun almost wants to giggle. Ryeowook had been watching him and Kyuhyun is pleased to know he hasn’t been invisible for the man. As Kyuhyun keeps being silent and nonchalant about it all Ryeowook sighs, annoyed.

“You just can’t be that rude. Dongwoon hasn’t done anything to you.”

“Well technically he stole you for a whole night.”

Ryeowook groans and lets go of Kyuhyun’s arm.

“I’m not going to talk with you when you act so jealous.”

And he turns to return and Kyuhyun snaps.

“Well excuse me, you invited me here. I find it kind of rude of you to ignore me for a whole night!”

“We have been here for three ing hours!”

Kyuhyun should have noticed it by now. Ryeowook rarely curses, this should have been the warning sign but he ignores it, he ignores it and after that everything goes wrong.

“I was just making him feel more comfortable, he is awkward, you have seen him work.”

“Yes, with you”, Kyuhyun spats and that does it. Ryeowook looks like he is ready to hit him but the settles for yelling.

“ you! You have no right!” Ryeowook hollers and suddenly Kyuhyun realizes something. Maybe it’s the fact that Ryeowook lets all the barricades he had built, fall and Kyuhyun can see how pale Ryeowook’s skin is under the makeup or how his eyes are red and swollen. And he can still fell the bony fingers around his fingers even thou Ryeowook isn’t even touching him anymore and he sees how that suit doesn’t fit, it’s too big for Ryeowook’s tiny frame.

And it hits like a wave of guilt how he hadn’t been able to see that, see that Ryeowook is not well.

But he has no time to dwell on that because next thing Ryeowook spat out makes them both freeze.

“You have no ing right! It’s not like we are exclusive!” Ryeowook snarls, his eyes shining from the tears and he is breathing hard, his arms tensed and fisted. Kyuhyun inhales sharply and Ryeowook freezes, like he realizes what he is saying.

“, , !” Ryeowook breaks into a chant of curses and Kyuhyun just stands there, staring at his friend with wide eyes.

“So, does Sungmin have the right?” Kyuhyun spats and Ryeowook groans annoyed.

“Sungmin has nothing do with this… thing between us!”

“Well last time I checked he was the one courting you! It has very much to do with us!” Kyuhyun yells and tries to catch Ryeowook’s wrist but the older slaps his hand away, jerking back.

“Don’t touch me!

“You let him touch you!”

Ryeowook’s eyes are wide and before Kyuhyun realizes Ryeowook has pushed him hard against the wall.

“It’s your own fault! You wanted… you never wanted to touch!” Ryeowook screams, tears falling down on his cheeks and Kyuhyun is speechless as Ryeowook keeps jabbing him with his fingers and yelling random stuff to him. All Kyuhyun catches is “you’re a ty best friend“ and “liar, all of you are liars” and something about “I’m a fool” and most importantly “China would be so much more peaceful.”

“Never!”

Ryeowook stops talking at sudden outburst of Kyuhyun and Kyuhyun pushes himself away from the wall and Ryeowook staggers back but Kyuhyun takes a hold of his tiny – oh so tiny – wrist.

“If you ever go back there I’ll personally come and get you back.”

Ryeowook’s breath hitches and Kyuhyun almost wants to take the other man into a hug but Ryeowook jerks himself free before Kyuhyun can act. There’s this defiance in Ryeowook’s eyes and he cusses angrily, tears again watering his eyes and cheeks. Kyuhyun almost laughs but takes a tentative step closer and he cups other one’s face and leans in, kissing Ryeowook.

***

Ryeowook had it figured out.

He had already made up his mind, made up his heart and decided how to get out of it.

We should be about you and me, not you, me and him.

And Kyuhyun ruined it all.

***

Kissing Kyuhyun is different. It’s gently, it’s sweet and beautiful but it caughts Ryewook’s breath away. It’s everything kissing Sungmin isn’t. It was almost too innocent to lead anything else than hand holding but Ryeowook would have been fine by it.

“Are… are we impossible?”

Ryeowook opens his eyes with difficulties, he hasn’t notice them to get heavy, his vision blurred because of tears and he looks at Kyuhyun who is looking straight back at him. He scoffs and Kyuhyun snorts and caresses his check, leaning their foreheads together. Ryeowook laughs breathlessly, thinking what timing Kyuhyun had. Messing up his already figured out plan to get out of this situation without getting more hurt than he already was.

“No… we aren’t impossible… but it’s… complicated…”

***

Sungmin wasn’t sure what he was expecting when even before Kyuhyun is back home from the Seasoning’s party he got a text from Ryeowook saying: “We’re going out tomorrow. It’s a date then.”

___________________

This story has it's own life, I swear. It's not listening to me at all.